Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

When a post begins with: "Obviously, as per FAR 61.129(3)(iv) subsection 4 appendix Y"

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A blonde is understandably nervous for her first flight, but the person in the seat next to her on the airliner assures her that the safety measures, four engines, and numerous redundant systems make it a very safe endeavor. This seems to calm her down and they takeoff and climb to altitude without any further consternation.

But then, the pilot comes over the intercom and says, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. There is absolutely no reason for alarm, but I just wanted you to know that we will be delayed about 30 minutes because we lost one of our four engines. We apologize for the inconvenience."

Understandably, this makes the nervous flyer sit up in her seat a bit. But after a few more minutes of uneventful flying, she calms back down.

Then the intercom pipes up again, "Ladies and Gentlemen, your captain again. Still nothing to worry about, but we just lost engine number 2, so we will now be an hour late."

She's noticeably anxious when she hears, "This is your captain. We just lost another engine, so we will now be an hour and a half late for our arrival. We do apologize for the inconvenience. The flight attendants will be around with extra snacks and drinks to accomadate you due to this delay."

As the flight attendant walks by, she notices that the young woman is drifting off to sleep. She asks, "Ma'am, I've noticed you were nervous during the other annoucements, but you seem pretty calm right now. What changed?"

The blonde replies, "I figured I might as well get comfortable. If we lose another engine, we might be up here all night!"
 
Irony is the generation which grew up making prank calls now being hounded by telemarketers.
 
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I used to eat natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Can you cry underwater?

How important does a person have to be before they are being assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it’s only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going? (taxes?)

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck for eternity wearing the clothes you were buried in?

What disease did cured ham have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person goes to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put on binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is “bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Can a hearse that carries a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

Can a pregnant female drive in a carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
 
Zeldman said:
Think about it. You win over Lovey, she has all the money after she divorces Thurston. A couple years later she kicks off leaving you with the Howell fortune, then you can have Mary Ann AND Ginger....
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One of the morning sports radio guys was in the “Ginger or Mary Ann” game and said, “Mrs. Howell”. The other guys questioned his choice until he said, “She’s rich and will die soon.”
 
I'd prefer not to have someone older than my parents.
 
Matthew said:
One of the morning sports radio guys was in the “Ginger or Mary Ann” game and said, “Mrs. Howell”. The other guys questioned his choice until he said, “She’s rich and will die soon.”
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This was the same set of sports radio guys that made me nearly drive off the road. Around Halloween one year, Radio Guy 1 asked Radio Guy 2, “What’s your favorite horror movie?” RG2, immediately, “Pretty Woman!”. That was followed by a few seconds of radio silence. RG1 said, slowly, “Horr-OR movie…”. RG2 said, also slowly, “Ohhhh…”
 
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