Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

CC268 said:
chemtrail tank rupture
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I heard about that chemtrail tank rupture in the cabin! It's been largely kept quiet.
I know they towed it into a large government hangar, locked the doors and the hazmat teams quietly disposed of the bodies of passengers and crew. Not sure how they hid the incident...hey was this actually Malaysia Airlines flight 370 where they told everyone it "disappeared into the ocean"? Ha!
 
5976dd3dde655a7eb2507d0a1befe59f.jpg
 
A balding, white haired man walked into a jeweler store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.’

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000', the jeweler said.

The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said,'Sir...There's no money in that account.'

'I know,' said the old man... 'But let me tell you about my weekend.'
 
It’s “gator mating” season—be careful out there!!!

Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.

Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small .22 cal Beretta Pistol


This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water.

It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta .22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible. His life insurance was a big bonus!
 
mscard88 said:
It’s “gator mating” season—be careful out there!!!

Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.

Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small .22 cal Beretta Pistol


This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water.

It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta .22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible. His life insurance was a big bonus!
Click to expand...


Yet another shining example of why accurate shot placement is more important than caliber.
 
mscard88 said:
It’s “gator mating” season—be careful out there!!!

Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.

Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small .22 cal Beretta Pistol


This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water.

It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta .22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible. His life insurance was a big bonus!
Click to expand...
Please delete that post. It might catch on.
 
mscard88 said:
It’s “gator mating” season—be careful out there!!!

Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.

Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small .22 cal Beretta Pistol


This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water.

It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta .22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible. His life insurance was a big bonus!
Click to expand...

Ha! A little different version of 'I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you.' lol.
 
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
 
Little Martin is four years old. One day while he was pestering his mother, she said, "Why don't you go across the street and watch the builders work, maybe you will learn something."

Martin was gone about two hours. When he came home, his mother asked him what he had learned. Martin replied - "Well first you put the ******n door up. Then the son of a ***** doesn't fit so you have to take the cock sucker down. Then you have to shave a **** hair off each side and put the mother ****er back up."

Martin's mother said, "Wait until your father gets home."

When Martin's father got home, Martin's mum told him to ask Martin what he had learnt today. When Martin told him the whole story, dad said, "Martin, go outside and get me a switch." Martin replied, "Get ****ed. That's the electrician's job."
 
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide.

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law. I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife......

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
 
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.

'An ambulance just drove by!'

'Looks like the Anderson s have company,' he called out.

'Matt's riding a new bike!'

'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'

'Jason is on his skate board!'

After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are screwing!!'

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know they're screwing?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.'
 
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