Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

A well respected doctor had sex with one of his female patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."






But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering: "You're a veterinarian, you sick bastard."
 
Tarheelpilot said:
Hell man I worked there and that's for dang sure what I called it, especially after talking to Sam in scheduling. That guy was king of the douchebags
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Most regional airline schedulers and dispatchers are, and I did it 24 years so I know what I'm talking about.
 
An old couple back in the thirties heard an aircraft come by the house, so they run out to see if they could see it..
sure enough, there it was, the lady says that must be the mail plane, the guy says no I think that is just his wheels hanging down.
 
Tom-D said:
An old couple back in the thirties heard an aircraft come by the house, so they run out to see if they could see it..
sure enough, there it was, the lady says that must be the mail plane, the guy says no I think that is just his wheels hanging down.
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So complex aircraft are... tucking?
 
Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe said:
So, like, back in the olden days when I had a car with a generator (not an alternator) and no radio - the previous owner had hooked the battery up backwards. Everything worked just fine.
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Simpler systems, simpler times.

My dad had a succession of small Datsun/Nissan pickup trucks from the mid 70's through the late 90's. He used them for work trucks (as an electrician). One was a diesel. Pretty good truck that got great gas mileage.

But on to the story. The diesel had been sitting in the yard for a while because work was slow and there were no employees to drive it. My car died and Dad was going to loan me the truck. It needed jumping. So we went out and HE (thankfully) hooked up the jumper cables backwards. It started fine. But when he pulled the cables the electrical system died. No lights, no fans, no gauges, nothing. Truck kept on running. When we figured out what happened he told me to park it and we'll get it fixed. So I parked it and turn the key off. It kept right on running. Apparently that vintage (I think it was a late 80's one, but I'm not sure.) electrically interrupted the fuel flow to shut off. With no electrical system, you couldn't shut off the engine. Fortunately it was a standard transmission, so I put it in gear, held the brake and let the clutch out to kill it.

John
 
The king wanted to go fishing, so he called on the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours.

The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days, So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey.

Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".

The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."

So the king continued on his way. However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the
prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.

The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."

So the king hired the donkey.

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions.
 
Shamelessly stolen from elsewhere, but I almost spit out my Coke Zero I was sipping when it came across my screen...

7e9f66f1756ea3cefa47a7491e5855d8.jpg
 
The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump's health care package:



The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were ****ed off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.


In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a**holes in Washington.
 
Some guy in the other thread said pilots are arrogant. This seems to fit the bill.IMG_1519.jpg
 
Murphy's Real Laws:


1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

5. When the chips are down the buffalo is empty.

6. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.

7. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

8. She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "Juneflower."

9. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

10. Despite the cost of living, it still remains popular?

11. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

12. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

13. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
 
If your kids like Lego's, this may be a nice gift for Easter. The new Passenger Removal Playset for ages 6-12. IMG_1564.jpg
 
A Cirrus pilot texted to me, "What does IDK mean?"

I replied, "I don't know."

His reply was, "Nobody else seems to know either."
 
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