Corrupt my wish

The ride was fine. I ride mostly in Marin County, either the back roads that lead to the PCH or loops around the Headlands. Sometimes I to across the Golden Gate from the Headlands side and ride Skyline Boulevard to San Bruno. But I've ridden Sac, I'm familiar with it. I like the American River Parkway there.

Granted, neither team wins the Superbowl, which goes counter to the rules of the NFL. Distraught that the Ravens didn't have a chance to show up the niners like he hoped, Obama decides to invade Iran, Syria and North Korea. To do this he must reinstated the draft. Your first assignment will be Iran. If you survive that, you will go to Iran, then North Korea, and rotated through the three until there is nothing left of you.

I wish the Superbowl were later in the day so it could be a dinner time venue here on the West Coast.
 
Granted. You are now Mass Arrow, and live in Boston where it's 20 degree snowy winters and you can't take the arrow out of the hangar for 3 months of the year. But, the game starts 3 hours later if you can make it to the bar through all the snow.

I wish I would at least get a fighter pilot slot once I get through the draft--there'll be plenty of targets in Iran. I'm just confused as to why I go to Iran after I survive Iran. :dunno:
 
Granted, you get the fighter pilot slot but you just don't get it. They're out to get you. Has it occurred to you why the rest of your classmates are training in T38's in preparation for combat duty in F22's yet your training ends at a Taylorcraft armed with pilot thrown grenades?

I wish I didn't get sent to Boston. Mass Arrow just doesn't sound right. Maybe Tex Arrow or something like that. Yee haw.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you get the fighter pilot slot but you just don't get it. They're out to get you. Has it occurred to you why the rest of your classmates are training in T38's in preparation for combat duty in F22's yet your training ends at a Taylorcraft armed with pilot thrown grenades?

I wish I didn't get sent to Boston. Mass Arrow just doesn't sound right. Maybe Tex Arrow or something like that. Yee haw.
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Granted, you are now Tex Arrow and live outside Houston. The first time you walk outside in your Agro Jersey, you get to sample some "Texas Justice".

I wish I hadn't left the freezer cracked open last night. Expensive mistake.
 
You didn't leave the freezer cracked open last night. You were robbed in the middle of the night and it was one of those thieves that got the munchies. So it could've been alot worse. When the robber put his hand in it got frost bite (he couldn't decide what to have and he thanks you for the selection!) In his rush to leave your house he didn't close the freezer. That can be a counter claim in the lawsuit where he sues you for frost bite.

I wish the Steelers were in the Super Bowl this year. It's not fun to watch two teams I don't care about.
 
saracelica said:
You didn't leave the freezer cracked open last night. You were robbed in the middle of the night and it was one of those thieves that got the munchies. So it could've been alot worse. When the robber put his hand in it got frost bite (he couldn't decide what to have and he thanks you for the selection!) In his rush to leave your house he didn't close the freezer. That can be a counter claim in the lawsuit where he sues you for frost bite.

I wish the Steelers were in the Super Bowl this year. It's not fun to watch two teams I don't care about.
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Granted, the Steelers are in. But who is the other team? (Look at the last two corruptors.) it isn't fun watching you home team being eaten for lunch. But you realize, at the end of the day, whether they win or lose, it doesn't do you ****

I don't wish for the niners to win. I don't like to waste wishes. That may seem counter to the whole thread, but I just wish myself to get though the things I need to get through.

I mean I'd like to see them win but whatever.
 
Granted, the Niners lose, you down a bottle of Jameson and move on (except you can't get the Gangnam Style commercial out of your head. In fact you wake up at 3 am singing crack them Gangnam Style.)

I wish I had more Crown in the house.
 
John221us said:
Granted, the Niners lose, you down a bottle of Jameson and move on (except you can't get the Gangnam Style commercial out of your head. In fact you wake up at 3 am singing crack them Gangnam Style.)

I wish I had more Crown in the house.
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Granted, you have the remains of King Richard the 3rd sitting in your attic. I mean, what's cooler than having a 500 year old piece of history right there in your house. You housekeeper, however, finds the bones and suspects that foul play may have happened and alerts the cops.

Unfortunately, the same cop that sits at the corner of the intersection writing red light tickets on a rigged signal investigates your premise and decides to railroad you. Back in jail with Bubba.

I wish f***ing crap little municipalities wouldn't send their cops on rigged revenue generation missions.
 
Roseville was known for it until they got a new City Manager who wanted a more friendly public image.

Granted, there is a new law that prevents rigged ticket traps for automobiles. They still need thier revenue, though, so they decide to focus on the bicycle crowd. You pick up a ticket for doing a rolling stop on your bike.

I wish I had remembered my 4:00 conference call. Embarrasing.
 
Granted, you connected on that 4:00 conference call. It was in fact a call to discuss DOS 4:00, which was the greatest personal computer development of the early 1990's. Touted to be anyway, actually it sucked over 3:1. You really, really didn't need to relive that part of your IT past.

I wish dinner was ready right now. I'm starved. It probably won't be ready for an hour.
 
Granted, since it is now 8:00, dinner is served, but you are so hungry that you devour not only your plate, but the three meals nearest you. No one likes eating with you anymore.

I wish I had not copped out on my run tonight. Oh well, there is always tomorrow.
 
Granted. You ran tonight, and feeling inspired, you decide to get up at 6:40 tomorrow morning and do my run for me. Only problem is that you're on the other side of the country where it's 3:40 and end up having to sprint over here to get here on time. Oh well, at least I got to sleep in. Oh, and now you smell really bad after all that running and nobody wants to be near you. And your nose is running too.

I wish I had a full motion simulator.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted. You ran tonight, and feeling inspired, you decide to get up at 6:40 tomorrow morning and do my run for me. Only problem is that you're on the other side of the country where it's 3:40 and end up having to sprint over here to get here on time. Oh well, at least I got to sleep in. Oh, and now you smell really bad after all that running and nobody wants to be near you. And your nose is running too.

I wish I had a full motion simulator.
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Granted, that Japanese company that makes life size, life like, anatomically correct female dolls has acquired Accu Jack and produces a model with full automation. You manage to score a prototype model at a greatly reduced price.

Unfortunately, in initial fabrication and layup they did not have a set of the Accu Jack produced internals and instead substituted a garbage disposal for fitment purposes.

Your nickname is now Stumpy, and you play hell explaining that one on your medicals.

I wish I could get a coffee right now. Unfortunately I do have to go see doc.
 
Granted, you couldn't resist that smell of fresh brew in the morning. You get to the doc and they tell you that you have to hang out for 8 hours to get it out of your system and your iPad battery only has a 10% charge left from your all night session of watching classic 70's porn. It is going to be a long day.

I wish I could take a nap now.
 
Granted, the FDA has grudgingly released approval on Napnow, an anti-drowsiness medication. Chug a couple of those babies down with lots of water. Glug glug glug.

What's this fine print? "Side effects may include genital shrinkage, breast enlargement, tourette's syndrome, and loss of bowel control."

I wish I remembered to get a coffee on the way in to work. I'm already here. Oh well.
 
Granted, but you found out your coffee tasted like crap, had spit in it, and salt instead of sugar.


I wish my headache would go away.
 
Granted, it's been replaced with a full-on migrane. Plus you took the wrong pills for it and now you fart uncontrollably.

I wish I could eat another lunch or two. I ate one and I'm still hungry.
 
Granted. You eat your boss's lunch, and in a blind rage, he makes you give it back--all over that handwritten report you just finished.

I wish my room were bigger. And my bed.
 
Granted, you just went through a time warp after eating some weird 'shrooms and you're now half your original size. And about a quarter of your original age. Room is much bigger, bed too. Except none of your present clothes fit you.

You fashion a toga out of a pillow case, and head out on a borrowed bike to shop for some clothes. You are suspected of credit card fraud when you try to pay for them, and you also resemble a deranged adult midget in appearance and get locked up in jail for vagrancy, public indecency and credit card theft.

In the corner of the cell is another small individual, blaring retro 70's disco songs from his boom box. The Sugar Hill Gang, in fact. Then - it dawns on you. That is.......

Baby Bubba.

Yeah, you thought you were getting away from him, huh. No sir eee.

I wish Southwest would run some specials to Chicago.
 
Granted, they are running a special right now. I saw it on Facebook.
duguzy4u.jpg


I wish it wasn't cleaning day. Then I could work from home.
 
Why can't you work from home on cleaning day? Does that hot little maid in the miniskirt distract you when she bends over to dust under the furniture?

Granted, it isn't cleaning day. But, Marcia Del Fuego decides to stop by your place anyway, thinking you are at work. She is dressed in some tight little miniskirt maid-thing, and she wants to flaunt it to your gardener. But your gardener, Manuel Labor, has elected to take the day off (is his timing bad or what).

Unfortunately, Marcia's husband, who already has an intense dislike for you, shows up at your place because he heard Marcia was going to meet up with Manuel on Facebook. When Camona del Machete walks in, all he sees is you and her, and decides that's enough. Although he doesn't actively pummel you, he does drink all of your Miller Lite, and pees on your fireplace out of spite.

I wish had a lunch appointment today. I could use a free lunch at a good place.
 
Granted, Bubba's out and he wants to give you a free lunch.

I wish it still wasn't getting dark so early.
 
Granted, it's light pretty much all day and night now. Because.....

You're at the South Pole. The Cherokee is still parked at McMurdo, covered under about twelve feet of snow. You are about 100 miles inland in the middle of nowhere, standing on top of a huge block of ice. Wearing a tank top, Tommy Bahamas shorts and flip flops. You were expecting to go South but not that far South.

The weather on Mars today is a chilly -67 degrees c, with light winds from the Northwest. Dust storms are expected for today. In other news, anthropologists back on Earth made an amazing discovery - uncovered by glacial melting, they found the frozen remains of a homonid dating back to galactic year 2013. His attire suggests that a sudden climate change occurred, which was responsible for the demise of most the human population in much the same manner as the historical dinosours. In sports news, roller blade champion Ugwaa Zork led the Saturn conference to victory....

I wish POA member saracelica would return to corrupting wishes.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, it's light pretty much all day and night now. Because.....

You're at the South Pole. The Cherokee is still parked at McMurdo, covered under about twelve feet of snow. You are about 100 miles inland in the middle of nowhere, standing on top of a huge block of ice. Wearing a tank top, Tommy Bahamas shorts and flip flops. You were expecting to go South but not that far South.

The weather on Mars today is a chilly -67 degrees c, with light winds from the Northwest. Dust storms are expected for today. In other news, anthropologists back on Earth made an amazing discovery - uncovered by glacial melting, they found the frozen remains of a homonid dating back to galactic year 2013. His attire suggests that a sudden climate change occurred, which was responsible for the demise of most the human population in much the same manner as the historical dinosours. In sports news, roller blade champion Ugwaa Zork led the Saturn conference to victory....

I wish POA member saracelica would return to corrupting wishes.
Click to expand...

Granted, she was distracted, watching reruns of The Bachelor, but soon misses corrupting Sac's wishes. Unfortunately, she has romance on the mind and soon has you marrying your stripper friend, Charity. Your days of carousing are over. Saturdays are now spent mowing the lawn and she hired a new housekeeper, too, Helga, who reminds you of your grandmother.

I wish my travel plans would firm up for my PA trip.
 
Granted, you have a 1:00 p.m. PST appointment at Best Buy to pick up your PA system. Unfortunately, the rear axle in your Spider gave out on the way to the store and you had to take a taxi cab there.

Unfortunately, the Occupy Roseville group got there first and since you didn't show up at 1:00 sharp, they got dibs. You whip out your Ipad, and notice that there is a similar 5000 watt public address system for sale on Craigslist (why didn't you just check there first?)

You trade a couple quick emails and get directions to check it out. The Front Lawn of the Roseville City Hall. How odd. "Oh wow, this looks just like the PA system I was about to buy at Best Buy. How much you want for it?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

"Holy crap, it cost five grand over at Best Buy."

"Yeah, we're the Occupy Roseville group. We bought it."

"Why are you selling it?"

"We don't need it no more. We reached a mutual agreement with the MAN on key socioeconomic issues that we can't quite identify specifically."

"Okay I'll offer you five grand for it."

"No ten. Take it or leave it."

Well, you really need it, and you feel like you're being gouged, so you pull your Glock out and shoot the guy twice square in the forehead, and then just take it. The police, however, are not completely on board with your bargaining technique and you get locked in jail with Bubba. That political rally you were going to hold in the beer hall tonight will just have to wait. For fifteen years to life.

I wish motor cops would give fellow riders more respect.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Manuel Labor
Click to expand...
:rofl: This is what I'm going to name my gardener when I get one one day.
Well, the cops begin to recognize that you're all sharing the same road, and decide not to make any more arrests of bikers. In fact, the Sac PD decides to begin hiring biker gangs off the streets to enforce the law. The biker gangs' version of the "law" is very different from yours, though, and the next time you take to the streets you quickly find yourself surrounded by a mob of 20 Hell's Angels "cops" who don't even take the time to pull you over. They just send 50,000V of pure energy through your body, which seizes you up and sends you skidding down the road into their lead biker. When you wake up in the hospital, Biker Bubba is sitting on your lap and starts nibbling your earlobe.

I wish I got paid to sleep.
 
Granted, but in your obsession with earning more and more money, you decide to become fully billable 24 hours a day by overdosing on sleeping pills. The additional income, however, does not offset the cost of life support so they pull the plug.

I wish I was able to reverse the earth's rotation. Just to see what would happen. I think it would be kind of cool, seeing the sun rise and set on opposite sides.
 
You are a genius superman, and reverse the earth's rotation to solve all of your wishes. The superbowl is now a dinnertime event in Sactown because of the time zone switch; your flights home from Chicago are quicker and cheaper because of the reverse in the jetstream; people start giving you mad respect and street cred because of your earth-shifting abilities, and aside from all the "2012" crap that starts happening and all the inertia shift from the sudden reversal, things are going pretty well for you. Oh, except for the women. All the women in the world quite literally had their inhibitions fly away when the Earth started shifting, and as the world's most awesome superhero and coolest guy, all of them want SuperSac. Yeah, it's great to have all the supermodels, and being close to LA, you get done with them quickly. But now, Oprah and Rosie O'Donnell want their fair share---and you're not going to be able to keep them away from you because the government blamed the shift of the Earth on weapons, and banned them all. Oh, and women are your kryptonite, so your powers don't work when you're around them. The last thing you ever see is Bubba's wife's XL full moon as the sun rises in the west.

I wish I had access to the spin zone.
 
Granted, you fly up to the Spin Zone, a bicycle shop and they talk you in to some super expensive Pinarello Dogma and you attempt to ride it like this guy.

You do a faceplant on your very first stoppie attempt, and then you castrate yourself trying to hop on top of a handrail.

I wish I could ride like that guy.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you fly up to the Spin Zone, a bicycle shop and they talk you in to some super expensive Pinarello Dogma and you attempt to ride it like this guy.

You do a faceplant on your very first stoppie attempt, and then you castrate yourself trying to hop on top of a handrail.

I wish I could ride like that guy.
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Granted, but in the middle of your "stunna" show, one of your biggest fans, Bubba, throws his underwear at you. It gets caught in your chain and you take a fall. You hit so hard, you crack your helmet.

I wish I hadn't seen that GoDaddy commercial.
 
Psh. Only 13K for a bike? That's pocket change. I only go for high end stuff. Anyway, even though it'll never happen, you somehow are able to ride like that guy (watching that video was the best time I've spent all day). However, you're not able to afford that guy's bike because you don't have millions and billions of dollars lying around like I do. So, you're resigned to demonstrate your mad skills like this guy, endlessly trying to win over the affection of little girls who are just quite frankly creeped out.

After seeing that video, I wish I lived in CA.
 
John221us said:
I wish I hadn't seen that GoDaddy commercial.
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Granted, but the ad agency decided that Bar Refaeli would be too provocative, so they pulled you in off the street to fill in for her, and forced you to take her role. You were so grossed out by the whole thing that you went insane and never spoke a word again--and you certainly didn't watch the commercial. Wonder how much they paid her for that!

My wish still stands, although I'll take a double wish and add that I would have liked to be in that geek's place (kissing Bar, not John that is.)
 
ebykowsky said:
Psh. Only 13K for a bike? That's pocket change. I only go for high end stuff. Anyway, even though it'll never happen, you somehow are able to ride like that guy (watching that video was the best time I've spent all day). However, you're not able to afford that guy's bike because you don't have millions and billions of dollars lying around like I do. So, you're resigned to demonstrate your mad skills like this guy, endlessly trying to win over the affection of little girls who are just quite frankly creeped out.

After seeing that video, I wish I lived in CA.
Click to expand...

ebykowsky said:
Granted, but the ad agency decided that Bar Refaeli would be too provocative, so they pulled you in off the street to fill in for her, and forced you to take her role. You were so grossed out by the whole thing that you went insane and never spoke a word again--and you certainly didn't watch the commercial. Wonder how much they paid her for that!

My wish still stands, although I'll take a double wish and add that I would have liked to be in that geek's place (kissing Bar, not John that is.)
Click to expand...


Hmm, okay. I'm moving you to Stockton, California, which in 2011 was listed as the most miserable city in the US and quite frankly, it gives Oakland a run for it's money. The City of Fresno, a very miserable place in the South San Joaquin Valley has as it's motto "At least we aren't Stockton."

Godaddy refuses to send it's model down to Stockton to satisfy your other wish. If you picked any place else, (well other than Oakland, Vallejo, Compton, Long Beach or Chino) they would have hooked you up but no. So they send Justin Bieber down there to do the job. He's not quite a women but he's pretty close, and Selena Gomez wouldn't take the gig. Have fun.

I wish I remembered to pack dress socks in my gym bag last night. My feet are pretty uncomfortable right now. I might go buy a pair when the stores open.
 
I used to have an office in Stockton and actually lived in Long Beach for about 6 months (Crip or Die spray painted on the appartment wall, right after we moved in, was clue that I shouldn't be there).

Granted, "dress" socks appear in your gym bag, but they are really knee high nylons, meant to be worn with a dress and they are pink. Good thing you are wearing long pants. Just don't cross your legs when you sit.

I wish they hadn't found that cop killers truck two miles from my dads house (up in Big Bear).
 
John221us said:
I used to have an office in Stockton and actually lived in Long Beach for about 6 months (Crip or Die spray painted on the appartment wall, right after we moved in, was clue that I shouldn't be there).

Granted, "dress" socks appear in your gym bag, but they are really knee high nylons, meant to be worn with a dress and they are pink. Good thing you are wearing long pants. Just don't cross your legs when you sit.

I wish they hadn't found that cop killers truck two miles from my dads house (up in Big Bear).
Click to expand...

Granted, look outside and see what's parked next to the Spider. He figured Big Bear was a bad idea from the beginning and decided to head North. They catch him (good) but "they" implicate you in the whole thing by proximity. Bubba gains a whole lot of new respect for you. But, he still has his... "needs."

I wish I didn't have to hit the barber on Friday. Have to be cutting edge for Saturday.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, look outside and see what's parked next to the Spider. He figured Big Bear was a bad idea from the beginning and decided to head North. They catch him (good) but "they" implicate you in the whole thing by proximity. Bubba gains a whole lot of new respect for you. But, he still has his... "needs."

I wish I didn't have to hit the barber on Friday. Have to be cutting edge for Saturday.
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Granted, you no longer have to see the barber, because your body mysteriously stops producing testosterone and begins producing estrogen instead.

I wish I didn't have a bunch of work to catch up on this evening.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, look outside and see what's parked next to the Spider. He figured Big Bear was a bad idea from the beginning and decided to head North. They catch him (good) but "they" implicate you in the whole thing by proximity. Bubba gains a whole lot of new respect for you. But, he still has his... "needs."

I wish I didn't have to hit the barber on Friday. Have to be cutting edge for Saturday.
Click to expand...

I was thinking in terms of you getting a shave. But it sounds like you're talking about a haircut. In which case...

Granted, you no longer have to see the barber. You decide to try a new hair product, but unbeknownst to you, the product is highly flammable and has been illegally brought to market. You thought it would be a good idea to invite some friends over for a bonfire Thursday night, but in doing so your hair drew a flame and you became a human Tiki torch. All your hair burned off. But you don't have to go to the barber.
 
tangopapa said:
Granted, you no longer have to see the barber, because your body mysteriously stops producing testosterone and begins producing estrogen instead.

I wish I didn't have a bunch of work to catch up on this evening.
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Wow, I'm going to look real funny bald.

Anyway, you don't have a bunch of work to catch up on, because you decided to eat lunch at your desk, and in the course of dressing your hamburger the ketchup bottle exploded. So basically you had a bunch of work to ketchup on. Which means instead of catch up, you have to completely redo all of it from the start.

I wish I had a nice big juicy hamburger sitting in front of me. A couple flame broiled third pound patties, Swiss cheese, onions, tomato, pickles, mustard, all wrapped in a big pouch of lettuce.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Wow, I'm going to look real funny bald.

Anyway, you don't have a bunch of work to catch up on, because you decided to eat lunch at your desk, and in the course of dressing your hamburger the ketchup bottle exploded. So basically you had a bunch of work to ketchup on. Which means instead of catch up, you have to completely redo all of it from the start.

I wish I had a nice big juicy hamburger sitting in front of me. A couple flame broiled third pound patties, Swiss cheese, onions, tomato, pickles, mustard, all wrapped in a big pouch of lettuce.
Click to expand...

Granted, you can have that tomorrow at the lunch with all the pilots.

I wish I could be confident that my 6'3" tall passenger will fit in the 150 tomorrow since all the 4-seater planes were already reserved.
 
Granted, you are confident he will fit. You guys climb in, but your controls check is rather aggressive and you hit him between the legs. Now you have to shut down and get ice from the diner. So much for renting bikes at HAF.

I wish it were daylight savings time already.
 
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