Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

mscard88 said:
Welllll tell your buzzard (really what the AU birdie is) loving wife that 40-38 ain't exactly rolling over Bama. And Awwbern beat us 9-0 that year too. Terrible season, gotta give the rest of y'all some love once in awhile.
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Seems like Auburn beat y’all again this year, too. And then the National Champion Knights beat Auburn.

Hmmmmmm.......

:)
 
Well, y’know, when you sign a deal with Satan all sorts of good things happen for you.



For a little while.......

:D
 
mscard88 said:
Welllll tell your buzzard (really what the AU birdie is) loving wife that 40-38 ain't exactly rolling over Bama. And Awwbern beat us 9-0 that year too. Terrible season, gotta give the rest of y'all some love once in awhile.
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And we beat you this year, too. :p

WAR DAMN EAGLE, card baby!!!

And since yall were #1 going into your last game of the season (while we moved on to the SEC Championship game), you can't blame it on having a bad season . . . .
 
Hank S said:
And we beat you this year, too. :p

WAR DAMN EAGLE, card baby!!!

And since yall were #1 going into your last game of the season (while we moved on to the SEC Championship game), you can't blame it on having a bad season . . . .
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Haha sober up Hank! I was referring to the 2000 season, not this past year. :rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
mscard88 said:
It’s a snowy day and President Trump steps out onto the White House grass.

Right in front of him, on the White House grass, he sees “Donald Trump sucks!” written in urine across the snow.


Donald is pretty annoyed about this so he storms into his security staff’s headquarters, and shouts,

“Somebody wrote an insult in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it with pee! Whoever did it had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!”


The security personnel are in silence and stare ashamedly at the floor.


Trump yells, “Damnation!, don’t just sit there! Get out and find out who did it! I want an answer, and I want it tonight!”


The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits.

Later that night, chief security officer approaches him and says, “Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do you want to hear first?”


Trump replies, “Give me the bad news first.”


The officer says, “Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Mike Pence’s urine.”


Donald says, “I feel so… so… betrayed! My own vice president! Well, what’s the really bad news?”


The security chief replies, “Well Mr. President, it’s Melania’s handwriting.”
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heard this before with Bill Clinton years ago
 
"A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2014 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."

"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bull-shiittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . You started it . . . . “
 
cb22e916f05703c2368730cb0fa7550f--jerry-seinfeld-the-ocean.jpg
 
Tide Pods; Better than "Plumber's Friend" for cleaning your [internal] plumbing. I would think one experiment with that would be enough to convince kids it was not the best of ideas.
 
Norwegian Virgin Wedding



Olaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, took a
lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch; writhing in
agony, he fell to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said:
"How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my
fiance, Lena, is still a virgin -- in every vay.

The doctor told him, "Olaf, I'll have to put your willy in a splint
to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week,
but leave it on dere as long as you can. He took four tongue
depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all
together...quite an impressive work of art.

Olaf mentioned none of this to Lena, married her, and they went on
their honeymoon to Duluth. That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped
open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She
said: "Olaf...you're the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez."

Olaf immediately dropped his pants and replied:
"Look at dis Lena ... Still in DA CRATE!"
 
This story happened a while ago in Dublin.


John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a dark night in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly come towards him and stop. John, desperate for shelter, got into the car ... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't running.

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window and turned the wheel. John was paralyzed with terror but the hand never touched or harmed him.

John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road. Gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
There was silence in the pub when everybody realized he was crying ... and wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened and two people walked in from the dark and stormy night. Like John they were soaked and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other...

‘Look Paddy, there's that idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!'.
 
Any guess what is next..????

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