Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

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Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Rocky's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Rocky's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rocky sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

How did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

Last night my wife dressed in sexy lingerie .... took me to the bedroom where she had candles burning , rose petals on the bed , along with some rope and handcuffs .... she said to tie her up so I did as she asked.

Then she said .... "do whatever you want"

So here I am.

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My wife said she bought me an SUV for my birthday.
I gave her a big hug and told her I loved her.
She went into the next room and came back with a small package for me.
Inside was Socks Underwear and Viagra

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A man went to a councilor and complains about premature ejaculation and thus his wife was never satisfied.
The councilor recommended he masturbate ahead of time , then he would last longer the second time.

On his way home he decided to try it .... pulled his big truck to the side of the road ... crawled underneath .... pulled his pants down and began.

In order to concentrate he kept his eyes closed tightly .... then he heard .... "this is the police ..... what the heck are you doing ....??"

Just checking my rear axle he replied.

The policeman said .... you should also check your brakes because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.

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A Martin said:
A man went to a councilor and complains about premature ejaculation and thus his wife was never satisfied.
The councilor recommended he masturbate ahead of time , then he would last longer the second time.

On his way home he decided to try it .... pulled his big truck to the side of the road ... crawled underneath .... pulled his pants down and began.

In order to concentrate he kept his eyes closed tightly .... then he heard .... "this is the police ..... what the heck are you doing ....??"

Just checking my rear axle he replied.

The policeman said .... you should also check your brakes because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.

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Click to expand...
You type pretty well with one hand:goofy::rofl:
 
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I cant get no respect .... yesterday I bought a new computer and it asked me to create a password.

I wanted something my wife and kids could not figure out so decided to type .... my.penis ... and hit the enter button

It got an error message that said ... your password is too short

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A Martin said:
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Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Rocky's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
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Click to expand...
Bobby is getting ready for his annual deer hunt, but his wife isn’t happy about being left alone for a week and makes her unhappiness known. In a big way.

Bobby finally relents and promises to take her along, but only after a rifle safety course at the local shooting range.

Turns out the wife is a natural crack shot. On the first day is bullseye-info t

On the first day of the hunt, he sets her up on the blind, 25 feet up in the air and tells her he will go off into the surrounding woods to scare something into the shooting lanes. Just don’t shoot him.

After a bit of wandering in the woods making noise, he hears a rifle shot.

Approaching the shooting lane, he sees a cowboy standing next to a dead horse with his hands raised over his head yelling at the deer blind.

“Okay lady! What ever you say, it’s a deer. Now just let me remove my saddle…”
 
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Man in church .... Pastor , that was a damned good sermon you preached.

Pastor ... thanks but please don't use profanity in here.

Man .... I liked that damned sermon so much I put $5000 in the offering plate

Pastor .... no sh##it

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A software developer testing his own code ...

 
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An old couple were celebrating their 60th anniversary and decided to visit the old school where they met years ago . They even found the desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved “I love you Sally ”

On the way home a bag fell out of an armored car and they picked it up .... it had $50,000 in it.

Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.” Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door.... Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?

Sally said, “No”. Andy said, She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic. Sally said, Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.

The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.... Andy said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ....”

The first police officer turned to his partner and said ... he is definitely senile .... We’re outta here!

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A Florida state trooper sees a new Corvette speeding down the freeway so he pulls it over.

When he approached the car he saw it was being driven by an elderly man .... having a bit of compassion the trooper looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
 
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