Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

What's brown and sticky?




A stick!

---

About 20 yrs ago I asked my niece, and she got me:

"What's brown and sticky?"
"Syrup?"
"No! A st...wait... that's really good!"
 
I would bet that the Gallup Cracker Barrel is the only one they haven't visited..
 
  • ONLY IN TEXAS?

    Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin, Texas. After
    last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that
    he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few min-
    utes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which
    he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and
    fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car,
    switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked
    the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained
    still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.
    At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police
    officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the
    man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had
    consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station.
    This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
    "I doubt it", said the truly proud Texan. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
 
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by ****ing and moaning. Thought you'd like to know. ;)
 
What do you get when you cross a four leaf clover with poison oak?

A rash of good luck.


Why should you never iron a four leaf clover?

You don't want to press your luck.
 
63b17bfbd4d173b0cc6e33d45dd29f80--olive-oils-far-side-cartoons.jpg
 
The Olympic rings aren't even correct. Someone needs to go find a new job.
 
Older guys have different priorities

A 78 year old man is having a drink in a Chicago bar. Suddenly a
gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so
attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her.

After a short while the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.

Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the
eyes and says to him in a sultry tone:

"I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest
dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I
want $100, and there's another condition".

Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what
her condition is.

"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman.

He then whips out his wallet and puts 10 $10 bills in her outstretched hand.

He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly:





"Paint my house."
 
upstateny said:
Older guys have different priorities

A 78 year old man is having a drink in a Chicago bar. Suddenly a
gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so
attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her.

After a short while the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.

Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the
eyes and says to him in a sultry tone:

"I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest
dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I
want $100, and there's another condition".

Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what
her condition is.

"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman.

He then whips out his wallet and puts 10 $10 bills in her outstretched hand.

He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly:





"Paint my house."
Click to expand...


I don’t get it. Did she refuse to paint it?
 
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