Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

mscard88 said:
Packer fan since early 60s, no NFL for me anymore. Sorry, but ya gotta stand.
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I was an Eagles fan for my first 20 or so years, then slowly evolved into a Falcon's fan while at Ga. Tech.
Tonight's game will be hard for me to ignore, but I have a strong support group.
 
JOhnH said:
I was an Eagles fan for my first 20 or so years, then slowly evolved into a Falcon's fan while at Ga. Tech.
Tonight's game will be hard for me to ignore, but I have a strong support group.
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LOL!

I evolved into a Yellow Jackets fan while at GT! :)
 
mscard88 said:
Packer fan since early 60s, no NFL for me anymore. Sorry, but ya gotta stand.
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The worst part of that for me is... 99% of the players stand! People are punishing the hard working players, coaches, and other staff because their teammates kneel and the organization won't make a rule that if you don't stand, they fire you. There are still around 5 teams that have had nobody kneel, and the Eagles had one backup guy kneel and he's no longer on the team. Give up on Green Bay... come over to the Cowboys, we don't kneel.

Now back to the jokes!
 
Lowflynjack said:
The worst part of that for me is... 99% of the players stand! People are punishing the hard working players, coaches, and other staff because their teammates kneel and the organization won't make a rule that if you don't stand, they fire you. There are still around 5 teams that have had nobody kneel, and the Eagles had one backup guy kneel and he's no longer on the team. Give up on Green Bay... come over to the Cowboys, we don't kneel.

Now back to the jokes!
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If just ONE employee at Walmart showed that sort of disrespect for our country while on the job and wearing company logos and the company management tolerated it, I wouldn’t shop at any WalMart.

Same deal.
 
Half Fast said:
LOL!

I evolved into a Yellow Jackets fan while at GT! :)
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I started evolving into a Yellow Jackets fan when we moved to South Georgia when I was about 14. EVERYONE else was a Georgia fan, but for some reason, I just couldn't swing that way. When it came time to go to college, it was an easy choice for me. I got in-state tuition at a State school, and Tech was the only one I had any desire to attend.

NOW, we can get back to the jokes.
 
JOhnH said:
I started evolving into a Yellow Jackets fan when we moved to South Georgia when I was about 14. EVERYONE else was a Georgia fan, but for some reason, I just couldn't swing that way. When it came time to go to college, it was an easy choice for me. I got in-state tuition at a State school, and Tech was the only one I had any desire to attend.

NOW, we can get back to the jokes.
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Okay.

Q - What’s the difference between a scud-running aviator and a University (sic) of Georgia football player?

A - The pilot ducks fogs.
 
Half Fast said:
If just ONE employee at Walmart showed that sort of disrespect for our country while on the job and wearing company logos and the company management tolerated it, I wouldn’t shop at any WalMart.

Same deal.[/qoute]

Yep, when they open the stores by playing the National Anthem each day and one of them takes a knee, in front of that Chinese made American flag, I’ll stop buying my Chinese underwear there.
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mscard88 said:
Yeah. I know who those two are and what happened. Still ain't watching the NFL this year, again.
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I like football. If I don't watch football, it affects exactly nothing except my own enjoyment. It's not like they can tell who my TV is tuned to. So, that's a pretty weak form of protest because it hurts me far more than it hurts those being protested against.

So I'm gonna keep watching, and the NFL is gonna keep not caring whether I watch or not. The only thing that will keep me from watching is if our new GM sucks and there's nobody who can actually catch Rodgers' passes.
 
I used this in another thread this week, but since it's Friday, I'll post it here as well. Cheers! :cheerswine:

may-you-make-just-the-right-number-of-wrong-decisions-this-weekend-q4D.png
 
Bob was sitting on the plane at Cleveland waiting to fly to Chicago, when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck…pale, hands shaking in fear.

"What's the matter, afraid of flying?" Bob asked.

"No, it's not that. I've been transferred to Chicago. The people are crazy there, right? Lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor schools, and the highest crime rate in the USA. ”

Bob replied, "I've lived in Chicago all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. I've worked there for 14 years and never had the slightest trouble. ”

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you've lived and worked there all those years and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living? ”

"I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck..."
 
A flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu, in Africa, could enlarge your breasts without surgery. So she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her.

Dr. Bumbutu advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!' She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew a terrific D-cup rack!

One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'

A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked ' Are you a patient of Dr Bumbutu's?'

Yes I am. How did you know?'

He winked and whispered, 'Hickory dickory dock'...
 
mscard88 said:
A flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu, in Africa, could enlarge your breasts without surgery. So she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her.

Dr. Bumbutu advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!' She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew a terrific D-cup rack!

One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'

A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked ' Are you a patient of Dr Bumbutu's?'

Yes I am. How did you know?'

He winked and whispered, 'Hickory dickory dock'...
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:rofl::rofl:
 
First time I saw a college girl with the lower back tramp stamp I thought she done gone and soiled herself......several times.

Why on earth would anyone want a poo colored marking just above the waistline of their under britches.??
 
The banker saw his old friend Tom, an 80-year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride.

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.

Tom proudly said, 'She'll be 21 in November.'

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an 80-year-old man.

Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon..

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again...

'How's the new wife?', asked the banker.

Tom proudly said, 'Good - she's pregnant.'

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's the hired hand?'

Without hesitating, Tom said, 'She's pregnant too.'
 
A woman walks into a Tennessee Welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

'Wow,' the social worker exclaims, ‘Are they all yours?'

'Yep, they are all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question
a thousand times before. She says, ‘Sit down Billy.' All the children rush to find seats.


'Well,' says the social worker, ‘Then you must be here to sign up.
I'll need all your children's names.’


''Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named Billy and the
girls are all named Billie.”


In disbelief, the case worker says, ‘Are you serious?
They're all named Billy?

'Their momma replied, ‘Well, yes, it makes it easier. When it's time to get
them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, Billy!' an' when it's time for
dinner, I just yell Billy!' and they all come running.


'And if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Billy'
and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Billy.’


The case worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and
says tentatively, ‘But what if you just want one kid to come, and not the whole
bunch?’


'Then I call them by their last names.
 
An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce perfect children. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

In his search, he met a farmer who had three stunning daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, “They’re all looking to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want.”

The man went on a date with the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man’s opinion. “Well,” said the man, ”She’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed.” The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls.

So the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. “Well,” the man replied, “She’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed.” The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfect! She’s the one I want to marry!” So they were wed right away.

Months later the baby was born. When the man visited nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents. “Well,” explained the farmer, “She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her.”
 
Let'sgoflying! said:
An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce perfect children. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

In his search, he met a farmer who had three stunning daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, “They’re all looking to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want.”

The man went on a date with the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man’s opinion. “Well,” said the man, ”She’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed.” The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls.

So the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. “Well,” the man replied, “She’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed.” The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfect! She’s the one I want to marry!” So they were wed right away.

Months later the baby was born. When the man visited nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents. “Well,” explained the farmer, “She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her.”
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Good stuff right there, lol.
 
Firm is hiring for a new HR person. They want someone who is sensitive to people of color, sexual orientation, disabilities, etc. So they decide that the interviewer for prospective employees will be Mark who is missing both of his ears due to a birth deformity. The first applicant comes in and immediately notices Mark’s missing ears and says “What the F@@k happened to your ears?!” Obviously, he didn’t get the job. The next applicant comes in and doesn’t even appear to notice that Mark just has two small holes in the side of his head. He answers all the questions with professionalism. Mark is impressed. At the end of the interview, Mark asks him “Did you notice anything unusual about my appearance?” “No,” says the applicant. “Take a close look at my face” says Mark. “I have a disability, what do you see?” Man steps a little closer and looks at Mark and says “Oh, I see you must be wearing contacts”. Mark says “In fact, I do wear contacts. How could you tell?” Man says “Well you cant wear glasses, because you don’t have any F@@king ears!”
 
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