Corrupt my wish

Granted, you hop in the Arrow and fly out to hang with me in the real Oakland (just outside Pittsburgh PA) and grab some good Italian pizza (low carb with no crust--essentially just cheese and tomato sauce). You end up ticking my roommate off, since he doesn't like people who try to act gangsta but can't back it up with anything more than a water gun and a crappy rap album with no street cred. So, he grabs all of his drug dealing buddies and they bring the wrath down on you, and you drop your tomatoey cheeseball in the process.

I wish there were nice fishing weather *Edit: and I wish it were here in PIT, not some random place in the world.
 
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Granted, it is nice fishing weather, for ice fishing, but they don't have any ice fishing near you. :( You will have to settle for eating crustless pizza with a pho gansta.

I wish I could have went flying, but it started raining, before I left and that took the fun out of it.
 
Granted: you've made so many wishes at this point that your own personal genie has been given to you. He pops up out of the lamp, and your first wish is to go flying... He whips out his magic carpet and you both fly away over the city and have one of those "a whole new world" song moments with this genie dude. It's the time of your life. You then take your second wish, which is for a really hot girl. She suddenly appears, and you have a great night with the lovely lady. You finally wish for your friend Sac Arrow to be there instead of asking for infinity more wishes. At the end of the ride, the genie leaves you in a dark alley with the Sac Arrow, and you wake up to realize that you've been there all along, and you now have several needle holes in both arms, as well as quite a bit of explaining to do about the dead working girl in the corner--who's nowhere near as pretty as when you were together on the trip. Turns out at least a bit of what you'd asked the genie for came true!

I wish every other wish weren't about wanting to go flying (although I've been a culprit too).
 
Granted, Jesse decides to make POA more like the Red Board and now requires every post to be about flying.

I wish my waffle iron wouldn't stick.
 
John221us said:
Granted, Jesse decides to make POA more like the Red Board and now requires every post to be about flying.

I wish my waffle iron wouldn't stick.
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Granted, it's broke. Of course it won't stick. You send Marcia, your housekeeper, on a mission to buy a new waffle iron. When you get back home from work, you find a construction waste bin in your living room piled high with scrap metal.

"Marcia, what the hell is this?"

"Eets way full iron Senor John!"

I wish my face could have been the bicycle seat for the hot little blonde in front of me in spin class this morning. Damn.
 
Granted, well, this is a rough one, but they surgically removed your face (like that movie face off with Travolta) and replaced it with a donor face (the found a dead guy with a donor card in an Oakland alley) and made a seat for a spin cycle out of yours. She was a little creeped out, but did use it.

I wish this weather would hold through the weekend.
 
With my luck the fat dude would sit on it. Ewwww.

Granted, it is drizzling, cold, and miserable all weekend long. I don't know what you're seeing outside right now but it doesn't look very good to me.

I wish I could have slept in today. I'm tired as ****.
 
Granted, you decided to sleep in and not take advantage of the day. So, you never have the chance to go to the bar and don't happen to see that pretty little blonde you've been eyeballing at the gym. Turns out she loves planes, and really would have wanted to go flying to see the Spurs game this weekend. So, instead of honing your relationship development skills in the field, you end up sitting on the couch and giving other people tips on how to start something up. At least you didn't have to spend any money on those Spurs tickets that weren't going to get you anwhere!

I wish for a foot of snow.
 
1. I don't wake up, go to the bar, and then go to the gym in that precise order.

2. San Antonio is a tad far for my bladder.

3. Actually I wrote the referenced thread from my desk.

Granted, you have a foot of snow. In horror, you immediately pack your ankle in a cooler of ice. Frantically searching on the Internet, you find the coldest place you can live without obtaining a passport, which would could take a couple months. Barrow, Alaska looks like a good candidate. It's very difficult to travel with your foot packed in a cooler of ice. After convincing TSA that the ice is necessary and it isn't explosive (good luck with that one in real life), you are surrounded by Federal agents. You forgot about the AR15 you stuck in checked baggage.

Chief TSA inspector Clarence T. Bubba takes you in the back interrogation room, and orders all the other agents out. A half hour later, he emerges, smoking a cigarette, after having performed a very intensive body cavity search (hint: His fingers aren't nearly long enough.) Oh by the way your foot melted too. Wishes come. Wishes go.

I wish I got the Al Pastor for lunch instead of the Carnitas.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish I got the Al Pastor for lunch instead of the Carnitas.
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You got Al Pastor for lunch along with some fava beans and a nice chianti. Al's wife has filed the missing persons report and it's only a matter of time until they track you down.

I wish medical profession would get it's collective sh*t together when it comes to routine examinations.
 
Clark1961 said:
You got Al Pastor for lunch along with some fava beans and a nice chianti. Al's wife has filed the missing persons report and it's only a matter of time until they track you down.

I wish medical profession would get it's collective sh*t together when it comes to routine examinations.
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It does, but you have to wait 3 hours to be told to get your colon exam in 2 days

I wish I had nothing to stop me from getting my PPL
 
Zhunter said:
It does, but you have to wait 3 hours to be told to get your colon exam in 2 days

I wish I had nothing to stop me from getting my PPL
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Granted, your checkride is scheduled next Thursday with DPE Daniel P. Nothing.

I wish Diamond would make a retractable gear DA40. And give it nosewheel steering.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, your checkride is scheduled next Thursday with DPE Daniel P. Nothing.

I wish Diamond would make a retractable gear DA40. And give it nosewheel steering.
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Granted, but due to engineering overruns and the horrendous certification process, that plane lists for $850,000.00 and they only end up selling two copies a year. Your only experience with one is a picture in a magazine.

I wish I could stick to dealing with just technical issues. People complicate stuff.
 
Granted. You are reassigned to the mail room. Although your new job is relatively stress free, you're forced to eat dog food and peanut butter on your new budget. Within two weeks your housemaid quits giving you the "extra special treatment" late night when the GF is away because you're too cheap to tip her properly. Within two months you have to sell the plane. Buy one of those tents and sleeping bags while you can still afford it - the house is next.

I wish I had a hangar for my plane. It's soaked.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted. You are reassigned to the mail room. Although your new job is relatively stress free, you're forced to eat dog food and peanut butter on your new budget. Within two weeks your housemaid quits giving you the "extra special treatment" late night when the GF is away because you're too cheap to tip her properly. Within two months you have to sell the plane. Buy one of those tents and sleeping bags while you can still afford it - the house is next.

I wish I had a hangar for my plane. It's soaked.
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Nice and sunny here in Rocklin. I am going flying this afternoon.

Granted, you have one of those old t-hangars Kareem talks about at Oakland. You know the ones that leak like crazy. Your plane is still soaked, but it is indoors anyways.

I wish I wasn't so cheap.
 
Granted, you're just mildly cheap. Marcia the housemaid has resorted to prostitution to supplement her income. She still works for you, and still occasionally.... you know, but....

Hopefully doc can figure out how to get rid of that rash that's developing down there. And hopefully that immune system thing is a temporary fluke.

I wish I had a hot little housemaid, that looks that little hottie waitress that works in the Mexican restaurant down the street... wearing a short little tennis skirt, we'll convince her it's a maid outfit... Mmmmmm damn I'm getting worked up and my productivity is diminishing.
 
Granted, that waitress, Sophia, answers your add for a maid. She wasn't thrilled when you handed her the work "uniform", but agreed to do it for an extra $50 a visit. Unfortunately, when you decided to stick around and point out the spots she missed, she drew the line and quit. She also filed a lawsuit for sexual harrasment. Now you have a dirty house and your flying budget is going to pay a laywer.

I wish I had a three day weekend this weekend.
 
Granted, too bad the meds for syphallis, gohnorrea and the experimental HIV antiviral are keeping you bedridden all day. No matter anyway because your airplane is all locked up and Dr. Bruce has the key until you get all that resolved.

I wish someone would invent a toilet that doesn't act like a megaphone.
 
Hmm, that brings up a strange image of you holding the bottom of a toilet to your mouth.

Granted, you find that they actually make a toilet that is bolted to the floor and filled with water and therefore very difficult to use as a megaphone.

I wish I had a list of wishes I could pull from at will.
 
Yeah but when you fart in to these damn things, the whole office knows what you're up to.

Granted, you have a list of 859 of them. Some repeats.

I wish the fat dude hadn't let it rip in the bathroom. Not only did it sound like the office was struck by lightning, but I don't even want to go in there now.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Yeah but when you fart in to these damn things, the whole office knows what you're up to.

Granted, you have a list of 859 of them. Some repeats.

I wish the fat dude hadn't let it rip in the bathroom. Not only did it sound like the office was struck by lightning, but I don't even want to go in there now.
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Granted, you don't to, but.. You are now required to go on a business trip that is an 8 hour drive with the fat dude after he has eaten Mexican food the previous night. Oh yeah, it is a 3 night stay at a days in SHARING a room with the fat dude.

I wish was fly fishing in the Keys tomorrow
 
Zhunter said:
Granted, you don't to, but.. You are now required to go on a business trip that is an 8 hour drive with the fat dude after he has eaten Mexican food the previous night. Oh yeah, it is a 3 night stay at a days in SHARING a room with the fat dude.

I wish was fly fishing in the Keys tomorrow
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Granted. But, my limited experience with fishing says fly fishing is a fresh water stream venue. You cast your fly fishing rig into the South Atlantic and instead of a nice Red Snapper, a big mother****ing manatee takes your bait and drags you in to the water. Deal with the alligators.

I wish I were doing some serious deep sea fishing down there myself.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted. But, my limited experience with fishing says fly fishing is a fresh water stream venue. You cast your fly fishing rig into the South Atlantic and instead of a nice Red Snapper, a big mother****ing manatee takes your bait and drags you in to the water. Deal with the alligators.

I wish I were doing some serious deep sea fishing down there myself.
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Granted, but your 65' viking sport fisher looses power and you are dead in the water when a rogue wave capsizes you and the sharks... Oh forget the rest as I hate sharks

I truly wish I worked in the US so I could justify buying a plane to commute to work on a weekly basis.
 
Zhunter said:
Granted, but your 65' viking sport fisher looses power and you are dead in the water when a rogue wave capsizes you and the sharks... Oh forget the rest as I hate sharks

I truly wish I worked in the US so I could justify buying a plane to commute to work on a weekly basis.
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Granted. Mandela gives you a passport and somehow you convince the State Department to give you a visa. But you buy a Canadian registered airplane and to get past Transport Canada's check ride process you have to say "aye, hoser, Beaver 69 tango is in da pattern" but you **** up the accent and you get relegated to cleaning up moose turds.

I wish dinner was better than some sort of macaroni and cheese crap. Seriously.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted. Mandela gives you a passport and somehow you convince the State Department to give you a visa. But you buy a Canadian registered airplane and to get past Transport Canada's check ride process you have to say "aye, hoser, Beaver 69 tango is in da pattern" but you **** up the accent and you get relegated to cleaning up moose turds.

I wish dinner was better than some sort of macaroni and cheese crap. Seriously.
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Granted, you have sliced wienies in your Mac and cheese.

I wish my snowshoe trip would start a little later. I don't really want to be in Folsom at 7/30.
 
Granted, the trip starts at 9:00PM, and after a day's sunshine, all of the snow has melted. Now, you're standing in the middle of town looking like you switched your shoes for tennis rackets after hitting the courts.

I wish I could get my last 3 solo circuits at a controlled field in so I'd be done with my PPL requirements.
 
You get your last 3 solo circuits at a controlled field done however, you didn't look at the TFR's before you went...it was CAVU and so you launched. That's right Mr Obama is in town and you are promptly brought down by the F16 (or is it F15's) and your instructor finds out. It's going to be a long time until you get the sign off for the checkride. Sorry.

I wish it didn't snow last night...and no it's not drugs (be original people!)
 
Granted, it didn't snow more. Problem is, you have this horrid rat and mouse infestation in your house, and lots of trouble at work. You were looking forward to snow more rats, snow more mice, and snow more troubles at work. Oh well, missed opportunity.

I wish I didn't just invent the world's tastiest omelet, I may need to make me another one.
 
Granted. Instead you made the spaghetti western omelette, which looks good, but just doesn't do it for you. So, you go out to IHOP for some more b-fast, and end up eating 10 pancakes on the all you can eat pancakes special. When you get home, your Russian housekeeper, Helga, is very upset that you don't like her cooking enough to have her make you breakfast. Let's just say that she doesn't even need her husband Vlad to have you on the ground rolling in pain in the pile of pancakes that you ate an hour ago.

I wish I had my Xbox.
 
Granted. You were busy playing "Madden 2012" in an effort to predict the outcome of next week's Superbowl when Selena Gomez walks in to your room, is feeling lonely and vulnerable, and sits next to you on the couch.

"Oh damn!" You say, "Kaepernick threw a another touchdown pass!" Completely unnoticed, Selena walks out the door. Passing her in the hallway is the real Colin Kaepernick, who heard about your interest in the 49ers, and makes a special NFL promotional trip just to visit you. "Hey buddy, here's a ticket for the VIP box at Sunday's game. We'll even provide hot shawty to sit with you. But you never heard that either and the niners just threw an interception. Kaepernick walks out shaking his head.

I wish I didn't jack my knee up fighting with Vlad. Today looks like good bike riding weather.
 
Granted, Vlad had some respect and didn't hit below the belt. Hope you can ride your bike without handlebars though, because your arms are now in a dumpster somewhere. Fortunately it looks like you may still be able to fly, but the women sure won't get into a plane with you--let alone a conversation.

I wish I had something respectable for dinner and not just ramen noodles.
 
ebykowsky said:
I wish I had something respectable for dinner and not just ramen noodles.
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After watching The Ramen Girl you realize that ramen is respectable and worth dedicating the next five years of your life to perfect *your* ramen. After selling all your worldly possessions you move to Japan and apprentice with a crazed ramen chef. Unfortunately you have no inner ramen and are destined to fail miserably. Only a gift from your parents lets you escape Japan and return to live in your their basement while attempting to rebuild your life.

I wish Vlad hadn't torn off Sac's arms.
 
Granted, the media always said General Petreus would be eaten alive after his scandal, but they had no idea how literally so that would become. Fascinated by a Sci Fi fantasy war game on Xbox, you lose all sense of reality, and you kidnap, kill and eat the respected General. He's pretty tough and stringy so you have to cook him like a pot roast.

"Mr. ebykowsky, did you perform a cannabilistic act on the afternoon of January 27, 2013?"

"Generally, yes bwahahahahahahahahaaha"

The court is horrified by your lack of remorse and taste in human flesh, and you are sentenced to five, consecutive life sentences with possibility of parole after ten years. That's somewhere between ten years with Bubba and five hundred years with his successors.

I wish I could make the pain in my knee go away. I'm starting to get a little worried.
 
Clark1961 said:
After watching The Ramen Girl you realize that ramen is respectable and worth dedicating the next five years of your life to perfect *your* ramen. After selling all your worldly possessions you move to Japan and apprentice with a crazed ramen chef. Unfortunately you have no inner ramen and are destined to fail miserably. Only a gift from your parents lets you escape Japan and return to live in your their basement while attempting to rebuild your life.

I wish Vlad hadn't torn off Sac's arms.
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Granted, Vlad's disarming personality has changed.

Previous wish still in effect.
 
The pain in your knee goes away but that's only because they had to amputate it. You really should of had it checked sooner! Good luck with your next medical.

I wish we weren't getting the freezing rain...people don't know how to drive with bad weather.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish I could make the pain in my knee go away. I'm starting to get a little worried.
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You make the pain in your knee go away by Vlad's traumatic amputation of your right pinkie. The pain of the amputation makes you forget all about your knee. Good luck 'splaining that one on your next medical.

I wish I had thawed some dead cow to grill for dinner.
 
Granted, you started thawing the cow about a month and a half ago, and now your neighbors are wondering what you're keeping down in your basement. One finally calls the cops, and discovers along with the rotten cow the remains of Gen. Petraeus's body that I hid down there as well as all of Sac's dismembered body parts.

I second Saracelica's wish. The ramp was frozen today so I couldn't solo (stupid FBO rules).
 
ebykowsky said:
I second Saracelica's wish. The ramp was frozen today so I couldn't solo (stupid FBO rules).
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Your wish is sorta granted. The FBO relaxed their rules and off you go. You manage to taxi straight in to a G-V. Nice job! Unfortunately your insurance won't cover it because you were negligent for operating in unsafe conditions. You file for bankruptcy and are done for the next seven years.

I wish I didn't have to go to Houston next week.
 
Granted-There's a massive blizzard and all of the flights out of FrankenkotaFlyerTown are cancelled. The blizzard also snows you in and knocks out all of your power for a week. This means no tv, no fridge, no microwave, and worst of all--no access to POA :yikes: Did I mention there's also a big hole in your roof from a tree that fell onto it? Now you're really cold and you have to pay to get it fixed. I'm sure the contractor will get around to it once spring rolls around.

I wish I could focus on my reading.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted-There's a massive blizzard and all of the flights out of FrankenkotaFlyerTown are cancelled. The blizzard also snows you in and knocks out all of your power for a week. This means no tv, no fridge, no microwave, and worst of all--no access to POA :yikes: Did I mention there's also a big hole in your roof from a tree that fell onto it? Now you're really cold and you have to pay to get it fixed. I'm sure the contractor will get around to it once spring rolls around.

I wish I could focus on my reading.
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Granted, the ramp thaws, it's time to solo and you ace the oral pre-solo. Unfortunately,you focused on your reading so much you forgot how to fly. Or even operate on the ground. In addition to your previous bankruptcy, you manage to also taxi in to Marine Air Force One, a CH 53 carrying the President. While, on a personal level, you may have enjoyed it, you not only violated a TFR (DHS has decided ground ops applies too just for you) but when the thing tips over, the rotors whack the ground and one of the severs your genitals. You have to declare a second bankruptcy, spend more quality time with Bubba, and be labelled a hater for trying to attack Obama.

I wish raw carrots had the same effect rare beef has on my tummy.
 
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