Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Acrodustertoo said:
Three POAers were standing on the Golden Gate Bridge, one is a cirrus owner, one is a "BO" owner and the other owns a twin. They all jump off at the same time. Who lands first?






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The one with the thickest wallet, so obviously the Cirrus owner, unless he/she had the optional backpack chute. Then it would be the Bo owner, not the twin owner as their wallet has been thinned out.
 
mscard88 said:
The one with the thickest wallet, so obviously the Cirrus owner, unless he/she had the optional backpack chute. Then it would be the Bo owner, not the twin owner as their wallet has been thinned out.
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Wrong but nice try and thanks for playing!
 
mscard88 said:
WHAT?! No ****ing consolation prize?
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You will receive a participation trophy and a smiley face sticker in the mail, shipping takes 10-12 weeks from the time they receive your forms filled out in purple ink and in triplicate along with a copy of your state issued I.D, a copy of your birth certificate and social security card plus a copy of your background check, fingerprint card and your first born male child!
 
Acrodustertoo said:
You will receive a participation trophy and a smiley face sticker in the mail, shipping takes 10-12 weeks from the time they receive your forms filled out in purple ink and in triplicate along with a copy of your state issued I.D, a copy of your birth certificate and social security card plus a copy of your background check, fingerprint card and your first born male child!
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Oh **** it, keep the ****ing trophy and the ****ing horse you rode in on. ****ing bastards.
 
Why men wear earrings.

Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men?

A man is at work one day when he notices his co-worker is wearing an
earring. The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative
fellow and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity
prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."


I always wondered how this trend got started; now I know!
 
Acrodustertoo said:
Three POAers were standing on the Golden Gate Bridge, one is a cirrus owner, one is a "BO" owner and the other owns a twin. They all jump off at the same time. Who lands first?






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It doesn't matter who lands first. The BO owner will just ignore the question and tell everyone why they suck
 
A well respected doctor had sex with one of his female patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."






But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering: "You're a veterinarian, you sick bastard."
 
A retired older couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in, to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top.

The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply
"Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $55,000 asking price," said the older man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady there."

"And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model." The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water.

"Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?" replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man...

"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that idiot to lower the price...
See you later, Dad, Happy Father's day."
 
A Retiree -- Vacuuming
A retired guy sits around the house all day,
So, one day his wife says, "Joe, you could do something
useful like vacuum the house once a week".
The guy gives it a moment's thought and says:
"Sure, why not. Where's the vacuum?"
Half an hour later, Joe walks into the kitchen to get some coffee.
His wife says, "I didn't hear the vacuum running. I thought you were going to use it."
Exasperated, Joe answers, "The stupid thing is broken. It won't start. We need to buy a new one."
"Really", she says, "Show me - It worked fine the last time I used it".
So, he showed her.... Click here
 
mscard88 said:
A Retiree -- Vacuuming
A retired guy sits around the house all day,
So, one day his wife says, "Joe, you could do something
useful like vacuum the house once a week".
The guy gives it a moment's thought and says:
"Sure, why not. Where's the vacuum?"
Half an hour later, Joe walks into the kitchen to get some coffee.
His wife says, "I didn't hear the vacuum running. I thought you were going to use it."
Exasperated, Joe answers, "The stupid thing is broken. It won't start. We need to buy a new one."
"Really", she says, "Show me - It worked fine the last time I used it".
So, he showed her.... Click here
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Reminds me of the story of the lumberjack who comes into the trading post just after the trader get's his first chainsaw.
Trader tells the lumberjack "You really need this chainsaw! It'll cut down trees 10 times as fast as your ax."
Lumberjack says "Well... I don't know."
"No! You NEED this. I guarantee it'll save you so much time!" the Trader replies.
Finally the lumberjack says "OK."
The lumber jack takes the chainsaw and his other supplies and leaves. In a week he's back with the chainsaw. Sets it on the counter and says "I can't even come close to cutting trees down as fast with this as I can with my ax."
The trader replies "Let me see that. There must be something wrong with it. Let me take in the back a try it."
He caries it into the back room. Sets it on the floor. Checks the gas. Gives it a couple of pulls and it starts up.
From the front room the lumberjack says "What's that noise?!?"
 
ElPaso Pilot said:
Nope.

Major sewer line runs just under the roadbed. Would need a lift station to get the sh#t to run back uphill.

http://11foot8.com/faq/

Why don’t they fix it?
Depends on who “they” are and on what “fix” means.

  • The North Carolina Railroad Company owns the train trestle, and their concern is primarily with keeping the trains running and keeping them running safely. So their concern is mainly with reducing the impact of the truck crashes on the actual structure of the train trestle. As far as they are concerned, they solved that problem by installing the crash beam.
  • The city of Durham has installed “low clearance” signs on each of the 3 blocks leading up to the trestle (Gregson is a one-way road). There is an “overheight when flashing” sign with flashing lights that are triggered by vehicles that are too tall. Several blocks ahead of the trestle the speed limit is 25 MPH. The folks from the city planning department said that they made an effort to prevent accidents.
  • The North Carolina Dept. of Transportation maintains the road, but not the signage. I suspect they have much bigger problems to deal with statewide than this bridge.
Can’t the road be lowered?
That would be prohibitively expensive because a sewer main runs just a few feet below the road bed. That sewer main also dates back about a hundred years and, again, at the time there were no real standards for minimum clearance for railroad underpasses.

Can’t the bridge be raised?
Here, too, the question is who would want to pay the millions of dollars to raise the tracks a couple of feet? To accomplish this, the grade of the tracks would have to changed on both sides of the trestle, probably for several miles. That would require rebuilding all trestles in Durham. And NS would have to shut down this busy track for months. I don’t think they are interested in that idea.
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I say raise the speed limit to 60. At least when the hit the bridge, it will shear off the box. Traffic continues to flow on through. They could also just make it NO TRUCKS, EVER! A 6.5 foot height barrier with a camera and automatic picture taking and ticket.
Make the fine great enough so the idiot doesn't do it again.
There is a place on storrow drive in Boston that gets clipped every fall on college moving day. All the signs in the world won't ever help.
 
SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE;
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL,
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, "THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.

YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YOU' MOTHER,
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE.
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.
 
mscard88 said:
A Retiree -- Vacuuming
A retired guy sits around the house all day,
So, one day his wife says, "Joe, you could do something
useful like vacuum the house once a week".
The guy gives it a moment's thought and says:
"Sure, why not. Where's the vacuum?"
Half an hour later, Joe walks into the kitchen to get some coffee.
His wife says, "I didn't hear the vacuum running. I thought you were going to use it."
Exasperated, Joe answers, "The stupid thing is broken. It won't start. We need to buy a new one."
"Really", she says, "Show me - It worked fine the last time I used it".
So, he showed her.... Click here
Click to expand...
Well at least now we have a video of MSCard

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