Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Re: Blonde Cowboy

These three construction workers are working up 50 stories. They sit down on a girder and have lunch. The redheaded guy looks in his lunch pail and says, "ham again - I swear, if I have ham again tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this building!". The black haired guy looks in his lunch and says, "Dammit - tuna salad again - I tell ya, if I have tuna again tomorrow, *I* am gonna jump off this building!". The blond guy says, "man, peanut butter and jelly! If I have that again tomorrow, I'm jumping off too!"

Next day rolls around and the redheaded guy sees his lunch and says, "argh - it's ham!" and jumps off the building. The black haired guy looks and says, "damn! tuna salad again!" and jumps off the building to his death, too. The blond looks and says "peanut butter and jelly! I can't stand it!" and jumps to his death, as well.

They were all buried the same day at the same church. The widow of the redhead said, "if I had only known, I would never have fixed him ham!". The widow of the black haired man cried, "If I had only known, I'd have fixed him something different!!". The widow of the blond guy looks around and says, "Hey, don't look at me! He always fixed his own lunch!"

:D
 
Let'sgoflying! said:
?????
Click to expand...

The link for the image indicates somebody copied and pasted it out of their live.com (hotmail?) email. Since we're not logged into their account, we can't see it.

Code: 
http://sn114w.snt114.[B]mail.live.com[/B]/mail/SafeRedirect.aspx?hm__tg=http://65.55.85.215/att/[B]GetAttachment[/B].aspx&hm__qs=file%3d5c86d0f2-37d5-495f-9d77-c6ef189a4ad5.jpg%26ct%3daW1hZ2UvanBn%26name%3daW1hZ2UwMDEuanBn%26inline%3d1%26rfc%3d0%26empty%3dFalse%26imgsrc%3dcid%253aimage001.jpg%254001CA0F59.F8921670&oneredir=1&ip=10.13.26.8&d=d6848&mf=0&a=01_dccd48b553a172367c6a8732e5699e8218f4d836edc4831d17dc3b5dbb7f6c3d
 
Somewhere in Texas....

SOMEWHERE IN TEXAS

A man is sitting in a bar far from home when Barack Obama comes on TV.

The man looks at the TV and says, "Obama is a horse's_ass." Out of
nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking the first
guy off his bar stool, then stomps out. He gets up, rubbing his cheek and
orders another beer.

Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV. He looks at the TV and
says, "She is a horse's_ass too!" Out of nowhere, another local punches
him on the other side of the face, knocking him off his bar stool again.

He gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I take it this is Obama
country"

"Nope." replies the bartender. "Horse country."
 
The Haircut...

THE HAIRCUT

A young boy had just received his driver's permit and asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son. 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B Average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car.'

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.. After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm real disappointed you didn't get your hair cut.'

The young man paused a moment then said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair.'

To this his father replied, 'Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?'
 
Why, Why, Why?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?



___________________________________ ​


Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?​





___________________________________​


Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?​




___________________________________​




Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?​





___________________________________ ​


Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?​






___________________________________

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?​






___________________________________​




Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?​



___________________________________​




If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?​



___________________________________​




Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?​



___________________________________ ​


Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?​






___________________________________ ​


Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?​






___________________________________ ​


Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?​






___________________________________ ​


Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?​






___________________________________

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?​






___________________________________ ​


When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'​






___________________________________ ​


Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?​






___________________________________ ​


In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?​






___________________________________ ​


How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?​






___________________________________ ​


And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.​
 
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10 signs of how bad the economy is...

1. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

2. CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

3. Hot wheels and Matchbox cars are now trading higher than GM cars.

4. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 -ouncer.

5. People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

6. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

7. People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

8. Motel Six won't leave the light on.

9. The Mafia is laying off judges.

10. When bank returns your check marked "insufficient funds" you have to call and ask if they meant you or them.
 
An elderly man had owned a large Southern farm for several years. He had a big pond, well landscaped, along with picnic tables, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was kidney shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was dug.

One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.

One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned and replied, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies skinny-dip or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

And the moral is: Old men may move slowly but they can still think fast.
 
8 Words with two meanings...

Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male..........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.........Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male..........Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...........Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male..........Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An Embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male..........A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.........Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it.

8 REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...........A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes
 
This must be a joke (I'm hoping)

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts .''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa''

his response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''

I said, ''No.''

She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'

he replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage..

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D)
called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.

She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly toChina . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been toChina four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino,New York .''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''
 
Snopes says it's false, thank G*d - been around for about 10 years in various incarnations. :)
 
'What's that big brass gong?' one of the guests asked.

'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock,' the drunk replied. 'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend. 'Yup,' replied the drunk.

'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it. 'Watch,' the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back..

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.......

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, 'Hey, knucklehead! It's three-fifteen in the morning!'
 
Oh-Well, don't let it get your shorts in a knot.
 
Tom-D said:
So What? has it been posted here befor?
Click to expand...
Given that those idiotic remarks were attributed to REAL people, by name, it's worth noting that the whole thing was b.s. - I'm sure you'd agree if one of those folks was supposed to be you.
 
Well back to the jokes...

Heard this one from a buddy of mine.

If a Palestinian and a Minnesotan get married what do they name the kid?
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Wait for it...
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Yassir Youbetcha! :D
 
MURDER AT WAL-MART

So, here's the story. . .



Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side
underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'

Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Wal-Mart Super Center store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands and as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...








(You're going to hate me for this ... )






'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WAL-MART!'

Oh, quit groaning!
I don't write this stuff,
I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to you.
 
Give till it hurts!

Give Till It Hurts

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago.

Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened, what's the hold up?'

'Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 Million ransom. Otherwise,they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire.
We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.'

The driver asks, 'On average, how much is everyone giving?'

'About a gallon'
 
The Back Pew

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the p reacher's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, 'Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us. Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.'

The entire congregation said, 'Amen.'
 
Never Lose Your Grandkids in a Store

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.



He approached a uniformed policeman and said, 'I've lost my grandpa!'



'The cop asked, 'What's he like?'



The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,



'Crown Royal whiskey and women with big ####.'

:eek:)
 
Cowboy's good deed...



A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

Well, I can think of one thing, the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to Sturgis out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face... Kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'​




'Oh, just a couple of minutes ago....'​
​
​
 
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It was the first day of school and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanjan
entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.
Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:
"Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People,
shall not perish from the Earth'?"

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar.
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said Chandrasekhar..

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.
Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper:
"F**k the Indians."

"Who said that?" she demanded.
Chandrasekhar put his hand up.
"General Custer, 1862.."

At that point, a student in the back said,
"I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glared around and asked,
"All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Chandrasekhar said,
"George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled,
"Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Chandrasekhar jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouted to the teacher,
"Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said,
"You little ****. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.."

Chandrasekhar frantically yelled at the top of his voice,"Michael Jackson, to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004."

The teacher fainted.

And as the class gathered around the teacher
slumped on the floor, someone said,
"Oh ****, we're screwed!"

And Chandrasekhar said quietly,
"I think it was the American voters, November 4, 2008."


 
A wife comes home from shopping and finds her husband stalking around the kitchen with a flyswatter.

"Honey, what are you doing?"

"Killing flies," he says.

"Oh that's nice. How many have you gotten?"

"Five. Two males, and three females."

Perplexed, she asks, "how can you tell them apart?"

"Easy. The males were on the beer bottle, and the females were on the phone!"
 
An oldie but goodie:

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as

NBA 5.0,
NFL 3.0 and
Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate


DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend:


Cooking 3.0 and
Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
 
MY NEW TRUCK



I bought a new Chevy Silverado and returned to the dealer the next day

because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman explained that

the radio was voice activated.





'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or

Willie?' 'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' came from the

speakers.

;

Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind'

replaced Willie Nelson.



I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say,

'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said,

'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.



Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new

truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him. I yelled, 'A## Hole!'



Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and gentlemen, the

President of the United States ."



Damn I love my Chevy truck......
 
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from
Minnesota.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some
measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I
figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew
and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then
says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew
and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the
White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other
guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and
we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how government contracting works.
 
Bob and Tom decide to go to the beach for a few days to check on the babe action.

The first day Tom has all the luck, he has beautiful women hanging out all around him all day. Poor Bob spends the day on his lonely patch of sand, missing out on all the fun.

That evening Bob asks Tom what his secret is.

Tom tells Bob, "I put a potato in my bathing suit. Once the gals see that, I just can't keep them away from me!"

The next day, Bob decides to try the potato trick.

At the end of the day, Bob has still spent the day alone. Except that his lonely patch of sand has gotten much larger.

Bob asks Tom what went wrong.

Tom says, "Well, Bob, the potato goes in the FRONT!"
 
Supposedly from Craig's List

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.
I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think

I'm overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get
me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married
to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically: -Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my
feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead

gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story
there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front
about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial
interests
PostingID: 432279810


THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I
see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a

crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring

my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't
be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in

earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense

to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case
you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.
Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know.

 
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