Opinions are like...

Well, remember that Cajun Flyer's spouse was passionate about riding a motorcycle. Not everyone's cup of tea (and it didn't sound like Cajun Flyer's first or second choice for activity either), but she did it to spend time with her spouse. And the chances of being maimed or dead on a motorcycle is exponentially greater than flying in an airplane.

The point is... marriage is all about compromises. Cajun Flyer compromised, but her spouse doesn't want to compromise on this passion. Maybe he's truly concerned for her safety, but it's selfish to ignore her passion for flying in the interest of soothing his worries. Maybe it's something else. But counseling sounds like a good place to go.

Heck, if my wife wanted to learn alligator wrestling, I'd be none too happy, but you can be sure I'd be there with a sidearm and a big stick to try to save her if something happened.
 
rtk11 said:
Well, remember that Cajun Flyer's spouse was passionate about riding a motorcycle. Not everyone's cup of tea (and it didn't sound like Cajun Flyer's first or second choice for activity either), but she did it to spend time with her spouse. And the chances of being maimed or dead on a motorcycle is exponentially greater than flying in an airplane.

The point is... marriage is all about compromises. Cajun Flyer compromised, but her spouse doesn't want to compromise on this passion. Maybe he's truly concerned for her safety, but it's selfish to ignore her passion for flying in the interest of soothing his worries. Maybe it's something else. But counseling sounds like a good place to go.

Heck, if my wife wanted to learn alligator wrestling, I'd be none too happy, but you can be sure I'd be there with a sidearm and a big stick to try to save her if something happened.
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rtk, on the motorcycle vs general aviation thing, is there data on that somewhere? If so, could you provide a link?
 
rtk11 said:
Well, remember that Cajun Flyer's spouse was passionate about riding a motorcycle. Not everyone's cup of tea (and it didn't sound like Cajun Flyer's first or second choice for activity either), but she did it to spend time with her spouse. And the chances of being maimed or dead on a motorcycle is exponentially greater than flying in an airplane.

The point is... marriage is all about compromises. Cajun Flyer compromised, but her spouse doesn't want to compromise on this passion. Maybe he's truly concerned for her safety, but it's selfish to ignore her passion for flying in the interest of soothing his worries. Maybe it's something else. But counseling sounds like a good place to go.

Heck, if my wife wanted to learn alligator wrestling, I'd be none too happy, but you can be sure I'd be there with a sidearm and a big stick to try to save her if something happened.
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Placing his wedding ring in a drawer makes a statement. Based on that observation, I'd speculate his problem runs much deeper than Cajun's flying. Just my two cents worth.
 
Norman said:
Placing his wedding ring in a drawer makes a statement. Based on that observation, I'd speculate his problem runs much deeper than Cajun's flying. Just my two cents worth.
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+1

The ultimatum style her spouse exhibits is control and brinksmanship. He likely is lacking in self confidence and has to force things to go his way to maintain his comfort zone. Maybe it's too far gone for counseling, but if they do pursue a spit or divorce, at least the counselor can weigh in during trial on the reason for dissolution and custody of the kids.

Disclaimer: I am not a counselor, psychiatrist, attorney, and did not stay at a Holiday Inn Express. :lol:
 
iu
 
rtk11 said:
+1

Maybe it's too far gone for counseling, but if they do pursue a spit or divorce, at least the counselor can weigh in during trial on the reason for dissolution and custody of the kids.
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I would think that would be covered by confidentiality.

I know for myself I would be less than forthcoming with a counselor if I thought it would result in court testimony.
 
To the OP.....

Congrats on living your dream......

The only thing that really scares me is the thought of laying on my deathbed saying to myself..... " What If".....

And I do appreciate your spot in life.. I was married for 33 years, Been flying for 35, Built an experimental and one day the Ex came to me and said " either the plane goes, or I do"........

I loaded up the plane for my trip to Osh and came back to divorce papers sitting on the dinner table.......

Oh Well... Her loss...:rolleyes:
 

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N801BH said:
I loaded up the plane for my trip to Osh and came back to divorce papers sitting on the dinner table.......QUOTE]

I'd be gone temporary duty in the Air Force (like working for the FAA during the controllers strike) and mine would still be there....must be doing something wrong! :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
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Cajun flyer, I just discovered this thread with sadness as I have similar issues with the wife. Mostly it is the time thing with me, as she says there are more important things to focus on.

Problem is that there will always be "more important" things to focus on and she can hold me hostage with that for the rest of my life.

I'm not quitting or postponing for a "better time", because I know that time will never exist and I'll then resent her for the rest of our likely shortened marriage.

In the beginning, I didn't tell her how many lessons I was taking, she knows now, but I don't feel the slightest bit guilty about that dishonesty or withholding of information.

At this point, I don't care if she comes around or not.

I've had it. The first time she ever mentions divorce or takes off her ring in protest will be the day I move out

As sad as it is to say this, I hope you have started divorce proceedings.

As a hot aviatrix, you might be out of this guys league anyway and will have no problems being lonely for long.
 
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Hang in there bud. You are unfortunately in good company. It worked out for me, but it took years.

Isn't it great to be well off enough to have such a terrible first world only problem?
 
[QUOTE='brian]
Isn't it great to be well off enough to have such a terrible first world only problem?[/QUOTE]

Indeed it is. LOL
 
Tarheelpilot said:
I had a female student quit because her family was so unsupportive and hostile re her flying. She heard the same crap you are sharing. Unfortunately she quit. Her ******* husband actually told me he couldn't handle the idea of his wife doing something he was afraid of plus the flying cut into the dirt bike racing budget for him and the oldest son. i say to hell with them and keep flying. But it's easy for me to say that from the side lines. Only you can decide if flying is worth the cost. Just remember, being a pilot does not mean...
You are a bad mother
You are selfish
You are a bad wife .......

Good luck
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Lol...I grew up racing motocross....talk about a very dangerous sport. Every year several amateur racers die - two kids I used to race with died a few years ago.

It can be very easy to see the general aviation accidents on the news and extract that it is very dangerous - I even did the same for a while.
 
I am very late to this thread, but opinions can be changed. I have seen it happen. When I started out flying, my wife was scared to death. I have worked very hard to educate her. I don't sugar coat anything and I tell her the truth about the risks. When I have experiences in the air that make me nervous (like instrument failure, or electrical failure, or the time I got a lot close to another airplane in the traffic area than I would have wanted), I tell her about it. I explain to her how and why airplane crashes happen. When she hears about an airplane crash on TV, or reads about it in the news, I look it up and tell her what went wrong.

In my experience, the honest exchange of information, and the honest discussion of what the risks actually are has made a world of difference. My wife came flying with me for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I even got my mother-in-law into the airplane with me once, and she was a bigger critic than my wife.

Stay positive. Don't be condescending towards people that are afraid of airplanes. Remember that they are afraid of airplanes for some emotional reason. Try to understand the emotion, sympathize with it, then do your best to share facts and explain what you are doing to be safe.

That's the best advice I've got.
 
azpilot said:
In my experience, the honest exchange of information, and the honest discussion of what the risks actually are has made a world of difference. My wife came flying with me for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I even got my mother-in-law into the airplane with me once, and she was a bigger critic than my wife.

Stay positive. Don't be condescending towards people that are afraid of airplanes. Remember that they are afraid of airplanes for some emotional reason. Try to understand the emotion, sympathize with it, then do your best to share facts and explain what you are doing to be safe.
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Thanks for your post and offering your thoughts. I assure you that I was never condescending to my husband about his reservations with flying, and tried my best to educate him as much as I could to lesson his concerns. Unfortunately, none of that was effective. His response was always the same, "I don't care. I don't like it. You won't convince me otherwise." Door slammed, wall up, no progress.

What was effective was filing for divorce. Please understand that we had a lot of other issues and this one (- his lack of support, stubbornness, refusal to compromise, etc) was the nail in the coffin. BUT, as an update, it woke him up. He acknowledged/owned his mistakes and quickly made drastic changes in a fight to keep me and save what was left of the marriage.

I won't delve into the issues of our marriage that aren't relevant to flight training, but regarding that, he is now being 100% supportive and even said he would like to go up with me and my instructor one day to face his fears. I'm hoping he truly means those things and isn't just pretending in order to keep me, but, regardless, I don't have to hide my passion for flight like some kind of dirty affair anymore.

Whether we'll make it past our other issues remains to be seen, but at least this one has been resolved for now... hopefully it will stay that way.
 
Nice to hear that Cajun. I think him going up w/ you and your CFI will be a good thing, and he might even catch the flying bug, which might open another can of worms! :hairraise:

Hopefully your other issues get resolved too. Good luck and keep flying! :yesnod:
 
Cajun_Flyer said:
Thanks for your post and offering your thoughts. I assure you that I was never condescending to my husband about his reservations with flying, and tried my best to educate him as much as I could to lesson his concerns. Unfortunately, none of that was effective. His response was always the same, "I don't care. I don't like it. You won't convince me otherwise." Door slammed, wall up, no progress.

What was effective was filing for divorce. Please understand that we had a lot of other issues and this one (- his lack of support, stubbornness, refusal to compromise, etc) was the nail in the coffin. BUT, as an update, it woke him up. He acknowledged/owned his mistakes and quickly made drastic changes in a fight to keep me and save what was left of the marriage.

I won't delve into the issues of our marriage that aren't relevant to flight training, but regarding that, he is now being 100% supportive and even said he would like to go up with me and my instructor one day to face his fears. I'm hoping he truly means those things and isn't just pretending in order to keep me, but, regardless, I don't have to hide my passion for flight like some kind of dirty affair anymore.

Whether we'll make it past our other issues remains to be seen, but at least this one has been resolved for now... hopefully it will stay that way.
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Thanks so much for the update. It's tough when you jump into a thread on page 7 with 160 something other comments that you don't have time to read. I hope it all works out for you! Keep us all posted on your flying progress!
 
mscard88 said:
I think him going up w/ you and your CFI will be a good thing, and he might even catch the flying bug, which might open another can of worms! :hairraise: :yesnod:
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When my wife finally came flying with me, she had a great time. I let her fly the plane for a nice stretch. It was a beautiful Arizona day. Completely clear skies. Temperatures in the 60's. Visibility was 50+ miles. She tracked a heading perfectly and maintained altitude within +/- 50 feet.

When we got on the ground, I asked her, "So, Do you want to learn how to fly now?" I was very excited! She had done so well! She had such a great time! Her response....


"No, I want to get a motorcycle."


Whiskey.... Tango.... Foxtrot.... :mad2::eek::no::dunno::yikes::hairraise:


Oh well... Baby steps... right?
 
Cajun_Flyer said:
Thanks for your post and offering your thoughts. I assure you that I was never condescending to my husband about his reservations with flying, and tried my best to educate him as much as I could to lesson his concerns. Unfortunately, none of that was effective. His response was always the same, "I don't care. I don't like it. You won't convince me otherwise." Door slammed, wall up, no progress.

What was effective was filing for divorce. Please understand that we had a lot of other issues and this one (- his lack of support, stubbornness, refusal to compromise, etc) was the nail in the coffin. BUT, as an update, it woke him up. He acknowledged/owned his mistakes and quickly made drastic changes in a fight to keep me and save what was left of the marriage.

I won't delve into the issues of our marriage that aren't relevant to flight training, but regarding that, he is now being 100% supportive and even said he would like to go up with me and my instructor one day to face his fears. I'm hoping he truly means those things and isn't just pretending in order to keep me, but, regardless, I don't have to hide my passion for flight like some kind of dirty affair anymore.

Whether we'll make it past our other issues remains to be seen, but at least this one has been resolved for now... hopefully it will stay that way.
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Well, that is the best possible news. At least you now have a fighting chance to make it work.

If he does go up with you and your CFI, at least for for the first round, you might have him take the right seat so he can take the controls a bit and do a little flying himself. Sort of like his "discovery flight." Otherwise, him just seeing you do all the flying first, might bring some of that possible threatened manhood issue back a little.

Good luck Pilot.
 
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mscard88 said:
Well did she get one? Don't leave us hanging. :rofl:
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This was just a few weeks ago that this all happened. We've got a lot of other stuff going on right now. I think she put the motorcycle in the "long term plan" category.
 
Cajun_Flyer said:
Thanks for your post and offering your thoughts. I assure you that I was never condescending to my husband about his reservations with flying, and tried my best to educate him as much as I could to lesson his concerns. Unfortunately, none of that was effective. His response was always the same, "I don't care. I don't like it. You won't convince me otherwise." Door slammed, wall up, no progress.

What was effective was filing for divorce. Please understand that we had a lot of other issues and this one (- his lack of support, stubbornness, refusal to compromise, etc) was the nail in the coffin. BUT, as an update, it woke him up. He acknowledged/owned his mistakes and quickly made drastic changes in a fight to keep me and save what was left of the marriage.

I won't delve into the issues of our marriage that aren't relevant to flight training, but regarding that, he is now being 100% supportive and even said he would like to go up with me and my instructor one day to face his fears. I'm hoping he truly means those things and isn't just pretending in order to keep me, but, regardless, I don't have to hide my passion for flight like some kind of dirty affair anymore.

Whether we'll make it past our other issues remains to be seen, but at least this one has been resolved for now... hopefully it will stay that way.
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I am REALLY glad to hear that progress is being made! Whatever the outcome, it sounds like what's going on now is much healthier.

My relationships have been hampered for the past sixty years by not appreciating what I had until I didn't have it (or the people involved) anymore. So I can understand how a divorce filing might wake a guy up.
 
azpilot said:
When my wife finally came flying with me, she had a great time. I let her fly the plane for a nice stretch. It was a beautiful Arizona day. Completely clear skies. Temperatures in the 60's. Visibility was 50+ miles. She tracked a heading perfectly and maintained altitude within +/- 50 feet.

When we got on the ground, I asked her, "So, Do you want to learn how to fly now?" I was very excited! She had done so well! She had such a great time! Her response....


"No, I want to get a motorcycle."


Whiskey.... Tango.... Foxtrot.... :mad2::eek::no::dunno::yikes::hairraise:


Oh well... Baby steps... right?
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Sounds like a fair trade. It's been mentioned in many threads here that the fatality rates for motorcycles are similar to those for non-commercial flying.
 
Palmpilot said:
Sounds like a fair trade. It's been mentioned in many threads here that the fatality rates for motorcycles are similar to those for non-commercial flying.
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I agree

I actually like riding as well. Several years back, my wife and I rented a Harley, and did a ride with a large group. We rode all over the state. It was a blast. Somehow, that day we went flying, rekindled in her mind the fun time we had on that Harley. Really, I just want her to find something that makes her happy.
 
Cajun_Flyer said:
What was effective was filing for divorce.
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Your tale reminds me of another lady who learned to fly, but with much different results. She came to the airport with a tape recorder in the early/mid 1970s and I showed her how to preflight the plane as she recorded what I told her. She taught ballet and acted in local theaters too. After she got her private license her whole family fell in love with aviation. Her husband learned next, got an instrument rating and bought an airplane for the family business. She had three sons who also earned licenses. Her daughter, although not a pilot, is an enthusiastic passenger, and tells me her mother used to love to say how I taught her to fly and she taught me patience. She's flying with the angels now, as she passed away just before Christmas. Near her coffin at calling hours was an easel of aviation-related pictures and a table of artifacts; logbook, student workbooks, etc. Learning to fly changed not just her life, but her whole family's as well. Hope things work out for you too.

dtuuri
 
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dtuuri said:
.....Near her coffin at calling hours was an easel of aviation-related pictures and a table of artifacts; logbook, student workbooks, etc. Learning to fly changed not just her life, but her whole family's as well. Hope things work out for you too.

dtuuri
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Aviation is a lifelong addiction, and there is NO 10 step class to overcome it..:redface:
 
I like to say that the difference between flying and heroin is that flying doesn't rot your mind.
 
dtuuri said:
Near her coffin at calling hours was an easel of aviation-related pictures and a table of artifacts; logbook, student workbooks, etc. Learning to fly changed not just her life, but her whole family's as well. Hope things work out for you too.

dtuuri
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Very nice post, thanks for sharing.
 
azpilot said:
When my wife finally came flying with me, she had a great time. I let her fly the plane for a nice stretch. It was a beautiful Arizona day. Completely clear skies. Temperatures in the 60's. Visibility was 50+ miles. She tracked a heading perfectly and maintained altitude within +/- 50 feet.

When we got on the ground, I asked her, "So, Do you want to learn how to fly now?" I was very excited! She had done so well! She had such a great time! Her response....


"No, I want to get a motorcycle."


Whiskey.... Tango.... Foxtrot.... :mad2::eek::no::dunno::yikes::hairraise:


Oh well... Baby steps... right?
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Holy déja vu! I would swear in a court of law I read that same exact story from a guy in AZ a few weeks ago. I think I'm losing my mind...
 
dtuuri said:
Your tale reminds me of another lady who learned to fly, but with much different results. She came to the airport with a tape recorder in the early/mid 1970s and I showed her how to preflight the plane as she recorded what I told her. She taught ballet and acted in local theaters too. After she got her private license her whole family fell in love with aviation. Her husband learned next, got an instrument rating and bought an airplane for the family business. She had three sons who also earned licenses. Her daughter, although not a pilot, is an enthusiastic passenger, and tells me her mother used to love to say how I taught her to fly and she taught me patience. She's flying with the angels now, as she passed away just before Christmas. Near her coffin at calling hours was an easel of aviation-related pictures and a table of artifacts; logbook, student workbooks, etc. Learning to fly changed not just her life, but her whole family's as well. Hope things work out for you too.
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I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. What a wonderful story, though. Thank you for sharing!
 
I think aviation is a calling like it's said wanting to be a doctor is.

You have to really want it because people try to talk you out of it all the time. Or they freak out or say horrible ignorant things.

You get the same responses like as if you were saying "I want to be a race car driver" or "I want to climb Mt. Everest"
 
Cajun_Pilot - glad to hear that at least the aviation "issue" is resolved on the home front. Good to pursue your passions and take a stand for those things you believe in, and you were rewarded for your tenacity. Maintain your heading, Pilot!
 
While I didn't read each thread, I did read enough to draw a few conclusions:
1) WOW, just WOW!
2) My wife is wonderful (supports my addiction, but refuses to fly the plane)
3) I'm glad we got past our marital troubles (minor, but very distracting/discouraging at the time).

Congratulations on the solo - I still vividly remember mine from 30 years ago. Good luck with the flying and all else.
 
Late to the party, but DANG this is a rough thread!

Years ago my wife was nervous about me taking up flying (already had a ton of insurance so that wasn't the issue). As things progressed, my son would fly with me and finally she went up about a year post PPL (she was never against me flying, just concerned). She'll fly locally and anything under an hour on one way trips. She has experienced TB up to extreme, doesn't like it, but it didn't scare her away. Initially she wanted my son on all trips (like it was better we all go if there were an issue), but that faded as well.

I'm sorry to see what Cajun Flyer is/was up against. My spouse is normally opposite. I never owned a gun until 11 years ago, now I have 15 of them as every time we go "shopping" she'll always say," Why are you buying only one?". Hope things work out for the O.P.
 
I'm glad it is working out for the OP. Sometimes the nuclear option needs to be done. I hope things smooth out and your SO ends up liking to fly.
 
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