Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Daleandee said:
Tail-gating encouraged!
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I used to commute by motorcycle, and back in the carburetor bike days one could blast tailgaters. If they followed too close, I'd hit the kill switch, roll on the throttle to load up the exhaust with unburnt gas, and turn the switch back on. Ka-BLAM! The loud noise and flames across their hood got them to back off quickly.
 
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So I was talking to the guy down the street and he invited me to a party next week. I didn't have anything planned, so I said, sounds cool, I'll swing by.

He says, just so you know, there'll be alcohol. Okay, I don't drink that much, but I'm not opposed.

Then he says, there'll probably be a fight. Okay... that's a little weird, but whatever.

Then he says, there'll be some sex, too. Wow, okay sounds like a wild party, but he's a biker, and I know how crazy the rallies get, so maybe it'll be interesting to see in person.

So I asked what time should I be there, and should I bring anything? He says, show up whenever you want, and don't worry about bringing anything, it'll just be you & me...
 
Jim K said:
So I was talking to the guy down the street and he invited me to a party next week. I didn't have anything planned, so I said, sounds cool, I'll swing by.

He says, just so you know, there'll be alcohol. Okay, I don't drink that much, but I'm not opposed.

Then he says, there'll probably be a fight. Okay... that's a little weird, but whatever.

Then he says, there'll be some sex, too. Wow, okay sounds like a wild party, but he's a biker, and I know how crazy the rallies get, so maybe it'll be interesting to see in person.

So I asked what time should I be there, and should I bring anything? He says, show up whenever you want, and don't worry about bringing anything, it'll just be you & me...
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An oldie but moldy. :D
 
At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire..
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.
The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.
The drunk tried it and said,
- “It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”
- "That's correct", said the boss. Another glass...
- “This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for the finest results.”
- "Correct." A third glass...
- "It's a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' the drunk said calmly.
The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.
The inebriated gent tried it.
- "It's a blond, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don't get the job I'll name the father."
 
Half Fast said:
LOL!

Y’know, if only there were a pilot with a sense of humor and some video chops, like @SixPapaCharlie for instance, he could make a hilarious spoof of an “Air Disasters” episode out of clips from that movie.
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I would definitely like and subscribe
 
SkyChaser said:
View attachment 111810
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Spent many hours in that position, looking for tiny objects dropped by pilots and Wizo’s. That item was usually the cap on a mechanical pencil. After searching and not finding it for an hour, we would get egress to pull the seat. As soon as the seat gets lowered to the ground, ops would call and tell us the pilot found the cap in his flight suit…..thanks man.
 
aterry1067 said:
Spent many hours in that position, looking for tiny objects dropped by pilots and Wizo’s. That item was usually the cap on a mechanical pencil. After searching and not finding it for an hour, we would get egress to pull the seat. As soon as the seat gets lowered to the ground, ops would call and tell us the pilot found the cap in his flight suit…..thanks man.
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And egress would forget to disarm the ELT causing an ATC emergency alert on the scope with an aural alarm...that we can't turn off. Then go to lunch and leave ATC to figure out which aircraft out of hundreds is causing the alarm.
 
The husband of a recently married couple was a member of the local toastmasters club. One evening at their weekly meeting, he gave a speech about sex. He spoke quite a while and had the audience captivated. When he got finished, they gave him a standing ovation! He was very proud of his accomplishment. When he got home, he told his new bride about his standing ovation. His new wife asked what he spoke about. Being a bit shy yet he told her that he spoke about sailing. A bit confused she said, well that’s nice. The next day she ran into one of his toastmaster buddy’s at the grocery store. He also told her about the standing ovation. She replied, yes, he told me about it, and I can’t believe he is such an authority on the subject. We’ve only done it twice, the first time he got sick, and the second time his hat blew off!
 
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