What have we learned from being married?

denverpilot said:
Ooh, thought of a good one...

"Two can live cheaper than one..."

Is a lie. :)

I can live a LOT cheaper than she can. :)
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Two can live as cheap as one, but it costs twice as much.

I shouldn't complain on this one. I always told people, "My next wife will buy me an airplane" but this one did.
 
tangopapa said:
I learned from my first marriage all the red flags to avoid for my second.
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David Hume Kennerly, a Pulitzer Prize winning photographer for his photographs of the Vietnam War, who covered Vice President Ford for TIME Magazine, and who'd been through several marriages once quipped at a seminar I attended, "Next time I'm going to just find a woman I don't like and buy her a house."
 
Last year a friend from HS days recently a relationship with his HS girlfriend. I heard yesterday that the deal was off, and asked if anybody knew why. The answer was that Joe suggested that each of them write down the things they didn't really like about the other, and ~15 minutes later asked for more paper.
 
I've learned that all those guys who told horror stories about marraige, said how hard it is, and generally speak ill of marraige are either completely full of sh*t, suck at being a husband, or just made a terrible choice for a mate. Marraige rocks!

Been with my bride for 10 years now, and life would be completely worthless without her.
 
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JoeSelch said:
If she'd really learned how to ask the question correctly, then either choice would work for her - Do you want to eat at This Restaurant or That Restaurant tonight? AND, you'd always be right.
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No, even that could be answered incorrectly. She knows what she wants, just wants me to discover it.
 
It will be 40 years for us the end of July. I married my high school sweetheart, the only girl I ever dated. When you hit the jackpot the first time why mess around?

Why are we still married? Well, she has indicated that she has too many years invested trying to train me and she isn't about to start over with someone else. And I'm not interested in trying to find someone else who will put up with me. So, we stay married. Happily, I think. :D Sets a good example for the kids, too.
 
OkieFlyer said:
I've learned that all those guys who told horror stories about marraige, said how hard it is, and generally speak ill of marraige are either completely full of sh*t, suck at being a husband, or just made a terrible choice for a mate. Marraige rocks!

Been with my bride for 10 years now, and life would be completely worthless without her.
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man you're whipped :D:D
 
upstateny said:
Two can live as cheap as one, but it costs twice as much.

I shouldn't complain on this one. I always told people, "My next wife will buy me an airplane" but this one did.
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Heh... mine too. Well, she approved the expenditure from the shared funds, knowing it would make my life and indirectly, hers... better. :)

The 80%/80% thing made me wonder if folks really live like that. Sounds exhausting.

I don't have to expend a great effort or choose to do things for my best friends. That just comes naturally. Karen's one of them! THE best, actually.

But... I do recognize that there are high-maintenance individuals out there.

There's also some marriages that are those odd types where the couple is continually fighting but would really do anything for each other. My wife and I marvel at those.

Some are even still married!
 
We're in year 27. No sense in going through this again, especially now that she's finally got me broken-in.
 
JoeSelch said:
If she'd really learned how to ask the question correctly, then either choice would work for her - Do you want to eat at This Restaurant or That Restaurant tonight? AND, you'd always be right.
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Not true!!!
 
tangopapa said:
I learned from my first marriage all the red flags to avoid for my second.
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I have to agree with this one. I think in reality the only mistake I made was actually signing the document; the red flags were there already; the marriage was a mere formality in pursuing something for the sake of inertia (a 6 year courtship and on-off cohabitation).

As a result of my failed (though thankfully short lived) marriage I certainly learned how most women view the economic aspects of the contract of marriage and I learned I wasn't cool with that, which is after all my prerogative. So I modified my willingness to entertain women who diverged from my views of life, economics, sex and relationships, legal or otherwise, while also focusing less on attaining a physical trophy wife (not that the first one was one...) with agreeable attitudes to mine; a woman that frankly did not exist. It served me quite well in marrying for a second time. A lot more honest and UPFRONT discussions went on in the pursuit of that marriage and pre-nuptials were made in order to document the sincerity and permanency of those verbal acknowledgements and opinions, beyond the mere legally-inconsequential "pinky swear" that is open-vest marriage.

I'm happy and she's happy, and most importantly, there is no need for feigning sincerity or that stupid beta male "happy wife happy life, yes dear, here's the checkbook dear" garbage submissive attitude mantra that men too scared of losing their livelihoods and recreational pursuits adopt. Yet, I still open the door for her, gratuitously compliment her, make her feel appreciated and wanted. But I do that now because I want to and not because I'm scared of getting split in half and losing my livelihood and hobbies if I don't feign sincerity and blanket acceptance of female capriciousness. That's a fundamental shift in quality of marriage for me.

In hindsight, my divorce was the best thing that happened to the rest of my life and subsequent marriage. Finding a woman agreeable to my life views who was also willing to sign a prenup to prove it was the second major positive influence in my relationship growth and future. Our first child is due next week. I wish my exwife the same success in her subsequent relationship.

Life's a journey, not a destination. That I have also learned. As such, it is far too short to live scared or ****ed off due to legal slavery.
 
20 years of marriage has taught me that I always get the final word in my house...."yes ma'am."
 
15 years of marriage to the smartest person I ever met. She doesn't read POA, but I'll still say she's the absolute best mate I could've found. I am her trophy husband!
 
I love my wife dearly. The one thing you don't do is if she's standing in front of the mirror complaining how fat she looks and asks you to say one nice thing about her don't say "well your eyesights pretty good".
 
I learned it is easier to marry money than earn it. That lesson came in two stages. The first was the obvious one watching my ex pay cash for a house with the money that used to be my retirement fund. Then I watched the guy that broke up my marriage marry her so he could get access to what had been my money.
 
peppy said:
I learned it is easier to marry money than earn it. That lesson came in two stages. The first was the obvious one watching my ex pay cash for a house with the money that used to be my retirement fund. Then I watched the guy that broke up my marriage marry her so he could get access to what had been my money.
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I would have never got re-married without a pre-nup. The legal contract of marriage is lousy for the earner/saver in a relationship. It is what it is. The only reason it's advantageous to marry open-vest is if you're the net spender/taker in the relationship. To be clear, many men are content in exchanging their labor value for the perceived sexual market value of their female peer, who clearly would not enter into a semi-monogamous relationship with them without access to that exchange. Where I grew up we still consider that prostitution, though in American culture for some reason we're sensitive and defensive about acknowledging such non-difference that resides within most legal marriages.

However, if you're NOT into it to merely to exchange labor value for sexual market value, then going with a prenup is the only legal litmus test available to you in order to verify that the fragile pinky swear of a verbal "I love you" is in effect a lasting bond and not a mere bait to a quick change of terms once the ink is dry. It happened to me once and I got lucky; I had little to part with after only one year of marriage. But 'fool me twice shame on me'? That's not gonna happen to this guy, I'm older now, have much more to lose and less time with which to recover...

Be safe out there guys. Think logically, not emotionally. If she can't stomach non-emotional valuations of marriage, she's not the "one"...
 
Clueless.

hindsight2020 said:
I would have never got re-married without a pre-nup. The legal contract of marriage is lousy for the earner/saver in a relationship. It is what it is. The only reason it's advantageous to marry open-vest is if you're the net spender/taker in the relationship. To be clear, many men are content in exchanging their labor value for the perceived sexual market value of their female peer, who clearly would not enter into a semi-monogamous relationship with them without access to that exchange. Where I grew up we still consider that prostitution, though in American culture for some reason we're sensitive and defensive about acknowledging such non-difference that resides within most legal marriages.

However, if you're NOT into it to merely to exchange labor value for sexual market value, then going with a prenup is the only legal litmus test available to you in order to verify that the fragile pinky swear of a verbal "I love you" is in effect a lasting bond and not a mere bait to a quick change of terms once the ink is dry. It happened to me once and I got lucky; I had little to part with after only one year of marriage. But 'fool me twice shame on me'? That's not gonna happen to this guy, I'm older now, have much more to lose and less time with which to recover...

Be safe out there guys. Think logically, not emotionally. If she can't stomach non-emotional valuations of marriage, she's not the "one"...
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Morne said:
15 years of marriage to the smartest person I ever met. She doesn't read POA, but I'll still say she's the absolute best mate I could've found. I am her trophy husband!
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Not reading PoA raises IQ by 100. ;)
 
That sometimes decisions that seemed very right at the time, can seem a lot less so later.

-Rich
 
I have learned that the phrases "unable", "advise intentions", "say again" and "at your discretion" are not just for ATC.

upstateny said:
What have you learned?
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I suppose I may have lucked out, but I did take my choice of wife very seriously, and much thought went into it. In 10 years, I don't recall even having a fight with my lovely wife. I have never done any of that "whatever you say dear" bull crap. That stuff is for chicken sh*ts or men scared of getting left if they don't comply. If you have to do that, you made a poor choice in wife.

Good marraiges are between two people who have mutual respect for one another, who feel as though the two of them are one, who make decisions together, who talk to one another, who understand each other, who share the same values, who share the same money, etc., etc.

I feel like the man of the household should be the leader, but as the leader, treat his wife with respect she hopefully deserves and treat her as he would himself. The woman should understand that and should be able to trust in him completely, and know that she is always an equal in the relationship.

The keys are TRUST and RESPECT. If both man and wife do not completely trust and respect each other, then that marraige is already on shaky ground. If man and wife can do both unconditionally, then the rest will fall into place.

In my experience, most failed marraiges that I've personally seen unfold, were doomed from the start. The ones who will make it are pretty easy to see. Picking a mate isn't rocket science, but you have to have your head on straight, don't be willing to settle for someone who doesn't jive with you on the most important levels. Certainly, no two people agree on everything, but you gotta agree on the important stuff. Most importantly, don't let your trouser snake do the thinking. That little booger will screw you over bigtime! :D

That's my $.02
 
OkieFlyer said:
In 10 years, I don't recall even having a fight with my lovely wife.
....
Good marraiges are between two people who have mutual respect for one another, who feel as though the two of them are one, who make decisions together, who talk to one another, who understand each other, who share the same values, who share the same money, etc., etc.
...
The keys are TRUST and RESPECT.
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That. For 15 years.

I married up.
For some reason, my wife seems to think she did as well.
 
I learned that marraige is like a bank account...in order to make withdrawals, you have to first make deposits...
 
Kelvin said:
I learned that marraige is like a bank account...in order to make withdrawals, you have to first make deposits...
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At my house, when somene says they need to make a deposit, it means they need to take a dump. :rofl:
 
Stevel said:
You couldn't be more right. Mary and I are each willing to give 80% but we both feel like we are the ones receiveing 80%. It's like breaking the cookie and ending up with two "big halves".

EDIT: This could wear off when we are no longer newly-weds.

Steve and Mary, September 15, 1991.
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It shouldn't. Approaching 25 years and counting.
 
I learned that the happiest couples share the most, and that any relationship must involve compromises by both parties.

I also learned that life is so much easier when you're married. Amazingly, 20 years and counting. Never would have guessed.
 
I learned, after 28 yrs of wearing a wedding ring, that taking it off for a week doesn't really help my circulation after all.
 
Not to marry someone whose parents live in Europe.
 
LDJones said:
IF she asks, "Does this make me look fat?" do NOT under any circumstances reply, "No, the chocolates took care of that." :no: :no: :no:
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My response to that question was "Compared to what?"

I'm still digging out from that one.....

-Skip
 
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