Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Here, this is simple.
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Half Fast said:
You realize you will need to disclose this lapse when you renew your medical, right?
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Oh man, I forgot, that was due last month. Sheeit, I don’t remember how to get there. Thank gawd for google maps
 
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Arnold said:
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from the Spider Robinson book, Callahan’s Touch (they get worse as the bar patrons get drunker):

When-a you swim inna da sea, an' a eel bites-a your knee, dat's a moray...

A New Zealander man with a permanent tan, that's a Maori...

When two patterns combine, serpentine, that's a moiré...

He tells jokes, he's a ham; his last name's Amsterdam, dat's-a Morey...

If yer vitamins be mostly C, D and E, take some more A...

Oh, you play 'What I Say' very gay-- won't you play that some more, Ray?

When-a Canadian shows you his mother, he goes: "Dat's my mawr, eh?"

With the high price of feed, it's for farmers in need, that's singe mow hay...

My new ray-gun here tries to put out both your eyes: it's a Moe-Ray...

If King Kong has gone flat, rent the flick Vampire Bat; that's some more Wray...
 
Small town in Ontario had an open stretch of road where everybody would speed .... so police parked an old unused police car on a small hill ... worked for a while until folks figured out it was just a decoy car with nobody in it.

Everybody resumed speeding again and laughed at the whole idea.

Not to be outdone , police began to randomly put an actual car with radar at the spot .... nobody speeds anymore.

.
 
Kellogg here in Wichita is notorious for speeders. The sheriffs dept once parked a cruiser on the side which worked for a couple of days, then someone did a driveby with a paintball gun and that was the end of that.
 
Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe said:
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Reminds me of the story of the lady that took her car to the dealership for service. She was waiting in the customer service area when the manager came in and asked if she had a spare key to her car. She told him she did and he asked her to walk back with him and unlock the car as the mechanic had accidentally locked the doors with the keys in the car.

On walking into the service bay she watched the mechanic with a slim jim attempting to open the driver's door and noticed that the passenger door was unlocked. When she pointed this fact out to the young mechanic he replied, "yes ma'am ... I already did that side." o_O
 
Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe said:
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Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe said:
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Daleandee said:
Reminds me of the story of the lady that took her car to the dealership for service. She was waiting in the customer service area when the manager came in and asked if she had a spare key to her car. She told him she did and he asked her to walk back with him and unlock the car as the mechanic had accidentally locked the doors with the keys in the car.

On walking into the service bay she watched the mechanic with a slim jim attempting to open the driver's door and noticed that the passenger door was unlocked. When she pointed this fact out to the young mechanic he replied, "yes ma'am ... I already did that side." o_O
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