Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Bill Jennings said:
Better yet, followed by Galileo LOL...
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and then...

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BigBadLou said:
Thanks, i figured out the planes but had no idea why the funniless caption. Without your reference to the not-so-popular band, I would have been scratching my head still now. :)
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I thought the caption was hilarious.

And I trust that you are joking about Queen not being popular.
 
Claire wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but she really needed a job, so she applied at the toy factory that made the "Tickle Me Elmo" dolls. She did well enough at the interview that manager said that he had the perfect job for her and she should report for work the next day at 8am.
The next morning, she took her position on the assembly line at the Quality Control station where she was to inspect each doll before putting it into its box.
Barely an hour goes by when the alarm bells start going off and the line grinds to a halt. The manager comes out of his office and runs down the line looking for the bottleneck. At the end of the line is a huge pile of dolls at the QC station and there he finds his new hire sewing two tiny pom poms into the crotch of each doll. Immediately he realizes it's entirely his fault. After all, he did tell her to give each doll two test tickles.
 
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Doctor says to the patient: "You've got two serious problems going on. First, you have terminal cancer. Secondly, you have Alzheimer's"

Patient "Well at least I don't have terminal cancer"
 
So I take a blonde friend to a football game and after the coin toss, she thinks the whole thing is stupid fighting about 25¢. I say “What?”

She says “Well after one team won the coin, everybody says ‘Get the Quarter Back!!!!”

Cheers
 
Instead of a pizzing contest over a joke, we need more jokes about pizzing contests.

Two guys are having a couple beers, one guys says, "I'm not too keen on that Anderson kid. The other day he pizzed his name in the snow under my daughter's window."

Other guy says, "What's wrong with that?"

First guy says, "It was my daughter's handwriting."
 
Matthew said:
Instead of a pizzing contest over a joke, we need more jokes about pizzing contests.

Two guys are having a couple beers, one guys says, "I'm not too keen on that Anderson kid. The other day he pizzed his name in the snow under my daughter's window."

Other guy says, "What's wrong with that?"

First guy says, "It was my daughter's handwriting."
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To which the other guy said “yeah my daughter said he had a pencil dick”.
 
Matthew said:
Instead of a pizzing contest over a joke, we need more jokes about pizzing contests.

Two guys are having a couple beers, one guys says, "I'm not too keen on that Anderson kid. The other day he pizzed his name in the snow under my daughter's window."

Other guy says, "What's wrong with that?"

First guy says, "It was my daughter's handwriting."
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Two men walk into a bar, one wearing a cowboy hat and the other wearing a Yankees cap. The guy in the Yankees cap approaches the bartender and make a bet: "I'll bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at one end of your bar and **** into it from the other end of the bar without spilling a drop."

The bartender laughs and says, "You're crazy, but you're on."

The man positions a shot glass on one end, walks to the other end and unzips his fly. He then ****es everywhere -- all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottles of booze, and all over the bartender. The bartender roars with laughter and tells the man to pay up.

The guy in the Yankees cap pays up, laughing and smiling, too.

"What are you smiling at?" asks the bartender. "You just lost $1,000!"

"Well, you see that guy in the cowboy hat over there crying? Before we came in, I bet him $10,000 that I could **** all over your bar, your walls, your liquor AND you, and not only would you not be mad -- you would laugh hysterically about it!"
 
It was the grand opening for a business that had moved to a larger space. When one of the clients sent flowers for the occasion, the business owner was surprised by the message on the accompanying card--- Rest in Peace.

When the owner contacted the client to thank him, he mentioned the obvious mix up on the card. As soon as they hung up the client called the florist and vented his displeasure.

After a moments silence, the florist said, ''You think you're angry. Imagine this. Somewhere there is a funeral today and they have a flower arrangement with a note saying 'Congratulations on your new location....' "
 
One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.

Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."

The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"

Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."

The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."
 
Male Logic

Wife : Do you drink beer?
Husband : Yes

Wife : How many beers a day?
Husband : Usually about three

Wife : How much do you pay per beer?
Husband : $5.00 which includes a tip

Wife : And how long have you been drinking?
Husband : About 20 years, I suppose

Wife : So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 - correct?
Husband : Correct

Wife : If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000 correct?
Husband : Correct

Wife : Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?

Husband: Do you drink beer?
Wife : No.
Husband : Where is your airplane?
 
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