Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

When God sends you help, don't ask questions.
She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this." She bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag.
He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in my car. I must get home.
Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?" He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute, the car door was open.
She hugged the man and through tears, softly said, "Thank you, God, for sending me such a very nice man."
The man heard her little prayer and replied, "lady, I am not a nice man. just got out of prison yesterday; I was in prison for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a professional."
Is God great or what!?!
 
News Update from Canada

The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.

Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Alberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.

Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones.

"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, how many art-history majors does one country need
 
Retired Person's Perspective
1. I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably very unhappy.
4. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.
5. I don't like making plans for the day. Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
6. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a row.
7. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
8. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what's your plan?
9. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege.
Old age is not as bad as I thought. It's a good feeling when you just don't give a hoot anymore and you feel happy just to wake up in the morning.
 
That's because it's a job no American wants to do...
 
As it turns out :) all the folks that live in red counties do not equal those who live in NYC and the So-Cal. and we can't count the illegal guns in those areas. let alone Chicago?
 
Tom-D said:
As it turns out :) all the folks that live in red counties do not equal those who live in NYC and the So-Cal. and we can't count the illegal guns in those areas. let alone Chicago?
Click to expand...

The ones in Chicago with guns don't generally vote . . . And their idea of revolution involves taking your **** without po-lice intervention.
 
6a0c6a750ffc5a9600eb77fcf6133075.jpg
 
denverpilot said:
And a real joke... look what some idiot did to this poor SIG.

He posted, "What else should I do to it?"

My response was, "Take all that crap off of it and then go shoot it."

4063e9579e9cfbbd2ac184d1878d08c4.jpg
Click to expand...
He can't afford ammo with all that "tactical" gear on it now
 
This is Incredible!

This REALLY works!!!

SEX BY CHAIN LETTER... IT WORKS !!!

I never send chain letters, but this one works.

You will be offered sex by simply passing it on!

It's incredible!

Send 'I LOVE HILLARY' to ten friends.
At least 9 will reply telling you to go screw yourself.
 
mscard88 said:
This is Incredible!

This REALLY works!!!

SEX BY CHAIN LETTER... IT WORKS !!!

I never send chain letters, but this one works.

You will be offered sex by simply passing it on!

It's incredible!

Send 'I LOVE HILLARY' to ten friends.
At least 9 will reply telling you to go screw yourself.
Click to expand...
What about this one?
th
 
A little early, but the season is around the corner....

Do you know why Santa is always so jolly.???

He knows where the naughty girls live.......

men-s-for-merry-xmas-i-want-santa-s-list-of-naughty-girls-t-shirt-3xl-silver.jpg
 
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