Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

This was one messed up group of people too.
They had more fun though..

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I had to look up who Jim Jones was and now that I know, it's pretty funny. in a bizarre, insane, mass murdering culty kind of way.
 
denverpilot said:
That’s messed up. Of course a lot of younger folks don’t know who that is...
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I have to admit, I didn't recognize who it was. But then I've never known him by sight. Certainly know who Jim Jones was and what he did. I'll go with kinda funny.
 
bflynn said:
I have to admit, I didn't recognize who it was. But then I've never known him by sight. Certainly know who Jim Jones was and what he did. I'll go with kinda funny.
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For those of us who remember when it happened...it’s sorta sick, sorta funny.
 
Clark1961 said:
For those of us who remember when it happened...it’s sorta sick, sorta funny.
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That is a good way to describe it.

A friend of mine was on the team that cleaned up the mess. He came back a different person, it really messed him up.
 
Joseph worked in a pickle factory.

For years, he had a desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.
After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Joseph to go ahead and do it,
or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early.
His wife, Sacha, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened.
Joseph tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.
He explained that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired.

Sacha gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts to find a normal, completely intact penis.
She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?

Joseph replied, "I think she got fired, too."
 
He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into a
room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He
approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring
voice close to my ear. "Just relax."

Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start
at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves, slowly but
steadily. My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow
I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up
onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse
was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage.
And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply.

Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my
shoulders,
slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties. Although I knew nothing
about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I
thought. A man
used to taking charge. A man not used to taking 'No' for an answer. A man who
would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say . . . ..

"Okay ma'am, you can board your flight now".
 
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mscard88 said:
"Okay ma'am, you can board your flight now
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Or, Sir.

Congress tells you that grown men feeling you up magically stopped all the terrorism. Then 15 years after they tell you that, they’re all on TV being outed as perverts along with their Hollywood friends.

Makes sense now, doesn’t it? LOL.
 
Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in mint condition. He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

'Well, it's quite simple,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain, and he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents.
Naturally, they take the bike there. Just before they enter the house,
Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family.
When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the FIRST person who says
anything during dinner has to do the dishes.' 'No problem,' he says.. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the
corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. He leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. He reaches over and fondles her breasts. Nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table and screws her, right there in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her Dad is obviously livid and her mom
horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom. She's got a great body too.
Joe grabs mom, bends her over the table, pulls down her panties, and
screws her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table. Joe sits down.

His girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, & Mom is beaming from ear to
ear. But still....Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father shouted. "I'll do the friggin' dishes!!"
 
Old Santa was in a foul mood. It was just after Thanksgiving. The raw materials for his toys got delayed by bad weather. The children's' lists were getting lost in the mail. Three of his reindeer were sick. Rudolph was harassing Vixen, and Vixen was complaining. To top it all off, he had just gotten word that the elves were demanding better work hours and threatening to strike. About that time, an angel came into the workshop carrying a decorated Christmas tree. She spotted Santa and flew straight to him and asked, "Where do you want me to put this Christmas tree?"

And that's how the tradition of putting an angel on top of the tree started.
 
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