I really hope this is a troll, because it reeks of attitudes that will be very dangerous going forward.
If it's not a troll, and you really are as good, ethical and moral as you claim to be, your conscience will eat you alive every time you get in that pilot's seat and start her up. You will always be looking over your shoulder and be pushed into making possibly stupid decisions in order to avoid detection. It's your life and your decision, but I would not take lying on a federal form lightly. I also hope that you confide to your wife that you are planning on committing a crime that could ultimately lead to financial straits, a criminal conviction, and you being jailed for some time if anything happens. This isn't just about you if you have a family.
Personally, I would recommend taking all those pills back to the doctor or pharmacy (I hope you weren't flushing them or selling them), and getting a signed and dated statement of how many you brought back. I would get letters proving sobriety/you "crushing it in life". And then I would suck it up and get a good AME and get it done. The right way.
Or I would go fly sport pilot and understand that my own stupid choices are what kept me from being able to follow through on my dream of flying the country with the family in the back. Actions have consequences, some more far-reaching than others. Lying doesn't make them go away. It may postpone the reckoning, but it doesn't erase them.
ETA: I just saw that you were not holding on to them. That will be a problem. There will be no way to prove that you were not actually taking them.