Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

ENGLISH LESSON

Tsunami ……….T is silent

Honest ………. H is silent

Psychology ………. P is silent

Knife ………. K is silent

Wife ………. Husband is silent

Class dismissed …
 
You can teach an old dog new tricks ...

An old dog saw a panther approaching and knew he was in trouble.

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly .... "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that old dog "

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

.
 
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It was the right engine that failed. :rolleyes:
 
Q: What do you get when you rub ketchup in your eyes?

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wait for it....
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A: Heinz sight

:rolleyes1:
 
Aviation Dictionary

Airspeed: Speed of an airplane. Deduct 25% when listening to a Navy pilot.

Bank: The folks who hold the lien on most pilots' cars.

Cone of Confusion: An area about the size of New Jersey, located near the final approach beacon at an airport.

Crab: The squadron Ops Officer.

Dead Reckoning: You reckon correctly, or you are.

Engine Failure: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with air.

Firewall: Section of the aircraft specially designed to let heat and smoke enter the cockpit.

Glide Distance: Half the distance from the airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.

Hydroplane: An airplane designed to land on a 20,000 foot long wet runway.

IFR: A method of flying by needle and ripcord.

Lean Mixture: Nonalcoholic beer

Nanosecond: Time delay built into the stall warning system.

Parasitic Drag: A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.

Range: Usually about 30 miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks fill with air.

Rich Mixture: What you order at the other guy's promotion party.

Roger: Used when you’re not sure what else to say.

Service Ceiling: Altitude at which cabin crews can serve drinks.

Spoilers: The Federal Aviation Administration.

Stall - Technique used to explain to the bank why you car payment is late.
 
One buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING.
People often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."
Well, here it is:
*You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Direct Marketing.
__________________________________________________________
* You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One
of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed."

That's Advertising.
_____________________________ ______________________________
* You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Telemarketing.
_____________________________ ______________________________
* You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him
and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say,
"By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Public Relations.
______________________________ ______________________________
* You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed"

That's Brand Recognition.
______________________________ ______________________________
*You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.

That's a Sales Rep.
_________________________________________________________
* Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.

That's Tech Support.
___________________________________________________________
* You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm
fantastic in bed!"

That's Facebook.
___________________________________________________________
* You’re at a party; an old man walks up to you and grabs your ass.

That's Bill Clinton
______________________________ ______________________________
* You didn't mind it, but twenty years later your attorney decides you
were offended and you are awarded a settlement.

That's America
 
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