Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

[crash7]

I bet you don’t make that misteak again!

That joke was well done…


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[geneseib]

That joke was well done…


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That rarely happens on this medium.

 

[JOhnH]

I like good real meat and good real veggies. Will eat either/or/and/or/both at any given time. No fake and no labels.

I don't like eating labels either.

 

[Albany Tom]

You could always use the Winston Churchill vegetarian plan - look at a vegetable while eating your steak. (Legend has it his recipe for a dry martini was to glance at the vermouth bottle while pouring the gin.)

 

[DaleB]

You could always use the Winston Churchill vegetarian plan - look at a vegetable while eating your steak. (Legend has it his recipe for a dry martini was to glance at the vermouth bottle while pouring the gin.)

My vodka martini recipe was, at one time, to pour in the vodka and threaten it from a safe distance with an unopened bottle of vermouth. I’ve since learned better…

 

[flyingcheesehead]

My wife's cousin had a vegan wedding. Had we known ahead of time, we would've uninvited ourselves.

My cousin married an Indian woman. She is Jain and thus, vegan. But the food they had at their wedding, all vegan, was fantastic.

Indian vegans don't try to make cauliflower stand in for chicken - They just make stuff that happens to not have meat or other animal products in it, and of course they are the best at spices.

There was a pan of what looked like pulled pork, that we all assumed was for those of us who were not into culinary torture. Nope. It was some kind of look-alike squash & soy concoction. I still remember it as being the most foul thing I ever put in my mouth.

There's nothing worse than food's food trying to be food.

The cousin is no longer a vegetarian.

Still married?

WTH is a vegan wedding.??

I think that's when you marry a vegetable.

 

[tspear]

@flyingcheesehead

In general I agree about vegan stuff trying to emulate non-vegan. But I will nitpick. There are some that are very good and close enough in most situations you cannot tell. e.g. Impossible Burger and Beyond Meat both companies have great products that are almost indistinguishable from regular ground beef (it has been a year or so since I tried them). They manage to get the flavor right, the texture is extremely close, just the smell when cooking is slightly off.

Tim

 

[AV8R_87]

Let's try to get this back on track:

She couldn't wait to tell me. "Daddy, today we learned that boys are different from girls! My teacher told us that boys have a thing the girls don't." "Well, yes they do..." I said cautiously, but then couldn't think of how to continue. "That's how girls know that boys are boys. They see that thing that hangs down and they know that he's a boy." I mentally calculated the distance home. Our five-minute commute already felt like an hour. "Did you know that when the boys see a girl they puff up?" My palms started to sweat. "Um, well, uh..." I was still searching for a new topic when she asked, "Why do the girls like the boys to have those things?" Now I didn't know what to say. "Oh, well, um..." I stammered. She didn't wait. "It's 'cause it moves when they walk and then the girls see that and then they know they're boys and then they like them. Then the boy sees the girl and he puffs up and then the girl knows he likes her, too. And then they get married. And then they get cooked." That last part confused me, but on the whole I had to admit she had a pretty good grasp on it. As soon as we pulled into the garage, she fished something from her school bag. "I drew a picture," she said. "Do you want to see?" I wasn't sure that I did, but I looked anyway. I laughed so hard at her drawing, I started to cry and had to sit down. There, all puffed up, so to speak, and looking mighty attractive to the ladies, was a crayon drawing of a Tom Turkey. His snood, the thing that hangs down over his beak, the thing that female turkeys find so irresistible, was magnificent. His tail feathers stood tall and proud. She was a little offended that I laughed so hard at it, but when I told her I loved it -- and I did -- she got over her pique. And that was the end of that, at least for her. But not for me. Every year at Thanksgiving time, I remember that conversation and smile.

 

[Dana]

My vodka martini recipe was, at one time, to pour in the vodka and threaten it from a safe distance with an unopened bottle of vermouth. I’ve since learned better…

Dad's rule was to briefly open the vermouth bottle a mile upstream on the bank of the river the ice was made from.

 

[TCABM]

My vodka martini recipe was, at one time, to pour in the vodka and threaten it from a safe distance with an unopened bottle of vermouth. I’ve since learned better…

Thank god. Vodka doesn’t belong in a martini.

Martini History

The history of the Dry Martini from 1882 to the present day.

www.diffordsguide.com

Over time, I’ve come to favor a more delicate gin with a twist instead of olive; it can be very sublime when prepared correctly.

 

[Domenick]

Isn't all beef, pork, mutton, lamb, and poultry "plant-based?"

 

[aterry1067]

 

[aterry1067]

 

[Sac Arrow]

Thank god. Vodka doesn’t belong in a martini.

Martini History

The history of the Dry Martini from 1882 to the present day.

www.diffordsguide.com

Over time, I’ve come to favor a more delicate gin with a twist instead of olive; it can be very sublime when prepared correctly.

Yes, but it does not practice Santeria, or have a crystal ball...

 

[ElPaso Pilot]

 

[DaleB]

Thank god. Vodka doesn’t belong in a martini.

That's a matter of some debate, of course. There are an awful lot of people who like a vodka martini... and I don't think any drink recipe is codified by law. Not in the US, at least. But that's beside the point...

For many, many years, I was unable to be in the presence of gin. Even catching a faint whiff from an open bottle was enough to make me back away a few steps. It was a powerful and visceral reaction, dating back to an unfortunate encounter when I was a young lad (well below drinking age). This persisted until just a few years ago, in fact. I bought a bottle of Aviation Gin on a whim, and found that I not only could tolerate it, but liked it. I've since moved on; I do prefer a London dry gin. After checking out the link you posted, I may try a dash of orange bitters - I do have those on hand. I rarely use a twist, as I don't drink often enough to justify sacrificing lemons or limes just for one or two slices of peel.

 

[AV8R_87]

It was a powerful and visceral reaction, dating back to an unfortunate encounter when I was a young lad (well below drinking age)

A friend of mine has the same reaction to Fireball, and for similar reasons. Me personally, I can't understand why someone would drink that stuff to begin with.

 

[MauleSkinner]

For many, many years, I was unable to be in the presence of gin. Even catching a faint whiff from an open bottle was enough to make me back away a few steps. It was a powerful and visceral reaction, dating back to an unfortunate encounter when I was a young lad (well below drinking age).

I used to fly with a gal who had the same reaction to tequila…unfortunately I like margaritas.

She wouldn’t tell me what the “bad experience” was, and would neither confirm nor deny any f the progressively more ridiculous scenarios I postulated.

 

[Zeldman]

Indian vegans don't try to make cauliflower stand in for chicken - They just make stuff that happens to not have meat or other animal products in it, and of course they are the best at spices.

Yes they are.

Before I was married I dated a girl from Singapore. She could make some veggie meals that I enjoyed.

She also liked my vegetarian chili, until I told her my secret ingredient...meat.

 

[Chrisgoesflying]

She also liked my vegetarian chili, until I told her my secret ingredient...meat.

And that's why you're not married to her I assume?

 

[ArrowFlyer86]

Yes they are.

Before I was married I dated a girl from Singapore. She could make some veggie meals that I enjoyed.

She also liked my vegetarian chili, until I told her my secret ingredient...meat.

Sounds like a girl I dated during college from China.
On the few occasions she'd actually eat a real meal, it was always something super healthy.
Then one day I made us "spaghetti", but when she came over for dinner and saw my meal she actually started crying.
She was like "where the HELL are the vegetables? Where is the tomato? The basil? THIS IS JUST NOODLES AND MEAT!".

I went ahead and chocked up that dinner to "gaining valuable experience about our cultural culinary differences".

 

[Daleandee]

What to call a bear with no teeth?

Spoiler

Gummy Bear!