Corrupt my wish

saracelica said:
Granted, you didn't have to get up early this morning. If you didn't want to keep your job you could've snuggled up longer with your teddy bear (Bubba)

I wish I could get credit for work I didn't do.
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Granted, you now work for the State of California. Well, you did anyway but your position was cut when the controller's office was eliminated (why have a controller when there is no money.) Should have taken that position with the Board of Equalization. Too bad you quit your job in Ohio.

I wish I had a big fat PERS pension like all the State and County workers.
 
Granted, you do, but they let you go, right before you are vested. Now you have to start over with an IRA.

I wish it were lunch time already.
 
John221us said:
Granted, you do, but they let you go, right before you are vested. Now you have to start over with an IRA.

I wish it were lunch time already.
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Granted, it is. But instead of taking lunch, you run some errands and buy a rake, mulch bin and some gardening shears. Unfortunately, the brand of gardening shears you bought was identical to the brand to be used in a grisly plot to dismember a famous preteen girls music idol and the FBI implicated you in the plot. Now you get to spend some quality time with Bubba.

I wish this report would type itself.
 
Granted. However now you have been tasked with interviewing both Justin Bieber and his groupie killer dude with the tat on his leg. Management wants you to see if you can arbitrate some kind of peace treaty between them, or at least see if there is some profit to be made...

I wish Becky's husband could see that thread...
 
pbramlett said:
Granted. However now you have been tasked with interviewing both Justin Bieber and his groupie killer dude with the tat on his leg. Management wants you to see if you can arbitrate some kind of peace treaty between them, or at least see if there is some profit to be made...

I wish Becky's husband could see that thread...
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He can. As a result, he tracks down her gardner boyfriend, Manuel Labore in a Texas border cantina, and in a tense standoff, he notices the bucket hanging off Manuel's table.

"What is that?"

"Corona. Extra."

"Mmm. Say, if I put the gun down, can I have one?"

"Si. No problemo."

And they get to drinking, and he finds out Manuel is actually a pretty cool dude to hang with. Becky's husband pulls out photos of his new girlfriend, Estrella Fuego. Manuel then pulls out photos of his other girlfriend, Charidad. In all of this, Becky ends up being left out in the cold, and has to work as a background stand in extra for Spanish language Depends commercials in order to survive (see her on Univision.)

I wish I could go home now.
 
Granted You can go home now. Of course that means it's work on Saturday and Sunday to make up for it.

I wish people wouldn't complain about the small stuff.
 
saracelica said:
Granted You can go home now. Of course that means it's work on Saturday and Sunday to make up for it.

I wish people wouldn't complain about the small stuff.
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Granted. They don't. In fact, they ignore it completely. The janitor misses small stuff on your chair, the IT guy lets small viruses through on your computer, your McDonald's cook doesn't worry about small foreign things on your Happy Mac.....

I wish I could have this trap door in my stomach so I could eat whatever I wanted and as much as I wanted and not gain weight.
 
Granted, man I have never seen anyone hungrier than you. Of course that trap door you cut into your stomach doesn't heal and festers. Soon you are septic through your body.

I wish I was on a beach, enjoying a cold beer right now.
 
John221us said:
Granted, man I have never seen anyone hungrier than you. Of course that trap door you cut into your stomach doesn't heal and festers. Soon you are septic through your body.

I wish I was on a beach, enjoying a cold beer right now.
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Granted, you are on San Francisco's North Beach wearing nothing more than a speedo. Oh yeah, and it's Pride Day.

I wish I were enjoying a cold beer too (but not on North Beach wearing a speedo.)
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish I were enjoying a cold beer too (but not on North Beach wearing a speedo.)
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You are enjoying a cold beer. You are on North Beach but sans speedo. In fact sans anything and it is pride day. Good thing Bubba prepped you for the result...

I wish I didn't have to go to the office tomorrow.
 
Clark1961 said:
You are enjoying a cold beer. You are on North Beach but sans speedo. In fact sans anything and it is pride day. Good thing Bubba prepped you for the result...

I wish I didn't have to go to the office tomorrow.
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You don't. Because your were on North Beach sans speedo enjoying a cold beer too. But you got hypothermia, and you ended up in SF general hospital. Psych eval ensued and, you are spending tomorrow with Dr Bruce

I wish dinner was something better than some sort of frozen veggie crap with who knows what.
 
Granted, your office has been destroyed by fire. There is no trace of it left and when you call your IT guy, he can't find any offsite backups. Oh, and the insurance company is disputing your claim, saying you torched it.

I wish I was on the beach in Kihei with a cold one in my hand, not thinking about Arrow at North Beach.
 
John221us said:
Granted, your office has been destroyed by fire. There is no trace of it left and when you call your IT guy, he can't find any offsite backups. Oh, and the insurance company is disputing your claim, saying you torched it.

I wish I was on the beach in Kihei with a cold one in my hand, not thinking about Arrow at North Beach.
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Granted, the local Hawaiians are slightly annoyed at your presence to begin with then you have to bring up the whole Japanese occupancy thing. They get enraged, then strangely aroused. Buy a lot of Prep H.

I wish I cooked up my own steak for dinner instead of having that stupid frozen veggie crap.
 
Granted, you did, but that steak has been frozen since 1995, it was pretty inedible.

I wish to tomorrow was Saturday.
 
John221us said:
Granted, you did, but that steak has been frozen since 1995, it was pretty inedible.

I wish to tomorrow was Saturday.
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Well it is, note that I'm replying on Friday. Except that it's supposed to rain in the afternoon so your plans for hanging your needlecraft projects on the front lawn fence are dashed.

I wish I didn't have to deal with stupid office holiday parties. They kind of get old.
 
Granted, you don't, Charity supplies the left over meatloaf you bring for the pot luck. Unfortunately, everyone gets sick from it. You are now the pariah of the office.

I wish it wasn't going to rain. All my neighbors were looking forward to the needlepoint display.
 
John221us said:
Granted, you don't, Charity supplies the left over meatloaf you bring for the pot luck. Unfortunately, everyone gets sick from it. You are now the pariah of the office.

I wish it wasn't going to rain. All my neighbors were looking forward to the needlepoint display.
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Granted, it doesn't rain. But now that it is sunny you have to compete with other displays on the block - such as that guy who makes sculptures out of old car parts.

I wish breaking up didn't suck so much even when it is the right thing to do.
 
Granted, It doesn't suck. Both parties were waiting for it to happen. The other was just to chicken to admit it. Do it. Get it over with and enjoy the holidays!

I wish I could sneak out of work and go home an hour early.
 
saracelica said:
Granted, It doesn't suck. Both parties were waiting for it to happen. The other was just to chicken to admit it. Do it. Get it over with and enjoy the holidays!

I wish I could sneak out of work and go home an hour early.
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Granted. But for some unknown reason your boss was going to give all employees in the office a $10,000 bonus check at the end of the day. Unfortunately, you had to be present to collect it.

I wish there were more good restaurants within walking distance of work.
 
Granted, new greasy spoons keep opening up. Unfortunately they're just store fronts for a jewelry heist. When the FBI does the sweep you're there and they figure you're part of the operation. Say hello to Bubba AGAIN!

I wish I lived in a bubble.
 
saracelica said:
Granted, new greasy spoons keep opening up. Unfortunately they're just store fronts for a jewelry heist. When the FBI does the sweep you're there and they figure you're part of the operation. Say hello to Bubba AGAIN!

I wish I lived in a bubble.
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Granted, you now have aids*.

I wish today would end. The workday part of it.


*Reference to the corruption for those unfamilar: 1970's movie "Boy in the Plastic Bubble", about a kid born with aids.
 
roddie said:
Granted, but you're a fire fighter and you're on until Monday morning.

I wish I could own this.
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Granted, you can. But you have to pay for it doing this.

I wish I bothered to stop by Burger King after that sushi. Didn't quite get me there.


(Edit: Now that I read more on that, it actually looks like it might be a pretty good gig!)
 
(Edit: Now that I read more on that, it actually looks like it might be a pretty good gig!)
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I was thinking the same thing: "That's it?"

Sac Arrow said:
I wish I bothered to stop by Burger King after that sushi. Didn't quite get me there.
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You did, but they only serve New Coke and Big Macs.

I wish I could fly to Japan and try Jiro's sushi.
 
roddie said:
I was thinking the same thing: "That's it?"



You did, but they only serve New Coke and Big Macs.

I wish I could fly to Japan and try Jiro's sushi.
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Granted. Except that Jiro's outsources all their sushi to Mikuni's. It isn't so fresh when it finally made it to Japan. In fact, the sushi you ate probably travelled in the baggage compartment of the plane you flew over in when you switched at LAX. Plus you paid three times as much for it.

I wish I could take off early, beat the Bay traffic to Sactown and have some Mikuni's myself.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish I could take off early, beat the Bay traffic to Sactown and have some Mikuni's myself.
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Granted, except then you'd be in Sactown.

Ok, seriously.. Granted, except that you'd have to eat it with a pair of Bic pens with severe leaks; one red and one black.

I wish I could go back to Hawaii and have Sushi Sasabune again -- That place ruined every other sushi place I've ever had. P
 
Granted, you get out early, but get caught behind Beiber and his entourage, heading for Tahoe. They are moving slowly, so they can wave to all the fans.

I wish I was heading to Tahoe for some skiing.
 
John221us said:
Granted, you get out early, but get caught behind Beiber and his entourage, heading for Tahoe. They are moving slowly, so they can wave to all the fans.

I wish I was heading to Tahoe for some skiing.
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Granted, but you of all people should know about Bay Area ski bunnies making the trek up I-80 to the resorts this time of year. You will reach Alpine Meadows sometime early next week but then oh wait, you have to come back. You try to go back on the 50, but Bieber's bus and entourage wrecks and you make it back in to work the first week in January. Your work doesn't like that. Actually they do because you're the boss but they liquidated the company in your absence and left with all the proceeds.

I wish I ate some McD's before coming home. Beans jack me up so bad.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish I ate some McD's before coming home. Beans jack me up so bad.
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Okay, you actually ate McD's before heading home. You had a salad with some indescribable protein component. Now you're writhing in agony and explosively voiding from oral and anal orifices. Apparently you have listeria and salmonella. Maybe you'll live, maybe not.

I wish the 'kota wasn't waiting on parts until after Christmas.
 
Granted, they are now backordered until after New Years.

I wish my son's plane wasn't delayed. I am stuck waiting at the terminal.
 
John221us said:
I wish my son's plane wasn't delayed. I am stuck waiting at the terminal.
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Your son's plane isn't delayed, it's canceled. So sorry, come back tomorrow.

I wish people understood that New Year was after Christmas and that any parts delayed to after New Years were still delayed to after Christmas...
 
Clark1961 said:
Your son's plane isn't delayed, it's canceled. So sorry, come back tomorrow.

I wish people understood that New Year was after Christmas and that any parts delayed to after New Years were still delayed to after Christmas...
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Granted, people are now crystal clear that New Years follows Christmas. At least the order wasn't cancelled ;)

I wish people weren't so nit picky on semantics.
 
John221us said:
I wish people weren't so nit picky on semantics.
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Granted...and the trend continues: engineers are less picky about safety factors, accountants quit looking after the first couple significant digits, doctors just call it in from the golf course 'cause "hearing about the complaint" is enough. The only group that really benefits is the politicians 'cause whatever they claim is "close enough."

I wish people understood the need for precise communications.
 
Clark1961 said:
Granted...and the trend continues: engineers are less picky about safety factors, accountants quit looking after the first couple significant digits, doctors just call it in from the golf course 'cause "hearing about the complaint" is enough. The only group that really benefits is the politicians 'cause whatever they claim is "close enough."

I wish people understood the need for precise communications.
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Granted. The next person you meet will tell you precisely where to stick it. ;)

(Your grant is the current status quo already, I'm afraid.)

I wish I didn't have to pre-heat in the winter.
 
denverpilot said:
I wish I didn't have to pre-heat in the winter.
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Granted. Along with that you become best friends with your A&P and the engine shop. The A&P names his kids after you and the engine shop dedicates an engine stand just for rebuilding your engine. Your partners all sold you their shares and you barely have money to fly 10 hrs/yr. But it's all better than pre-heating...

I wish I had a cup of coffee right now (instead of having to go upstairs to make one - yup, it's a lazy day :D).
 
denverpilot said:
Granted. The next person you meet will tell you precisely where to stick it. ;)

(Your grant is the current status quo already, I'm afraid.)

I wish I didn't have to pre-heat in the winter.
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Granted, you live in the Gobi desert. No matter anyway because you couldn't afford 100LL even if you could find it.

I wish I wouldn't rain today.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish I wouldn't rain today.
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Strange euphemism but granted. Your kidneys stop functioning for the day. As a result you swell all over which scares the redhead at the gym (again). Fortunately you only wished for one day and it all comes out the next day. Good thing it's Sunday and your co-workers don't have to watch you de-hydrate.

I wish I had a cinnamon roll to go with this coffee.
 
Granted, but not in time to still have warm coffee. Now you've got to go back upstairs for a fresh pot.

I wish I wasn't about to get sucked into posting on this thread endlessly.
 
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