Things you never want to hear...

txflyer said:
"Cessna 1234 turn heading xxx and expedite."

Always gets my attention.
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Expedite is no problem. Now if you hear "immediately," you've got problems.
 
Velocity173 said:
Expedite is no problem. Now if you hear "immediately," you've got problems.
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That always makes for an interesting experience. In over seven years, I've only heard "immediately" one time, and of course it was directed to me. So I banked right, gave her some throttle to stop my descent [I was on ~1 mile final, already cleared to land], then looked at the DG and reported in.

That was also my first visual hold ["hold over the Junior College until further notice"], and thankfully the local instructor beside me knew where the college was. All I saw was lots of buildings and parking lots. Two laps around and I got to land.
 
Velocity173 said:
Expedite is no problem. Now if you hear "immediately," you've got problems.
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I've gotten them before ... last year in California north of LA hazy, ATC cranked out "Tiger 123 immediate descent to 10,000 or lower" (was at 10500) opposite direction traffic (twin of some sort) was HAULING butt. With our closure rate, and even looking where it was coming from, there's no way that would be a see and avoid in those conditions. Had a couple in my area as well.

Had one returning to my field with a female ATC that went:

ATC: Tiger 123 traffic 5 miles altitude unknown
Me: Negative contact
ATC: (seconds later) Tiger 123 traffic your altitude 3 miles
Me: Negative contact - looking into a sunrise, avoidance vectors please
ATC: Unable avoidance vectors, followed by (high pitch) Traffic now 1 mile opposite direction your alitutde!
Me: (no transmission) hard right bank and climb. AC was level right where I would've been. Couldn't see him in the sun - only when we were abeam each other after my bank, not sure if he saw me with all lights ON or not.

ATC Supervisor then came on and indicated that female ATC could not give an avoidance vector as they were unsure if the other AC was meneuvering or not.

I try to avoid sunrise/sunset departure/arrivals when able now.
 
When ATC voice gets a higher pitch and starts talking fast - don't dawdle. I was with my CFI doing some work in actual IMC when we got, "Traffic alert! Turn left immediately!" We did. We popped out of the cloud shelf we were in, counted the rivets on the other aircraft in VMC that was crossing right in front of us, then we popped right back into the clouds. Those VFR cloud separation rules are there for a reason.
 
When I have heard a call like that , traffic at my altitude, I always slow way down and start a descent while flying vfr. I fly a low wing so I guess thats why I descend. I notify ATC that I am descending as well
 
On a xc last year I got "Cherokee 123 immediate climb for traffic separation". Pretty sure I was climbing before he stopped speaking. First and only time I have heard that. It definetly got my attention never saw the traffic
 
"Cessna 234, suggest an immediate turn to 090 unless you are wanting to enter the R-1032 airspace, which is currently active". Overheard on Gray Approach to another aircraft whilst en-route from DAL to GTU. Other plane had VFR flight-following.

Heard this one once-
Center - "Cessna 123, traffic 5 o'clock and 2 miles, primary return only, no altitude available"
Cessna 123 "Negative contact on the traffic"
Center - "Cessna 123, traffic 5 o'clock and now 1 mile"
Cessna 123 - "Still negative contact, he's in my blind spot"
Center - "Cessna 123, traffic now 6 o'clock, targets merging"
Cessna 123 - "fvck, that was close, he was less than 50 ft above me"
Center - "{slightly cynical voice} Cessna 123, Traffic no longer a factor"
Cessna 123 - "Roger!"

Also heard once "Cessna 345 Check altitude, current altimeter 29.39" - A subtle reminder that you are off your assigned altitude and no, it wasn't me
 
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charheep said:
When I have heard a call like that , traffic at my altitude, I always slow way down and start a descent while flying vfr. I fly a low wing so I guess thats why I descend. I notify ATC that I am descending as well
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Unless you're really high, you can zoom climb faster than you can descend, for a few hundred feet.

I once got a traffic call flying heading 002 to Sacramento, to climb 500 feet NOW. Mooneys flying heading 178 close really quickly.

It's amazing how fast you can climb if you're willing to lose speed doing it. Just don't overdo it.
 
txflyer said:
"Cessna 1234 turn heading xxx and expedite."

Always gets my attention.
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"He set off our TCAS" - one of my first XC flights as PP interfering with traffic off of MTC. I felt a little bad but that dash 8 was hard to see climbing straight at me :(
 
When I was doing my X countries for my PPL, I had my mom's phone number as an emergency contact and I forgot to close my flight plan once on the ground. So my mom gets a phone call from the FAA and she freaked out and called me and I had to explain my mistake but that call nearly gave her a heart attack
 
"They sell men's clothes where you got that shirt?"

"You may experience some discomfort..."

"Beadwindow..."

Nauga,
quiet about the scariest ones
 
'Do you smell that ?'

'There shouldn't be any smoke from this thing.'
 
"Do you want to file to go down the beach, or are you really going to go direct (to Nassau from DAB) with complete disregard for your safety?"

ATC to a piston single. He went direct.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
While flying by a Patriot missile battery near Kuwait International Airport, hot, tired after a long back of the clock mission, thinking of the fresh eggs at the Ali Al Salem Air Base:
"Aircraft squawking __________, this is Kuwait Air Defense on guard, identify yourself immediately or you will be fired upon."
I think nothing of it- we are talking to the right people.
Crew chief: "Umm, sir. That's our squawk."

:yikes:
 
Things you never want to hear!


(A Phone call from your Insurance company) "How are you going to pay for the balance? "

Is this your plane? That will cost you a pretty penny!

A Police officer called Your son is being held at the precinct!
 
When calling up for flight following, "Hey N12345, are you a flight of two today?"

"Uh....no?"

Happened to me, but thankfully I had seen the guy just before the controller asked.
 
Jerry Springer called he said your wife wants to discuss the relationship!
 
saracelica said:
Seemed like the ATC guy/ground was a little snarky. He said the FAA is going to talk to them 5 times at least.
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I didn't hear any snark. Each controller was explaining the next steps in a retarded broken TFR system, but that's totally normal. The ground controller is being prompted by the hut-hut stormtrooper's bosses through his tower chief to put you somewhere the hut-huts with rifles don't have to walk very far or try to find you.

The "possible pilot deviation" is a mandatory phrase, I believe. All others were conversational, but that one was transmitted to keep the controller's bosses and FAA lawyers happy with the recording when it was pulled.

Think of it as the perfunctory reading of Miranda rights from a card by a cop. Although it's a poor analogy since you're not going to get off on a technicality if the controller forgets.

It's strictly to keep the controller's bosses happy. Essentially it means they went ahead and started the paperwork. FSDO then decides your fate after that. Since controllers don't play cop, the word "possible" is stated to keep the next tier of contact with FAA legally separate from the controller as "enforcement".

It's all kinda theatre for the Press and public who will hear the tapes on the evening news if it's a slow news day. It gives the impression there's similar legal due process as any other law enforcement action.

Pilots and every insider knows you're headed for a process that doesn't include a jury and your three shots are 1. FAA inspector has some leeway in "sentencing" depending on your cooperation level, their professional opinion, and whether or not they got up on the wrong side of the bed today... 2. An Administrative Law Judge, and 3. the rarely seen in the wild, overturning of FAA and ALJ decisions by the full NTSB.

A TFR bust is all pretty proceduralized and follows a script these days, since they happen with enough frequency.

VIP TFRs are pretty much just roving blobs of "gotcha" for pilots. They don't actually provide much real protection from a willful real threat to the VIP from the air.

Imagine the political nightmare that would ensue from an actual shoot down of a lost a Cessna driver in a TFR. It'll never happen.

Of it does, the People will call for the VIP's head on a platter, no matter which VIP it is, or size of their... TFR.

It's all about making the easily replaceable VIP look irreplaceable.

Any bad intentioned aircraft ever gets through the TFR and other defenses, and succeeds, whatever VIP it is will be replaced by the appropriate line of succession or temporary political appointment in less than 24 hours. And then we would have History Channel specials about them for the next few decades.

The bureaucracy will continue as if nothing happened other than taking the day off for a fancy funeral.
 
denverpilot said:
I didn't hear any snark. Each controller was explaining the next steps in a retarded broken TFR system,............



It's all about making the easily replaceable VIP look irreplaceable.

........
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Yup.. That's it in a nutshell....:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:
 
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