Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

This was posted on Nextdoor.com yesterday by an acquaintance of mine. It was labeled:
"IRONY!" It was taken about two miles from my house.

272b3e07f893fc0c4709e29b059eda56.jpeg
 
JOhnH said:
This was posted on Nextdoor.com yesterday by an acquaintance of mine. It was labeled:
"IRONY!" It was taken about two miles from my house.

272b3e07f893fc0c4709e29b059eda56.jpeg
Click to expand...
I think the store is misnamed. It should be “You Don’t Brake, I Fix”.
 
MauleSkinner said:
For good reason, I’d bet.
Click to expand...


Actually, once upon a time a young lady I was seeing called me up and offered to take me to see a movie. Being the gentleman I am, I accepted and offered to pay for the popcorn and drinks.

She took me to the dollar movie. On fifty-cent night.

The evening cost her a buck and me about fifteen. That erased any doubts about my standing with her.

True story. Sadly.
 
One day not long ago, a Navy fighter pilot woke up - stiff as a plank in a hospital's ICU. Tubes up his nose and down his throat; wires monitoring every function and all around his head, hell of a pain over his left ear . . .and a Drop Dead Gorgeous Nurse hovering over him.

It was obvious he'd been in a serious aircraft accident.

She looked deep and steady into his eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down . . . "

He managed to mumble in reply, "Well, can I at least feel your tits?"
 
Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens.

They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.

Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
 
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."
 
It isn’t Jupiter. It’s a picture through binoculars.
 
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