Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
 
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of ******* who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of ******* who are getting on, get your asses on the train...cause we're going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train.

Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers, please remember your things thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."

She heard her little darling continue...

For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are ****ed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen...
 
This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem."

Well , Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So , he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a pep talk, " Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money and I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.

Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house and Randy took off like a shot ~WHAM~ He nails every hen on there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer is just shocked. Randy runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake ~WHAM~ He gets all the geese. Randy's up in the pigpen. He's in with the cows. Randy is jumping on every animal the farmer owns.

The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Randy dead as a doorknob in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal , shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself." Randy opens one eye, nods towards the sky and say's , "Shhh. They're getting closer...."
 
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Ok, who is geeky enough to get the 5th one?

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Turning hourglass? But that doesn't take a geek.
 
Did you hear about the Baker who was a pilot?

They called him the Boston Cream Pie-lot

Fozzy Bear!




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
The preacher was visiting a church member on her 100th birthday.

How are you doing Mrs. Smith.. are you feeling OK.??

Yes, but I am worried about one thing, preacher.

What is it you are worried about.?

Well preacher, all my friends have already passed on to heaven.

Why are you worried about that.??

Well, I am worried that they are all wondering where I went....
 
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on Pennsylvania Avenue Washington DC, nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the driver's window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, what's going on?

Terrorists have kidnapped all of our politicians during a session of Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million ransom.

Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire.

We are going from car to car collecting donations.

How much is everyone giving, on average the driver asks.

The man replies, roughly two gallons.
 
Robert Degen, who created the popular children's party song, "Hookie Pookie" died recently. It was an especially traumatic time for his family. It seems when they tried to put him in the casket, they put his left foot in and that's when all the trouble started.
 
Just say "No" to drugs.
But if you're talking to your drugs, you probably already said "Yes."
 
Did you hear about one of Henning's more infamous adventures as a cargo ship master? He was contracted to haul a load of yo-yos from Hong Kong to the US.

Unfortunately he ran into some bad weather and foundered. The Coast Guard reported he sank 863 times.
 
I did hear about that, also listened to a tax lawyer that had her advertising blocked because she used the word "tax" and other words they deemed political.
Dumb azzes.
 
1RTK1 said:
Don't get it, help me out
Click to expand...

Facebook has an image and text scanning algorithm that they run that will mark certain pics and posts as potential hate speech.

Somehow the pup got roped into all this.
 
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