Corrupt my wish

OK... you do. But you end up wishing that half of you was in Borneo and half in Zambia with John, because yours transports parts of you to all the wimmen you have ever had less than moral thoughts about and that is a lot of parts. Not sure how all of the wimmen are ever gonna put you back together again. Especially because some of them aren't too bright. :dunno:

I wish it were warmer and I didn't need to preheat the airplane for a flight tomorrow.
 
Wow. So basically, I need to make a list and figure out who gets what part. I already have about four ties for my butthole.

Ok granted, it's warmer. On Mercury, on the day side. Which, by the way is 660 degrees F. The dark side is -300 F. Maybe you can fly the plane to somewhere in between where it should be more temperate. Oh, no, you can't. You've already exceeded CHT limitations. Actually your plane turns in to a flaming fireball (so do you, for that matter.) No big deal anyway because there is no place on mercury to fly to.

I wish I could take an early lunch.
 
Granted... early lunch it is. But then the food you eat isn't QUITE cooked as well as it should be and unfortunately you're in the ambulance on your way to Kaiser again. Maybe they can work on getting your put back together again too. Transporter accidents are a bummer. :(


I wish I had a few more days off this week. Where did my week off go?? :(
 
flygirl34q said:
Granted... early lunch it is. But then the food you eat isn't QUITE cooked as well as it should be and unfortunately you're in the ambulance on your way to Kaiser again. Maybe they can work on getting your put back together again too. Transporter accidents are a bummer. :(


I wish I had a few more days off this week. Where did my week off go?? :(
Click to expand...

Granted, Saturday and Sunday drop completely off your calendar. Therefore, you are at work non stop from here on out.

I wish I would have stopped at McDonald's and grabbed a burger on the way back from sushi. Wasn't quite enough.
 
Granted, but at first they are really confused when you order it protien style. Then they get a bit ticked off, when you spell it out and ask them to wrap the patty in lettuce. Eventually you have to give up and still walk away hungry.

I wish I were done with my work for the day.
 
Granted, but you need to hit it again later tonight.

I wish McD's did have a lettuce wrapped burger on their menu. They are mother#)*$&#$ers to get to do a special order.
 
Granted, McD's can no longer deny the overwhelming popularity of the Paleo diet. People, nationwide, believe that cavemen had the most insight and knowledge on nutrition (this what my son tells me, anyways. He has been on it for several years). Now, others, who desire a bun with their burger can't seem to find it on the menu. This causes millions of people to take their business to Burger King instead. Soon McDonald's franchises start folding everywhere. Your grand kids may not even know what a Happy Meal is.

I wish I had a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream.
 
'Cept BK doesn't have bunless options either. Carl's does.

Granted, you have a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream. All the cave men around you stare in bewilderment, however. They always thought you were different. That and the big aluminum pterodactyl you fly around in. Resultingly, Zongwaa, cousin of the dude that invented fire, invented religion, and chose you as the first sacraficial candidate. The tribal elders approach you with this:

"Death, or umaguma!"

You think about that. The last guy that was sentenced to umaguma was anally violated by a big huge line of cave men. "Oh hell no, I'll take death!!"

"Be it so. Death! By.....umaguma!!"

I wish I was already done with my gym workout.
 
Granted, you are done. You pulled calf muscle on the treadmill and had to limp out of there.

I wish I had something easy to cook for dinner tonight.
 
Granted, Mr. Dahmer. You went cannabal on the Thai chick from the bar. They say that the right death row cell from Folsom has a view of Rocklin. Bubba is mortified by your crime and hands you over to the Dominicans, who use your severed head in a prison yard Santeria ritual.

I'm kind of in the mood for some Thai. And for dinner, I wish I had a nice chunk of filet mignon to sear on the BBQ. I mean I could buy some but I refuse to pay $16.99 a pound for meat.
 
The butcher gave you an extra filet he had. Unfortunately, it had been lying around for a week and you find yourself in the back of an ambulance heading for a meeting with one of Mercy's stomach pumps.

I wish I had a fresh artichoke to steam.
 
Granted, you are steaming a fresh artichoke. Then you get to eating it. You discover that, even though the marinated artichoke hearts are the shizz on pizza, the artichoke is otherwise one of the world's most worthless foods. Ranks right up there with chicken feet. You could have saved yourself some aggravation and money, and just chewed on some wet tea bags backed with sandpaper. You get frustrated with the thing, toss it in the garbage, and return to watching cable TV.

Then you get a knock on the door. It's the cops. Apparently your neighbor's dog got in your garbage, found the artichoke, tried to eat it and choked on it. You are arrested for animal cruelty and destruction of property. And you reek of cheap wine (probably Carlos Rossi), so they do a breathalyzer on you, and also charge you with public drunkenness. You were drunk in private but when they hauled you to the station it became public. Now, you have a reportable incident to deal with on your next Class 3 medical.

I'm telling you, get rid of that cable and go with Direct TV. Look at the trouble it's causing.

I wish I had another four day weekends. I was getting soooo used to those.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you are steaming a fresh artichoke. Then you get to eating it. You discover that, even though the marinated artichoke hearts are the shizz on pizza, the artichoke is otherwise one of the world's most worthless foods. Ranks right up there with chicken feet. You could have saved yourself some aggravation and money, and just chewed on some wet tea bags backed with sandpaper. You get frustrated with the thing, toss it in the garbage, and return to watching cable TV.

Then you get a knock on the door. It's the cops. Apparently your neighbor's dog got in your garbage, found the artichoke, tried to eat it and choked on it. You are arrested for animal cruelty and destruction of property. And you reek of cheap wine (probably Carlos Rossi), so they do a breathalyzer on you, and also charge you with public drunkenness. You were drunk in private but when they hauled you to the station it became public. Now, you have a reportable incident to deal with on your next Class 3 medical.

I'm telling you, get rid of that cable and go with Direct TV. Look at the trouble it's causing.

I wish I had another four day weekends. I was getting soooo used to those.
Click to expand...
Granted. You now work a 3-day week. You have no health insurance or retirement benefits. You have no paid vacation or paid holidays. Your pay has been reduced to 3/5 of what it was previously. You are expected to produce the same results in the three days that you previously did in five days. Your boss who was given a huge bonus for cost-cutting now treats you like the part-time worker you have become.

I wish my hip didn't hurt when I sit, and my knee didn't hurt when I walk and my back didn't hurt when I lie down.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you are steaming a fresh artichoke. Then you get to eating it. You discover that, even though the marinated artichoke hearts are the shizz on pizza, the artichoke is otherwise one of the world's most worthless foods. Ranks right up there with chicken feet. You could have saved yourself some aggravation and money, and just chewed on some wet tea bags backed with sandpaper. You get frustrated with the thing, toss it in the garbage, and return to watching cable TV.

Then you get a knock on the door. It's the cops. Apparently your neighbor's dog got in your garbage, found the artichoke, tried to eat it and choked on it. You are arrested for animal cruelty and destruction of property. And you reek of cheap wine (probably Carlos Rossi), so they do a breathalyzer on you, and also charge you with public drunkenness. You were drunk in private but when they hauled you to the station it became public. Now, you have a reportable incident to deal with on your next Class 3 medical.

I'm telling you, get rid of that cable and go with Direct TV. Look at the trouble it's causing.

I wish I had another four day weekends. I was getting soooo used to those.
Click to expand...


Who said this:

If you don't come in on Friday, you may as well not come in on Monday!

Woohooo! Four day weekend!
 
AuntPeggy said:
Granted. You now work a 3-day week. You have no health insurance or retirement benefits. You have no paid vacation or paid holidays. Your pay has been reduced to 3/5 of what it was previously. You are expected to produce the same results in the three days that you previously did in five days. Your boss who was given a huge bonus for cost-cutting now treats you like the part-time worker you have become.

I wish my hip didn't hurt when I sit, and my knee didn't hurt when I walk and my back didn't hurt when I lie down.
Click to expand...


Granted. Dr. McCoy got the medical station back in order, after it was put out of commission along with the teleporter. Spock is on the S list for plugging in the toaster oven at a very bad time.

So, you get teleported to McCoy's room. Unfortunately, something is still off with the teleporter. So, you end up with your hip, knee and back transposed. So your back hurts when you sit, your knee hurts when you sleep and your hip hurts when you walk. In addition to your alarming appearance, you can no longer wear ordinary clothes.

Scotty's still looking in to the problem. Maybe he'll get to it, maybe not. It's his four day weekend.

I wish I could get a burger and a salad for breakfast.


woodstock said:
Who said this:

If you don't come in on Friday, you may as well not come in on Monday!

Woohooo! Four day weekend!
Click to expand...

And your wish, ma'am?
 
Granted, Scotty teleports you to New York, where it is already lunch time. You wander the streets of NY City, until you finally spot a familiar Golden Arches. You walk in and start a conversation that seems oddly familiar to you, about wrapping burger patties in lettuce. After about 10 minutes, it becomes obvious to you that McDonald's hires a special type of person to work the front counter. You settle for a Sausage McMuffin, hold the muffin.

I wish my remote access was working into the office.
 
Granted, it's working great. Igor figured out how to dial it in from Siberia. He manages to transfer all of your company's bank assets into a Ukrainian bank so he and Svetlana can escape their respective spouses.

I wish airplane and motorcycle batteries lasted longer than they do.
 
I wish I hadn't typed "+gopro 3" in the search box to figure out how to work this new toy.....and it brought up THIS??????????
 
Merf said:
I wish I hadn't typed "+gopro 3" in the search box to figure out how to work this new toy.....and it brought up THIS??????????
Click to expand...

Granted, you failed to type "+gopro 3" in the searchbox and instead typed "go pro 3" and it brought up this.

I wish there was a Burger King within walking distance of the office. I'm starved.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted. Dr. McCoy got the medical station back in order, after it was put out of commission along with the teleporter. Spock is on the S list for plugging in the toaster oven at a very bad time.

So, you get teleported to McCoy's room. Unfortunately, something is still off with the teleporter. So, you end up with your hip, knee and back transposed. So your back hurts when you sit, your knee hurts when you sleep and your hip hurts when you walk. In addition to your alarming appearance, you can no longer wear ordinary clothes.

Scotty's still looking in to the problem. Maybe he'll get to it, maybe not. It's his four day weekend.

I wish I could get a burger and a salad for breakfast.




And your wish, ma'am?
Click to expand...

I wish you would answer my question posed in that post.
 
woodstock said:
I wish you would answer my question posed in that post.
Click to expand...

Okay.

I believe that was a quote by Marge Simpson.

Homer: And you didn't think I'd make any money. I found a dollar while I was waiting for the bus.
Marge: While you were out "earning" that dollar, you lost forty dollars by not going to work. The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.
Homer: Woo hoo! A four-day weekend.

Happy?

I wish that lettuce wrapped double cheeseburger lasted more than five minutes in front of me. I'm still starved.
 
Granted the double cheeseburger lasted more then 5 minutes in front of you. According to the Olympics clock and Greenwich time it was 5.0000002 minutes so there you go. The US government will be sending you a bill for figuring that out. Hope you have more then $65 Trillion to give up!

I wish India didn't advance as a country and I could keep my job.
 
Granted, but 25 years from now, you will still be working at the same place and you will have been denied the latest and greatest advance in technology - the automated convenience store. You simply walk in, it reads your mind and gets you the items you want, and you walk away with them. And you can select which broken foreign accent you want to conduct the optional voice transaction in, so you're not limited to the default one.

I wish Burger King would invent a Whopper hamburger that looks, feels and tastes like a real Whopper but only has fifty calories. And onion rings with only 25 calories for a supersized order. Mmm I like onion rings.
 
Granted, but now you need 8 double whoppers to feel satisfied.

I wish it wasn't Monday.
 
Burger King rep is a spy on this board and sees your request. They make it with only 50 calories but that stuff that looks like lettuce isn't really (don't go there!) The "mayonaisse" is not really mayo it's stuff that Bubba supplies to them. The bun is reprocessed cardboard. Delicious isn't it. That's why there are so many calories. All in moderation.

I wish my neighbors would take down their Christmas decorations...or at least not TURN THEM ON!
 
John221us said:
Granted, but now you need 8 double whoppers to feel satisfied.

I wish it wasn't Monday.
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Granted. It's Tuesday in Cambodia.

saracelica said:
Burger King rep is a spy on this board and sees your request. They make it with only 50 calories but that stuff that looks like lettuce isn't really (don't go there!) The "mayonaisse" is not really mayo it's stuff that Bubba supplies to them. The bun is reprocessed cardboard. Delicious isn't it. That's why there are so many calories. All in moderation.

I wish my neighbors would take down their Christmas decorations...or at least not TURN THEM ON!
Click to expand...

Granted, but Think of the money you could have made by filming your neighbors performing erotic dances in front of the plastic Santa in an effort to get a rise out of it, and then posting it to youtube.

I wish it were quitting time already.
 
Granted, I waited long enough to respond that it is well past closing time and well into the third round at happy hour. Of course the stuff that comes around on Monday night is pretty sketch and you end up in your back seat doing something you end up regretting tomorrow. This is after you see the pictures on Facebook (she managed to friend you while you were drunk). As Ricky would say, you have some 'splainin to do.

I wish there was a better movie on.
 
There is a better movie on, but it's on one of those channels that you have to pay extra for - you know the channel kids always want to watch and it's scrambled. You being a pilot are way to cheap to pay extra for those channels though.

I wish I could remember the dreams I have while sleeping.
 
Granted. But you dream you were featured in a rap video with E40. You find yourself riding all over Vallejo, California in an Impala with 20 inch rims while drinking Carlos Rossi.

Your AME, an avid POA lurker but not poster, reads about your dream, and decides it's a reportable event involving alcohol and yanks your medical.

I wish were on a beach somewhere in South America checking out the thong swim suits and sipping on a gin and tonic.
 
You are on a beach in South America but it's the drug capital of the country. You seemed a little suspicious and the authorities got word you'd be there (I swear I don't know how they could find out!) The officer did a COMPLETE search of your cavities. Bubba had nothing on this law enforcement official <shudder>

I wish people would proofread their posts before clicking on "Post Quick Reply" (This means your posting Sac)
 
Granted. People will proofread their posts using "quick reply." I however, do not use "quick reply." I use "reply" or sometimes quote messages. But yes your point is taken. Since you are now considered an Internet Grammar Nazi, you are subject to Internent Tribunal Justice. Which means, some third party quasi-judicial entity hosted by a socialist nation will track you down, abduct you from your home country and hang you. Electronically, of course. So I guess I wouldn't sweat it too much.

I wish my office were soundproof so I could turn up my subwoofers and listen to E40 rap about drinking Carlos Rossi.
 
Your office is now sound proof. However you can listen to your rap music through the subwoofers but you do not have a lock on your door so your boss walks in and hears all the "racket" and starts screaming at you (after closing the door) he makes some weird sexual induendos to you and ties you to your chair and has his way with you...he then straightens up his clothes and walks out of your office closing the door. No one can hear you screaming to free you from your chair. Too bad you had all that coffee this morning.

I wish there was an automatic staple remover. They figured out how to staple papers without much manual intervention why can't they reverse the process?
 
Granted, there is. Ancient peoples discovered it tens of thousands of years ago. They used it for heat and also to cook dinosours. It's called fire. You simply throw the stack of stapled papers in a metal trash can, toss some lighter fluid on it, and light it. Like magic, ten minutes later, you can recover all of your staples intact. Much better than using the manual remove because they don't even get bent in the process.

See, see, you just got to think a little bit.

I wish we had a computer terminal in the men's room.
 
Granted they put a computer terminal in the men's room. However one of your co workers decided to bring it into the stall with them and viewed a NSFW site and now the keyboard is all sticky and gross. So if you want you can go get it out of storage and put it back but I can't imagine your co workers would use it responsibly. I thought the restroom is where guys go to "get away from work"

I wish people wouldn't use email for passing along useless information. (Just because I send you and email doesn't mean you have to reply with "Thanks")
 
saracelica said:
I wish people would proofread their posts before clicking on "Post Quick Reply" (This means your posting Sac)
Click to expand...

saracelica said:
I wish people wouldn't use email for passing along useless information. (Just because I send you and email doesn't mean you have to reply with "Thanks")
Click to expand...

Granted. Al Gore, inventor of the Internet, has decided to eliminate email as a means of communication. Remember that online poker sweepstakes you registered for? You never did get the email letting you know you won $10,000 so they had to give it to somebody else. Oh well.

I wish I could take a break from corrupting wishes so I could eat.

(By the way, written on the inside of a porta potty at Ft Irwin:

"Privates come here to s**t and stink.
NCOs come here to sit and think.
Officers come here to eat and drink.")
 
Granted, two hours of no posting. Plenty of time to grab lunch.

I wish I could talk myself into playing hookie and head for the airport.
 
Granted. You are talking to yourself, and you head to the airport. Sacramento International. 'xcept your airplane is in Lincoln.

While babbling incoherently in the terminal, you bump in to Pete Wilson, Governor of California, who happens to be flying commercial as a PR move in the wake of the State's fiscal demise. Thinking it's an assassination attempt, the CHP detail assigned to guard the governor detains you. When they have determined you are not armed and do not appear to be a threat, they turn you over to TSA, who takes you in to a back room to perform endless body cavity searches with their batons. (Hint - they weren't carrying batons when they dragged you in to the room.)

I wish I had a bottle of some of that Funky Cold Medina. That redhead was back in the gym. Damn.
 
Wow, you are in a time warp. Pete Wilson hasn't been governor in like 14 years. Moonbeam is back in office and Funky Cold Medina goes back to the 90's too.

Granted, you have some of that Funky cold Medina, at least that's what the dealer told you it was. Now you are seeing things in different colors and feeling more creative than you have ever felt. You wish you had a pencil and paper to write it all down. You aren't even thinking about that redhead.

I wish it wasn't going to rain tomorrow. Then I could fly to my appointment in San Jose.
 
OMFG I so totally meant to say Jerry Brown! He hasn't been governor of California in like 14 years either, until now! Somebody seriously dug him out of his grave to replace Arnold. I get the two confused!

Granted. weather.com currently reports tomorrow as cloudy in your region. And in San Jose too, for that matter. Might as well fly.

I wish I didn't get names confused so easily.
 
I will keep an eye on it, but it probably isn't going to work. My appointment is from 1 to 5 and it is predicting rain by then. If the clouds are 5,000 or lower, I won't get across the coastal mountains, since I am not IR rated, nor is my plane.

Granted, you now have an eidetic memory. Sure, now it is easy to pass tests and remember names, but after what you saw at that show in Tijajuana, you wish you could somehow forget...

I wish I had some dark chocolate right now.
 
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