Corrupt my wish

Sac Arrow said:
I wish raw carrots had the same effect rare beef has on my tummy.
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Granted. You now are allergic to both raw carrots and rare beef.

I wish I didn't have a tree in my roof.
 
Clark1961 said:
Granted. You now are allergic to both raw carrots and rare beef.

I wish I didn't have a tree in my roof.
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Granted, you just finished wiping, and you bent over to grab your pants, then the tree came crashing through the bathroom wall. Guess where half of it ended up. (Hint the local lumber yards won't touch it, it smells awful.)

I wish I didn't have to replace my stupid $$$$ Pilot Road 2 motorcycle tire due to a faulty plug job.
 
Granted, the tree has fallen through onto your bed. And the tree has a woodpecker in it that seems to think you're part of the tree. When you wake up, you are not too happy with where its new nest hole is.

Never mind. I was late--take Sac's wish.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you just finished wiping, and you bent over to grab your pants, then the tree came crashing through the bathroom wall. Guess where half of it ended up. (Hint the local lumber yards won't touch it, it smells awful.)

I wish I didn't have to replace my stupid $$$$ Pilot Road 2 motorcycle tire due to a faulty plug job.
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Granted, you have to replace the whole bike, because the tire blew out when you were coming off of a free way on ramp and threw you into the side rail. The bike is totaled and you have a couple of months to get to know the nurses at Mercy.

I wish I had a bottle of Crown.
 
John221us said:
I wish I had a bottle of Crown.
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Granted. You have a bottle of Royal Crown Cola. It's 40 some years old and you probably shouldn't drink it.

I wish things would go well at work tomorrow.
 
John221us said:
Granted, you have to replace the whole bike, because the tire blew out when you were coming off of a free way on ramp and threw you into the side rail. The bike is totaled and you have a couple of months to get to know the nurses at Mercy.
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Been there, done that. Except I was going a lot faster than I could ever go on an onramp.

That 40 year old bottle of RC is probably valuable.

Granted, things go well at work today. Except, your company is doing a special Filet Mignon day, and for whatever reason, the person getting your filet for you (how nice) orders it done well (way to F up a good filet.)

Whether or not you like your filet rare, medium or well is pointless anyway because the French chef they hired to cook up the dinners is highly offended because he has to cook a filet well done, so he uses it to wipe down the toilet and the urninal before cooking it and sending it off to you. Well at least germs aren't an issue. Tastes a little funny though.

I wish I hadn't drank that coffee this morning. My stomach is feeling jacked up.
 
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Granted, it was some weird concoction of Red Bull and Monster mixed together. That, combined with the copious amounts of bacon you consumed is making your stomach do summersaults.

I wish I was in Maui right now.
 
Wish granted John. You are basking under a few inches of water along the warm sands of Maui. Between the shimmering blue water and half dressed and corruptable women, your mind has drifted off into carefree state. Unfortunately, you fail to realize an eel shaped water assailant swimming your way. It makes its way up the right side of your shorts and bites your right teste. The poisonous bite instantly liquifies it. You begin to instinctively thrash your fists and smash your remaining teste into the consistency of chipped beef. If this weren't bad enough, you and the girlfriend have been trying for a child. In her disappointment, she contacts the postman, milkman, neighbor and sacbluesman to fulfill her dreams.

I wish I didn't work in a cubicle anymore.
 
Granted, all you do is goof off in the cubicle these days. Your supervisors have become wise to that and go through the extremely laborious process of firing you. This forces you to change occupations. Your new workplace is the corner of Stockton Boulevard and 47th Street and you are a male prostitute. You are caught in a back alley servicing Bubba, who is currently on parole. Both of you end up in the slammer, and you are still servicing Bubba, it's just that he doesn't pay you now.

I wish I would have lunched somewhere other than sushi. I'm still starved.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, all you do is goof off in the cubicle these days. Your supervisors have become wise to that and go through the extremely laborious process of firing you. This forces you to change occupations. Your new workplace is the corner of Stockton Boulevard and 47th Street and you are a male prostitute. You are caught in a back alley servicing Bubba, who is currently on parole. Both of you end up in the slammer, and you are still servicing Bubba, it's just that he doesn't pay you now.

I wish I would have lunched somewhere other than sushi. I'm still starved.
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Granted, after sushi, you picked up a few In and Out burgers, but couldn't say no to the fries. You are going to have to get up an hour or two early tomorrow for some extra cardio.

I wish I could find a mechanic around here for my Fiat Spider. It just threw its differential yesterday.
 
You find there is a mechanic right down the street from you. But it's "Bubba's Fiat repair store" Sure he'll fix the differential for you. He even has one in stock. But it's going to cost you. He takes you into the back and has his way with you 5 times. Guess that vocational program in the jails is working well!

I wish I didn't have to go to *that* doctor tomorrow morning.
 
John221us said:
Granted, after sushi, you picked up a few In and Out burgers, but couldn't say no to the fries. You are going to have to get up an hour or two early tomorrow for some extra cardio.

I wish I could find a mechanic around here for my Fiat Spider. It just threw its differential yesterday.
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Granted, you talk to these guys. Problem is, they remember your buddy Sac and were a real as****le to him when he parked his motorcycle on the street in front of their shop, and you're guilty by association. Consequently, when you get your car back, the differential is fixed but it's pimped out. 24 inch blades, full hydraulics, tiny wooden wheel, fuzzy dice, and they expect you to PAY for all that love and attention that you didn't want.

I wish I didn't scarf down all that Inn & Out.
 
saracelica said:
You find there is a mechanic right down the street from you. But it's "Bubba's Fiat repair store" Sure he'll fix the differential for you. He even has one in stock. But it's going to cost you. He takes you into the back and has his way with you 5 times. Guess that vocational program in the jails is working well!

I wish I didn't have to go to *that* doctor tomorrow morning.
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Granted, you see *this* doctor. You would have rather saw *that* doctor.

Wish still stands.
 
Granted you didn't scarf it down. You ate it slowly and by the time you got down it was cold. Nothing worse then a cold burger! You feel a little nausea and go to the emergency room for a stomach pumping.

I wish this thread would end already.
 
Granted, as of.... right now.... the word "already" has been eliminated from the English lexicon. That troubles you, because you overuse it to begin with. Your conversation with the doc tomorrow becomes difficult.

"Uh, ma'am, can you put your feet in these things and open those things."

"Would you get started.........NOW!"

"Okay, okay... don't get excited. Let's take a look here. Hmmm.... Hmmm....."

"So what did you find..........IN THERE??"

"Hold on, let's put this swab in......"

"Would you hurry up and be done.......NOW??!!!!"

"Okay, okay lady, geez, we're all done here. It looks all good and keep that thing washed up and all. Yeah. See you in a few months."

I wish I bothered to replace the bottle of Jameson I had sitting on my bookcase. I could use a shot right now.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you talk to these guys.
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Yes, I found these guys and the guy, Sonny, there directed me to Modern Classics on El Camino (apparently the only shop left that works on them). Sonny said he could swap the rear end, if I found one, but he couldn't rebuild it. Modern Classics knew all about the problem and said it was common (doesn't make me feel any better). He called it the "third member" instead of differential? Anyway, now I have to tow it 21 miles.

Sac Arrow said:
Granted, as of.... right now.... the word "already" has been eliminated from the English lexicon. That troubles you, because you overuse it to begin with. Your conversation with the doc tomorrow becomes difficult.

"Uh, ma'am, can you put your feet in these things and open those things."

"Would you get started.........NOW!"

"Okay, okay... don't get excited. Let's take a look here. Hmmm.... Hmmm....."

"So what did you find..........IN THERE??"

"Hold on, let's put this swab in......"

"Would you hurry up and be done.......NOW??!!!!"

"Okay, okay lady, geez, we're all done here. It looks all good and keep that thing washed up and all. Yeah. See you in a few months."

I wish I bothered to replace the bottle of Jameson I had sitting on my bookcase. I could use a shot right now.
Click to expand...

Granted, you have a bottle of Jameson, now on your desk, and an empty glass. After that last phone call you took, you fill the glass. Your boss walks in, right then. You find yourself in rehab, sharing a bed with Bubba.

I wish I had a bottle of Jameson (or Crown).
 
You replaced the bottle of Jameson however the office custodian got thirsty and helped herself to it and then put Ice tea in it to fool you. However, she forgot and then drank that..realized it tasted like crap she threw the bottle/evidence away.

I wish Sac would quit drinking.
 
John221us said:
I wish I had a bottle of Jameson (or Crown).
Click to expand...

Granted. I wonder where my bottle went.

saracelica said:
You replaced the bottle of Jameson however the office custodian got thirsty and helped herself to it and then put Ice tea in it to fool you. However, she forgot and then drank that..realized it tasted like crap she threw the bottle/evidence away.

I wish Sac would quit drinking.
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Granted, Sac's creativity and productivity is destroyed.

I wish saracelica wouldn't place Sac in a position where his creativity and productivity is destroyed.
 
Granted Sac becomes more creative and productive after he's been dry for 30 days. The thought of drinking anything makes him shudder. However he's so creative he gets promoted and now works 80 hours a week. Now there is no time to be drinking.

I wish I owned a 1965 Twin Commanche free and clear.
 
saracelica said:
Granted Sac becomes more creative and productive after he's been dry for 30 days. The thought of drinking anything makes him shudder. However he's so creative he gets promoted and now works 80 hours a week. Now there is no time to be drinking.

I wish I owned a 1965 Twin Commanche free and clear.
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Granted - but you told your aircraft broker you wanted a "1965 Trinkie, free and clear." A bit confused, he searches Ebay for discontinued hostess products, and finally decides that isn't what you're looking for.

Three days later a 47 year old gay man shows up at your door, seeking some weird bondage servitude thing. Oh well, he's yours now, deal with it.

I wish I could head out of the office early today.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted - but you told your aircraft broker you wanted a "1965 Trinkie, free and clear." A bit confused, he searches Ebay for discontinued hostess products, and finally decides that isn't what you're looking for.

Three days later a 47 year old gay man shows up at your door, seeking some weird bondage servitude thing. Oh well, he's yours now, deal with it.

I wish I could head out of the office early today.
Click to expand...

Granted, no one stops you from walking out (or stumbling, as the case may be). They did throw the empty bottle of Jameson at you as you left and yelled a few epithets. You can expect a call in the morning telling you not to bother coming in tomorrow.

I wish I knew which day this week I need to go to Cupertino.
 
John221us said:
Granted, no one stops you from walking out (or stumbling, as the case may be). They did throw the empty bottle of Jameson at you as you left and yelled a few epithets. You can expect a call in the morning telling you not to bother coming in tomorrow.

I wish I knew which day this week I need to go to Cupertino.
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Granted. That was today. Bummer dude. Oh well, there are always other opportunities.

I wish I had time to get my motorcycle squared away during the week.
 
saracelica said:
Granted Sac becomes more creative and productive after he's been dry for 30 days. The thought of drinking anything makes him shudder. However he's so creative he gets promoted and now works 80 hours a week. Now there is no time to be drinking.

I wish I owned a 1965 Twin Commanche free and clear.
Click to expand...

You own a twinkie, it's at 04V with pictures in this thread: http://www.pilotsofamerica.com/forum/showthread.php?p=969638&highlight=04V#post969638

I wish my windshield wiper didn't spontaneously disassemble on the drive home today.
 
Wish granted. In your haste to leave the office which happens to be located on 47th and Broadway, you trip face first on the sidewalk and lose a few chicklets. This renders you unconscious. The only one around at this early hour happens to be unemployed Bubba. He comes to your aid and remembers that movie "Deliverence" Bubba thinks to himself, Sac, has a pretty mouth. You lose a few more chicklets from this carnal violation.

I wish there was some ammo left on the shelves at Walmart.

***you guys are too fast for me to finish***
 
Granted but its all for airsoft. When Bubba a comes in at night to have his way with you the little plastic pellets get him going and you end up worse off than if you'd just bent over.

I wish I had hot chocolate right now.
 
Granted, but it is not what you think. That was his nickname, back when he did the Chippendale's thing. Of course that was about 20 years ago and he has put on a few pounds, but he is hot for you and bubba has nothing on him, mass wise.

I wish I had remembered to bring that bottle of Jameson home. It sounds pretty good right now.
 
Sounds good to me too. As well as CHP officer O'leary. He was trailing you the whole time and noticed when you stopped at the mini mart to grab a hotdog and take a few swigs He sizes you up, decides Bubba is lonely and there you are in the Rocklin drink tank. With, your favorite jail time celebrity with a twelve inch extension.

I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow for exercise with my ****ed up knee. Maybe swimming or some **** like that. I wish my knee were functional right now. It really ****ing hurts.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow for exercise with my ****ed up knee. Maybe swimming or some **** like that. I wish my knee were functional right now. It really ****ing hurts.
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Your knee is functional as a source of intense, inescapable pain. The bigger the joint, the more pain. In your desperation to escape the pain you turn to the local dealer. Unfortunately when you paid top dollar for Dilaudid you only got aspirin.

I wish the weather is good next week so I can take the Frankenkota to Houston rather than the aluminum tube.
 
Clark1961 said:
Your knee is functional as a source of intense, inescapable pain. The bigger the joint, the more pain. In your desperation to escape the pain you turn to the local dealer. Unfortunately when you paid top dollar for Dilaudid you only got aspirin.

I wish the weather is good next week so I can take the Frankenkota to Houston rather than the aluminum tube.
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"Houston, this is Frankenkota. What is the weather?"

"CAVU, Frankenkota."

"Roger, I'd like a straight in approach to Hobby"

"Approved, but, you do realize you are attempting atmospheric reentry in a Dakota, are you okay with that?"

"I'm not sure I have a choice"

It was a historic event. Not all of those end well. Your grandchildren have great stories of that. And they didn't have to pay the crematorium either.

I wish I had a big ol apple fritter right now. Mmmmm.
 
Sac Arrow said:
"Houston, this is Frankenkota. What is the weather?"

"CAVU, Frankenkota."

"Roger, I'd like a straight in approach to Hobby"

"Approved, but, you do realize you are attempting atmospheric reentry in a Dakota, are you okay with that?"

"I'm not sure I have a choice"

It was a historic event. Not all of those end well. Your grandchildren have great stories of that. And they didn't have to pay the crematorium either.

I wish I had a big ol apple fritter right now. Mmmmm.
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Granted, you have an apple fritter. Your dog is quick, though and ingests it. You have to spend the next morning cleaning up the aftermath. Not fun with a bum knee.

I wish I understood why someone would spend $5,000 on a comic book (I am watching Antique Roadshow).
 
Granted. Not only do you understand this but you fully agree that the comic is a great investment and go to track the thing down. Having to decide between the book and 50 hrs of flight time, you ditch the plane and instead read comics about planes for the rest of your life.
I wish I would find something very valuable in my attic or basement.
 
You find something valuable in your basement! However it is only sentimental value (your grandpa passed it down to you) it also has some water damage...but it did bring you a few moments of happiness.

I wish I didn't sleep 9 hours last night I'm more tired now then when I only get 7.
 
saracelica said:
I wish I didn't sleep 9 hours last night I'm more tired now then when I only get 7.
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You didn't sleep 9 hours last night. You just don't remember waking up and demanding that the husband satisfy all your needs which required 4 hours. You only really slept 5 hours so that's why you're tired.

I wish the snow was already cleared from the driveway and sidewalk.
 
You wake up to find your driveway and sidewalk completely dry and clear of snow. Your neighbor took the courtesy last night of shoveling all of it off of the driveway-----and onto your car. Now, you have to spend two hours just digging your car out.

I wish it would stay 70 and sunny for the rest of the year.
 
Granted, it does, but your wish is responsible for accelerating global warming, shrinking the polar ice caps and causing coastal flooding worldwide. You are an international pariah and can no longer show your face in public.

I wish I could squeeze a flight in this afternoon (I might).
 
Granted, this afternoon, your flight gets squeezed, in between two cloud layers and you failed to maintain VFR minimums. The FAA Inspector Seminar just happens to be hosted at KLHM and they are all out on the tarmac with binoculars, and they happen to spot you. After you land, the next eight hours is filled with grueling rounds of interrogation as they each take their turn.

Then they decide to ramp check your plane. Oops, remember when Castro and his buddy stole your plane and flew it to Colombia? You eventually got it back but the DEA failed to sufficiently clean your airplane. Bring a present for Bubba.

I wish I had a housekeeper that could take my bike in to the shop today.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, this afternoon, your flight gets squeezed, in between two cloud layers and you failed to maintain VFR minimums. The FAA Inspector Seminar just happens to be hosted at KLHM and they are all out on the tarmac with binoculars, and they happen to spot you. After you land, the next eight hours is filled with grueling rounds of interrogation as they each take their turn.

Then they decide to ramp check your plane. Oops, remember when Castro and his buddy stole your plane and flew it to Colombia? You eventually got it back but the DEA failed to sufficiently clean your airplane. Bring a present for Bubba.

I wish I had a housekeeper that could take my bike in to the shop today.
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I think you miss the point of what housekeepers do, but granted, you talk your housekeeper into taking your bike to the shop. Based on previous threads, I am assuming this is your motorcycle. She has never ridden one before, but decides to give it a try. Somehow she manages to start it and get it going, but within 5 minutes, puts it under a truck. It is unsalvageable and you don't have a housekeeper for the next couple months, while she recovers.

I wish I didn't have to spend my morning on conference calls.
 
I want to extract the maximum usefulness out of housekeepers if I have them. Plus it would be fun for her. Good point though, sending someone out that doesn't ride is a bad idea.

But granted, no conference calls for you. Unfortunately, you were scheduled for a joint NFC and AFC conference call, as you were going to be given a sole source contract for IT support for the Superbowl. Would have been a nice gig if you could have gotten it.

I wish knees were owner serviceable.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish knees were owner serviceable.
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Lucky for you knees are owner serviceable. All you need is a sharp knife, a needle and thread, a few towels, and a strong stomach. A bit of tolerance for pain also helps. Anyway, you manage to pass out after making the first cut on your knee so Maria, your housekeeper, calls for the ambulance ride to Mercy where they put you on a psych hold for self-mutilation. Ya just didn't have the required pain tolerance.

I wish the neighbor would learn to shovel his sidewalk without leaving a large pile of snow on my sidewalk. And I wish the other neighbor would shovel their sidewalk (Nearly everyone else in the neighborhood shovels their sidewalk).
 
Clark1961 said:
Lucky for you knees are owner serviceable. All you need is a sharp knife, a needle and thread, a few towels, and a strong stomach. A bit of tolerance for pain also helps. Anyway, you manage to pass out after making the first cut on your knee so Maria, your housekeeper, calls for the ambulance ride to Mercy where they put you on a psych hold for self-mutilation. Ya just didn't have the required pain tolerance.

I wish the neighbor would learn to shovel his sidewalk without leaving a large pile of snow on my sidewalk. And I wish the other neighbor would shovel their sidewalk (Nearly everyone else in the neighborhood shovels their sidewalk).
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I am not completely familiar with the concept (not much to shovel on my sidewalk), but granted, your 1st neighbor buys a new snow blower and gets carried away and clears everyone's sidewalk on the block. Unfortunately, the snow had to go somewhere and he blew it up onto your driveway and your car.

I wish there was something good to watch on TV.
 
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