Why are females never to blame for anything?

Welcome to the "Collective".
I have a wife and four daughters, including a pair of twins.
All college graduates, all smarter than Daddy (so they think).
As someone already said: "Resistance is futile".
I feel your pain.
 
All of my dogs a *******, so I get the last word with at least one women in the house.

As a friend said, " if it wasn't for that one thing there would be a bounty on them."

Am I banned now?
 
PPC1052 said:
My favorite:

Wife: I can't get the ____ to work.

Me: Ok, let me check it out. (I start to experiment to see what symptoms it is demonstrating so I can formulate a theory of what's wrong and how to fix it.)

Wife: I DID that already! Why do you think I'm an idiot?!?
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>>Wrong Answer!<< You always say, "OK, I think it may be under warranty. Its too late to call now. But, I'll call tomorrow." Then, when they lose interest and move on to something else, you figure out which button they pushed. Fix it. Then don't say anything until they ask. Then, you say, "I don't know. I pushed some buttons, and It just started working again."
 
Same reason the dumb girl in highschool with big boobs was always popular.
 
My wife is one of four daughters, her mom has two master's, one sister with a master's, one sister a PhD, wife has MD.

My father in law claims he's losing his hearing... But I'm on to him. He's had years of never being right, so now he just acts like he can't hear them. It's a plausible excuse for him in his 70's... I'm still working on my strategy.
 
I have a wife, two teenage daughters, one dog (female), two guinea pigs (also female), and a 14 year old clownfish (probably female). I am allowed to be right, but I'm also required to fix every piece of equipment and electronic device in the place.
 
My standard responses -

1). I don’t know, I do not have a degree in X (microwave repair). My actual degree is in Math so i am safe unless the number line is broken.

2). I never knew how happy I could be until I got married. But then it was too late.
 
Consider for a moment the lesbian couple across the street. Who gets the blame in their household? I’m guessing the adopted son bears the burden...
 
We had a couple of very attractive lesbians as backdoor neighbors (I suspect there's an off-color joke lurking in their somewhere...). They decided they wanted to get pregnant. Spurning my own very generous offer they decided to do the in vitro thing. First the recessive tried it with no luck. Then the dominant tried it with success. She had twin boys.

And then they broke up. So those boys had divorced parents both of whom were women. Interesting situation. They moved away, so I never found out what became of them.
 
coloradobluesky said:
I dunno. Adam bit the apple. But Eve talked him into it.
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But it was all God's fault. Imagine...he actually had the hubris to believe that he could tell a woman what to do and not do.

Silly man.

I mean, can you imagine(?), he actually said to her "see that tree over there? Don't eat the fruit on that tree."

Really? He told THAT to a woman. Really? That's like waving the red cape in front of a bull.

Adam should have demanded the return of his rib!

;)

<I keed, I keed!>
 
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Earle Stanley Gardiner had his revenge. Seems in 90% of the Perry Mason stories, it's the woman's fault, or so my wife likes to point out...
 
Because when you prove them wrong (or even accuse them of being wrong), you don't get any.
 
steingar said:
We had a couple of very attractive lesbians as backdoor neighbors (I suspect there's an off-color joke lurking in their somewhere...).
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I attended an absolutely beautiful lesbian marriage last spring. Both young ladies were gorgeous. I am very close to both of them and, as such, gave them a relatively generous gift along with the obligatory card with my personal sentiments included.

A few months later a small box arrived in the mail. Inside was a thank you card from them and a Timex.

I pondered this for a second, confused, and then it dawned on me. They misinterpreted the request I made on the card when I said "I wanna watch."
 
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I have no one else to blame, on the other hand, I’m always right! ;)
 
Who's fault it is isn't important. Who's problem it is (yours) is what's important.
 
Ravioli said:
... because we all know that psychology degrees are mandatory for flight attendants and realtors?

And two young ladies about to finish their bachelor's degrees that call their father "Daddy." What do their Psych profs have to say about that?
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Psychology is a popular major because if you really concentrate on Psych 101 and 102, the rest of it is basically the same stuff regurgitated in different ways.
BigBadLou said:
Uncle Green is a very smart man, some call him a genius. We need more of his wisdom.

Now let's bow our heads for the man's prayer:

I am a man
But I can change
If I have to
I guess
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They have pills for that now...

Rich
 
overdrive148 said:
In all honesty it's actually one of the best things I've ever done. But still!
The twins comment has me thinking... I don't know if I can afford one, much less two!
And she's on the computer right now looking at cruises for the honeymoon. She's gonna break me financially!
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Before you got married there was her money and your money.
After you get marrried there's her money and "our money". ;)
Get used to it...
 
Ravioli said:
... because we all know that psychology degrees are mandatory for flight attendants and realtors?

And two young ladies about to finish their bachelor's degrees that call their father "Daddy." What do their Psych profs have to say about that?
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Quite frankly, a degree in psychology might be just the trick to deal with idiot passengers (a growing cohort it would seem from my anecdotal observation) and house-horny property lusters.
 
Timbeck2 said:
Forgot to mention that their mom has her Master's in Psychology/Counseling and I found some literature the other day that suggests she may be thinking about her PhD. They ALL test daddy quite a bit. Daddy spends a lot of time at the hangar.
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Wow. I can understand the hangar thing. The rest of the time you're probably being analyzed continuously. :oops: :oops: :oops:
 
I had a lapse of judgement today with the other species.

While elbows deep in my watering system I heard my phone buzz. The text message read

"Are you busy right now?"

to which my response back was

"Yes, I'm working on my watering system"

Her response was

"Well I need to go someplace and everyone is gone. But IF you're busy it's fine...."

My GLORIOUS response was

"Well if you told me yesterday I'd be happy to but I'm currently holding a broken pipe"

I might as well have stabbed myself with the pipe and ended it all!!! I'm not even dating this woman and I haven't heard the end of it!!
 
Clark1961 said:
Consider for a moment the lesbian couple across the street. Who gets the blame in their household? I’m guessing the adopted son bears the burden...
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If that’s a lesbian couple across the street from my place, the one named Bob has a pretty nice mustache.

ARFlyer said:
I had a lapse of judgement today with the other species.

While elbows deep in my watering system I heard my phone buzz. The text message read

"Are you busy right now?"

to which my response back was

"Yes, I'm working on my watering system"

Her response was

"Well I need to go someplace and everyone is gone. But IF you're busy it's fine...."

My GLORIOUS response was

"Well if you told me yesterday I'd be happy to but I'm currently holding a broken pipe"

I might as well have stabbed myself with the pipe and ended it all!!! I'm not even dating this woman and I haven't heard the end of it!!
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Your first mistake was replying.

The correct solution was no reply, finish job, two hours later...

“Oh, I’m sorry I was outside working on my watering system that was broken, and just saw your message.”

If you’re lucky, sometime in that two hours this message would have come in...

“Nevermind, found a ride / realized I own a bike / learned to walk / handled my own personal transportation needs like an adult... [whatever].”

;) ;) ;)
 
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