Random post about IT nerds: Who has the worst IT dept?

A

asicer

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asicer
I nominate mine. Can anyone do worse?
Day 1:
Me: "Dear IT, the time on build server is off by 9 minutes. Please fix it."
Day 2:
IT: "Hi, we've manually adjusted the time."
Day 3:
Me: "Dear IT, the time is still off by 15 seconds. Can you please enable NTP on the build server?"
Day 4:
IT: "The build server is already synchronized to the repository server."
Day 5:
Me: "The time on build server is different from the repository server by 15 seconds. Screenshot attached. Please fix."
Day 6-9:
IT: <crickets>
Day 10:
Me: "The NTP configuration on the build server is not properly set to synchronize time from the repository server. Please fix it."
Day 11-13:
IT: <crickets>
Day 14:
Me: "I took a look at the NTP config file and it's set to synchronize from the wrong hostname. Please change it to sync to the repository server."
Day 15-18:
IT: <crickets>
Day 19:
Me: "Please open a terminal window and type this in
FOO=`sed "s/badhost/repo-server/" /etc/ntpd.conf` ; echo $FOO > /etc/ntpd.conf
Day 20:
IT: "Hi, the build server and the repo server now show the same time. See attached screenshot. If there is anything else we can do please let us know. Thanks."
 
You know, you could have just told them to use "sed -i"

I sort of work for the IT department here and my usual request is like this:

Them: Please build us a server for this software, here is the documentation.

Me: How big is the environment. Where is the login information to download the software.

Them: Here is the documentation, it says all the sizes.

Me: Yes, it says all the possible sizes for this software, what are you going to be doing with it that corresponds to one of these sizes.

Them: Here is the documentation, it says what size the server needs to be.

Me: Goes back to searching on-line for a new job.
 
Me: My SAP reporting through BW no longer launches when I do the UCMON command. I am accessing SAP through the new SSO on the Europe Full Desktop through Citrix.

IT: Have you tried it locally and not through Citrix?

Me: The company you and I work for does not allow local SAP installs. So, no.

IT: Is anyone else having the same problem?

Me: I have no idea.

IT: Have you tried it on the Corporate Citrix Desktop?

Me: SAP is not installed there.

IT: Let me share my screen and you can login under my profile. (Proceeds to do this and it works) Ok I will ask for your Corporate Citrix Desktop profile to be reset.

Me: But I need the Europe profile reset. SAP is not on the corporate one.

IT: Right. I cannot request that since I only handle the Corporate Desktop. I will transfer your ticket and they will help you.

Days go by and another tech calls me. Same conversation ensues.

Days go by and I request an update in the ticket tracking software.

Days go by and an update in the tracking software says ticket is now closed due to lack of response from user.

:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
 
How about:
Me: Can I get Matlab installed on my computer?
IT: it’s too expensive. Do you really need it?
Me: How about Octave, the free open source version?
IT: No, it’s open source and doesn’t have any support.
Me: What about Matlab?
IT: Do you really need it?

It was for a side-project, so I didn’t really need it or have management’s funds for it. The project ended up be shelved.
 
Me: I need you to create a VIP with these pool members and this health check.

Networking: fill out this form

Me: the form asks for all the information I just gave you plus the IP for the VIP and what vlan it should be on. I’m not allowed access to any of the systems that could provide me that info. Who do I get it from?

Networking: you get that from us

Me: so you want me to fill out a form with information only you can provide before you will work on my request?

Networking: go away and fill out the form.

Me: sigh
 
The company that runs the online-homework system I use for my university classes, they got bought out by a big educational conglomerate, who decided to completely re-vamp the way students log in. Without testing it much. During the first week of class, a bunch of students were (of course) having trouble logging in. They said they were having trouble getting in touch with tech support. "Don't worry," I said, "I'm the instructor. I'll call them myself!"

<Dial the help desk number, press two for instructors>
Prerecorded message: "Due to the high volume of calls, we are unable to take your call at this time. Please try again later." <click; disconnect>

No option even to sit on hold for a few hours, which I would've been willing to do.
I tried email instead. No response.
I get the same phone message for several days of attempts. My students are freaking out, as the due date for their first homework assignment draws nearer and they still can't log in.
Business hours are only M-F 9am-5pm Eastern (which is 5am to 1pm for me). So one day I got up at 5:00am to call and finally got through. The ultimate solution, for the students, turned out to be a very inelegant hack...


Epilogue: I had a long "chat" with a sales rep the following semester, and will admit things are better now. They now at least bring on extra people for those first few weeks of each semester when there's a sudden (and completely predictable) influx of students.

P.S. I *love* Octave!
 
I have the displeasure of dealing with large company IT departments from time to time. The amount of time they take to get things done is staggering. Something that quite literally takes me 30 seconds to accomplish will take them months of paperwork and going back and forth, it's wild.
 
Textron would never have even taken the hint if I had given them the command. When they converted us over to the Textron network at great expense, the performance between our two sites when to near zero. Strangely there was nothing wrong with the infrastructure as an "external tunnel" direct to the outside for our guest wifi (which used the same underlying trunks) worked dramatically. This idiocy was compounded by the fact our customer support phone line was VOIP routed between through this link and as a result nobody on the phone could understand the other side.

Amusingly we had other edicts like not being able to adjust (or even view) the antivirus settings which caused no end of grief building software and the inability to unlock the auto-keyboard lock when running long builds and other task. The last it turns out somene had a hack for. I had a little USB dongle that simulated very small mouse movements so that the thing never thought I was idle.

I knew I originally was in trouble because the first thing the antivirus they put on did was remove my screensaver. I had one that alternated between the Windows boot screen and a BSOD. The only people who ever seemed confused about it were the IT guys. The reason given was "JOKE; BLUESCREEN." Of course, I immediately googled that to find out what that issue was and found the firewall blocked trying to do "google" on terms like "joke." The last straw was they also blocked dilbert.com (a policy that eventually they did relent on).
 
Since I'm retired, I nominate me as the worst IT guy. I have a list of things I want to do and will get to them eventually. It took me three months to delete my facebook account.
 
Who remembers Mordac?

I've had some bad experiences and now am in charge of the IT department (the CIO works for me). We have a strong culture here of (I've insisted) do everything in our power to let the users work how they want to. If it makes IT's job harder, that's OK. That's what we're here for. If it makes IT's job impossible, then we talk to the users to find out what they really need. Most requests are handled in minutes. The CIO who reports to me is happy as we give him the resources to do what we want. It can be done. Now having to comply with NIST 800-171, it's getting harder but we are still making it work. Yes, our IT costs are some higher than others. But we have very productive and happy employees which more than makes up for it.

John
 
IBM.
Trust me.
IBM.

Example: My 18 year old daughter and 16 year old son bid against IBM Global Services to take over the WEB servers at my daughter's college.
They won.
The system went from 37% availability under IBM to 99% availability under my kids.
IBM was charging them almost $10,000.00 a month. My kids charged (I think) $400.00 a month.
When my daughter graduated, they pleaded with her to continue maintaining the system, but my son and daughter had learned that IT was not what they wanted to do for the rest of their lives.
 
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I was working for Hewlett-Packard: We hired a few new folks, which was a complex and time-consuming series of processes to get approvals, interview, negotiate, get them started, etc.

The new folks started. IT said "We won't be able to get computers for the new folks for at least thirty days." Let me repeat - this was while working for Hewlett-Packard, who makes computers.

(After three days, one of the managers went to Best Buy and bought a few laptops. Hopefully, expensed it. I do think they were HP Laptops.)
 
G-Man said:
I was working for Hewlett-Packard: We hired a few new folks, which was a complex and time-consuming series of processes to get approvals, interview, negotiate, get them started, etc.

The new folks started. IT said "We won't be able to get computers for the new folks for at least thirty days." Let me repeat - this was while working for Hewlett-Packard, who makes computers.

(After three days, one of the managers went to Best Buy and bought a few laptops. Hopefully, expensed it. I do think they were HP Laptops.)
Click to expand...

Shoulda bought Dell....
 
ME: Your server is down. Can you please reboot it.

IT: What's your IP address?

ME: What does my IP address have to do with it? The server's IP address is ...

IT: I need your IP address first. It may be an issue on your side.

ME: Every other server works for me. I can reach others servers in the same rack. My neighbor can also ping the other servers but not that one. His neighbor also has everything working but not that one.

IT: It may be a routing issue...

ME: I tried VPN back in using a cellphone and I still can't access it.

IT: Well, TCP/IP routing is complex...

ME: I'm going to stop you right there. I'm on the networking dev team. I wrote part of the networking stack that's running on that server. It's running an experimental IPv6 stack that we're busy testing. That's probably why it went down. We didn't want you guys to manage that server, you insisted on managing it. This is not a networking issue. It's not an IPSEC issue. It's not a cabling issue. It's not an issue on my side. The server is simply hung. Now can you please reboot the thing or put me in contact with someone who can.

IT: Ok, I'm transfering you to secondary support.

ME: Okaay...? Thanks.

Secondary Support IT: Hi! Can we help you?

ME: Yes. Your server is down - can you please reboot it.

Secondary Support IT: What's your IP address?

<sigh>
 
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Isn't comparing who's IT departments is the worst kind of like comparing who's crap smells the worst?
 
I got about 15% of what was written above. Reading threads like this make me glad that I just fly for a living. You guys are way too smart...
 
Not that every IT department is stellar, but keep in mind they're trying to keep the lights on while dealing with issues like this:

Customer: OMG!!! One of the mobile registers at our event won't take cash!
IT Director: Team, all hands on deck, drop everything, we need to fix this ASAP!!!
On site tech: I'm frantically pedalling from the last "crisis" trying to get there ASAP!
Network tech: No issues, everything normal...
Me: No server issues, DB issues, Application functioning normally...
Customer: The line is huge, why won't you HELP US???!!!

<<some time goes by, approx 10 min...>>

On site tech: Crisis resolved, the Num Lock wasn't on...
 
ME: Every time I reboot my DSL modem the thing goes into a braindead mode where it starts dropping packets.
CL: I need you to reboot your modem to see if that fixes the problem.
ME: Rebooting the modem is what CAUSES the problem.

Another time I'm talking to EERO (what a dastardly awful piece of junk) support.
ME: Listen, I'm talking to you on the VOIP right now, so if you do something that causes the router to go down we're going to lose the connection.
EERO: Ok, I understand, let me just try...
ME: HELLO, HELLO?
 
Customer: I'm trying to change my background picture.
Me: Sure. First, right-click on the screen.
Customer: I'm trying, it won't let me.
Me: Is your mouse working
Customer: yes
Me: are you trying to right-click?
Customer: yes!
Me: What is it doing when you try?
Customer: nothing
Me: it could be your mouse, but let's try a reboot
Customer: sighs, 10 minutes later, Okay it's up and running.
Me: can you right-click?
Customer: no, it still won't let me
Me: do you have another mouse?
Customer: no
Me: Hmmm... okay, let's try one more time. Try to right-click on the screen somewhere.
Customer: OKAY I'M TRYING!! (at this point I hear them stabbing their finger into the keyboard spelling as they go) C-L-I-C-K!!
Me: (whispers) wtf?
Customer: it won't write it on the screen anywhere!


Me:
images
 
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Gulf stream has a it guy that has put so many bandaids in the tech writing system that if he gets hit by a bus they’re screwed. He’s the only one that knows what he did. Job security I guess.
 
Our IT department is pretty bad - Background I am the Infrastructure lead, so I own my piece of this crap sandwich.
More Background - Just got back from 10 days of vacation

I logged in on monday to 21,000 emails from Nagios...... We just did a wireless refresh, replaced APs and changed all of the wifi infrastructure.

I ask the wifi admin why the old APs are in Nagios.... He says "I don't know how to remove them, and didn't think about removing them"

One of the mail servers is screaming about its C drive running out of space... By the time i saw the alert, it was down to 30MB free.. Surprised it didn't crash.

Asked my team of systems admins why no one looked at the alerts.... their answer " usually you do it, so we ignored it." My response " Next time this happens, better have your resumes up to date."
 
gdwindowpane said:
That's almost as good as "That's the way we have always done it." Drives me nuts.
Click to expand...

I'm not in IT, but I get that a lot. To compound things, I'm young to be in the position I'm in, so I get the "I've been doing [fill in thing they're doing wrong] since you were in diapers".

I just always tell them that just because they've done it wrong this far into their careers without consequence doesn't mean I'm going to let it slide.
 
That's easy. The USAF has the worst IT. The amateur hour stuff we endure on this side of the gate would make you civilian critters roll your eyes into a G-LOC.
 
hindsight2020 said:
That's easy. The USAF has the worst IT. The amateur hour stuff we endure on this side of the gate would make you civilian critters roll your eyes into a G-LOC.
Click to expand...
Many years ago I was working in the Pentagon (I had the email address of ron@HQ.AF.MIL, one of the spiffier addresses I've ever had). I needed to get some IP addresses allocated to what I was doing so I inquired and told I had to contact this officer. They wrote his name down on a piece of paper: Major Payne. You're kidding me. It's a Major Payne to get an address allocated?
 
Back in 1996 Intel opened a new facility in DuPont, Washington. They gave us all new desktop computers. We only had User privileges and the clocks were set to EST. I called IT and asked them to change the clocks to PST as we mere Users couldn't do that through the OS. IT guy came by and asked why we wanted to change the clocks. I told him that I wanted the correct Date/Time stamp on my files. And, told him to watch as I rebooted the machine, went into the BIOS and reset the clock there. I turned to him and asked him who developed these darned machines in the first place. We all had Administrator privileges after that. Problem solved.
 
Ghery said:
Back in 1996 Intel opened a new facility in DuPont, Washington. They gave us all new desktop computers. We only had User privileges and the clocks were set to EST. I called IT and asked them to change the clocks to PST as we mere Users couldn't do that through the OS. IT guy came by and asked why we wanted to change the clocks. I told him that I wanted the correct Date/Time stamp on my files. And, told him to watch as I rebooted the machine, went into the BIOS and reset the clock there. I turned to him and asked him who developed these darned machines in the first place. We all had Administrator privileges after that. Problem solved.
Click to expand...
Yeah, but that there created a whole host of new problems. Even an admin should use a separate account for those types of privileges. One wrong click and you have wiped out all the data your PC has access to. Your’s is a great example of IT incompetence, even if it did solve your immediate problem. I get that it was a slightly different time then, but we were still dealing with bogus screen savers that would at least take down the affected computer.
 
As an IT consultant, I get to see many different company IT systems. Regrettably I cannot tell you which individual one is worst because there are so many bad ones. The absolute worst ones seem to commonly be run by people who are better at making excuses why something cannot be accomplished than in doing actual work.

I will say that most IT departments are bloated and navigating them is a matter of finding those few people with both the knowledge and authority to get the job done. Most IT departments could be cut in half or less if you knew the right people to keep.
 
Several times I've asked admins on jobs if they wanted to give me the password or should I break in. One time was that same trip in the Pentagon where the guy was on the phone across the room and said "yeah sure" without interrupting his call. After watching me for about a minute he told the caller he had to check on something and came over and asked me how I did that.
 
bflynn said:
I will say that most IT departments are bloated and navigating them is a matter of finding those few people with both the knowledge and authority to get the job done. Most IT departments could be cut in half or less if you knew the right people to keep.
Click to expand...

And then we get called in because they kept the wrong ones and the remaining ones barely know how to turn on a computer so you end up spending half your time trying to figure out how the hell the systems are laid out just so you can do whatever it was they thought they were bringing you in to do...

"Hey, can you setup $X for us" "Sure, where are the systems to install it on, what networks, what size..." "uhhh"
 
Uhhh...I have no idea, I haven’t built it yet.
 
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