Corrupt my wish

[ebykowsky]

I am in Allentown/Bethlehem. I won't be in the Philly area until Tuesday.

That's Philly enough for me... the weather will still suck there. Then again, to you people from California, 45 is cold--I was thrilled when I stepped outside and found it was 35 today.

I wish something better was on TV.

Granted... The next Justin Bieber/Michael Jackson hybrid is on the TV---on every channel. And when you type in "pilotsofamerica.com" you still can't get away from it. To your dismay, everything is "something better" and all you want to do is see something that's not something better. As a result, you can't eat ketchup or cottage cheese for a year.

I wish I could go into a flying career and still make money.

 

[Sac Arrow]

That's Philly enough for me... the weather will still suck there. Then again, to you people from California, 45 is cold--I was thrilled when I stepped outside and found it was 35 today.



Granted... The next Justin Bieber/Michael Jackson hybrid is on the TV---on every channel. And when you type in "pilotsofamerica.com" you still can't get away from it. To your dismay, everything is "something better" and all you want to do is see something that's not something better. As a result, you can't eat ketchup or cottage cheese for a year.

I wish I could go into a flying career and still make money.

It doesn't get better than that homes. You have both a flying career and you make money. You're a counterfeiter. Problem is, although you printed out ten million in phony bills, you couldn't afford to hire an experienced contraband pilot so you tried to wing it ( so to speak) yourself.

Hint: despite what your CFI drilled in to you for 73 hours, turn your transponder "off" BEFORE you enter the continental ADIZ.

Doctors say that Bubba, despite the repetitive overuse syndrome, will be at least the man he was and probably more after those testosterone injections.

I wish I knew what the hell was in that "cake" thing I ate. It was baked in several layers of banana leaf. I know the inside is rice, but the outer covering was some sort of black gooey substance that tasted like banana.

 

[John221us]

Granted, now you know. Fermented bat guano.

I wish wish I had some ice cream.

 

[Clark1961]

Granted, now you know. Fermented bat guano.

I wish wish I had some ice cream.

Granted, you have some fermented bat guano flavored ice cream.

I wish federal employees realized and embraced the fact that they work for the taxpayers.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted. They pay taxes (well, some of them do), so they realize that they actually work for themselves! And they decide that they want to not work and still get paid--they're their own bosses, anyway. Good luck at the DMV! Oh, and that mail you sent last year--we'll deliver it when we feel like it.

I wish I had made myself dinner instead of 4 bags of popcorn.

 

[Clark1961]

I wish I had made myself dinner instead of 4 bags of popcorn.

There you are, you've laid down outside a grizzly bear den waiting for the end of hibernation. You've made yourself dinner for a bear (or two or three).

I wish federal employees realized they work for all taxpayers, not just themselves and their democratic party overlords.

 

[ebykowsky]

There you are, you've laid down outside a grizzly bear den waiting for the end of hibernation. You've made yourself dinner for a bear (or two or three).

I wish federal employees realized they work for all taxpayers, not just themselves and their democratic party overlords.

Never mind; I poached some eggs instead. They were better than being eaten by a grizzly.

Granted, the 'gubmunt employees realize they all work for the taxpayers, and realize that it is morally reprehensible to be such lazy slugs while being paid to do jobs by the taxpayers. So, they all quit and go on unemployment and welfare.

I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener!

 

[Clark1961]

I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener!

There you go, you're an Oscar Mayer Wiener. You're taken home by Sue Howsewife and grilled by fatasshusband. You end up as littleJoe turd flushed down to the local sanitary processing facility where you're digested by nameless bacteria. So much for you.

I wish all the feds quit before our meeting Tuesday.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted, everyone working at all the government branches, such as the Federal Express, American Airways, American Apparel, and other related administrations quits before Tuesday. The power company, water company, sewage company, and fire dept. also all quit their jobs because of the government shutdown, and your meeting place is dark, cold, smelly, and ultimately burns down. What's this meeting anyway?

I wish I lived not in a dorm facing a busy city street (a little farmhouse on a pond would be nice--and probably cheaper).

 

[Clark1961]

I wish I lived not in a dorm facing a busy city street (a little farmhouse on a pond would be nice--and probably cheaper).

You live not in a dorm facing a busy city street...you live in a dorm backing on a busy city street...and you have a room in the back...and you share it with bubba...who likes to give it to folks in the backdoor.

I wish Sac would wakey-wakey and take over the corruptions for me.

 

[ebykowsky]

Yo! It's the SACARROW out of slumber!!! I just jacked ebykowsky's account and am posting as him, but it's really me!!! I guess the corruption is that it's not under my own account... but who cares, right? Anyway, your houskeeper Marcia is upset that you've been corrupting, and I've got to take over. But no worries, she's alright--until her husband something-de-la-Machete comes over and punches you...

I wish I had a burger wrapped in lettuce while riding my bike around in SoCal.

 

[Sac Arrow]

You live not in a dorm facing a busy city street...you live in a dorm backing on a busy city street...and you have a room in the back...and you share it with bubba...who likes to give it to folks in the backdoor.

I wish Sac would wakey-wakey and take over the corruptions for me.

Granted, Sac just woke up.

Yes, really.

Yo! It's the SACARROW out of slumber!!! I just jacked ebykowsky's account and am posting as him, but it's really me!!! I guess the corruption is that it's not under my own account... but who cares, right? Anyway, your houskeeper Marcia is upset that you've been corrupting, and I've got to take over. But no worries, she's alright--until her husband something-de-la-Machete comes over and punches you...

I wish I had a burger wrapped in lettuce while riding my bike around in SoCal.

Granted, your $10,000 Pinarello Dogma gets jacked, your burger gets jacked, and all of your fancy bike clothes are stripped from your body. Didn't anybody tell you that Watts is no place to be riding? Bubba's friends and family (that is his home town) have pretty much the same demeanor.

I wish the gym would open up before 6:00 a.m. I need to get an early start.

 

[John221us]

Granted, Sac just woke up.

Yes, really.



Granted, your $10,000 Pinarello Dogma gets jacked, your burger gets jacked, and all of your fancy bike clothes are stripped from your body. Didn't anybody tell you that Watts is no place to be riding? Bubba's friends and family (that is his home town) have pretty much the same demeanor.

I wish the gym would open up before 6:00 a.m. I need to get an early start.

Granted, you talk the front desk girl into opening early, just for you! Sound great. She has a different workout in mind, however (even better). Then her ex-NFL linebacker walks in on you two getting jiggy and he happens to be jacked up on steroids (trying to get back into pro ball). He shows you a new way to use the press machine. Not fun.

I wish I didn't have another two days in Bethlehem.

 

[Clark1961]

I wish I didn't have another two days in Bethlehem.

You don't have another two days in Bethlehem, you have a full month in front of you. Yep, you were drowning your sorrows over the two days remaining and got busted for PI. The judge gave you 30 days for contempt when you said he was number 1 and showed him how you felt in sign language.

I wish my drive and sidewalk were clear of snow and ice.

 

[Sac Arrow]

You don't have another two days in Bethlehem, you have a full month in front of you. Yep, you were drowning your sorrows over the two days remaining and got busted for PI. The judge gave you 30 days for contempt when you said he was number 1 and showed him how you felt in sign language.

I wish my drive and sidewalk were clear of snow and ice.

Granted, your drive and sidewalk are made of clear snow and ice. Yes it's pretty tough stuff right now, in the spring you will have a wet, soupy mess that you can't drive or walk over.

I wish the bugs weren't so thick outside this morning.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted, the bugs are concentrated inside.

I wish I had my car.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted, the bugs are concentrated inside.

I wish I had my car.

Granted, you have a 1957 Trabant. Widely regarded as one of the worst POS automobiles ever produced, as they had a tendency to spontaneously explode and burn up while driving.

I wish someone would teach ebykowsky some geography so he knows the San Franciso bay area is in Northern California, not Southern California (re. a couple postings ago)

 

[John221us]

Granted, you have a 1957 Trabant. Widely regarded as one of the worst POS automobiles ever produced, as they had a tendency to spontaneously explode and burn up while driving.

I wish someone would teach ebykowsky some geography so he knows the San Franciso bay area is in Northern California, not Southern California (re. a couple postings ago)

Granted, ebykowsky shows up for spring break in San Francisco and discovers he has under dressed. All he brought with him was shorts and bathing suits. He soon discovers one of San Francisco's most popular pastimes (if you are female); shopping. With some fantastic advice from a clerk he thought was female, he is now more than appropriately dressed for a day in the Castro District (not that there is anything wrong with that). Oh wait... This Sac's wish, not ebykowsky....

Ebykowsky was just assigned a mid-term assignment to study California geography. He thought to himself, "hey, I have a buddy in SoCal. I am going to visit Sac Arrow and bone up on this stuff in person." After some diligent Internet research he shows up at you door and let's you know he will be tailing you for a week.

I wish I hadn't ate all those fries tonight.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted, you mistyped and hit the "r" instead of the "l". Now you REALLY feel narly. Might as well go for the roaches and ants while you're at it.

I wish it were later in the week. Weekends are never long enough.

 

[Ateaist]

I wish it were later in the week. Weekends are never long enough.

Granted. It's now Friday afternoon. Unfortunately you broke a leg on Monday, an arm on Tuesday, your airplane was totalled on Wednesday, your wife left you on Thursday and you are coming down with the flu.

I wish that not one (or several) bad thing(s) could ever happen to me.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted. It's now Friday afternoon. Unfortunately you broke a leg on Monday, an arm on Tuesday, your airplane was totalled on Wednesday, your wife left you on Thursday and you are coming down with the flu.

I wish that not one (or several) bad thing(s) could ever happen to me.

Granted, none of those things will happen. You are a paraplegic with no arms or legs, you have no airplane (good luck getting a variance on your medical), and it's your husband that is leaving you (they say it was a legal marriage in your State). At least you did get a flu shot.

I wish four bad things didn't happen to me this week.

 

[ebykowsky]

After some diligent Internet research he shows up at you door and let's you know he will be tailing you for a week.

You're missing the point of the thread; the OP is supposed to come out worse off, not better off. Sac should be so lucky to have me trail him for a week or two.

Anyway:

I wish four bad things didn't happen to me this week.

Granted... your id becomes invalid and you are unable to purchase alcohol, knives, or guns. As a result, you sober up and stop getting into bar fights over who won the game and don't lose your various women friends, don't have your plane wrecked due to your inebriation, don't break your appendages in bar fights, and don't get sick from the alcohol. However, you are also forced to go to work sober and defenseless, which is probably even worse.

I wish Sac would realize that it was he who posted about Socal, and that he already does ride his bike around while eating lettuce burgers in norcal so a legitimate wish would be to do so in socal where it's nicer. I also wish Sac wouldn't hack my account.

 

[Sac Arrow]

You're missing the point of the thread; the OP is supposed to come out worse off, not better off. Sac should be so lucky to have me trail him for a week or two.

Anyway:
Granted... your id becomes invalid and you are unable to purchase alcohol, knives, or guns. As a result, you sober up and stop getting into bar fights over who won the game and don't lose your various women friends, don't have your plane wrecked due to your inebriation, don't break your appendages in bar fights, and don't get sick from the alcohol. However, you are also forced to go to work sober and defenseless, which is probably even worse.

I wish Sac would realize that it was he who posted about Socal, and that he already does ride his bike around while eating lettuce burgers in norcal so a legitimate wish would be to do so in socal where it's nicer. I also wish Sac wouldn't hack my account.

Granted, Sac may be dense at times but he's figured it out, although he has disagreement with the eybykowsky over Socal (although San Diego is nice, Sac would agree.) Sac aready forgot your password - tried it four times and it didn't work. If you didn't change it, it's because the Chinese hacked your account before I could get to it and watch THEM wreak havoc upon your Internet credibility.

I wish I had a house in Marin County (Norcal, on the North side of the Golden Gate opposite The City.)

 

[ebykowsky]

理所当然的。我们拖走你的朋友布巴的拖家马林。它是漂浮在海湾。他高兴不起来。你是他的新室友。在换取你的愿望，你现在欠我们（中国政府）3寿命的奴役。这不是一个糟糕的协议，我们正计划做什么后，美国决定将其债务违约给我们。

我希望中国像南加州阳光。哦，好吧，我们会排除它很快就足够了。

谷歌翻译

 

[Sac Arrow]

理所当然的。我们拖走你的朋友布巴的拖家马林。它是漂浮在海湾。他高兴不起来。你是他的新室友。在换取你的愿望，你现在欠我们（中国政府）3寿命的奴役。这不是一个糟糕的协议，我们正计划做什么后，美国决定将其债务违约给我们。

我希望中国像南加州阳光。哦，好吧，我们会排除它很快就足够了。

谷歌翻译

"Granted. We towed Bubba's trailer home, your friends Marin. It is floating in the Gulf. He is not happy. His new roommate. In exchange for your desire, you owe us (the Chinese government) life of slavery. This is not a bad deal, we are planning what to do after the United States decided to defaulting on its debt to us.

I hope that China, like the Southern California sun. Oh, well, we will exclude it soon enough"

Granted, the Chinese, like the Southern Calfornia sun, are very hot headed and decide to do a Kim Il on us. Except that their own version of Google Translate is off, and instead of programming the missle to hit Southern Calfornia, it ends up targeting South Carolina.

They say nucular fallout dissapates eventually.

I wish I had one of those Universal Communicators like in Star Trek. We are pretty close to having one though.

 

[ebykowsky]

Yeah, you'd think that Google would make a better Chinese translator when pretty much all of their workers are Chinese. I think they were trying to say something about moving Bubba's trailer to Marin County and putting it in the bay for you to live in... then Bubba gets angry and you have to live with him and then you owe China a lifetime of servitude, etc. etc. etc.

Granted, but then you uncover a North Korean plot to take over the world over your HAM radio, and are killed by Kim Jon Un's henchmen who hunt you down and scalp you for learning national secrets. They don't realize, however, that they're not going to be able to take over the world without some higher tech communications devices.

I wish I had a bass boat.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted, you bass been berry bad to you and you no like him so you take bass' boat. Bass no like that at all so he send Bubba you give it back but he no pay Bubba so Bubba keep you collateral but bass never pay Bubba so Bubba never give you back.

I wish the bathroom was air conditioned. It gets freakin hot in there in the afternoon.

 

[John221us]

Granted, someone installed a wall A/C unit in the bathroom, but the bathroom isn't too big, so now you have to lean to the right when you pee and bang your head when you get up from sitting. Also, it drips condensation on you.

I wish I were flying home today instead of tomorrow.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted, someone installed a wall A/C unit in the bathroom, but the bathroom isn't too big, so now you have to lean to the right when you pee and bang your head when you get up from sitting. Also, it drips condensation on you.

I wish I were flying home today instead of tomorrow.

Granted. "Tomorrow" is a beautiful A36 Bonanza with dual 530's and a two axis autopilot with GPSS roll steering. But instead you grab the keys for "Home Today", which is a rusted out 1967 Skyhawk with no Nav and one barely functional originally installed radio. There is some question about the credibility of the A&P that signed it off at the last annual ten years ago. Amazing that those tires still hold air and that the engine started. Let us know how things went.

I'm craving McDonalds for some reason. A couple of those Double Quarter Pounders with cheese. I guess I wish I had one here.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted. You have one here, but the buns they put it on sure ain't no lettuce!

I wish there were more daylight hours.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted. You have one here, but the buns they put it on sure ain't no lettuce!

I wish there were more daylight hours.

Granted, you are at the North Pole. Because the North Pole is not located on a land mass, rather it's smack in the middle of the ocean, you decide a Speedo is appropriate attire. (Hint: The North Pole is situated in the middle of the Arctic Ocean.) Oh, by the way there are more daylight hours there, but not right now. It's currently pitch black.

I wish I didn't have to deal with business aggravations.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted, you are at the North Pole. Because the North Pole is not located on a land mass, rather it's smack in the middle of the ocean, you decide a Speedo is appropriate attire. (Hint: The North Pole is situated in the middle of the Arctic Ocean.) Oh, by the way there are more daylight hours there, but not right now. It's currently pitch black.

That's alright, global warming should kick in any minute now...

I wish I didn't have to deal with business aggravations.

Granted, your business doesn't go under, because that would be an aggravation in and of itself... Instead, Michael Scott becomes your boss, and every day is a happy fun get-no-work-done day. However, you soon realize that you are the Dwight of the office. If you don't get the reference, I can't help you.

I wish a beautiful woman would present me with dessert right now.

 

[Sac Arrow]

That's alright, global warming should kick in any minute now...



Granted, your business doesn't go under, because that would be an aggravation in and of itself... Instead, Michael Scott becomes your boss, and every day is a happy fun get-no-work-done day. However, you soon realize that you are the Dwight of the office. If you don't get the reference, I can't help you.

I wish a beautiful woman would present me with dessert right now.

Granted. She sat you down in a wooden chair, bound you with duct tape, lifted her skirt, and pulled out an extension longer than your own. Enjoy your dessert.

I wish I had a big platter of BBQ fish in front of me right now.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted, but they have shrapnel in them from your fishing techniques.

I wish that my last wish had sounded less raunchy. I literally just want dessert.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted, Jennifer Anniston shows up at your doorstep with a lemon merangue pie. You scarf it down. Next day she shows up again with a German Chocolate cake. It's gone in fifteen minutes. This is pretty cool, you think. Three months later, you're tipping the scales at 400 lbs.

What's this on the floor? Oh, it's the Corrupt Wish Notification. You pick up the CWN, get your readers, and are shocked at what you see.

Bearer of this wish corruption gets Jennifer Anniston at his door every day for three months. Bearer may choose to either have dessert, or Jennifer Anniston.

WTF is up with that? All this time.... knock knock "Oh hey Jenny!"

"Today is the last day of your wish corruption. I picked out a nice Banana Split for you."

"Well, that banana split sure looks real nice. But, you know, I was thinking...."

"No way buddy. Maybe two hundred pounds ago. Read the rest of the CWN."

.... those choosing the option of Jennifer Anniston must weigh under two hundred pounds and/or have a BMI of less than...

I wish I had that kind of choice. It would be easy. I don't have a sweet tooth.

(moral - there are no winners in the game. Just players. Sometimes we get dealt a good hand now and then. Or, a mouth! or, or, the other thing!!)

 

[John221us]

Granted, Bubba is there to give you a choice. Apple pie or Bubba! Enjoy!

I wish that the weather stays good for a flight tomorrow.

 

[ebykowsky]

CAVU, winds 270@120. Great day for flying, just not for landing--or traveling anywhere but due east. Your plane takes off before you even start the engine, and begins to fly up and backwards. You try frantically to get the prop started before your airspeed falls to zero, and get going. With a cruise of 110kts, you are not able to make forward progress, and are blown out over the ocean. You land with a groundspeed of 10kts going backwards, and you float long enough to hop out of the plane with your lifejacket. Insurance does not cover stupidity.

I wish I could fly to Erie tomorrow instead of driving.

*Edit: Winds changed to reflect the fact that you are presumably still on the East coast---they make more sense now; something tells me you don't get winds blowing out to sea very often in CA.

 

[John221us]

CAVU, winds 270@120. Great day for flying, just not for landing--or traveling anywhere but due east. Your plane takes off before you even start the engine, and begins to fly up and backwards. You try frantically to get the prop started before your airspeed falls to zero, and get going. With a cruise of 110kts, you are not able to make forward progress, and are blown out over the ocean. You land with a groundspeed of 10kts going backwards, and you float long enough to hop out of the plane with your lifejacket. Insurance does not cover stupidity.

I wish I could fly to Erie tomorrow instead of driving.

*Edit: Winds changed to reflect the fact that you are presumably still on the East coast---they make more sense now; something tells me you don't get winds blowing out to sea very often in CA.

I got back to the west coast yesterday.

Granted, the 120 MPH winds puts you in a category 3 hurricane. It picks up your car while you are driving to Erie and "flys" you the rest of the way. The landing couldn't be called a "greaser", though.

I wish it didn't feel like it was 10:00 when it is only 7:00.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted; the next morning when you wake up, it's actually 1000, not 0700. And it even feels like 1000. But your friends don't like that excuse when you show up to go flying 3 hours later than planned.

I wish I could have hitched a ride with you back to the west coast.

 

[John221us]

Granted, but they don't take well to stowaways on Southwest. When the baggage handlers haul your frozen *ss out of the cargo hold, TSA decides to make an example out of you and you find yourself sharing a cell with Bubba.

I wish this warm weather hadn't have brought all the mosquitos out last night.