The truth of being maried w/ kids exposed....

Lots of good and varied advice posted.

From me: know your first couple of years will be difficult as you learn to live with each other, but know (and repeat) that you love each other. Use those words wisely... as the “I love you” phrase is really strong and is a “get out of jail” card as well.

Example: “Honey, I am going to the hangar, go flying and hang with the guys all day. I love you!” It works 7 out of 10 times. (The other three times is because you over-used it. Trust me on this.)

In all seriousness, marriage takes work. Love and appreciate each other, cherish each other, as much on the last day together as the first.
 
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You should be elated that she wants to sit down and have a budgeting discussion. Financial problems are one the top reasons cited for divorce. Often enough, it's because one (or both) parties don't know how to budget well, or consistently overspend. I am lucky enough that my wife is very conservative financially, mostly due to her having lived on a lower-income on her own for a decade prior to us getting married. Since she is generally frugal, I never sat down with her to establish a budget, but I do watch the bank account pretty closely (as I have always done). We don't have a "budget", and we could certainly find ways to save another $100 or more per month, but it's been working fine for almost 5-years (and 2 kids), so I'm not going to mess with a good thing. The point isn't to haggle over every penny, but you should both know how much is coming in, and what major expenses are coming out each month. It also allows you to have a discussion over savings and retirement, which is where most Americans get into trouble by not having enough to cover even a modest emergency ($2-3K).
 
I’m kinda sad today, she turned 21 today and she’s sick as a dog. I’ve been over at her house taking care of her past couple days. She has strep and a cold and we are getting married in 3 days. I hope the antibiotics really clear everything up by tomorrow.

:(
 
Rebel Lord said:
I’m kinda sad today, she turned 21 today and she’s sick as a dog. I’ve been over at her house taking care of her past couple days. She has strep and a cold and we are getting married in 3 days. I hope the antibiotics really clear everything up by tomorrow.

:(
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Oh my goodness.... what a thing to happen so close to her wedding day....

My thoughts and prayers are with the both of you.
 
Zeldman said:
I know if my wife goes first it will absolutely devastate me. The two weeks she was gone when she went to visit her mother just about did me in.

But I am pretty sure she will out live me by around 20 to 30 years. I have been doing all I can to get her independent. I keep telling her to find another good man close to her age so she won't be lonely. Every time I say that she cries and says she does not want anyone else.
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Trying to make sure she's able to be independent is a good thing. But don't sweat preparing her for it too much. You've made it known that you'd want her to find someone else and be happy after you're gone. That's all you can do, the rest is up to her.

Oh, and try not to die anytime soon, would you?

OkieFlyer said:
Everybody's experience is different. I actually think marriage has been easy, and nothing but enjoyable. We are both easy going folks, but more importantly, we align on all major things like God, family, money management, education, politics, etc. We don't sweat the small stuff and trust each other absolutely. I'm super lucky, and I think it must be rare.
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I'd agree that on the whole I wouldn't call my marriage "hard". Ups and downs, which every marriage will have. But it helps that we're very similar, trust eachother, align on things well.

Trust is the biggest thing. You need to trust your spouse absolutely. And if two can't trust eachother, then you either need to figure out if that trust can be repaired (I've rarely seen that be successful) or just accept that you can't trust eachother and go your separate ways.
 
As I get older, and as we deal with the last years of my parents and my MIL, we are starting to look at our own mortality. We've been trying to make sure that when I go (statistically, I'll go first) my wife has all the passwords necessary to get into all the accounts that I currently handle, like my 401(k) and a few other things like that. Passwords on things like wifi devices, notebooks, laptops, other computer accounts are also things both parties need to know.

Think about things like online photo albums, subscriptions like Netflix or Pandora or any number of things. The password to get into the NEST thermostat, the wifi enabled washing machine, the trick to getting that lawnmower started, where the key to the file cabinet is stored, the autoship option you have set up for xyz supplies that will need to be cancelled, ...

There are a lot of things that one spouse knows about that the other doesn't. We are trying to get that under control.
 
OkieFlyer said:
Everybody's experience is different. I actually think marriage has been easy, and nothing but enjoyable. We are both easy going folks, but more importantly, we align on all major things like God, family, money management, education, politics, etc. We don't sweat the small stuff and trust each other absolutely. I'm super lucky, and I think it must be rare.



Pragmatic advice for a newbie: JOINT BANK ACCOUNT
Learn to manage your money together. You both need to think of each others' earnings as OUR money, not his and hers, and decide how to spend it together.
Some will disagree. That's fine. Everybody does things differently, but financial issues end a lot of marriages, and separate money can promote disunity, which is the opposite of marriage.

I would also suggest letting God be part of your lives together, pray together, and study the Bible together if you are inclined, but I understand that can be a very off-putting subject these days and on this medium. I'll leave it at that, and hope nobody flips their lid about it.
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Sound's like wise council

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My experience on marriage and parenting is that you have to learn and practice humility, selflessness, and patience. It really sucks most of the time, but when the special moments come the payoff is beyond anything I had ever expected. I just got done with an Italy/Greece excursion with my clan, and sitting on the steps of the Parthenon discussing the origins of democracy with my older teens was one of those moments. They were engaged and asking great questions. Made me think mommy and I have done a few things right. In reality they were being kind to me because I had just about died a few days earlier, but you have to take what you can get. :)

parthenon.jpg
 
James_Dean said:
In reality they were being kind to me because I had just about died a few days earlier, but you have to take what you can get. :)
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You've done better than me. My kids would be wanting to look at and poke whatever was wounded.

Well, yours are a little bit older so mine may grow out of that.
 
Ted DuPuis said:
You've done better than me. My kids would be wanting to look at and poke whatever was wounded.

Well, yours are a little bit older so mine may grow out of that.
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They were empathetic enough to know Dad was sick and in no mood to be prodded. I absolutely should've been in bed as I was less than two days post surgery, but really wanted to climb and see the acropolis. My wife is a nurse so I figured I was in good hands. Completely overdid it and the next day was pretty rough, but I checked the box. Not smart, and in retrospect I blame the meds. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
 
Rebel Lord said:
Still trying to figure out what we are going to do with our money. She is very conservative with money and she’s been on me to sit down with her and make a budget.


As far as God in our relationship I can say he definitely is. We both are part of the same church and that’s how we met. We believe marriage is a three fold cord between me and her and God. We try to have a bible study once a week and we pray together before every meal
That’s pretty much our secret why we think we are going to have a long happy marriage even though we are young. :)
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Wonderful to hear.

We were both 23 when we married. We waited 3 years for her to finish college at the insistence of her folks (which drove me nuts at the time, but she wanted to honor her parents) . I would have married her at 20 in a heartbeat and it wouldn't have been any different for us. Age doesn't matter if you are mature enough to understand what you're committing to and are in it for the long haul. I have friends/family that aren't mature enough for marriage at 40, and ones who married at 17-18-19 and are happy as larks. Everybody is different and there is no correct age for marriage. All that said, I do believe there is an optimum pattern for marriage, and that pattern can be found between the covers of God's word. A solid, loving marriage is among the greatest things there is. Get ya some! I wish you and your bride all the best.
 
Woooooo! Good luck man!
 
Hang on.. it's gonna be the ride of your life.. and I mean that in the best way possible. Congratulations, and welcome to fold!
 
Half Fast said:
3) Never buy her a horse (trust me).
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Having had a couple, years ago, all I can say is, "You think airplanes are expensive?"


OkieFlyer said:
Pragmatic advice for a newbie: JOINT BANK ACCOUNT
Learn to manage your money together. You both need to think of each others' earnings as OUR money, not his and hers, and decide how to spend it together.
Some will disagree. That's fine. Everybody does things differently, but financial issues end a lot of marriages, and separate money can promote disunity, which is the opposite of marriage.

I would also suggest letting God be part of your lives together, pray together, and study the Bible together if you are inclined, but I understand that can be a very off-putting subject these days and on this medium. I'll leave it at that, and hope nobody flips their lid about it.
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Amen to both. We've been married 46 years and have nothing but joint bank accounts. We sing in the church choir and are or have been officers in the church. Both are important to us.

SoonerAviator said:
You should be elated that she wants to sit down and have a budgeting discussion. Financial problems are one the top reasons cited for divorce. Often enough, it's because one (or both) parties don't know how to budget well, or consistently overspend. I am lucky enough that my wife is very conservative financially, mostly due to her having lived on a lower-income on her own for a decade prior to us getting married. Since she is generally frugal, I never sat down with her to establish a budget, but I do watch the bank account pretty closely (as I have always done). We don't have a "budget", and we could certainly find ways to save another $100 or more per month, but it's been working fine for almost 5-years (and 2 kids), so I'm not going to mess with a good thing. The point isn't to haggle over every penny, but you should both know how much is coming in, and what major expenses are coming out each month. It also allows you to have a discussion over savings and retirement, which is where most Americans get into trouble by not having enough to cover even a modest emergency ($2-3K).
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True to all that. My wife is so tight with a buck that she squeaks. I'm the spend thrift in the family, and I'm cautious, too. Makes for much less stress.

Now that you're married, all I can say is best of luck to you both. Wait for kids, you need time as the two of you before you become the three of you. There are adjustments that you both will have to make and it's much easier that way. Oh, and have fun!
 
Ghery said:
Having had a couple, years ago, all I can say is, "You think airplanes are expensive?"
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Everyone I know who's owned both horses and airplanes has said:

"Horses are expensive."
 
Moved in with her, just finished getting a guest room converted to my office :D


A4C0B7F0-219D-43F9-953D-65A0AAF189B7.jpeg
 
Very cool man. Congrats!!!
 
Congrats! Y'know, looking at those pics, she could have done a lot better. Just keep that in mind for the next 50 years, be appropriately grateful, and you'll do fine.

BTW, I like your campaign desk. I have a larger version in my study. I've always liked campaign style furniture.
 
You dog....you married a total fox.!!!!

We are a little disappointed with your wife, we feel she could have married so much better...







Just joking with ya..!!! :lol::lol:

Seriously, the first year is a transition year, learning to live with each other, learning little differences...things like that. Be patient, be understanding. Saying I'm sorry goes a long way. It has been 9 years for my wife and I, but we still hold hands anytime we are walking.

And learn the man's prayer.... "I'm a man, but I can change, if I have too, I guess...''
 
Once again, a pilot marrying a woman far more attractive than he deserves. :)

Congrats!
 
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