Corrupt my wish

No wonder that shrimp was so expensive - they had to fly it all the way from Chicago.

Granted - you are now a chimpanzee.

I wish we had one of those extra special massage parlors within walking distance of the office.
 
Granted, Extra special massage parlor opens next week. You know who owns it right, Bubba! He just got released. So far he hasn't hired anyone so he'll work you over just the way you like it!

I wish people would just chill out. Nothing is THAT serious!
 
Granted.

"Hello 911? There is a crazy person with a chainsaw outside trying to cut his way through my door!"

"Just chill. It's not that serious."

I wish I wasn't so tired. I need a nap.
 
Granted, after Bubba services you, you fall asleep for a nice, long nap. When you awake, nothing looks familiar, and you're in a dark concrete room with Bubba standing over you. You try to fight, but it's too late. Bubba's got you chained down. You pray he's got some cyanide that he intends to use for what's about to come.

I wish I'd never seen Deliverance. That movie put so many thoughts in my head--and I'm about to go camping/canoeing down a river right by where the movie's based.
 
(I was genuinely worried where you were going with that wish)

Granted, you never seen Deliverance. As a result, you have no fear of the Georgia backwoods, go canoeing, and come back knowing how to speak swine.

I wish somebody left like a rack of ribs or maybe a spare cheeseburger in the break room.
 
Someone left a nice big rack of ribs in the break room! Unfortunately, they're attached to the dead, rotting cow carcass that's sitting there in the corner. And now, that hot receptionist is pressuring you to eat them all. So, it's either eat the rancid ribs or never have a shot with that hottie.

I wish those two staple removers on your avatar would just get it over with and kiss already.
 
Granted. They did. But it got a tad out of hand and now the world is about to be overrun with staple removers. Say bye bye to your yard.

I wish it were illegal to have temperatures under 70 degrees F in California.
 
It is illegal to have temps under 70 actually whoever wrote the law decided it should always be 150 degrees. You and your staple removers are going to melt away soon. Bye Bye Sac.

I wish my Mother in law respected me.
 
Hmm, 150 sounds a tad excessive, but I'd probably take it over what I have to deal with right now.

Anyway, granted sara. Your mother in law respects you greatly. So much that she constantly hovers around you, and won't let you out of her sight. It's annoying. It's creepy. It's weird. It really damages your relationship with Andre the gardner as well. He feels weirded out by the whole thing and has trouble with, you know.... I mean I can't relate personally but some men are affected by these things. There are medications that can help. But, about your mother and law, she needs counseling, seriously. Disrespect counseling. Buy her an E40 rap album. He's from Vallejo, the ultimate town of disrespect. She will be her old self after three sessions at the gym dancing to "Carlos Rossi."

I wish I had another bottle of Carlos Rossi out in the garage. I have to crack open an expensive ass bottle of Cline Old Vine Zinfandel.
 
You did have the bottle of Carlos Rossi in the garage but due to the heat it exploded if you hurry you can lick it up off the garage floor.

I wish I knew someone with a fast and reliable airplane to take me to see Mt Rushmore. The little Warrior would take FOREVER!
 
Granted, you know Greg Bockelman. But good luck getting him to let you ride right or left seat on the 777 for a personal tour of Rushmore. Well, you know Everskyward too, but the Citation will set you back several hundred bottles of Carlos Rossi, so you might as well take the Warrior.

I wish I could have my own personal body and personality double so I could fly myself out to the coast, and one of me could be sipping on a bottle of Carlos Rossi, while listening to E40 rap about underworld life in the Bay Area.
 
Granted, you found a bottle in the garage, but it has been there 10 years and apparent didn't age well. Now you will never get that rotten vinegar taste out of your head and you are forced to give up Carlos Rossi.

I wish I wasn't coming down with a cold.
 
Granted, it isn't a cold. Shouldn't have gone to that Thai massage parlor in East Sac. Doc says you won't die, but certain things might have to come off....


I wish I had a hangar for my Arrow.
 
Granted you're not coming down with a cold you have colon cancer. It's not treatable anymore since you didn't go to the doctor soon enough.

I wish I didn't have to work anymore
 
You have a hangar for your Arrow, however it's in Toledo, Ohio. It's one of the junky ones that with just one slight tornado both are gone for good. Hope you didn't like the plane.

I wish I could think of better wishes.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, it isn't a cold. Shouldn't have gone to that Thai massage parlor in East Sac. Doc says you won't die, but certain things might have to come off....


I wish I had a hangar for my Arrow.
Click to expand...

You do: but it is for your Arrow dress shirts.

I wish I felt motivated to cook dinner tonight.
 
Granted, you were wishing that Andre the gardner would step up to the plate and rock your world. Well, he did. Your husband is like really annoyed at the late night carousing and drinking, plus he hates tripping over empty bottles of Carlos Rossi in the morning. You end up making his laundry pink and he ends up f**kng up the barbeque in the evening.

I wish Amador County had a better run of grapes this year.
 
Amador County had a great run of grapes this year. You just didn't pay enough to get one of the good bottles. Next time spend so many on your beverage!

I wish I could stay up until Midnight to watch the "ball lower" (They don't drop the glass ball anymore according to Good Morning America) but since I was out flying today I'm already tired!
 
Good thing you used the term "ball lower" instead of "drop" because you were about to be turned into a man. Anyhow, Congrats! you decided to stay up until midnight and watch the ball lower. However, your friend convinced you to go to that New Year's Bash party he was throwing, and you have a great time for the first two hours. After that, everything is black and you have no idea what happened. You're not sure if it was just too much alcohol or if it was that already-opened drink you accepted against your better judgment. Regardless, you can't find your purse or most of your clothes, and you're not sure where you are. Above all, you don't even remember the ball lower you went through all of this to see. Happy New Year! Looks like it's time for a new resolution.

I wish I hadn't lost my sunglasses over the weekend.
 
Granted, your sun glasses turn up, under the left front tire of your car, after you backed over them.

I wish I wasn't sick for New Years, with great flying weather outside.
 
Granted, but your buddy Sac stopped over in Lincoln for fuel, and used up the last gallon. Oh well, fuel tanker is due in a couple weeks.

I wish I didn't leave Half Moon Bay early today. It was very nice out there. I even got the #1 parking spot on the South ramp by the gate.
 
You didn't leave HMB early today. It'll be New year's Eve again soon and you'll be able to relive it - oh wait that was Ground hog day that was over and over again nevermind...you should've stayed because when you got home Bubba was waiting for you something about you "owing" him one.

I wish I was hungry for supper.
 
Granted. You are teleported to the West Coast, and you are now hungry for dinner.

I wish dinner wasn't going to suck tonight.
 
Granted, there's a nice juicy Bubba Burger waiting for you, topped with all your favorite trimmings. Unfortunately, Bubba wants something in return.

I wish the U of South Carolina game were tonight.
 
Granted, it was last night. Too bad you slept through it.

I wish my gym was open like, right now, today.
 
The gym is open right now for you it's just no one else was awake to go so the parking lot looked deserted. Go get a workout on!

I wish I was over this sniffling and crap.
 
Ok you're over the sniffling, and now crap. So much, in fact, that you get hemorrhoids, and you end up making an anonymous post in the Medical section of the forum. Oh, but you forgot to sign out before you started the topic and you aren't anonymous anymore.

I wish it was ten degrees warmer. I can't ride in this crap!!
 
Sac Arrow said:
The next poster grants the wish, but in a corrupted version, i.e. "Granted, but now you have lobster claws and you can't fly it. Plus you just castrated yourself the last time you went pee."
Click to expand...

Well, after getting those lobster claws, people started to get hungry, and you no longer had the balls to tell them to f*** off after castrating yourself. So, it's now 10 degrees warmer, and the temperature's going up. Hopefully you'll lose consciousness before the water starts boiling!

I wish the free gear from my fishing sponsor would arrive already.

Milestone... That's my 69th post!
 
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Granted, the free gear from your phishing sponsor arrives. Just in time for the FCC to raid your house over allegations of Internet fraud, triggered by your 69th post to an aviation message board. The don't really find anything, but you're...flagged. Much like that book that Kramer took in to the bathroom in a Seinfeld episode.

I wish I had the rest of the week off.
 
Granted, when you wake up tomorrow, you realize that it's Sunday at 8PM and you've slept through the work week. You only have a couple of hours of watching football and surfing the Justin Bieber fan forum before you have to go back to another week of the grind.

I wish I knew how to program well so I could get around all that FCC crap and maybe pass intro to compsci.
 
Granted. You're an ace programmer. But you wanted to be an ace pilot, and the gods have only issued you one ace card. You end up making Zuckerman more rich and your home for the next 30 years is your mom's basement. Acquire a taste for stale pizza.

I wish I had my own social networking site.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted. You're an ace programmer. But you wanted to be an ace pilot, and the gods have only issued you one ace card. You end up making Zuckerman more rich and your home for the next 30 years is your mom's basement. Acquire a taste for stale pizza.

I wish I had my own social networking site.
Click to expand...

Granted, you dump you life savings into the "OnTarget.com" website a social networking site for players. Unfortunately, your target market appears to be too narrow and players are apparently cheap SOBs looking for free drink, so you can't figure out how to monetize it or even raise capital and are forced into bankruptcy.

I wish I could fly today. This cold is killing me (not literally).
 
Granted, you are now a bird. But, with a nasty case of bird flu, so no flying for you anyway. And kitty, who was previously sitting on your lap, is now trying to eat you. Good luck opening up the Alka Seltzer Cold Plus with your wings. All you feel like doing for the rest of the day is eating worms and crapping on your neighbor's car.

I wish I didn't just finish off half a bag of tortilla chips. I feel like crap.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you are now a bird. But, with a nasty case of bird flu, so no flying for you anyway. And kitty, who was previously sitting on your lap, is now trying to eat you. Good luck opening up the Alka Seltzer Cold Plus with your wings. All you feel like doing for the rest of the day is eating worms and crapping on your neighbor's car.

I wish I didn't just finish off half a bag of tortilla chips. I feel like crap.
Click to expand...

Granted, you didn't. You finished off a whole bag.

I wish I had the rest of the week off.

Oops just saw SA had that already. I wish I had a better wish.
 
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woodstock said:
Granted, you didn't. You finished off a whole bag.

I wish I had the rest of the week off.

Oops just saw SA had that already. I wish I had a better wish.
Click to expand...

Man, you left yourself open. But the Sac Arrow is so freakin tired. He has totally rode his bicycle past California's rice farms like he does nearly every weekend and he just like has this inspiration thing that is going on.

I am the grand master just try to pass me much faster. Yeah, dat mutha f
 
Sac Arrow said:
Man, you left yourself open. But the Sac Arrow is so freakin tired. He has totally rode his bicycle past California's rice farms like he does nearly every weekend and he just like has this inspiration thing that is going on.

I am the grand master just try to pass me much faster. Yeah, dat mutha f
Click to expand...

???????????????????????
I wish the Sac Arrow hadn't gone nuts. Seemed like a nice guy. :dunno:
 
ebykowsky said:
???????????????????????
I wish the Sac Arrow hadn't gone nuts. Seemed like a nice guy. :dunno:
Click to expand...

Your wish is granted. The Sac didn't go nuts, he went stark raving bonkers many years ago. All we see now are the dregs of his once robust personality.

I wish all the work I've been neglecting for the past four days was done.
 
Clark1961 said:
Your wish is granted. The Sac didn't go nuts, he went stark raving bonkers many years ago. All we see now are the dregs of his once robust personality.

I wish all the work I've been neglecting for the past four days was done.
Click to expand...

Getting close...:wink2::rofl:
 
Clark1961 said:
Your wish is granted. The Sac didn't go nuts, he went stark raving bonkers many years ago. All we see now are the dregs of his once robust personality.

I wish all the work I've been neglecting for the past four days was done.
Click to expand...

Ugh, note to self - don't start drinking at 10:00 a.m. on New Year's day.

Granted, the work was all done. By somebody else, and you had to pay them double what your pro rata salary would have been to complete the same tasks.

I wish someone would lock up and jail all professional politicians.
 
Granted, but those politicians are still running the country from inside the jail, and now they're ****ed, especially at you for bringing this upon them. So, they first start passing laws that make jail a lovelier place to be, with margarita nights on Tuesday and Playboy Bunny nights on Thursday. This only adds to the deficit, and the rich have a 70% tax rate. This puts our economy in the crapper, but the politicians are sleeping easy in their cells complete with Tempurpedic beds. Obama then declares himself ruler of the world and recruits Bubbas from all over the jail system as his henchmen. You're first on his hitlist, and you're put into a 2 man cell with 3 Bubbas. After that, you can't hold in a crap and dribble feces wherever you walk. Obama then takes pictures of you and uses your poor health as a posterchild for why we need Obamacare in America. Using this as ammunition, he entirely socializes the healthcare system by mandating that everyone must have health insurance or else they have to pay steep fines. This further increases the deficit, but it's alright because he decides to begin taxing for the new healthcare system 3 years before it even is in effect, so it looks like it costs half as much as it actually does. On top of this, Obama wins a Nobel Peace Prize for being such a cool dude, and goes on to put more tax hikes on the rich and pump bailout money into the system, thinking this will help him and the rest of the politicians get out of jail. Unfortunately, it's impossible to get out of jail by spending money, but he keeps doing it anyway because he's delusional. Fed up with our ridiculous American ways, and not wanting to be led by World Ruler Barack Hussein Obama, radicals attack our foreign embassies in the Middle East, sparking a massive hike in the conflict. Obama turns a blind eye, though, and reminds America that he got Bin Laden, and everyone is happy with him for this. Obama then suckers everyone into voting for him again, promising everyone a million dollars and their own personal Bubba. The rest of this post can be read in Revelations. Thank God that's all fiction, though. Hello, Spin Zone.

Hope that wasn't too long that someone else posted ahead of me.

I wish Nader could have a go at President. He would at least be funny to watch.
 
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