Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

The Vampire
[Parody by Frank Rubin Jan. 2, 2014]

The mood was grim and baleful in the village square that night.
The townsfolk muttered curses as they mustered for a fight.
For the Vampire had struck twice that week, two bodies had been found.
The people promised vengeance as they lay them in the ground.
Now the mayor's son was bitten, his face was turning black.
Sheriff Casey and his yeomen could not hold the burghers back.

Gather torches, gather pitchforks, and we'll end this evil threat.
They brought firewood, they brought kindling, all the fuel that they could get.
Then they set off for the castle, in a mood of grim resolve,
for they knew there was but one way that this terror they could solve.

The Count had seen them coming with their torches in the night.
He cranked the drawbridge up and he sealed the portal tight.
He shuttered every window and he bolted every door,
but the crowd of peasants doubled as they marched across the moor.

The people carried ladders, they had axes, they had rope.
They would breach the best defenses, they were certain, they had hope.
They used pitons, they used grapnels to scale the castle walls.
They smashed through all the windows then they fanned out through the halls.

They caught the Count upon his bed, and pinned him to the floor.
Someone had a mallet, another had a stake. They drove it through his wicked heart and nailed him to the door.
But the Count just snatched the paling out and scoffed at their attack.
He unfurled his leathery wings and he drove the rabble back.
He slashed them with his talons and he crushed them to the mat
until Casey, mighty Casey et the bat.
 
THis is for the folks who brought the home brew to Gaston’s


The Force
The most popular drink among Jedi Knights is Four Galaxies Ale. They take some with them wherever they go. At the start of any new mission the Jedi invariably remind each other to bring some along, saying "May the Fours be with you." And, they will stop whatever they are doing any time they see a Fours Ale sign
 
Zeldman said:
Several years ago there was a fight in the Dixie Chicken.

One of my buddies jumped up on a table and everytime one of the two fighters landed a punch, he would yell... "Boot to the Head..!!!"
Click to expand...
Would the name of one of the guys be Ed Gruberman?
 
ec9055ecdf42ad84f8615e541b7909fd.jpg
 
A man walks into a library and says "Excuse me miss, but do you have that book for men with small pen**es?"

The librarian goes to the computer, types a few things in, and says "I don't think it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one..."
 
A friend of mine was recently accused of having sex with one of his clients. As a result, he has been publicly humiliated, and is probably going to be indicted any day. On top of that, he had a wonderful marriage, not to mention years of schooling and training... all of it wasted for a moment of weakness. It's such a shame, for he was truly a nice guy, and an absolutely gifted mortician.
 
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?"

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."
 
A small zoo obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.

Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition.

Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."

The Zoo Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

"Second", he said, "She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Third", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."

The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Fourth", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist."

Once again it was agreed.

"And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00
 
BENEFITS OF A GOOD VOCABULARY

I called an old MIT graduate pal and asked what he was doing.

He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."

I was impressed...upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.
 
mscard88 said:
BENEFITS OF A GOOD VOCABULARY

I called an old MIT graduate pal and asked what he was doing.

He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."

I was impressed...upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.
Click to expand...


Sounds about right.

Of course, if he'd been a Ga Tech grad he and his wife would have been dining in a nice restaurant where someone else would do the dishes.

:)
 
The Train Ticket


Three women and three men are travelling by train to the football game.

At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the
three women buy just one ticket.

“How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?” asks
one of the men.

“Watch and learn,” answers one of the women.

They all board the train.

The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram
into a toilet together and close the door.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around
collecting tickets.
He knocks on the toilet door and says, “Ticket, please.”The door
opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.

The conductor takes it and moves on.

The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so,
after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip
and save some money.

When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return
trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy
any ticket at all!!
“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” asks one perplexed man.

“Watch and learn,” answer the women.

When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a
toilet, and the three women cram into a toilet just down the way.
Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her
toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding.
She knocks on their door and says, “Ticket please.”

I'm still trying to figure out why men think they are smarter than
women.
 
SealofApproval.jpg

I guess the new lounge chairs get the seal of approval!
 
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