Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

With a very seductive voice a wife asked her husband,

"Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?"

"No, said her husband."

She gave him a sexy little smile,

unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse

and slowly reach down in her cleavage,

created by a soft, silky, push-up bra

and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

He took the crumpled twenty dollar bill from her

and smiled approvingly.

She then asked,

"Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up?"

"No, I haven't," he said with an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile,

unzipped her skirt, letting It drop to the floor

and seductively reached into her panties

and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.

He took the crumpled fifty dollar bill

and started breathing a little quicker

with anticipation.

"Now," she said,

"Have you ever seen 50,000 dollars all crumpled up?"

"No way!" he said, becoming even more excited,

to which she replied:










"Go look in the garage."
 
4cb3aa9bf7ade7e167d33e58ef8b287d.jpg
 
A Flying students’ diary

Week 1

Monday: Rain

Tuesday: Rain

Wednesday: No rain; no visibility either

Thursday: Take instructor to lunch. Discover I don’t know enough to take instructor to lunch.

Friday: Fly! Do first stall and second stall during same manoeuvre. Cover instructor with lunch.


Week 2

Monday: Learned not to scrape frost off Plexiglas with ice-scraper. Used big scratch as marker to set pitch.

Tuesday: Instructor wants me to stop calling throttle “THAT BIG KNOB THING.” Also hates when I call instruments “GADGETS”

Wednesday: Radios won’t pick up radio stations, so I turned them off. Instructor seems to think I missed something.

Thursday: Learned 10 degree bank is not a steep turn. Did stall again today. Lost 2000 feet. Instructor said that was some kind of record — my first compliment.

Friday: Did steep turn. Instructor said I was not ready for inverted flight yet.


Week 3

Monday: Instructor called in sick. New instructor told me to stop calling her “BABE”. Did steep turns. She said I had to have permission for inverted flight.

Tuesday: Instructor back. He told me to stop calling him “BABE”, too. He got mad when I pulled power back on takeoff because the engine was to loud.

Wednesday: Instructor said after the first 20 hours, most students have established a learning curve. He said there is a slight bend in mine. Aha–progress!

Thursday: Did stalls. Clean recovery. Instructor said I did good job. Also did turns around a point. Instructor warned me never to pick ex-fiancée’s house as point again.

Friday: Did circuit work. Instructor said that if downwind, base and final formed a triangle, I would be perfect. More praise!


Week 4

Monday: First landing at a controlled field. Did fine until I told the captain in the 747 ahead of us on the taxiway to move his bird. Instructor says we’ll have ground school all this week on radio procedures.

Tuesday: Asked instructor if everyone in his family had turned grey at such an early age. He smiled. We did takeoff stalls. He says I did just fine but to wait until we reached altitude next time. Three Niner Juliet will be out of the shop in three days when the new strut and tyre arrive. Instructor says his back bothers him only a little.

Wednesday: Flew through clouds. I thought those radio towers were a lot lower. I’m sure my instructor is going grey.

Thursday: Left flaps down for entire flight. Instructor asked way. I told him I wanted the extra lift as a safety margin. More ground school.

Friday: Asked instructor when I could solo. I have never seen anyone actually laugh until they cried before.
 
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and feel glad you are alive?


I did and was told I will not be allowed on this airline again….:rofl:
 
After some conversation and drinks*, *I invited her to my apartment.*
*I couldn't ask her directly if she's was going to stay over so I threw a
question at her: “How would you like your eggs in the morning?"*
*The smartass replied: “Unfertilized"
 
mscard88 said:
After some conversation and drinks*, *I invited her to my apartment.*
*I couldn't ask her directly if she's was going to stay over so I threw a
question at her: “How would you like your eggs in the morning?"*
*The smartass replied: “Unfertilized"
Click to expand...
Librarians don't say that.......
 
Let'sgoflying! said:
If affected insurance companies contributed only 10% of their claims payout in a year, they could lower that roadbed 12" and save a lot of grief.
Click to expand...
Nope.

Major sewer line runs just under the roadbed. Would need a lift station to get the sh#t to run back uphill.

http://11foot8.com/faq/

Why don’t they fix it?
Depends on who “they” are and on what “fix” means.

  • The North Carolina Railroad Company owns the train trestle, and their concern is primarily with keeping the trains running and keeping them running safely. So their concern is mainly with reducing the impact of the truck crashes on the actual structure of the train trestle. As far as they are concerned, they solved that problem by installing the crash beam.
  • The city of Durham has installed “low clearance” signs on each of the 3 blocks leading up to the trestle (Gregson is a one-way road). There is an “overheight when flashing” sign with flashing lights that are triggered by vehicles that are too tall. Several blocks ahead of the trestle the speed limit is 25 MPH. The folks from the city planning department said that they made an effort to prevent accidents.
  • The North Carolina Dept. of Transportation maintains the road, but not the signage. I suspect they have much bigger problems to deal with statewide than this bridge.
Can’t the road be lowered?
That would be prohibitively expensive because a sewer main runs just a few feet below the road bed. That sewer main also dates back about a hundred years and, again, at the time there were no real standards for minimum clearance for railroad underpasses.

Can’t the bridge be raised?
Here, too, the question is who would want to pay the millions of dollars to raise the tracks a couple of feet? To accomplish this, the grade of the tracks would have to changed on both sides of the trestle, probably for several miles. That would require rebuilding all trestles in Durham. And NS would have to shut down this busy track for months. I don’t think they are interested in that idea.
 
ElPaso Pilot said:
Nope.

Major sewer line runs just under the roadbed. Would need a lift station to get the sh#t to run back uphill.

http://11foot8.com/faq/

Why don’t they fix it?
Depends on who “they” are and on what “fix” means.

  • The North Carolina Railroad Company owns the train trestle, and their concern is primarily with keeping the trains running and keeping them running safely. So their concern is mainly with reducing the impact of the truck crashes on the actual structure of the train trestle. As far as they are concerned, they solved that problem by installing the crash beam.
  • The city of Durham has installed “low clearance” signs on each of the 3 blocks leading up to the trestle (Gregson is a one-way road). There is an “overheight when flashing” sign with flashing lights that are triggered by vehicles that are too tall. Several blocks ahead of the trestle the speed limit is 25 MPH. The folks from the city planning department said that they made an effort to prevent accidents.
  • The North Carolina Dept. of Transportation maintains the road, but not the signage. I suspect they have much bigger problems to deal with statewide than this bridge.
Can’t the road be lowered?
That would be prohibitively expensive because a sewer main runs just a few feet below the road bed. That sewer main also dates back about a hundred years and, again, at the time there were no real standards for minimum clearance for railroad underpasses.

Can’t the bridge be raised?
Here, too, the question is who would want to pay the millions of dollars to raise the tracks a couple of feet? To accomplish this, the grade of the tracks would have to changed on both sides of the trestle, probably for several miles. That would require rebuilding all trestles in Durham. And NS would have to shut down this busy track for months. I don’t think they are interested in that idea.
Click to expand...
Good post. Just because a few idiots cannot follow the rules some people think we need to change the world to'protect them. I say we need to thin the herd a bit.
It is no easy task to lower a roadway and an even bigger job to move a railway. It is definitely not worth it to save a few moving trucks and rv air conditioning units.
 
I also wondered why they didn't just install a bunch of noisy low-clearance bars in the blocks leading up to the bridge, but they can't do that either:

Could they install a low-clearance bar?
A low clearance bar is a bar suspended by chains ahead of the bridge. Overheight vehicles hit that bar first and the noise alerts the driver to to the problem. I understand that this approach has been successful in other places, but it’s not practical here. There are many overheight trucks that have to be able to drive right up to the bridge and turn onto Peabody St. in order to deliver supplies to several restaurants. Making Peabody St inaccessible from Gregson St would make the restaurant owners and the delivery drivers very unhappy.



Basically this bridge is always going to be a comedy of errors - 113 of them so far.
 
Last edited:
deonb said:
I also wondered why they didn't just install a bunch of noisy low-clearance bars in the blocks leading up to the bridge, but they can't do that either:

Could they install a low-clearance bar?
A low clearance bar is a bar suspended by chains ahead of the bridge. Overheight vehicles hit that bar first and the noise alerts the driver to to the problem. I understand that this approach has been successful in other places, but it’s not practical here. There are many overheight trucks that have to be able to drive right up to the bridge and turn onto Peabody St. in order to deliver supplies to several restaurants. Making Peabody St inaccessible from Gregson St would make the restaurant owners and the delivery drivers very unhappy.



Basically this bridge is always going to be a comedy of errors - 113 of them so far.
Click to expand...
How about some modified PAPI lights? Make them real bright, but not enough to blind someone.
 
JOhnH said:
How about some modified PAPI lights? Make them real bright, but not enough to blind someone.
Click to expand...

Is the signeage inadequate?
The signeage is pretty good. Large signs alert driver to the low clearance several blocks before the bridge. Overheight vehicles trip a light switch that turns on flashing warning lights.right at the bridge.


I believe they also now modified it so that the traffic lights will turn red if it detects an over-height vehicle. So now to get stuck under the bridge you need to really gun it after it turns green again. But there still is no stopping the determined.
 
Instead of lowering the road or raising the rail, they should mount a Howitzer near by and when a moron stuffs his truck under the thing they fire off a couple rounds to clear the bridge and life will move on.
 
deonb said:
A Flying students’ diary

Week 1

Monday: Rain

Tuesday: Rain

Wednesday: No rain; no visibility either

Thursday: Take instructor to lunch. Discover I don’t know enough to take instructor to lunch.

Friday: Fly! Do first stall and second stall during same manoeuvre. Cover instructor with lunch.


Week 2

Monday: Learned not to scrape frost off Plexiglas with ice-scraper. Used big scratch as marker to set pitch.

Tuesday: Instructor wants me to stop calling throttle “THAT BIG KNOB THING.” Also hates when I call instruments “GADGETS”

Wednesday: Radios won’t pick up radio stations, so I turned them off. Instructor seems to think I missed something.

Thursday: Learned 10 degree bank is not a steep turn. Did stall again today. Lost 2000 feet. Instructor said that was some kind of record — my first compliment.

Friday: Did steep turn. Instructor said I was not ready for inverted flight yet.


Week 3

Monday: Instructor called in sick. New instructor told me to stop calling her “BABE”. Did steep turns. She said I had to have permission for inverted flight.

Tuesday: Instructor back. He told me to stop calling him “BABE”, too. He got mad when I pulled power back on takeoff because the engine was to loud.

Wednesday: Instructor said after the first 20 hours, most students have established a learning curve. He said there is a slight bend in mine. Aha–progress!

Thursday: Did stalls. Clean recovery. Instructor said I did good job. Also did turns around a point. Instructor warned me never to pick ex-fiancée’s house as point again.

Friday: Did circuit work. Instructor said that if downwind, base and final formed a triangle, I would be perfect. More praise!


Week 4

Monday: First landing at a controlled field. Did fine until I told the captain in the 747 ahead of us on the taxiway to move his bird. Instructor says we’ll have ground school all this week on radio procedures.

Tuesday: Asked instructor if everyone in his family had turned grey at such an early age. He smiled. We did takeoff stalls. He says I did just fine but to wait until we reached altitude next time. Three Niner Juliet will be out of the shop in three days when the new strut and tyre arrive. Instructor says his back bothers him only a little.

Wednesday: Flew through clouds. I thought those radio towers were a lot lower. I’m sure my instructor is going grey.

Thursday: Left flaps down for entire flight. Instructor asked way. I told him I wanted the extra lift as a safety margin. More ground school.

Friday: Asked instructor when I could solo. I have never seen anyone actually laugh until they cried before.
Click to expand...
That sounds like my life

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk
 
If you have pets.....you always put the lid down. LOL
 
A School of Psychology conducted a survey called - "What really do you see?”
People were asked to focus their attention on this simple picture and then asked if they had noticed anything odd.

Now you also have a chance to test your skills and see if you can pass.........


Study the picture for 5 seconds; then briefly state the oddest thing you see..
Here are the Results of the Survey:

IMG_2381.PNG



1. 100% of males failed this test. They were distracted by the woman's large bosom.


2. 100% of the females also failed this test. They were distracted by the wide choice of doughnuts.


The real answer (see below):






There's a mouse on one of the doughnuts……..

If you didn’t see it, YOUmade the list and your room is waiting for you !

Now don't tell me you saw it. I won't believe you.
 
Last edited:
mscard88 said:
A School of Psychology conducted a survey called - "What really do you see?”
People were asked to focus their attention on this simple picture and then asked if they had noticed anything odd.

Now you also have a chance to test your skills and see if you can pass.........


Study the picture for 5 seconds; then briefly state the oddest thing you see..
Here are the Results of the Survey:

View attachment 51412



1. 100% of males failed this test. They were distracted by the woman's large bosom.


2. 100% of the females also failed this test. They were distracted by the wide choice of doughnuts.


The real answer (see below):






There's a mouse on one of the doughnuts……..

If you didn’t see it, YOUmade the list and your room is waiting for you !

Now don't tell me you saw it. I won't believe you.
Click to expand...
I was distracted by the entire box of donuts and not a single one was cut in half!
 
Three POAers were standing on the Golden Gate Bridge, one is a cirrus owner, one is a "BO" owner and the other owns a twin. They all jump off at the same time. Who lands first?






 
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