Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

flyingcheesehead said:
Judging by the lack of reaction this got, you and I must be the only people here who can read music.

That's the theme from The Flintstones, which I'm pretty sure was not composed by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
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I tried very hard to get this one, because I can read music just fine. I thought maybe it was some kind of cool riddle I wasn't smart enough to understand. Turns out, I just don't know the theme from The Flintstones. :p
 
An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive sports car.

Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man.

"Look what you did to my car" he yells.
"You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"

"Oh my" says the old man, "I don't have that kind of money.

Let me call my son, he trains dolphins and he will know what to do."

"Dolphins" the other driver huffs, while rolling his eyes.

The old man pulls out his phone, dials his son and just as his son answered, the irate man snatches the phone away from the old man.

"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh? Well, Your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need 10 grand right now or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp."

"I'll be there in 10 minutes," says the voice calmly on the other end.

Exactly 10 minutes later a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road.

When he finished, he walked over to his father and said….

"For the last time dad, I train Seals, Navy Seals.....

NOT dolphins!"
 
bflynn said:
An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive sports car.

Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man.

"Look what you did to my car" he yells.
"You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"

"Oh my" says the old man, "I don't have that kind of money.

Let me call my son, he trains dolphins and he will know what to do."

"Dolphins" the other driver huffs, while rolling his eyes.

The old man pulls out his phone, dials his son and just as his son answered, the irate man snatches the phone away from the old man.

"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh? Well, Your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need 10 grand right now or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp."

"I'll be there in 10 minutes," says the voice calmly on the other end.

Exactly 10 minutes later a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road.

When he finished, he walked over to his father and said….

"For the last time dad, I train Seals, Navy Seals.....

NOT dolphins!"
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"I know son, but if I said that, they'd just laugh and say, 'Yeah Right.' This way, they stick around until you show up."
 
flyingcheesehead said:
Judging by the lack of reaction this got, you and I must be the only people here who can read music.

That's the theme from The Flintstones, which I'm pretty sure was not composed by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
Click to expand...

That's awesome. I guess I just skipped over it haha.
 
flyingcheesehead said:
Judging by the lack of reaction this got, you and I must be the only people here who can read music.

That's the theme from The Flintstones, which I'm pretty sure was not composed by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
Click to expand...
I'm glad you clarified that as I cannot read sheet music. I hate to miss a good joke.
 
Having recently moved to the neighborhood I was eager to meet one of my neighbors that was in his yard with the dog. Having waked over and introduced myself I commented about how beautiful the dog was and asked if he would bite. "My dog don't bite" he replied. So after talking with him for a few minutes when the dog came close I reached over to pet him on the head and he bit the daylights out of me.

I screamed at my neighbor saying, "you told me your dog didn't bite!" He was trying to hide his laughter as he said, "well ... that there ain't my dog."
 
Lycosaurus said:
View attachment 118242
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I can't put enough likes to this one. Even if I listen, if it involves a name that's isn't either someone that I work with or an immediate family member, I'm not going to remember that name for more than 30 seconds. A Labrador retriever can remember the name of more toys than I can people's names.
 
What is the 2 worst things your doctor can tell you.??

For me #1 is, ''I give up''.

#2 is ''I am going to give you something to make you throw up.''

The best thing your doctor can tell you.??

''Penicillin will clear that right up...''
 
Zeldman said:
What is the 2 worst things your doctor can tell you.??

For me #1 is, ''I give up''.

#2 is ''I am going to give you something to make you throw up.''

The best thing your doctor can tell you.??

''Penicillin will clear that right up...''
Click to expand...


Or ... when they call you and say they need to see you right now and you rush over there to hear the good news and the bad news.

The good news is, "you have 24 hours to live" and the bad news is, "I meant to call you yesterday."
 
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