Corrupt my wish

Know how you feel--I just pounded down two apple strussels from Starbucks. Now I'm all "jacked up." You decided not to go for the chips though, but now the darn Tostitos talking bag won't shut the hell up. He drives you insane with all his talking about "Hey man, let's party" and eventually starts talking trash about your skills with the ladies. In a blind rage, you stab him to death and the cops find you in the fetal position in the corner a week later---the bag is lying on the floor and there's crusty salsa all over the walls and ground... you've got some 'splaining to do.

I wish the guy would get out of the Starbucks bathroom so I could use it. Two cups of coffee gets you going.
 
The Spider is still in the shop. They spent the first three weeks looking for a used differential. They gave up and are now pulling one off another car they have. It will be weeks before the Spider is ready.

Granted, the bathroom is finally available. You walk in, but it is toxic and yet, you really have to go. The last thing you remember is closing the door...

I wish I would have had the Spider for this weekend. It is sooo convertible weather.
 
John221us said:
The Spider is still in the shop. They spent the first three weeks looking for a used differential. They gave up and are now pulling one off another car they have. It will be weeks before the Spider is ready.

Granted, the bathroom is finally available. You walk in, but it is toxic and yet, you really have to go. The last thing you remember is closing the door...

I wish I would have had the Spider for this weekend. It is sooo convertible weather.
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Dude like seriously, adapt a Toyota mr2 differential. It will cost you some machine shop dollars but they can do it.

Crap, in the spirit of corrupting your wish, yes, the brain sucking spider is in effect for the weekend. Your housekeeper does not like them. I don't blame her.

I wish I could have john's housekeeper. He says its just a cleantonic relationship but you never know. .

Edit mr 2 differential not suitable let me think on this one.
 
They are moving forward now (by pulling one off a perfectly good working car), but I am traveling for the next couple of weeks. Hopefully it will be ready for me, when I get back and the weather will hold.

Granted, my house keeper agrees to clean your house once a week. She soon discovers your stash of S&M paraphernalia (hey she's thorough) and decides she isn't comfortable cleaning up after some of the strange looking stains. She reports you to the authorities. After a short investigation and some input from the SPCA they decide to reintroduce you to your old roommate, Bubba.

I wish I was going somewhere a bit warmer than Pennsylvania.
 
So do I! Granted, you're going to Haiti. It's still better than CA--there's not as much running water, but the government isn't as bad as it is in your home state and the people are more down-to-earth.

Where in PA will you be?

I wish I could get away for a couple of weeks.
 
John221us said:
They are moving forward now (by pulling one off a perfectly good working car), but I am traveling for the next couple of weeks. Hopefully it will be ready for me, when I get back and the weather will hold.

Granted, my house keeper agrees to clean your house once a week. She soon discovers your stash of S&M paraphernalia (hey she's thorough) and decides she isn't comfortable cleaning up after some of the strange looking stains. She reports you to the authorities. After a short investigation and some input from the SPCA they decide to reintroduce you to your old roommate, Bubba.

I wish I was going somewhere a bit warmer than Pennsylvania.
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Ok now how can I corrupt that

Granted you escape Pittsburg. For Kabul. Have fun wearing that body armor in 120 degree heat.

I wish my wimen would talk to me.
 
"Your wimen" have decided not to talk to you until you unlock the harem door and set them free. Thankfully, Kabul looks kindly on keeping a harem, but you're pretty much screwed if any of your wimen ever get out.

I wish the rapture would come before 3:00 tomorrow afternoon.
 
ebykowsky said:
"Your wimen" have decided not to talk to you until you unlock the harem door and set them free. Thankfully, Kabul looks kindly on keeping a harem, but you're pretty much screwed if any of your wimen ever get out.

I wish the rapture would come before 3:00 tomorrow afternoon.
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There you go!!

I wish traffic on the roadways could be this light every day. I actually achieved normal traffic speeds on the freeways during commute hour.
 
I will be in Bethlehem for a week and then Kennet Square for a day (and then one night by the Philly airport).

Granted, due to the great depression of 2013, 75% of the population is now out of work (thanks to your wish). You have become a pariah for the nation to hate. You can't enjoy the light traffic, because it has become unsafe for you to step out your door. In fact you have gone into hiding in the North woods and have to forage and hunt for your food (hey, this fits your diet perfectly).

I wish I had gone for a run earlier. I will have to squeeze it in tonight.
 
John221us said:
I will be in Bethlehem for a week and then Kennet Square for a day (and then one night by the Philly airport).

Granted, due to the great depression of 2013, 75% of the population is now out of work (thanks to your wish). You have become a pariah for the nation to hate. You can't enjoy the light traffic, because it has become unsafe for you to step out your door. In fact you have gone into hiding in the North woods and have to forage and hunt for your food (hey, this fits your diet perfectly).

I wish I had gone for a run earlier. I will have to squeeze it in tonight.
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Granted, you go on a short run but it does nothing to offset the squeeze in that you attacked later. After chowing down on a couple of those bad boys, and with fries, you have a lot to squeeze in. Get a bigger belt.

I wish my favorite burger place (not that one) was open today. It appears to be closed.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish my favorite burger place (not that one) was open today. It appears to be closed.
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Your favorite burger place was open today. They had a breakfast special from 6 to 8. You snooze, you loose.

I wish I had accomplished something useful today rather than that pointless conference call at 9.
 
Granted, you eat breakfast from 6 to 8, in order to take advantage of the breakfast special. Now if you would have simply asked your buddy Sac first, he would have said "go there for the burger, do NOT go there for breakfast, and for god's sake DON'T get the special."

Your conference call at 9 would have had a point to it (your promotion and substantial raise in pay grade plus stock options) but your stomach was so jacked up from eating the curdled goat cheese omelet that it quickly became pointless. Your career appears to be heading in the general direction of the mail room at this point.

I wish it was drinking time already. Yipee cay yay.
 
It is drinking time but you drank the cool aid and are now kissing Pelosi and saying "Forward Forward" You also love that fat ugly dude with red hair on MSNBC.

I wish I had 2 tons of $100 bills.
 
Speedy said:
It is drinking time but you drank the cool aid and are now kissing Pelosi and saying "Forward Forward" You also love that fat ugly dude with red hair on MSNBC.

I wish I had 2 tons of $100 bills.
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Granted, the fine on illegally collected duck bills is $100. An average duck bill weighs approximately one ounce, so you own the government approximately $6.4 million.

I wish I had an autocorrupt app on my Iphone so I could do this automatically.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish I had an autocorrupt app on my Iphone so I could do this automatically.
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So you download the autocorrupt app and it goes to work(everyone and I mean everyone said: "Don't do it man"). Next thing you know *everything* in your life is corrupted. The bank is repossessing your house, the city has your car, the housekeeper gave notice, the employer said: don't come back, etc. You try to uninstall the autocorrupt app but that action gets corrupted and the app continues. Sorry dude.

I wish it was grilling time already. That steak is gonna be sooo good.
 
Granted, you're up for your promotion interview. They grilled you all afternoon. You didn't make it but they did thank you for the steak.

I wish I could change time zones with the flick of a wrist.
 
Turns out you've been "flicking your wrist" a bit too much in public. You skip town to stay out of trouble and end up in a nudist colony for old men in Shanghai.

I wish Sac would just start drinking earlier instead of waiting for a socially acceptable hour. His corruptions are always better later at night when he's presumably drunk.
 
ebykowsky said:
Turns out you've been "flicking your wrist" a bit too much in public. You skip town to stay out of trouble and end up in a nudist colony for old men in Shanghai.

I wish Sac would just start drinking earlier instead of waiting for a socially acceptable hour. His corruptions are always better later at night when he's presumably drunk.
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Granted, since Sac is now hanging out in a nudist colony for old men, he has nothing better to do but drink... All day long. Of course, his access to the Internet is now limited to one hour after lunch and one hour after dinner (his assigned times on the computer at the colony. They only have one.)

I wish I didn't have to get up at 3 am for my flight tomorrow.
 
Granted--you set your clock to Philly time, and it's like you're getting up at 6am!

I wish that I could use my E6B for the wind correction angle problems in math class. Although 90% of the time in that class, "Plane" means a flat endless sheet in 3-space. Boring!
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted--you set your clock to Philly time, and it's like you're getting up at 6am!

I wish that I could use my E6B for the wind correction angle problems in math class. Although 90% of the time in that class, "Plane" means a flat endless sheet in 3-space. Boring!
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You can use whatever the f**k you want in class cause you da MAN! Pull out that E6B and put those old slovenly profs with they slide rules to shame. You say, "Plane and simple, I'm redefining the motherf***g endless sheet.

Sac back in da house. Rodney Strong Cabernet in effect. Check it yo.

I wish I had more time to drink and eat before boarding this motherf***g plane.
 
So do I! You show nuff is back in da house!!! But the captain of your next flight sees this too and decides you are too intoxicated to be allowed onboard.

I wish every flight ended with 3 hot babes turned on by my pilotnessiocity greeting me at the tarmac with exotic foods and drinks.
 
ebykowsky said:
So do I! You show nuff is back in da house!!! But the captain of your next flight sees this too and decides you are too intoxicated to be allowed onboard.

I wish every flight ended with 3 hot babes turned on by my pilotnessiocity greeting me at the tarmac with exotic foods and drinks.
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Granted, you can have my job for the day.

I wish they would give me another plate of that dim sum.
 
Sac: "Dim Sum Ching Chong Wong!?!?"
Tuong Lu Kim:"Why you tark rike that? You making fun of me?"
Sac:"No, I just thought I'd try to order in Chinese."
Tuong Lu Kim:"You no make sense. I very mad. You rearry ****ing me off, Sacarrow."
Sac:"So sorry! I didn't mean to make it racist or anything--Seriously, I'm an upstanding liberal who really cares about everyone's feelings and values everyone as an integral member in society, and am extremely tolerant."
Tuong Lu Kim: "You drunk... I know you, you never rike this!"
Sac: "No, I don't drink. You must have me mistaken for somebody else."
Tuong Lu Kim: "You rie!!! You think I foor!!! This dim sum go on your ding dong!!!"
It takes you a month for your crotch to recover from the 3rd degree burns.

I wish I had a "Naked" smoothie right now... Yeah, have fun with that one.
 
Granted, Bubba shaved just for you.

I wish my flight hadn't been delayed. This is turning into a long day.
 
John221us said:
Granted, Bubba shaved just for you.

I wish my flight hadn't been delayed. This is turning into a long day.
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Dude, my "day" will be pushing 20 hours by the time I go to bed. But granted, you flight hadn't been delayed.

It had been cancelled, so you're forced to drive to New Hampshire to pick up that car.

I wish the fridge was stocked with Tiger beer. It's full of San Miguel, like, WTF. Now I gotta go on a beer run.
 
Mike Tyson stocked your room with bearded tigers. He didn't leave them any of his frozen chicken, though, and they're really hungry. You end up having to run anyway.

I wish I could just relax on my days off.
 
ebykowsky said:
Mike Tyson stocked your room with bearded tigers. He didn't leave them any of his frozen chicken, though, and they're really hungry. You end up having to run anyway.

I wish I could just relax on my days off.
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Granted, but by "relaxing" you mean you, how do I put it... take matters in to your own hand. Unfortunately in front of a grade school, and you're caught on surveillance cameras. In addition to having a new reportable incident next medical, you, well, get to room up with Bubba. That certainly isn't relaxing.

I wish I got more than three hours of sleep last night.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, but by "relaxing" you mean you, how do I put it... take matters in to your own hand. Unfortunately in front of a grade school, and you're caught on surveillance cameras. In addition to having a new reportable incident next medical, you, well, get to room up with Bubba. That certainly isn't relaxing.

I wish I got more than three hours of sleep last night.
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Granted, technically you did, after you visited a local pool hall and got caught husseling. You were unconscious for at least five hours, but you felt anything but rested when you woke up.

I wish the whole country was on the same time zone or at least I got to sleep in rather have to get up three hours earlier.
 
John221us said:
Granted, technically you did, after you visited a local pool hall and got caught husseling. You were unconscious for at least five hours, but you felt anything but rested when you woke up.

I wish the whole country was on the same time zone or at least I got to sleep in rather have to get up three hours earlier.
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Granted, you are in Botswana. The whole country only has one time zone. Somebody should have told you about drinking the water there though. Oh well, they say Hepatitis can be controlled these days.

I wish the Internet at work was faster than it is.
 
Your internet decides to run away, and it's pretty fast. Now you have no internet and actually have to do work with nothing else to waste time on. :eek:

I wish I could get clean without showering if I want to.
 
ebykowsky said:
Your internet decides to run away, and it's pretty fast. Now you have no internet and actually have to do work with nothing else to waste time on. :eek:

I wish I could get clean without showering if I want to.
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Granted, you can. Problem is, you become so accustomed to not bathing or showering, that when the Department of Homeland Security decides to ban the import of the product from South Africa much like the Krugerrand was banned in the 1970's that when you can't get it, you still decide to refrain from bathing. This isn't a particular problem to your West Coast POA friends, but your East Coast buddies, some of whom you've never met, are put off. The smell gets so bad it spreads across the State line and Anderson Cooper does a special on the "Ebykowsky Syndrome." The only things that will approach you are aging hippies and feral dogs.

I wish it were lunch time already. I'm starved.
 
You just finished your extremely late lunch and didn't save room for dinner so now you feel weird. And Bubba is hungry for some dessert.

I wish I had this
 
Granted.

"I need some goggles. You got any?"

"Dude, like, check this out, these are better. Here, put them on."

"Oh, like, freakazoidal! Way cool man! Trippin! What are these?"

"These are... Googles...."

"Oh wow man, like, what can I do with them?"

"See that girl over there?"

"Yeah. Oh, man, all her clothes are coming off! I'll take them!"

You should have read the fine print. "Known side effects are a rapid increase in the aging process." Within about a week you are interred in to a convalescent home. Guess what you get to watch stripped naked.

I wish I had that idea first.
 
Googles--I like it!
Granted, you created a miraculous eyewear that makes girls shed their clothes at a glance and turns you into a prune. Unfortunately, you find that the patent has already been taken by a certain H. Hefner who beat you to the punch by quite a few years. He sues you for a few million and impounds the glasses. You tell yourself that nobody likes guys in glasses except for the nerdy girls anyway--so, you hit the town with a bucketfull of singles and hit the clubs, don't come back till 2 the next afternoon after being passed out, and miss breakfast and lunch.

I wish I were a Saudi prince. I'd attach a G650 to the underside and use it as my "dinghy" for going back to land. Then, I'd buy a tanker aircraft so my 380 never had to land.
 
Granted, but once they find out you are actually a Caucasian American, they declare you a fraud and strip away your fortune. Unfortunately, you are still stuck with that turban and that stigma.

You are walking down the streets of Charleston at night and see a group of other people wearing turbans. Except they cover their whole head, and their body too. And for whatever reason, they don't take kindly to you - possibly they associate your kind with an inability to economically operate their raised Chevy pickups with monster tires.

Next time wear a cotton turban, rayon is bad. The remains of your hair are still stuck on that charred cross.

I wish I didn't eat the rice. I feel jacked up.
 
Granted you didn't eat the rice it was actually maggots. Sure look quite a bit alike don't they. So it's not surprising that you don't feel well. You got baby fly larva in your gut. Gross!

I wish my husband wasn't working from home today.
 
saracelica said:
Granted you didn't eat the rice it was actually maggots. Sure look quite a bit alike don't they. So it's not surprising that you don't feel well. You got baby fly larva in your gut. Gross!

I wish my husband wasn't working from home today.
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Wondered why I was dropping weight so quick.

Granted.

"Honey, I'm not working from home today."

(Faking a mild disappointment) "Oh, I'm sorry dear. Why?"

"I uh, sold the house."

"What?! Why?"

"I dunno. I was just bored. Thought it would be cool to have a little extra cash money."

"Where are we going to live?"

"I'm moving in with Sasha."

"Who's Sasha?"

"The girl at the massage parlor."

"Where am I going to live?"

"I dunno, don't we still have a tent in the garage someplace?"

"How am I going to finish my IR training?"

"Can't you camp out at the hangar?"

I wish I had my bike with me. I feel like riding today."
 
Granted, you shipped your bike ahead, but the box got pretty crushed in shipping and you forgot to insure it for extra. I hope your bike was only worth $100. It isn't much good for riding, though.

I have time to fly this weekend. I wish the weather here in PA will cooperate. I think I will rent a plane and CFI and take a flight.
 
Haha that will never happen! But granted. The weather here in PIT will be great! Philly will not though. On the bright side you can do some instrument work. Unless its freezing, which it will be.
I wish I had a yoke and pedals for fsx.
 
ebykowsky said:
Haha that will never happen! But granted. The weather here in PIT will be great! Philly will not though. On the bright side you can do some instrument work. Unless its freezing, which it will be.
I wish I had a yoke and pedals for fsx.
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I am in Allentown/Bethlehem. I won't be in the Philly area until Tuesday.

Granted, but you were still running Windows 95 and you couldn't find an antivirus that would still run on it. Too bad you have that porn habit. You will be spending the weekend reloading Windows 95 from floppy disk. No FSX for you.

I wish something better was on TV.
 
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