Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Dangerous stuff.

You know that in the gas form, it will cause serious burns, right? Be very careful with it.
 
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There was a girl who liked to go golfing without wearing panties

Until one day she got stung by a bee

Between the first and second hole

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Her: Do you drink beer?
Him: Yes
Her: How many per day?
Him: 3
Her: How much do you pay?
Him: $5 each including tip
Her: How long have you been drinking?
Him: 20 years
Her: So, 3 beers a day at $5 per beer for a month is around $450 for 20 years is $108,000. Do you realize that with interest you'd have enough to buy a plane?
Him: Do you drink beer?
Her: No
Him: Where's your plane?
 
Talking Dog Joke

(might be a repost here, but one of my all-time favorites) /Lycosaurus

A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap??"

"Because the dog's a damn liar. He never did any of that s h i t."
 
RussR said:
As a CFI, the number of pilots I have had ask if it's okay to pay partly in cash and partly by some other method (credit card, check, Venmo, etc.) is not zero...
Click to expand...
Guess I'm very lucky... my wife always gave me gift certificates issued by my CFI for flight instruction towards my PPL and IR ... ;).. of course, I still need to finish my IR.... hint, hint, honey...
 
It has been a most wonderful year... Match.com advert. (Ryan Reynolds at it again).

 
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Went for a walk with my new girlfriend and we saw dogs mating.

She said: “How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?”

I replied: “He can smell she is ready . That’s how nature works.”

We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe.

Again my girlfriend asked: “How does the ram knew when the ewe is ready for sex?”

I replied: “It’s nature. He can smell she is ready.”

We then went past a cow-field and the bull was mating with the cow.

My girlfriend said: “This is odd. They are really going at it. Surely the bull can’t smell when she is ready?”

I said: “Oh, yes; it’s nature . All animals can smell when the female is ready for sex.”
Anyway, after the walk, I dropped her home and kissed her goodbye.

She said: “Take care and get yourself checked out for Covid-19.”

Surprised, “Why do you say that?” I asked her.
She replied: “You seem to have lost your sense of smell.”
 
To some people, the year 2020 will be the good old days
 
Seeing that a woman is in the process of trading a hairpin for a house (Google it), I'm in the market for a Debonair... I have a good decking screw to trade...

Anyone willing to cut out all the middlemen?
 
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