Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

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Three pilots died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The airline pilot fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter...

He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'It did make light; you may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The military pilot reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said, 'they had a ring to them, you may pass through the pearly gates'.

The contractor pilot started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties...

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

He replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season Begins.
 
mscard88 said:
That crap GM put out in the 80-90s who knows
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I have been in and around racing for many years and it seems every now and then some kid will come up to me and tell me how he put a 3/4 race cam in his grandmas 1975 Ford town and country station wagon with the simulated wood grain paneling and now it does wheelies on the interstate...
 
denverpilot said:
That Camaro hiding behind it would bring a pretty penny today in that condition.
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I picked up on the Chevelle pretty quick.

Unfortunately for classic Chevelle owners, the price has dropped over the last few years. My favorite is the '69 SS Chevelle convertible, white with a blue stripe, 4 speed. The true SS cars used to sell in the 80K range, but now can be bought in the 30-35K range. The prices of the 60s and 70s muscle cars are dropping as that generation is getting older.

This is what I am looking to be my next and possible final project. All steel, no glass. 396-427 with the 3 deuce carburetor. I still have lots of old big block stuff in storage.
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Had a friend that bought a Chevrolet like that except it was blue w/ white stripes, white convertible top. Might have been a '70 model. Think it had a 396. I almost bought a used '69 Vette w/ a427/435hp in '73. Beautiful car, and fasttttttt.
 
mscard88 said:
I almost bought a used '69 Vette w/ a427/435hp in '73. Beautiful car, and fasttttttt
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Scary fast. When running that engine on a dynometer, the head person at GM said stop when it hit 435 HP due to insurance restrictions. No one knows what the real HP was.
 
Zeldman said:
Scary fast. When running that engine on a dynometer, the head person at GM said stop when it hit 435 HP due to insurance restrictions. No one knows what the real HP was.
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Yeah I was in my early 20s, that car would have taken me out.
 
Fastest 0-60 vehicle I've ever owned was a shifter kart, if memory serves about 3 seconds give or take
 
Zeldman said:
This is what I am looking to be my next and possible final project. All steel, no glass. 396-427 with the 3 deuce carburetor. I still have lots of old big block stuff in storage.
th
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My dad has a 1934 Ford 5-window coupe that he has owned longer than he has had me. 350 tune Port, Auto trans, 90% original steel, rumble seat, and a few modern upgrades such as air conditioning.
 
AggieMike88 said:
My dad has a 1934 Ford 5-window coupe that he has owned longer than he has had me. 350 tune Port, Auto trans, 90% original steel, rumble seat, and a few modern upgrades such as air conditioning.
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In Texas A/C is not an upgrade, it's a necessity.....:yesnod:

I am guessing it's not for sale.... Got any pictures..??
 
Be a long time before it’s for sale. I’ll find some photos.
 
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Zeldman said:
... something that will shake the windows when I idle through Sonic and set off car alarms.
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Heck that’s easy. You can borrow my Dodge Cummins. Don’t even need to do any work on it. It just has a four inch pipe from front to rear and some lame stock style muffler shoved in the middle of it. Haha.

Have to shut it off in the drive thru or they can’t hear to take the order. That is if the fat ass dually can even fit through the drive thru lane. Hahaha. :)
 
denverpilot said:
Heck that’s easy. You can borrow my Dodge Cummins. Don’t even need to do any work on it. It just has a four inch pipe from front to rear and some lame stock style muffler shoved in the middle of it. Haha.

Have to shut it off in the drive thru or they can’t hear to take the order. That is if the fat ass dually can even fit through the drive thru lane. Hahaha. :)
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I have a turbo back 4 inch exhaust on my Duramax. I have to shut it off at the bank or the lanes on both sides of me can't hear the teller. I do have a muffler on it, a 24 inch long Cherry Bomb glass pack.

I did put a turn down on the end of the exhaust so I don't blow exhaust in the open windows of cars on my right side......:eek:
 
Zeldman said:
I have a turbo back 4 inch exhaust on my Duramax. I have to shut it off at the bank or the lanes on both sides of me can't hear the teller. I do have a muffler on it, a 24 inch long Cherry Bomb glass pack.

I did put a turn down on the end of the exhaust so I don't blow exhaust in the open windows of cars on my right side......:eek:
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Hahaha. Mine has no turn down, but I didn’t put it on and I’m certainly not going to spend money on that. LOL.

Since it’s a manual trans, it puffs at each shift since the turbo unspools a bit at each one. Not much I can do about it. It’s not set up to be a stupid “coal roller” or anything like that, but it’s going to have too much fuel at each shift if you’re getting on it.

I’ve gotten pretty good at feathering the throttle back up and watching my turbo gauge so it doesn’t do it obnoxiously bad. Kinda have to do a progressive foot feed to about 4-5 PSI then you can romp on it. The turbo has been upgraded from stock and it has some lag.

Now I want to go drive it, darn you. LOL. And that thing is a disaster in snow. Haha. Ass end is completely squirrelly with all that torque of course. Duallies... yay.

But it’ll probably stay parked this week. I need to rebuild the starter. Parts are here but garage is cold.

I have to change Karen’s left front ABS sensor first. It freaks out on the washboard road. Got that troubleshooting nailed down finally.
 
1RTK1 said:
Fastest 0-60 vehicle I've ever owned was a shifter kart, if memory serves about 3 seconds give or take
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Right on! Doesn't help being a half-inch off the ground.

I used to feel like my shifter kart went 0-60mph "faster than I could change my mind!"
 
Why don't farts graduate from high school?
They always end up getting expelled.

What is it called when the Queen of England farts?
Noble gas

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably ****

Why don't little girls fart?
Because they don't have *******s until they are married.

What do you call a cat that likes to eat beans?
Puss n Toots

Why do cherry trees stink?
Because George Washington cut one.

What does Trump do when he farts?
Blames Hillary

A boy comes home and says to his parents: "The teacher asked a question today and I was the only one in the class who knew the answer!"
The parents replied "That's amazing! What was the question?"
"Who farted?"

An elderly couple is sitting in church - the wife leans over and whispers, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do now?". Her husband answers, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."

Pickup lines:

Did you fart? 'cuz you blew me away.

Mind if I hang out here with you until it's safe back where I farted?

Hey, someone farted, why don't we get out of here.

(Just trying to get back on topic, eh?)
 
While on a road trip an elderly couple stopped at a roadside
restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal they left the
restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving the elderly
woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she
didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty
minutes.

By then to add to the aggravation they had to travel quite a
distance before they could find a place to turnaround
in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All
the way back the elderly husband became the classic grumpy
old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife
relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he
chided her the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let
up for a single minute.

To her relief they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the
woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her
glasses the old geezer yelled to her While you're in there
you might as well get my hat and the credit card.
 
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