Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

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Oh man, that reminds of one of the guys that was in my graduating high school class. Kid would do just about anything to make you think he was ‘cool’. Come up with a good dare? He was the guy to carry it out. Ended up landing himself in jail not long after we graduated—no surprise there.
Those were the days...
 
In honor of @denverpilot and his "Amortizing Poo" thread...

"An inexperienced preacher was to hold a graveside burial service at a pauper’s cemetery for an indigent man with no family or friends. Not knowing where the cemetery was, he made several wrong turns and got lost. When he eventually arrived an hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, the backhoe was next to the open hole, and the workmen were sitting under a tree eating lunch.

The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.

As he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workman say to the other, “I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain’t never seen anything like that.”​
 
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"
 
21z where I am - at least in the summer time.

( I tend not to drink during working hours )
 
More like 19z somewhere. ;)
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I admit to being somewhat anal retentive, but this is a dumb shirt. It may be 1700 somewhere, but Zulu time is by definition the time at the zero meridian, not "somewhere." 1700Z not only specifies a time, it specifies a location for that time.
 
I admit to being somewhat anal retentive, but this is a dumb shirt. It may be 1700 somewhere, but Zulu time is by definition the time at the zero meridian, not "somewhere." 1700Z not only specifies a time, it specifies a location for that time.
Good thing it’s just a joke...right? :cool:
 
I admit to being somewhat anal retentive, but this is a dumb shirt. It may be 1700 somewhere, but Zulu time is by definition the time at the zero meridian, not "somewhere." 1700Z not only specifies a time, it specifies a location for that time.

C'mon man, just roll with it. :cool:
 
While enjoying their evening cocktails, his wife asks her husband, in a very
seductive voice, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"

"No," said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her
blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky
push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.

She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"

"Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively
reached into her tight, sheer panties and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar
bill.

He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little
quicker with anticipation.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 dollars all crumpled up?"

He said, "No!," trying to hide his anticipation.

She said, "Look in the garage.
 
The lady at the hardware store yesterday was wearing a t-shirt that read:

The top ten reasons why
I procrastinate:

1.



(I laughed my ass off)
 
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