Timbeck2
Final Approach
No, it's not about the money at all. And it definitely isn't about the time away from home...
Okey doke. I've reached my depth on solving your problem.
Hope he comes around some day and congrats on the solo.
Tim
No, it's not about the money at all. And it definitely isn't about the time away from home...
Okey doke. I've reached my depth on solving your problem.
Hope he comes around some day and congrats on the solo.
Tim
Okey doke. I've reached my depth on solving your problem.
Hope he comes around some day and congrats on the solo.
Tim
...Besides, I'm not looking for anyone here to solve my problem... I more just came here to vent, hear some words of support...
That's fantastic! I need a husband like your wife!!!
Reminds me of this awesome video I came across the other day...
http://www.greatbigstory.com/stories/dilys-price-82-year-old-skydiver
Thank you for your response. It's true that have changed, but my intent on flying has been known to him since long before we ever even got together. I've always been obsessed with aviation. On our honeymoon, I closed my eyes on the takeoff and pretended I was the one piloting the plane. He thought I was a weirdo and, back then, it was "cute." Guess it's not so cute now that I've gotten more serious about it.
The thing is, since we've been together, I've been forced to face my mortality when I bled out and stopped breathing on an operating table. Yes, that changes a person. I don't want to wait until I'm old to follow my passion because what if I don't make it til when I'm old? I want to live now and, sure, I guess that's selfish. But I'm not budging on it. I think that part bothers him the most.
As for what happens now with our marriage... that one's up in the air, but, sadly, on a different flight path than my little Warrior. We'll see what time brings.
...well, you know the rest.
The following comments have trickled in over the last week or so on the heels of one of my coworkers (an ex-ATCer) proudly announcing at our agency's Christmas party that I was about to do my first solo...
"But you're a mom of two kids!"
"Be careful... I mean, you have two kids to think of."
"I guess I'll be the first responder when you do your first solo."
(a comment made by a public safety official when I told him I would be doing it in his town)
"Ugh, you make me nervous. I could never do that. Please don't die."
"I better not see you on the evening news!"
"Where are you learning out of?" >tells him< "Oh, I've got buddies at the fire station there. Guess I'll know from them when you solo! haha!"
"You flew... by yourself?! Oh my. Don't you have kids? What does your husband think?"
As for what my husband thinks about all of this, well... he is the LEAST supportive person I have on it. Sucks, right? When I told him I finally reached my solo milestone, he didn't speak to me for a day and then blew up on me the next day. Sent me a dozen or so sensationalist news articles about plane crashes. He's known I've been taking lessons for months now, but we just don't talk about it due to his disapproval. I never should have made the mistake of wanting to share my good news about the solo with him.
So, I guess I'm just wondering... am I getting these kind of comments for the simple fact that I have the audacity to also be a woman and, GASP... a mother? Or do men get these kind of responses as well? It's both men and women saying these things to me. The women are the ones making all the comments about my kids, while the men are mostly making comments about me dying.
I'm at the point where I just don't want to talk about it with anyone anymore. The most dangerous thing for me in the sky right now are all of their voices telling me I can't do it, or that I'm going to die, or that I'm going to leave my kids motherless. Their voices are the only real hazard to me.
Or maybe they are right. Is it terribly selfish of me to learn how to fly while I have children? Lay it on me, if so. I've dreamt about this for 20+ years and don't want to wait another 20 to follow my passion, but maybe that's just what I have to do.
But this is about how I feel right now -
Yes. It happens to men too. Wife and I have two kids. It's amazing how similar our situation is.
When I first said I wanted to do the discovery flight, it was met with "great I'll be a single mom" and "Be sure the life insurance is up to date" and even some harsher things.
When I did my first solo, it was a surprise. Instructor said, "it's time" and jumped out. I went home, happy as hell that I met such an amazing milestone. It was returned with such cold bitterness that I wanted to quit then and there. "You said it was going to take months and months!" Um, no, you never listened when I explained the process. And she is always eager to point out a plane crash or any sort of issue.
She talked about a friend of extended family that died in a small plane crash in the mountains. "He went to a flight school and was really experienced" etc etc. I pulled up the NTSB report and it turns out that cold meds and marijuana were in the toxicology report. Sorry, that's not the plane's fault. Careless, stupid person.
She has been more supportive lately. But I doubt she'll let me take the kids up. I doubt she'll ever go up. Which sucks. And just wait until the next road trip, when I choose to fly instead of driving. That's going to be a fight. But whatever.
Everyone around me gives me the same points you hear. For a while it did go to my head and sometimes it still does. Maybe it is selfish and stupid. But, I'm going to be as safe and responsible as I can be. I love it. It's something I want to do and experience. So fukc what other people say.
It's something so amazing that we work so hard for and care so much about. So of course it hurts when we continually get negative reactions. But everyone is different.
When it's our turn, it's our turn. Doesn't matter if it's in a plane, a car, cancer, heart attack, etc.
So I say be selfish. Do what you want to do and what makes you happy. If you stop and give up solely because of opinions and statements from others, you'll have a huge hole in your heart and will always wonder.
Let me know if there is any way I can help.
I kinda doubt it, but maybe a somewhat more experienced local pilot who does searches can help…or not.
My wife is indifferent. She'll fly, but would rather do just about anything else, even laundry. It helps that my kid is really into it.
You're still a student, right?
It's amazing how similar our situation is.
I think it's mostly sour grapes. Most people don't have the cajones and/or resources to participate in interesting activities, so they find ways to put you down thinking it lifts them up. Bzzzzzt! Wrong answer.
You hit the nail right on the head with that one! I think it's partly people's disappointment in their own decisions, or their giving in to their fears of trying new things or following their dreams. Misery loves company, as they say. If they aren't happy with their choices, how dare you be happy with yours?
a Mother and I Like to Fly.....WHUDUPP?
I agree that communication is key, but both parties have to communicate. I can't do it all.
I soloed two days before Christmas and it was amazing!! Ok, so my landings were definitely not my best and I did have to do a go-around when I came in too high once, BUT I had a blast Traffic was pretty thick that day... had to do a couple 360s and extend my downwind once or twice, but nothing I'm not used to. It's one of the busiest airports for traffic in New England.
Because it wasn't my most graceful flight, I decided to go up and solo again the day after Christmas just to prove I could do it better than I did the first time. I nailed every landing beautifully! My CFI would have been proud.
I may be a little overboard on this, but could this be your husbands problem? Sounds like he may be a little under employed right now and the male ego wants to be to sole provider to the family.
I wish there was one thing I could say or do to help you get your husband on board, literally. Maybe your success in your wanting to do something you have a passion about is too much because he is not doing what he wants, or is not as successful as he wants to be at this point in life.
All I can offer is thoughts and prayers that this all works out for the both of you and your children.
Okay, no one else acknowledged it...
lol I'm used to it.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
I don't think you are overboard at all. I think it's exactly that. I understand the male ego and this sort of thing. But, what am I supposed to do? Continue coddling him? Stop being happy so he feels better about his misery? I'm tired of baby-stepping and downplaying/hiding my accomplishments and joys. I've been there for him. At some point, I need him to be there for me as well.
Walking eggshells is exhausting.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
I don't think you are overboard at all. I think it's exactly that. I understand the male ego and this sort of thing. But, what am I supposed to do? Continue coddling him? Stop being happy so he feels better about his misery? I'm tired of baby-stepping and downplaying/hiding my accomplishments and joys. I've been there for him. At some point, I need him to be there for me as well.
Walking eggshells is exhausting.
.....those things scared me and made me worry about my safety. But, more importantly, they didn't fill me with passion. I could have lived with/without them. Flying, on the other hand... my God. It's a part of my soul. It's a core part of who I am, who I want to be. And I feel safe, in control, free... happy.....
congrats on your solo! That's AWESOME! Way to go!
RE: marriage counseling - I've paid for a few years of counseling and I believe it was worth it - just celebrated our 30th anniversary ... 20 years of wedded bliss and 10 years of ... (counseling?) Anyway, I learned enough to know I can't give anyone advice ... sorry!
My wife hates to fly. She's a white knuckle commercial flyer, and has tried to go with me in GA a couple of times and just can't get over her fears. However, she supports me in my hobby. In fact, I flew before we got married, and laid off for way too many years while finishing my college, starting a family, starting a business, raising a family, etc etc etc... anyway, about 15 years ago she introduced me to one of her friends who's husband is a pilot, and we spent the whole afternoon talking about flying. After the picnic, I told my wife "I HAVE to get back in the air!" and she said "I know. That's why I introduced you."
actually I do want to comment on this:
have you told him this.....in these words? the 'issue', in my mind, should be OVER if you have expressed this to him in this manner. if he still has an issue with you flying after you tell him this, then yeah, most likely some underlying marital issues that we probably couldn't help you with. but, I'm talking about physically speaking these exact words to him, not what most women typically do and NOT say what you mean but leave us to figure out wtf you're trying to say.
My co-workers, on the other hand, can't ask enough questions and couldn't be more supportive. Right before I soloed they all listened in on LIVEACT to hear me babble to the tower. They all thought it was pretty cool.