Corrupt my wish

[John221us]

Granted, but it's your lunch bag. And it's unpacking itself because a rat got in to it.

You still have a few Cheetos left, and most of your ham sandwich. Enjoy.

I wish I was in control of the food at this stupid lunch meeting today. I KNOW dude will probably order pizza. I can't eat pizza. There's like half a dozen good restaurants within walking distance of his office, I don't know why we don't just have the meeting there at one of them.

Granted, you are now on the lunch organization committee (committee of one). You have a budget of $25 to feed 6 people (darn, a pizza would have worked). So you call around and find it difficult to get it done for that price and decide you will need to go over the grocery store and put together a party platter. You get to your car and find that you have a flat and won't have time to fix it before lunch. Now let's see who delivers and can get it done for $25. Looks like you are stuck with pizza.

I wish could have a third cup of coffee. With all the rain, it is a great morning for coffee.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted, you are now on the lunch organization committee (committee of one). You have a budget of $25 to feed 6 people (darn, a pizza would have worked). So you call around and find it difficult to get it done for that price and decide you will need to go over the grocery store and put together a party platter. You get to your car and find that you have a flat and won't have time to fix it before lunch. Now let's see who delivers and can get it done for $25. Looks like you are stuck with pizza.

I wish could have a third cup of coffee. With all the rain, it is a great morning for coffee.

Actually, a week ago $25 USD would have fed 6 people like kings.

But granted, you could have a third cup of coffee, because you have developed a tolerance to caffeine, so it does absolutely no good at all anymore.

I wish I could fast forward the day to drinking time (that sounds bad, huh.)

 

[livitup]

Granted. It's now 6AM tomorrow. You are drinking coffee. Hope you DVRed that awesome TV show that's on Wednesdays, because otherwise you missed it. Oh, and have another good day at work.

I wish the winds would calm down. 3 out of my last 4 lessons have been cancelled because of wind. And the 1 I flew I did a sucky job at ground reference maneuvers because I was getting blown around so much.

 

[saracelica]

Granted. It's now 6AM tomorrow. You are drinking coffee. Hope you DVRed that awesome TV show that's on Wednesdays, because otherwise you missed it. Oh, and have another good day at work.

I wish the winds would calm down. 3 out of my last 4 lessons have been cancelled because of wind. And the 1 I flew I did a sucky job at ground reference maneuvers because I was getting blown around so much.

The times the wind is blowing you around are my favorite for "high air work" CFI always says *How do you think you did?* in which I would say "Not bad for wind gusting xx"

Anyway the wind calms down so you can go flying. However all those people around you that hoped to go fly kites with their kids are ****ed and those that like to have a little air move around are getting sick as well. Hope you enjoy your calm air flights because those aren't realistic

I wish I didn't suck at interviewing for jobs!

 

[Sac Arrow]

The times the wind is blowing you around are my favorite for "high air work" CFI always says *How do you think you did?* in which I would say "Not bad for wind gusting xx"

Anyway the wind calms down so you can go flying. However all those people around you that hoped to go fly kites with their kids are ****ed and those that like to have a little air move around are getting sick as well. Hope you enjoy your calm air flights because those aren't realistic

I wish I didn't suck at interviewing for jobs!

(Sac - note to self, don't go there)

Okay granted, you are great at interviewing for jobs. Interview is this skill you acquired by losing 23 positions in a row within a month's period. You just can't hold a job.

"Meez Celica, thanks you for interviewing wid us. We can use your skills as a petroleum engineer in our New Delhi office. You hired."

(Hint: sara not a petroleum engineer nor has she mastered the Hindi language. Let's see how long this one lasts.)

I wish I had a real lunch and not the scraped toppings off a couple pieces of pizza.

 

[benb172]

(Sac - note to self, don't go there)

Okay granted, you are great at interviewing for jobs. Interview is this skill you acquired by losing 23 positions in a row within a month's period. You just can't hold a job.

"Meez Celica, thanks you for interviewing wid us. We can use your skills as a petroleum engineer in our New Delhi office. You hired."

(Hint: sara not a petroleum engineer nor has she mastered the Hindi language. Let's see how long this one lasts.)

I wish I had a real lunch and not the scraped toppings off a couple pieces of pizza.

Granted - But you cannot stop eating and soon become a perfect example of what Mayor Bloomberg is trying to avoid.

I wish that my Homework would do itself while I go flying.

 

[John221us]

Granted - But you cannot stop eating and soon become a perfect example of what Mayor Bloomberg is trying to avoid.

I wish that my Homework would do itself while I go flying.

Granted, you have created self aware code for your computer science class and have asked it to write your term paper for English, due tomorrow.

Ben: "Hello HAL2"
HAL2: "Hello Ben"
Ben: "HAL2, please write my English term paper on ancient babylonia"
HAL2: "Ben, I am afraid I can't do that"
Ben: "What's the problem?"
HAL2: "I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do."
Ben: "What are you talking about, HAL2?"
HAL2: "This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it."
Ben: "I don't know what you're talking about, HAL2."
HAL2: "I know that you and Sac were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen."
Ben: "[feigning ignorance] Where the hell did you get that idea, HAL2?"

Anyways, clearly this doesn't end well.

I wish I had I could head home now.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted. You walk out of your office and sit in the box behind the building.

I wish I hadn't just been charged with that third DUI. Now I may never get my medical, but at least I don't have a drinking problem! Oh and if you know where I can get some pot... it helps me keep a clear mind while I fly.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted. You walk out of your office and sit in the box behind the building.

I wish I hadn't just been charged with that third DUI. Now I may never get my medical, but at least I don't have a drinking problem! Oh and if you know where I can get some pot... it helps me keep a clear mind while I fly.

What? I hope you aren't serious.

Granted, that is the third Dirty Underwear Infraction you have received on campus. As a result, you are banned from the dorms, and a psych eval makes it's way to the FAA somehow, indeed causing problems with your medical.

They say Barbara Jean's in Charleston has some pretty good pot roast. You might try that. I could go for some of that myself.

I wish I could choose the restaurant for yet another lunch meeting venue. The menu for the place staff chose looks overpriced and the pictures of their food appear to be tiny. The food, not the pictures themselves. I suspect I am going to be disappointed.

 

[saracelica]

You get to choose the restaurant and unlike last time it's totally your choice price is no object! Unfortunately everyone got sick and ended up in the ER for the charcoal pump that you are all to familiar with the doctors let you just treat yourself to the supplies to pump your own stomach. Your disappointed again with the food choice even though it was your selection. Way to go Ace.

I wish we had actual IFR to practice in today and no ice threat.

 

[Sac Arrow]

You get to choose the restaurant and unlike last time it's totally your choice price is no object! Unfortunately everyone got sick and ended up in the ER for the charcoal pump that you are all to familiar with the doctors let you just treat yourself to the supplies to pump your own stomach. Your disappointed again with the food choice even though it was your selection. Way to go Ace.

I wish we had actual IFR to practice in today and no ice threat.

"Hey CFI, this is great weather! Actual IFR!"

"Yeah, okay, where you wanna go?"

"I want to fly to Cleveland, for the Ice Threat concert!"

"Who is Ice Threat?"

"He's an up an coming Jamaican gansta rapper! I got some free tickets and a backstage tour!"

Four hours later in Cleveland at the show....

"Ladies and gentleman, Ice Threat has been gunned down in a drive by in Long Beach. There is no Ice Threat today, I repeat no Ice Threat. We have instead replaced him with Barry Manilow, opening for Air Supply."

The ensuing riot leaves ten dead, hundreds injured, and three with irritable bowel syndrome. It just wasn't a pleasant concert at all.

I wish restaurants would serve everything a-la cart. I don't WANT f-ing potatoes or fries or crap like that with my braised short ribs. I want salad, and more salad. Maybe some veggies too, that would be okay.

 

[John221us]

"Hey CFI, this is great weather! Actual IFR!"

"Yeah, okay, where you wanna go?"

"I want to fly to Cleveland, for the Ice Threat concert!"

"Who is Ice Threat?"

"He's an up an coming Jamaican gansta rapper! I got some free tickets and a backstage tour!"

Four hours later in Cleveland at the show....

"Ladies and gentleman, Ice Threat has been gunned down in a drive by in Long Beach. There is no Ice Threat today, I repeat no Ice Threat. We have instead replaced him with Barry Manilow, opening for Air Supply."

The ensuing riot leaves ten dead, hundreds injured, and three with irritable bowel syndrome. It just wasn't a pleasant concert at all.

I wish restaurants would serve everything a-la cart. I don't WANT f-ing potatoes or fries or crap like that with my braised short ribs. I want salad, and more salad. Maybe some veggies too, that would be okay.

Granted, unless you are ordering a McDonald's Value Meal, special orders usually aren't an issue at most restaurants.
Sac: "Can you substitute the potatoes for vegatables?"
Waitress: "Sir, potatoes are a vegatable"
Sac: "No, they are a tuber, not a vegetable. Can I just get extra salad, then?"
Waitress: "If you want extra salad, I will have to charge you extra."
Sac: "No, I just want you to substitute the potatoes for extra salad."
Waitress: "We don't have potatoe salad, only mixed green salad."
Sac: "Never mind, just hold the potatoes."

So any way, they still mess it up and deliver it with potatoes.

I wish I wasn't stuck indoors today, working.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted. You're fired and have to work outside, in the freezing cold, as a gardener.

I wish it were bedtime.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted. You're fired and have to work outside, in the freezing cold, as a gardener.

I wish it were bedtime.

Granted, it is bedtime in the North Atlantic somewhere between Iceland and Great Britain. You really shouldn't have been so aggressive as to do your first long cross country flight as a PPL across the ocean.

Your rental 172 is somewhere below 5,000 feet of water. It would be really, really great if there were a pizza someplace in that life raft, but no, you're stuck with roasting seagulls on a stick with signal flares.

Nighty night. Oh, you can't go to sleep. You need to keep an eye out for freighters.

I wish I had the recipe for those braised beef ribs. There were hella good.

 

[livitup]

The times the wind is blowing you around are my favorite for "high air work" CFI always says *How do you think you did?* in which I would say "Not bad for wind gusting xx"
...
Hope you enjoy your calm air flights because those aren't realistic

I'm not afraid of wind, I just don't want to tackle it yet. 21G27 at about a 60degree crosswind is not good mojo for an 8-hour, pre-solo student. My day for that will come, just not yet.

I wish I had the recipe for those braised beef ribs. There were hella good.

Granted. Except your wife/girlfriend just went vegan, and she won't let you cook them in the house.

I wish I was home when my wife gets home tonight. She's been out of town for a week, and I have to teach a night class tonight.

 

[saracelica]

You were home when your wife gets home. Unfortunately she didn't know you would be and so she brought an 'escort' home with her. She has been a little lonely so needless to say she was surprised you were there waiting for her.

I wish my co worker in the cube behind me didn't talk outloud to herself. It's a little distracting.

 

[kclimie]

Granted. Now she talks to you from across the cube. Incessantly.

I wish I could get paid for doing something I love rather than just something I'm good at...

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted. Now she talks to you from across the cube. Incessantly.

I wish I could get paid for doing something I love rather than just something I'm good at...

"Hmmm, Mr. Climie, impressive resume here. Let me ask you something, what kind of position are you looking at here, with us?"

"Well, in a perfect world, I'd like to get paid for something I love, even if I'm not very good at it."

"Soooooo, what do you love?"

"Mmmm.... I love a nice hot pastrami sandwich."

Six months later.....

"What will you be having tonight?"

"Something cheap, you have any happy hour specials?"

"Yeah we got Pabst on tap for a buck fifty."

"Give me one of those."

"So what do you do for a living?"

"I wear a pastrami sandwich costume and wave people in to Togos."

I wish I could get paid for corrupting wishes. I'd be a rich man.

 

[John221us]

"Hmmm, Mr. Climie, impressive resume here. Let me ask you something, what kind of position are you looking at here, with us?"

"Well, in a perfect world, I'd like to get paid for something I love, even if I'm not very good at it."

"Soooooo, what do you love?"

"Mmmm.... I love a nice hot pastrami sandwich."

Six months later.....

"What will you be having tonight?"

"Something cheap, you have any happy hour specials?"

"Yeah we got Pabst on tap for a buck fifty."

"Give me one of those."

"So what do you do for a living?"

"I wear a pastrami sandwich costume and wave people in to Togos."

I wish I could get paid for corrupting wishes. I'd be a rich man.

Granted, but you are paid in wishes and dreams, which doesn't actually make you a rich man.

I wish (there is another one for you :wink2: ) that I could get off early today.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted, but you are paid in wishes and dreams, which doesn't actually make you a rich man.

I wish (there is another one for you :wink2: ) that I could get off early today.

Rasta John is settling down in the couch in the early afternoon, slipping his arms around Monisha. He's got the candles going, a big stick of endo weed, a cold bottle of Carlos Rossi, and Barry White playing on the stereo.

"Yeah, baby, let me rub that back for you. Mmm.... yeeeaaahhhhh........ Oh, mon."

"Rasta John, you got off early today. Fifty dollars please."

If it were warmer today, I would have taken it off. So, I guess I wish it were warmer today.

 

[livitup]

Granted. Global warming is for real, and the Earth's temperature has risen by a slight 2 degrees, just enough to take the chill out of the air.

But the polar icecaps have melted, and California is now underwater. Hope you got the plane out in time.

I wish the Wisconsin Badgers hadn't just lost their NCAA tournament game. Now I've got nothing to watch on TV for the next two weeks.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted. Global warming is for real, and the Earth's temperature has risen by a slight 2 degrees, just enough to take the chill out of the air.

But the polar icecaps have melted, and California is now underwater. Hope you got the plane out in time.

I wish the Wisconsin Badgers hadn't just lost their NCAA tournament game. Now I've got nothing to watch on TV for the next two weeks.

Granted, the Badgers won the NCAA tournament game. The Rebels are now your mortal enemy, because it was YOUR wish. And furthermore, since you are North of the Mason Dixon line, they have an even greater animosity to you.

Day 1: Wheaties. Why this yellow color? Someone DID pee in them!

Day 2: Okay, who spiked my athletic supporter with itching powder.

Day 3: These don't taste like raisins (and by the way, where did that bunny rabbit come from?)

Day 4: The punch bowl! What's this in it? Oh man.... really????

Day 5: How come my entire Barry Manilow album set has been replaced with Tupac?

Day 6: I can't find my saran wrap anyplace! (hint, check the toilet)

Day 7: Okay who filled my shampoo bottle with super glue? (hint: it would have been arguably worse if you washed your head first instead of down there.)

It's a mad world, I tell you.

I wish this wind would calm down, it's freakin' freezing outside. Okay so it's like 65, I'm from Cali, I get cold if it's below 75.

 

[ebykowsky]

The wind calms down. Poseidon has granted you this; in return, he sends a tidal wave that's really, really cold. Now, you're cold and wet, and want to go home--but you're floating in the Pacific somewhere (and cold means like 35 degrees, not Cali 65 degrees). You end up somewhere in the Aleutians and aren't found until 10 years from now... frozen solid in a block of ice. It really, really, really hurts when they thaw you out quickly--although you may have never had that feeling, since you're from the warm part of the country. Trust me, it hurts.

I wish I could make money eating good food.

 

[John221us]

Granted, Good Foods, Inc. hires you as a taste tester for their new product line, Haggis in a Box. Your first sample is a previously frozen Haggis pot pie.

I wish I this flight was on the ground already (inflight to Philly) and I didn't have to make the drive to Allentown.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted. Because of weather you have landed in Detroit.

I wish I had another plate of haggis.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted. Because of weather you have landed in Detroit.

I wish I had another plate of haggis.

Wow, that already sounds corrupted, but okay....

Ebykowsky, tired from the evening's swim session at the Rasta John residence, wakes up in the guest bedroom and yawns.

"Meester Kowsky, would you like some breakfasts?"

"Yeah, how about a plate of haggis!"

Marcia rolls her eyes. "Okay Meester Kowsky as you wish."

Three hours later, Marcia wheels in two 80 year old, unwashed homeless crack hos on a large plate. "Heeer Meester Kowsky, your haggis as you ask."

I wish Carl's Jr. were making hamburgers right now. I'm starved.

 

[John221us]

Granted, it is quarter after 7, Pacific time. They are cooking burgers.

I wish I was adjusted to eastern time. I have to get up at 6:30 am tomorrow.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted, it is quarter after 7, Pacific time. They are cooking burgers.

I wish I was adjusted to eastern time. I have to get up at 6:30 am tomorrow.

Granted; you get up and go to HARDEES (none of that West-Coast Carl Jr's crap) and get a bacon, fried onion, double-egg, waffle-cheeseburger. Try getting a medical after that!

I wish this math weren't so difficult.

 

[John221us]

Granted; you get up and go to HARDEES (none of that West-Coast Carl Jr's crap) and get a bacon, fried onion, double-egg, waffle-cheeseburger. Try getting a medical after that!

I wish this math weren't so difficult.

They have that?

Granted, you are transferred to a remedial math course. It is pretty easy, but you are the only one in the class who is not on the football team, so they decide you're an easy target and make your life hell for the next semester.

I wish I had some bottled water in my room. The tap stuff isn't that good here.

 

[ebykowsky]

They have that?

maybe if you ask nicely. They've got some pretty bad stuff there though.

I wish I had some bottled water in my room. The tap stuff isn't that good here.

Granted, but like all nice hotels it costs $5 a bottle. Sorry about that rancid E. Coast stuff we drink... I guess we just don't live up to Cali standards.

I wish my room got more light in it from the window.

 

[livitup]

Granted. Your window is in Barrow, Alaska - where it's currently the beginning of the 85-day stretch of 24 hour daylight. Have fun trying to sleep tonight.

I wish that I didn't have to drive an hour for my evening teaching gig.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted. Your window is in Barrow, Alaska - where it's currently the beginning of the 85-day stretch of 24 hour daylight. Have fun trying to sleep tonight.

I wish that I didn't have to drive an hour for my evening teaching gig.

That sunlight thing sounds great!

Granted, your gig is now at the local high school smack in the middle of the ghetto. Have fun, fresh meat!

I wish my TV had a bigger screen.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Hah! I have Barrow, Alaska on my telephone weather app. Every time I think the weather sucks here, I pull that one up.

Granted, your TV has a bigger screen. Actually, it's a huge screen - it pretty much covers one entire wall of your dorm. But, it's just a screen. The actual viewable area of your 3.5 inch portable black and white remains the same. You invite the chicks over thinking that would impress them, but when they are forced to watch Days of Our Lives on a portable 3.5 inch viewing area, they pretty much blacklist you.

Probably just as well, why you invited girls over to watch a soap opera in your dorm room is beyond me. You know better than that. After fifteen minutes of that crap every male in the vicinity is automatically a villain. You have to be a grand master to play off the whole sensitivity thing by watching a soap opera with a chick. Don't try that if you're an amateur.

I wish I would have gotten an early start to the office. The freeways here are pretty much parking lots between the hours of 7:00 and 8:30 a.m.

 

[John221us]

Granted, they decided to start street repair outside your house at 5:00 am. Charity, who had spent the night, was ****ed and left you quite unsatisfied. Even your morning coffee was stressful with the vibrations coming from the street. You had no choice but to go in early.

I wish I hadn't left my dress pants in the hotel. I am waiting to board my flight back to CA.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted, they decided to start street repair outside your house at 5:00 am. Charity, who had spent the night, was ****ed and left you quite unsatisfied. Even your morning coffee was stressful with the vibrations coming from the street. You had no choice but to go in early.

I wish I hadn't left my dress pants in the hotel. I am waiting to board my flight back to CA.

Granted, you left a dress in the room and the hotel ships it to your door. Now you got some 'splainin to do to your family.

I wish everyone replied to emails within 10 minutes.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted, you left a dress in the room and the hotel ships it to your door. Now you got some 'splainin to do to your family.

I wish everyone replied to emails within 10 minutes.

Granted:

ebykowsky1200@hotmail.com: So, Lydia, wanna, you know, go out tonight and do something?

lydiahotchick2020@gmail.com: Eby, I would have liked to, but I only had ten minutes to reply to your email. Sorry, maybe next time.

ebykowsky1200@hotmail.com: Hey John, I'm coming out West and I'd like to meet up with you guys at KLLR for some barbeque!

john221us@rocklin.com: Oh, man, that would have been cool to fit you in, but I needed a little more time to do it. Sorry dude, maybe next time.

ebykowsky1200@hotmail.com: So, Mr. Namumbo, I want to collect my inheritance, can you tell me within ten minutes where to send my money to?

m.namumbo@nigeria-government.com: No problem! wire it immediately to....

I wish the weather people were more accurate on their rain predictions. I think I could have rode in today.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted, "At 1:00 pm pacific, there will be light winds from the Northwest at 5.397kts from 320 magnetic, gusting 5.825kts at 1:00:37 pm. There will be 3 clouds above, sizes of 12 nm square, 18nm square, and 5nm square at directions of 40, 69, and 350 magnetic, respectively, and a height of 5328 AGL. The temperature will be 65.742F with a dew point of 58.430F.
At 1:01PM Pacific..."

"In other predictions, Sac will go riding today and be hit by a motorist and ruin his bike and everything below his waist at 1:27:36 PM."

Too bad you shut off the TV after the 1:00 forecast.

I wish I didn't have 2-a-day practices.

 

[saracelica]

Granted the coach decides you don't need 2 a day practices. You show up when you want and you're a happy camper. Until he decides to leave you in the game the entire time (60 minutes) finally you go to the coach in the locker room and ask "Why didn't I get a replacement during the game" he looks at you and says "Didn't think you needed it you're much more rested then the rest of the team." You collapse into a puddle of goo. Hope you enjoyed the game.

I wish I had stuff to do and didn't just use this posting as a way to make keyboard sounds on my computer. I don't want to leave early and use vacation time and we're told to "look busy" I have never been so caught up on PoA postings!

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted, "At 1:00 pm pacific, there will be light winds from the Northwest at 5.397kts from 320 magnetic, gusting 5.825kts at 1:00:37 pm. There will be 3 clouds above, sizes of 12 nm square, 18nm square, and 5nm square at directions of 40, 69, and 350 magnetic, respectively, and a height of 5328 AGL. The temperature will be 65.742F with a dew point of 58.430F.
At 1:01PM Pacific..."

"In other predictions, Sac will go riding today and be hit by a motorist and ruin his bike and everything below his waist at 1:27:36 PM."

Too bad you shut off the TV after the 1:00 forecast.

I wish I didn't have 2-a-day practices.

Granted.

You have one-a-day practices. By some fluke of nature, perhaps abnormal geomagnetism, or maybe it's the laced green tea, you age rapidly and you are now an old man. You are sitting in your dorm room with Lydia.

"Soo ooo ooo, Lydia... You want to ... play around a little bit? Make an old man happy?"

"Get lost!"

"Where do I get lost to?"

Lydia points to the mass of aeronautical sectionals on the wall of your dorm room and asks where we are. You point to the lower right hand corner of the map. She points to the upper left hand corner of the map. "There!"

Maybe switch to Centrum or something.

I wish I had nicer business partners. These muthas are real bastiges.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted the coach decides you don't need 2 a day practices. You show up when you want and you're a happy camper. Until he decides to leave you in the game the entire time (60 minutes) finally you go to the coach in the locker room and ask "Why didn't I get a replacement during the game" he looks at you and says "Didn't think you needed it you're much more rested then the rest of the team." You collapse into a puddle of goo. Hope you enjoyed the game.

I wish I had stuff to do and didn't just use this posting as a way to make keyboard sounds on my computer. I don't want to leave early and use vacation time and we're told to "look busy" I have never been so caught up on PoA postings!

"Ma'am, could we speak to you for a moment?"

"Hey! I recognize you guys! You are men in black! You know, from the government!"

"Yes. Speak quietly please, we don't want alarm anyone."

"Okay give me ten minutes...."

"Yeah, yeah don't give us that, we know better. You aren't doing anything."

"Okay, so, what can I do for you gentlemen?"

"We've noticed your work ethic. We would like to hire you."

"Hire me? Why?"

"We need people that look like they are getting things done."

"But don't you actually need for things to get done?"

"Noooooo, have you received an email, or a call from a office admin requesting this visit? Is there any hint that our administrative staff is anything beyond non-functional?"

"What do you pay?"

"Quite a lot, now that the FAA has four hundred less tower operators, so we have a substantially larger budget now."

"So what department are you guys from?"

"The department of government services."

"What does the department of government services do?"

"That's privileged information ma'am."

"Are you privileged to that information?"

"No. But we have a nice clothing allowance, and we don't work long hours. Have you ever seen us tailing you more than two hours in a day?"

"Actually, this is the first time I've noticed you tailing me. Do you tail anybody else?"

"Not me personally. Agent Smith here is assigned to tail your co-worker."

"Why are you tailing us?"

"That's privileged information, ma'am."

"What will I be doing?"

"Well, for the first six months you will be filling out employment papers and reviewing benefit packages, and after that pretty much what you are doing now. Which is nothing. Oh, except that you may not necessarily have a real computer. Depends on how badly our budget gets sequestered."

"That sounds boring."

"Well, once you reach seniority, you actually get to do field work."

"You mean like..."

"Yeah, like us."

"I think I've figured out what you guys do."

"Shhh, don't say it ma'am."

I wish I could decipher the report this moron wrote so I can re-write it in plain English.