Corrupt my wish

Granted, I suppose there might be areas in Oakland you might want to live, but not many. You end up in one of the moderate areas. That is to say, only a few drive by shootings a month, but it is walking distance to your office.

I wish I had a good book to read.
 
Dude, have you been following the news? Mother****ers been shooting mother****ers like totally the last couple days!

Granted, Sac Arrow had a good book to read. The Art of War, by General Sun Tzu. That inspired Sac to lead a charge in to the Brothers in Arms bar on 12th street. Unfortunately, Sac was the only white guy there and his supporting friends were all busy knitting crochet or some crap like that so he, well, retired early. No more wishes to corrupt. No more skies to tear up. No more beer kegs to empty. No more hoes to...

Let's not get all melodramatic here.

I wish I didn't just eat a whole tin full of some sort of granola crap. I feel all jacked up. I'd almost rather be taken out by an AK.
 
Granola; lots of fiber. Granted, you knocked off a box of Girl Scout cookies instead (tis the season). Your blood sugar is spiked.

I wish it would warm up about ten degrees.
 
John221us said:
Granola; lots of fiber. Granted, you knocked off a box of Girl Scout cookies instead (tis the season). Your blood sugar is spiked.

I wish it would warm up about ten degrees.
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granted, it warms up 10 degrees but an earthquake knocks your power out and a tree falls in your front door and locks you indoors with no power.

I wish I had a shooting range nearby.
 
elmetal said:
granted, it warms up 10 degrees but an earthquake knocks your power out and a tree falls in your front door and locks you indoors with no power.

I wish I had a shooting range nearby.
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Granted, they put in a shooting range behind your house. It opens at 6:00 am and closes at 10:00 pm. Invest in good ear plugs.

I wish I would have thought to use the back door.
 
Granted. But that means you are now a blogger who never leaves the house. Your diet of Krispy kremes and soda means that you have no strength for the bike and it s a never ending spiral.

I wish my spare bedroom were painted.

Edit : this was for sac, I didn't press send before I fell asleep.
 
Granted, I read in to it that you want Sac to paint your spare bedroom. You have not seen Sac's painting skills. Sac has mad skillz, and by the end of the day your spare bedroom resembles the freeway sound wall separating the Crips and the Bloods in Long Beach. That attracts, well, an unwelcome component in to your neighborhood, driving housing prices down and within a month your block looks like the Bronx.

But Sac doesn't stop there. Oh, no. You open the garage door to find your prized Beemer has been outfitted with 20 inch rims, full hydraulics, pink metal flake flame trim, and there are some fuzzy dice hanging on the rearview mirror.

Then you get to work. Sac has outfitted your boss too, acing that boring Men's Wearhouse suit for a full length leather mohair overcoat, gold chains and some hair implants formed in to dreadlocks.

I wish they (my company) wasn't ordering grocery store sandwiches for our lunch meeting. I struggle with sandwiches. I'm a low carb guy.
 
Granted, he orders a BBQ'd tritip just for you. But you are still hungry and get caught gutting the meat out of the boss's sandwich, while he is up front presenting. You are unceremoniously kicked out the door.

I wish I had a Stratus ADS-B receiver.
 
Granted. But someone hacked the ADS-B network and instead of viewing that pop-up presidential TFR you just entered, you see a short video of Richard Simmons doing jumping jacks in the middle of Beale AFB airspace.

The Feds accuse you of hacking the network when they examine your receiver. Btw Bubba is now a Federal prisoner too.

I wish I wasn't stressing over kitchen knife sharpening options.
 
Granted, one of your knives was stolen and used to rob a nearby 7-11. The suspect (wearing a mask) stabbed the cashier, dropped the knife and took off. They find your prints all over the knife and bring you in for questioning. Bubba now has a new cell mate and you are no longer worried about sharpening your knives.

I wish I didn't have to drive my dog to the groomer this morning.
 
You don't have to drive your dog to the groomer. Dogs are self grooming creatures from centuries ago. He bites your arm as you put him into your car and since you didn't get that rabies shot for him as well you have to get 20 shots in your stomach to be sure YOU don't get rabies. Dog to the groomer wasn't a good idea, was it.

I wish my sense of taste would come back I want to have lunch and be able to enjoy it.
 
Granted, you send your housekeeper on a mission to get your dog groomed. So she drives your dog to.... Nicaragua. Along with your wallet. That's the last you ever see of them.

I wish the other guy would go clean out the plane once in a while.
 
saracelica said:
You don't have to drive your dog to the groomer. Dogs are self grooming creatures from centuries ago. He bites your arm as you put him into your car and since you didn't get that rabies shot for him as well you have to get 20 shots in your stomach to be sure YOU don't get rabies. Dog to the groomer wasn't a good idea, was it.

I wish my sense of taste would come back I want to have lunch and be able to enjoy it.
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Ooops. Granted, but there goes all your weight loss efforts. You enjoy lunch too much now.

I still wish the other guy would clean out the plane.
 
Granted the other guy cleans out the airplane. Everything he decided to take you literally and removed the brand new GPS and the seats and carpeting. He says it's more comfortable that way and there is no place to stash anything for either of you. Hope you remember to bring your own seat next time you go flying.

I wish lunch wasn't over.
 
Granted. Remember that Indonesian cruise ticket you won in a raffle? Well, you're now in Borneo. And, you're the main course. Celica, a la flambe, served with Hollandais sauce. A Chianti would go good with that, except that headhunters don't drink. Lunch is just starting.

I wish this stupid meeting I have to go to would get cancelled.
 
Granted, it was cancelled for you only. The boss heard that you thought it was stupid and sent you home to think about it.

I wish I would have had a less stressful day. I am still a bit wound up.
 
Granted, You had a less stressful day in comparison to poor Sac who keeps ending up in the hospital for stomach pumping and Bubba in jail due to no fault of his own. Stress is all relative.

I wish my co workers would keep their voices down. Nothing is that funny.
 
Granted, they stop laughing and lolly gagging, now everything is in a hush.

Which, for you is unfortunate, as moans of passion are heard coming out of the janitor's closet, and your boss opens the door only to find you and Enrique doing that thing that rapper Tone Loc sings about.

Your works' surveillance camera catches this, and the security dude posts the footage to Youtube hoping to make a few extra bucks. Admit it, he's creative, he dubs it to the previously referenced Tone Loc song. This doesn't cause things to go well at home, as dude pal is also an avid Tone Loc fan and happens on the video while randomly searching for new music videos.

I wish that Mexican place down the street would make me a shrimp salad. This is frustrating. They make burritos and tacos of carne asada, chicken, carnitas, adobada, machaca, chorizo, fish, and chicken but only offer their salads in carne asada and chicken. Maybe I'll see if I can do a custom order with them. I hate doing that because custom mix and match orders always get f***d up.
 
Granted, as you approach, their voices drop. You realize they are talking about you. In a fit of rage, you demand to know what is so funny and everyone kind of scurries away from you. Your workplace is now very uncomfortable and awkward.

I wish I could work from home today, but alas, I have to go in to the office.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, they stop laughing and lolly gagging, now everything is in a hush.

Which, for you is unfortunate, as moans of passion are heard coming out of the janitor's closet, and your boss opens the door only to find you and Enrique doing that thing that rapper Tone Loc sings about.

Your works' surveillance camera catches this, and the security dude posts the footage to Youtube hoping to make a few extra bucks. Admit it, he's creative, he dubs it to the previously referenced Tone Loc song. This doesn't cause things to go well at home, as dude pal is also an avid Tone Loc fan and happens on the video while randomly searching for new music videos.

I wish that Mexican place down the street would make me a shrimp salad. This is frustrating. They make burritos and tacos of carne asada, chicken, carnitas, adobada, machaca, chorizo, fish, and chicken but only offer their salads in carne asada and chicken. Maybe I'll see if I can do a custom order with them. I hate doing that because custom mix and match orders always get f***d up.
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Granted, they take your custom order, but the have a hard time locating fresh shrimp. They had to settle for not so fresh shrimp. You end up with a ride to Mercy in the back of an ambulance, which by the way, stresses you out.

I still wish I could work from home today.
 
Granted, you're still wishing you could work from home today. Too bad you had to go in. Sarah B. Celica, already angry from being distressed at work, is pushed over the edge by your corruption, so she jumps in her Warrior, and a week later shows up at your workplace with a jar of honey and duct tape. You aren't exactly sure where this is going at first, but when you are dragged outside and left over an ant hill, you know exactly what's going on. (Hint: They are red ants)

I wish someone would invent a turd free cat.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you're still wishing you could work from home today. Too bad you had to go in. Sarah B. Celica, already angry from being distressed at work, is pushed over the edge by your corruption, so she jumps in her Warrior, and a week later shows up at your workplace with a jar of honey and duct tape. You aren't exactly sure where this is going at first, but when you are dragged outside and left over an ant hill, you know exactly what's going on. (Hint: They are red ants)

I wish someone would invent a turd free cat.
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Granted, due to an intestinal virus, your kitty's bowel movements consist of liquid waste only. Further, he has no control over when it discharges. Your house now stinks pretty bad.

I wish I could have another cup of coffee, but I am already caffiened out.
 
John221us said:
Granted, due to an intestinal virus, your kitty's bowel movements consist of liquid waste only. Further, he has no control over when it discharges. Your house now stinks pretty bad.

I wish I could have another cup of coffee, but I am already caffiened out.
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Granted, you have another cup of coffee. You have the jitters so badly that you can't even type "caffeine" on the keyboard. You jump in the car and head home, swerving through non-existant potholes. When you get there, you forgot you left your house key on the nightstand so you send a text to your housekeeper - "I'm home." Except in your jitters, you accidentally hit "o" instead of "e" and autocorrect sends it as "I'm homosexual."

The housekeeper, hoping to earn a bigger tip by giving you a little bit more than just a house cleaning, now realizes that ploy will not work, and locks you out of the house.

You head back down the road, and swerve to avoid a non-existant deer, only to collide with an existant fire hydrant. In about three minutes, the entire City of Rocklin is without water and you managed to wash yourself, your car and the local Burger King in to a ravine. Too bad, because you were actually headed to Burger King for dinner.

Ishmael, proprietor of the now disenfranchised Burger King, tries to salvage some of the food, and invents the "Sloppy Whopper." He starts up another enfranchised Burger King, introduces the Sloppy Whopper, and it instantly becomes a big hit and he becomes rich. He moves in your house with your housekeeper, takes over your dog, and sharpens all his restaurant knives using your prized Chef Plus electric sharpener.

I wish I could motivate myself to get past "...the objective of this study is to evaluate the..." on this stupid report.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish I could motivate myself to get past "...the objective of this study is to evaluate the..." on this stupid report.
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Granted, you finish the report and you end up doing so well that your job is now writing reports 24/7


I wish I didn't have to use my per diem for these stupid hotels...
 
elmetal said:
Granted, you finish the report and you end up doing so well that your job is now writing reports 24/7


I wish I didn't have to use my per diem for these stupid hotels...
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Granted, corporate thinks that's a FANTASTIC idea! Travel expenses are now completely on you! You WERE going to spend $29.95 of that $100 on a Motel 3, leaving you with $15 for a very nice meal at Burger King, and the remaining $55 to split between alcohol and a crack ho.

Now, you're reduced to sleeping in your car, spending $5 for a rather puny meal at Burger King, chugging a bottle of Carlos Rossi, and watching porn on your Iphone.

I wish I had a couple Double Whoppers with Cheese, onion rings and a couple bottles of Carlos Rossi. Right here in the office. Right now.
 
Granted you did have them. But then you thought how bad you would feel after having said food and you go outside your office and give it to the first homeless person you see. They are suspicious but they take it and eat the food in one bite. You have gone back into work and all of the sudden the police barge in and tell you that the homeless person is dead and a witness saw you giving him the food. It must've been laced with poison. You are on your way to jail for murder. Say hi to Bubba.

I wish Sac never thought of starting this whole thread.
 
I knew there was something wrong with that burger, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I wonder who was trying to off me. Probably some jealous husband or boyfriend.

Granted, instead Sac started the "Erupt my wish" thread. Which, is similar to "Corrupt my wish" except that every reply must have a volcano theme to it. Now that could get fairly boring in a hurry, i.e....

"I wish that..."

(sac arrow) "santaria ritual...in molten lava"
(john221us) "jail time/bubba... in molten lava"
(saracelica) "stomach pump.....in molten lava"
(flygirl34q) "shopping mall... in molten lava"
(woodstock) "freshly painted spare bedroom.... in molten lava"

yada yada yada.

I wish I had started a "Pirate me wish" thread. Arrrghhhh!
 
Sac Arrow said:
I knew there was something wrong with that burger, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I wonder who was trying to off me. Probably some jealous husband or boyfriend.

Granted, instead Sac started the "Erupt my wish" thread. Which, is similar to "Corrupt my wish" except that every reply must have a volcano theme to it. Now that could get fairly boring in a hurry, i.e....

"I wish that..."

(sac arrow) "santaria ritual...in molten lava"
(john221us) "jail time/bubba... in molten lava"
(saracelica) "stomach pump.....in molten lava"
(flygirl34q) "shopping mall... in molten lava"
(woodstock) "freshly painted spare bedroom.... in molten lava"

yada yada yada.

I wish I had started a "Pirate me wish" thread. Arrrghhhh!
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Granted, but this too, gets old and ends soon. People will only read Arrrghhhh and matey so many times.


I wish I hadn't had beans for lunch.
 
Granted you didn't have beans for lunch. They were goat "pellets"

I wish Big bang Theory wasn't a repeat. I need a good comedy to watch.
 
saracelica said:
Granted you didn't have beans for lunch. They were goat "pellets"

I wish Big bang Theory wasn't a repeat. I need a good comedy to watch.
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Granted, it's a new version. Except, they have an entirely different cast. Sheldon is played my Mel Gibson. The Indian dude is played by Jean Claude Van Damme. The Jewish dude is played by Arnold Swarzenegger. Somehow, the dynamics just aren't the same.

I'm liking it better though.

I wish there was a sandwich left over from that stupid meeting.
 
Granted there is a sandwich left over. Know why it's still there. Because Susan started eating. You know Susan the women that doesn't cover her mouth when she sneezes or coughs. Turns out she was just diagnosed with Pneumonia and got sent home. They never thought anyone would be desperate enough to have a half eaten sandwich. Then you came along. You eat the sandwich not knowing who had the first two bites. You find out later and realize there is no point in getting your stomach pumped and just down your own brew of charcoal to throw up. Unfortunately the line for the men's room is 4 deep so you throw up all over your desk. You are then fired for making a mess and grossing out your co workers.

I wish my husband would find a good paying job so I could be a stay at home wife.
 
Granted, he becomes a high-end gigolo, getting paid $3,000 a night to keep older, rich, professional ladies happy. Even with the steroids and the viagra drugs, he still doesn't have anything left over when he comes back from a full day of work.

And, sometimes, their Depends accidentally get mixed up in the laundry. Ewwwww.

I wish I had a more relaxing job.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, he becomes a high-end gigolo, getting paid $3,000 a night to keep older, rich, professional ladies happy. Even with the steroids and the viagra drugs, he still doesn't have anything left over when he comes back from a full day of work.

And, sometimes, their Depends accidentally get mixed up in the laundry. Ewwwww.

I wish I had a more relaxing job.
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Granted, you do. You become a high end gigolo, getting paid $3,000 a night.....

I wish I hadn't slept so late this morning.
 
John221us said:
Granted, you do. You become a high end gigolo, getting paid $3,000 a night.....

I wish I hadn't slept so late this morning.
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Granted, you didn't sleep late this morning. In fact you haven't slept for days and are now psychotic and just imagining that you slept late this morning. Good luck on the next medical.

I wish federal taxes on restricted stock weren't such a pain.
 
Clark1961 said:
Granted, you didn't sleep late this morning. In fact you haven't slept for days and are now psychotic and just imagining that you slept late this morning. Good luck on the next medical.

I wish federal taxes on restricted stock weren't such a pain.
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Granted, the taxes are easy. Actually, they are irrelevant because you brought illegal cattle in to the country, and they just got impounded by the Fed. As misfortune would have it, the cattle start crapping baggies of methamphetamines right there in the quarantine stockyard.

Carlos, the Argentine cattle broker forgot to tell you that the delivery of the drugs was part of the whole deal and now you're on the hook for $20 million with of high grade meth from the Colombian cartels.

The Feds arrive at your home to find you..... Gone. Because, unfortunately, the cartel kidnapped you first. Forget about anything Bubba could do to you, these people are equipped with pliers, hammers, propane torches, straight razors, salt, and chain saws.

I wish a few other people went with me to KLLR yesterday so we could give Obar a call and make a lunch run. I walked like ten miles yesterday from the airport to the beach.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, the taxes are easy. Actually, they are irrelevant because you brought illegal cattle in to the country, and they just got impounded by the Fed. As misfortune would have it, the cattle start crapping baggies of methamphetamines right there in the quarantine stockyard.

Carlos, the Argentine cattle broker forgot to tell you that the delivery of the drugs was part of the whole deal and now you're on the hook for $20 million with of high grade meth from the Colombian cartels.

The Feds arrive at your home to find you..... Gone. Because, unfortunately, the cartel kidnapped you first. Forget about anything Bubba could do to you, these people are equipped with pliers, hammers, propane torches, straight razors, salt, and chain saws.

I wish a few other people went with me to KLLR yesterday so we could give Obar a call and make a lunch run. I walked like ten miles yesterday from the airport to the beach.
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I thought he was there on Fridays. I am heading to HAF tomorrow for Maverick's.

Granted, a tour bus dropped off a load of east european tourists who spoke minimal english. Rex shows up, but it takes him 4 trips to transport all of you. In the mean time, your efforts to strike up a conversation with the tourists only incite fear. They think you are a terrorist, since you flew in a single engine plane and none of them speak more than three words of english. Lunch is not fun.

I wish I had gone to LLR yesterday. That would have been more fun than working.
 
Hmm that sounds fun. I might do the same. I'll give you a call if I do. We can grab a bite at the Princeton Seafood Company.

Granted. You went to KLLR. But Obar was not available. Bubbar was though. It's your friend from the inside. He got a new job since his release. And speaking of release....

I wish these burgers would take up some of the slack of barbecuing them.
 
I'll PM my cell, in case you make the trip. Buy tickets online. It takes the price from $20 to $10 for entrance into the event.

Granted, your burgers are tight. They are also well overdone. It is kind of like eating charcoal.

I wish I had a lighted instrument panel. Night flying is less fun with a headlamp.
 
Well crapola. I got caught up in a few things here and it's already late to get out there.

Granted, you install a search beacon in your right passenger seat aimed at your panel.

Even though you had the foresight to install an appropriate alternator and cabling, you neglected to account for the raw horsepower draw from the engine. Consequently, when you switch it on in flight, you nearly stall the engine and don't have enough RPM to maintain level flight. Plus you're blinded.

I wish I could hit "pause" on my charcoal Weber and barbecue things in the morning for breakfast.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Well crapola. I got caught up in a few things here and it's already late to get out there.

Granted, you install a search beacon in your right passenger seat aimed at your panel.

Even though you had the foresight to install an appropriate alternator and cabling, you neglected to account for the raw horsepower draw from the engine. Consequently, when you switch it on in flight, you nearly stall the engine and don't have enough RPM to maintain level flight. Plus you're blinded.

I wish I could hit "pause" on my charcoal Weber and barbecue things in the morning for breakfast.
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Beautiful day at HAF.

Granted, you figured out an instant on technique for your Weber, but your face was too close when you hit the start button and now you have second degree burns on your face and no eyebrows.

I wish we had eaten at Princeton, instead of Sam's Cowderhouse for lunch. It was just OK, except for the great view.
 
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