Corrupt my wish

John221us said:
Granted, you are confident he will fit. You guys climb in, but your controls check is rather aggressive and you hit him between the legs. Now you have to shut down and get ice from the diner. So much for renting bikes at HAF.

I wish it were daylight savings time already.
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Granted, but you miss the POA fly in today since you're lurched ahead in time.

I wish I could eat crab.
 
Granted, you get the crabs, but you don't feel like eating it. A quick trip to the Dr. clears up, but it will be kind of embarrasing when you need to report it on your next AME appointment.

I wish/hope that salmon tastes as good as it looks.
 
John221us said:
Granted, you get the crabs, but you don't feel like eating it. A quick trip to the Dr. clears up, but it will be kind of embarrasing when you need to report it on your next AME appointment.

I wish/hope that salmon tastes as good as it looks.
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Granted, it appeared that it looked and tasted good (you ate the whole thing, right? You were sitting next to me.) But what they didn't tell you is that they got a mixup in the kitchen and accidentally made a burger out of pufferfish. It just looked and tasted just like salmon.

Fortunately, the reaction was delayed and kicked in just after you land at KLHM. You taxi to your spot, shut the engine down, and swell up so large that you can't even get out of your airplane for three days. Medics are able to feed you by turning your head with a pipe wrench and forcing a tube down your throat and pumping saline and sugar solution in to your stomach.

A week later, you are busy at your computer authoring an article to submit to the AOPA column "Never Again."

I wish the server lady didn't give away my shrimp spinach salad. No way in hell was I taking the chicken one she tried to pawn off on me.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, it appeared that it looked and tasted good (you ate the whole thing, right? You were sitting next to me.) But what they didn't tell you is that they got a mixup in the kitchen and accidentally made a burger out of pufferfish. It just looked and tasted just like salmon.

Fortunately, the reaction was delayed and kicked in just after you land at KLHM. You taxi to your spot, shut the engine down, and swell up so large that you can't even get out of your airplane for three days. Medics are able to feed you by turning your head with a pipe wrench and forcing a tube down your throat and pumping saline and sugar solution in to your stomach.

A week later, you are busy at your computer authoring an article to submit to the AOPA column "Never Again."

I wish the server lady didn't give away my shrimp spinach salad. No way in hell was I taking the chicken one she tried to pawn off on me.
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Granted (who grabbed your salad, anyway?), they gave you a shrimpy salad. It was just a few leafs of spinich with some bacon sprinkled on top. You had to have two more meals when you got home.

I wish I had had a little more time for the bike ride (it was still fun, though).
 
Granted, you had a little more time for the bike ride, but you got a flat tire. Right in front of the Half Moon Bay brewing company. Disappointed that some of your pilot buddies that were staying overnight got to drink beer and you didn't, you slip inside for one. Then two, then three, etc... That really didn't help with the pufferfish thing either. You end up entering in an impromptu mud wrestling contest and get hog tied by Kimberly. Lots of pictures were taken. The next thing you remember was being force fed liquids inside your airplane by EMT's.

I wish it would warm up a bit. I wanna go on a bike ride. It's too cold right now to ride without the freeze gear but it's supposed to warm up enough that stuff will be too warm later. This is an awkward time of year.
 
Granted, you come up with the perfect answer. You warm up with your rollers in front of the TV. Too bad you didn't secure the bike well and it pops up and you ride right into Justin Bieber (you DVR'd him hosting SNL last night). Now you need a new TV and a new front wheel.

I wish I had I had just spent the night in Half Moon Bay.
 
Granted, the pink trucks spotted you stumbling from the Half Moon Bay Brewing Company to your plane, and arrested you for attempted violation of public safety. So you get to spend the night in the San Mateo County Jail with Sheena, a male transvestite with an appendage that makes Bubba look small by comparison. And all those oysters put Sheena in....the mood.

I wish it would freakin warm up outside. (I did actually bike with the freeze attire on and it never did warm up enough to strip it off.)
 
Granted, it warms up to 90 and all the Al Gores of the world blame you for global warming. Because bikes get such great MPG, every hippie in the Bay Area (pretty much everyone) begins riding one everywhere, and you no longer feel cool being a biker.

I wish I were at home on my couch with a nice plate of chicken picatta and a hot cocoa.
 
Granted, well the chicken was good, but your buddy, Hot Cocoa (his stage name), insisted you share it with him and let you know that you were his dessert.

I wish someone would cook my dinner. I am getting hungry, but feeling lazy.
 
John221us said:
I wish someone would cook my dinner. I am getting hungry, but feeling lazy.
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Granted, Sheena stops by to feed you a sausage dinner.

I wish the prop was overhauled and back on the 'kota.
 
Granted, Cleetus (Bubba's cousin) put your prop on backwards, and when you start to taxi, the plane rolls backward toward the ditch behind your parking spot. Then, Cleetus hops in with you to go for a romp in the mud.

I wish there were a good movie on tv now without any commercials.
 
Granted, you join the rest of America and get a DVR.

I wish Apple hadn't changed their connector for the iPad and iPhone.
 
They still did but you decide to join the sane people in America and buy an Android platform with a standard micro USB.

I wish school would get cancelled tomorrow for no apparent reason.
 
Granted, but the reason eventually becomes apparent, when you hear about the bomb threat on TV. Ultimately, they trace it to your cell phone and you get to share a cell with Bubba for a few years.

I wish I had a Stratus ADS-B receiver.
 
Granted. Cost you a couple grand (that sure is top dollar for one of those things.) Wait a minute, the manual says it is a "Stratos ABC-D receiver". Let's read it.

Step one set up unit it mount panel airplane, connect wire
Step 2 plug mark B place in outlet plug end other tablet unit
On power check LED red not good
Green LED light good
Out window aircraft look, if no clouds then clear
If no ground in clouds
If wet rain
If dry no rain
If falling ice
If shaking turbulent

Unit servicing if unclean then use no solvent rag clean unit
If unit malfunction check LED light red bad green good
If unit broken replace unit

I wish I had a gig marketing weather devices on the West Coast.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted. Cost you a couple grand (that sure is top dollar for one of those things.) Wait a minute, the manual says it is a "Stratos ABC-D receiver". Let's read it.

Step one set up unit it mount panel airplane, connect wire
Step 2 plug mark B place in outlet plug end other tablet unit
On power check LED red not good
Green LED light good
Out window aircraft look, if no clouds then clear
If no ground in clouds
If wet rain
If dry no rain
If falling ice
If shaking turbulent

Unit servicing if unclean then use no solvent rag clean unit
If unit malfunction check LED light red bad green good
If unit broken replace unit

I wish I had a gig marketing weather devices on the West Coast.
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Granted, you are now in sales and marketing for a small weather device firm. You spend your days shaking hands and smiling at people and your evenings attending chamber mixers; not the technical job you are used to, but hey, it's a living, sort of. You work on pure commision and this is a startup. You have yet to see a check.

I wish I had got up a little earlier this morning. Things are starting to feel a little rushed.
 
Granted, you got up earlier this morning so you could huff even more butyl nitrate, now you're VERY rushed.

I wish someone would deliver me a couple of those Chorizo and egg breakfast burritos from the Mexican place down the street. I'm starved.
 
(Yes I'm back to play this little game with you guys)

Granted couple Chorizo and egg breakfast burritos from the Mexican place down the street magically arrive on your desk. However, the delivery person got hungry on the walk to deliver said items and ate part of each one. Knowing he'd get in trouble for doing it he threw them back up and wrapped them up since throw up and Chorizo and egg burritos look pretty much alike.

I wish I had time to update my resume.
 
Granted, you have plenty of time to update your resume (you have time to corrupt a wish, right?) So, you meticulously google search, cut, paste and assemble and the result is a resume that makes Hillary Clinton look like an amateur.

"Please have a seat right here, ma'am. Yes, yes, you look veddy veddy qualified for this position."

"Thank you Mr. Singh."

"One question though, can you actually speak Hindi?"

"अपनी माँ को एक सुअर सामना करना पड़ता है"

"My mother does NOT have a pig face thank you!"

(Lesson: Kids, if you choose to embellish your resume, be prepared to face the consequences if you cannot deliver.)

I wish today was a holiday. Or maybe tomorrow, I need a rest.
 
Granted tomorrow is a holiday. Except for you. You have to go to work since you didn't do anything today. What with eating that disgusting burrito thing from the Mexican place. You should be glad to be alive.

I wish we weren't having a wind storm right now.
 
Granted, the wind storm is centered pretty much just on you. You are having the mother of all bad hair days. After disrespecting your potential Sikh employer, he decided to cast an evil spell on you. Except, he forgot that Sikh's aren't really set up to do that so he contracts with John221us, who performs Santeria rituals using a rubber chicken. This works well, as no actual live animals were harmed in the course of the ritual. Wind is up first, but earth and fire are to follow.

I wish I stopped at one double lettuce wrapped cheeseburger. Two was a bit over the top but damn were they good.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, the wind storm is centered pretty much just on you. You are having the mother of all bad hair days. After disrespecting your potential Sikh employer, he decided to cast an evil spell on you. Except, he forgot that Sikh's aren't really set up to do that so he contracts with John221us, who performs Santeria rituals using a rubber chicken. This works well, as no actual live animals were harmed in the course of the ritual. Wind is up first, but earth and fire are to follow.

I wish I stopped at one double lettuce wrapped cheeseburger. Two was a bit over the top but damn were they good.
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Granted, you stopped at one. But that gnawing hunger got to you and end up scraping the peoples left overs from the trash cans at work. Within an hour, you are no longer hungry. In fact you are projectile vomiting unrelentlessly. You end up at Mercy getting your stomach pumped, again.

I wish I had a cheeseburger and fries. That sounds pretty good (not really on my diet, though).
 
Granted, but they were wrapped in lettuce because you decided you were going to be a health nut. Now everyone on the forum thinks you're crazy and less of a man for not deciding to eat it with a bun.

I wish I had a tablet computer hybrid.
 
N747JB said:
Granted it runs on gasoline or solar power!
I still wish my plane was out of the paint shop.
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Granted, it's a nice shiny green color. Unfortunately, they forgot to re-install the rotary blade correctly and the first piece of wood you feed through it gets kicked back, and it puts a hole in your garage door.

I wish I had one of those big hangar-garage thingies right next to the airport.
 
Granted, your backyard now opens up straight onto the main runway at KLAX. Your 2-car garage suffices as a hangar/garage, but you spend all night awake as jumbos pass feet from your bed. Oh, and there's a steep landing fee at the airport, so you don't even like to use it and rack up all those extra charges.

I wish I could eat as much food as I wanted without gaining weight.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted, your backyard now opens up straight onto the main runway at KLAX. Your 2-car garage suffices as a hangar/garage, but you spend all night awake as jumbos pass feet from your bed. Oh, and there's a steep landing fee at the airport, so you don't even like to use it and rack up all those extra charges.

I wish I could eat as much food as I wanted without gaining weight.
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Granted, you lose muscle and bone, and it's replaced by fat. You never really gain any weight, you just rapidly change proportions.

I wish I had a trap door in my stomach.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you lose muscle and bone, and it's replaced by fat. You never really gain any weight, you just rapidly change proportions.

I wish I had a trap door in my stomach.
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Granted, pretty gross, but you surgically have a trap door installed. Unfortunately, you didn't think it through. You dump the food into your gut and sepsis soon sets in and you find your self in a coma in the hospital.

I wish I didn't have an early call tomorrow.
 
Bubba put one there last time you were in for an anal laparoscopy. Now everything just flows down and out of the hole and into your body cavity.

I wish I had clap on clap off lights.
 
ebykowsky said:
Bubba put one there last time you were in for an anal laparoscopy. Now everything just flows down and out of the hole and into your body cavity.

I wish I had clap
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Granted, you went home with Ramonalisa, the Italian pole dancer that you found out later, after it was too late, was a tranny. And by the way you can clap off your lights too, small consolation prize.

I wish Charity and Starfire made housecalls.
 
Alright, Starfire got a job working somewhere else, but Charity still makes house calls... you can even go here to place your payment online... I hear she'll even ring your bell if you ask nicely.

I wish I had a helicopter to fly around everywhere I wanted to go.
 
Granted, this baby is perfect for the job. Portable, cheap (under $50) and easily replaceable if you crash it.

Problem is you are flying it around the baggage area of JFK, and the TSA accuses you of operating a competetive unmanned aerial drone (well, you are, sort of) which is a cardinal sin. After an extensive and painful body cavity search performed by several TSA agents (why do those gloves only have one finger??) They decide to turn you over to the real cops, who indite you on conspiricy charges and send you on a trip to Cuba.

I wish I could get a big juicy hamburger for breakfast.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, this baby is perfect for the job. Portable, cheap (under $50) and easily replaceable if you crash it.

Problem is you are flying it around the baggage area of JFK, and the TSA accuses you of operating a competetive unmanned aerial drone (well, you are, sort of) which is a cardinal sin. After an extensive and painful body cavity search performed by several TSA agents (why do those gloves only have one finger??) They decide to turn you over to the real cops, who indite you on conspiricy charges and send you on a trip to Cuba.

I wish I could get a big juicy hamburger for breakfast.
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Granted, you get your big juicy hamburger but it's one of those patties that has horse meat in it. If for some reason you don't mind that sort of thing the meat is also tainted and you get food poisoning. Not enough to kill you, but enough to make you wish you were dead. Yikes!

I wish I had more time to fly...
 
You lose your job because of lewd behavior in the cubicle environment... mooning fellow co-workers. It's enough to make sure you don't get a job any time in the near future... now you've got all the time in the world, but you just had 4 children out of wedlock with four different women and you have to support them financially. You spend the rest of your years on a couch drinking cheap beer and posting on POA because you haven't the money to buy avgas.

I wish I could magically pay attention in class while sleeping/using my computer.
 
ebykowsky said:
You lose your job because of lewd behavior in the cubicle environment... mooning fellow co-workers. It's enough to make sure you don't get a job any time in the near future... now you've got all the time in the world, but you just had 4 children out of wedlock with four different women and you have to support them financially. You spend the rest of your years on a couch drinking cheap beer and posting on POA because you haven't the money to buy avgas.

I wish I could magically pay attention in class while sleeping/using my computer.
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After some research, you hit up a local quack for an Ambien prescription. You find that you can not only sleep in class while using your computer, you aslo get caught sleep driving and get busted for a DUI. I think you have to report that.

I wish I could find a dog sitter soon.
 
John221us said:
I wish I could find a dog sitter soon.
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Knock knock. "Who's there?"
"Vlade, dog sitter."
"Come on in. Meet.... my dog!"
"Dog, you sit." Dog sits. "That will be fifty dollars please."
"What? What the hell are you charging me for?"
"I Vlade, dog sitter. I sit dog. Dog sat. You owe Vlade money for advertised service."
"But I need you to take care of him, feed him, groom him and walk him."
"I not do that. I sit dog. I dog sitter. Not dog care taker, not dog feeder, not dog groomer, not dog walker, I dog sitter."
"I do not find that humorous. Thank you for your time."
Vlade proceeds to rip your upper arm off your body, exposing the bone. "You want humerous, that humerous hahahahahaha. Now pay me $50 for dog sit or I will rip your leg off."
"Bite me."
Vlade rips your right leg off. "Okay see you could have just pay Vlade $50, but nooooo, you have to make it cost you an arm and a leg hahahahaha."

So basically, it costed you an arm and a leg and Vlade still got his fifty bucks.

I wish I had more time in the day to get stuff done.
 
Granted, you go to lunch and when you come back, there is a sign on the door, saying the company closed down. You now have all the time you need.

I wish I had not eaten all those chips at lunch.
 
Hah!!! I had chips at lunch and I di-int eat them! Neener neener neener!!

Granted, you leave the chips alone, but the waitress shoves a huge plate of bacon bagel sandwiches deep fried in butter in front of you. Oh yeah those babies were good all right, so you order another platter. You think the CHIPS jacked you all up, wait until that crap kicks in. (Hint - peruse the JC Whitney catalog for a jackhammer bit that will fit in your arteries)

I wish I wasn't craving one of those toasted bagel sandwiches with bacon, egg and cheddar in them from the place down the street.
 
I just made (and proceeded to consume) a half-pound burger with: 2 slices of cheese, an egg fried in the burger grease, 3 strips of bacon, a bun, and absolutely no vegetable. Don't worry though--it was a whole wheat bun!

I forgot to make Sac one, but I'll get right on it. That's why you won't be craving the stuff from down the street--but I think this might be a bit worse.

I wish I didn't have to go all the way to the airport tomorrow to fill out an IACRA form.
 
Mmm, that sounds pretty good.

Granted, you don't have to go all the way to the airport to fill out your IACRA form. You can't anyway because your moped broke down 200 yards from the airport entrance. Your flight school, however, was so kind as to string several hundreds of yards of extension cords together and they haul out the IACRA machine just for you. How special. Type type type, there, your IACRA is all filled out and you hit send.

Oops, there was a short somewhere in the extension cord. Either that or the County electrical inspector didn't like the string of extension cords and he pulled the plug, just as you hit "send." As a result, your IACRA form gets sent but the information is all jumbled and it is in FAA electronic limbo now. After walking your moped back home, you start calling the FAA to figure out what to do. Three weeks later, they get back to you and let you know that it will be a couple more months before they can sort it out. Oh well, at least the flying weather will be better. It leaves you more time to eat half pound hamburgers smothered in egg, bacon and cheese. Which, causes a dangerous rise in blood pressure and then your medical cert is revoked. Back to square one.

I wish I didn't waste like eighteen bucks (of the company's money) on an overpriced salad with a tiny piece of salmon on it at some foo foo restaurant yesterday.
 
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