Let's say you are a soldier

Sac Arrow

Sac Arrow

Touchdown! Greaser!
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Snorting his way across the USA
And you know the identity of at least one of the opponents you killed.

Do you go back and try to reach out to the family? Bad idea? Asking for a friend.

No, I am actually asking for a friend. He was in Grenada. He was my team leader in Germany.
 
I would be very curious to hear how that sort of thing turned out. It may sort of illustrate why it is best not to fight in wars unless the opposition is really a threat to your security. Then I imagine you would not want to have anything to do with the enemy or their family.

Aren’t there some stories like this about pilots? I know that Pierre Closterman describes them all feeling bad when Walter Nowotny was shot down.
 
Sac Arrow said:
And you know the identity of at least one of the opponents you killed.

Do you go back and try to reach out to the family? Bad idea? Asking for a friend.

No, I am actually asking for a friend. He was in Grenada. He was my team leader in Germany.
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No. Don’t give a shot bout them. We had a job, his, to kill me. Me, to kill him. I won. We were both part of a bigger bureaucracy and political posture being leveraged for The Mans dirty work. If he didn’t hold a kalishinkov in his hand, the squeeze of a trigger would have never been achieved. He accepted his fate, as did I.
 
I wouldn’t. Not like anyone who fought as the opposition in Grenada would try and reconcile with American families of the deceased. It was a conflict, we were at odds and unfortunately people died as the result. Move on.

The GO I was assigned to fly in Afghanistan was in one of the Black Hawk crashes in Grenada. Needless to say, he was a little leary of flying in helicopters.
 
Never did, don't care, don't think they would if they were better shots.
 
"Hi, I killed your relative, how ya been?"

Could get awkward.
 
Have seen people reach 'back' to those they have wronged in the past - and usually they have good intentions but it is truly done solely for the benefit of the offender; they seek forgiveness or want to offer repayment of some kind (not just monetary).
The 'victim' usually has moved on, forgotten, and this just brings back awful memories.
So it is done with the most sincere and altruistic motivations perhaps, but ends up being solely a selfish act.
I vote NO.
 
Normalization of relations does occur. Our squadron has the mission of providing honor flights to repatriated Vietnam POWs. We sent an envoy earlier in the year to Vietnam and were met by members of the North Vietnamese Air Force and Army. It was sobering and informative to hear their stories from the enemy's perspective. As actors in war, we all understand the opportunity cost. As to personal reach outs to specific family members of a killed combatant, I personally have not heard of it being pursued very much at all, nor do I see it being specifically productive. I would say where I find that kind of personal outreach more reasonable would be in instances of fratricide, but to each their own.
 
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You were an instrument of your country's will, so I'd say no, let it be. If you carry guilt, or regret, that's a consequence of participating - like PTSD, family impact, or life altering wounds. . .two cultures put you in opposition, and it wasn't your call about when, where, or why. Whatever baggage you're left packing, you should probably carry it without breaking someone else's scar tissue. . .but I'm just a guy on the Internet, though coincidently I did partcipate in the event - it's been a long time, and I'd think the family and loved ones have probably made peace with their loss; any that have not are not likely to appreciate your outreach.

A friend took some documents from an opponent he killed. . .he held onto one of them for quite a while; some time later, he did a private "cremation" of the document - he let it go, let the smoke carry away the regret. . .
 
I would vote no as well...Hope he resolves his feeling another way.
 
Have him go to the VFW or similar and hang with his comrades. Excellent way to air out the laundry with those who actually understand. Some soft-handed MD or one who never knew the feel of a uniform cannot digest the information accurately beyond what academia has professed as truth. No perspective equals zero credibility in my book.
 
I pretty much echo the same sentiment that is generally expressed. It really doesn't make much sense and it isn't something I would want to do personally. I don't really see anything good coming out of it.
 
No.

Nothing against Sac as he apparently was one, but (side note) it gets old that the unwashed masses refer to anyone who's in or ever been in the military, as a "soldier."
 
Timbeck2 said:
No.

Nothing against Sac as he apparently was one, but (side note) it gets old that the unwashed masses refer to anyone who's in or ever been in the military, as a "soldier."
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Cessna syndrome?
 
Timbeck2 said:
No.

Nothing against Sac as he apparently was one, but (side note) it gets old that the unwashed masses refer to anyone who's in or ever been in the military, as a "soldier."
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Takes up too many characters to say, Soldiers, Sailors, Airman and Marines in a tweet.
 
Unit74 said:
No. Don’t give a shot bout them. We had a job, his, to kill me. Me, to kill him. I won. We were both part of a bigger bureaucracy and political posture being leveraged for The Mans dirty work. If he didn’t hold a kalishinkov in his hand, the squeeze of a trigger would have never been achieved. He accepted his fate, as did I.
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Yep. My attitude as well.
 
hindsight2020 said:
Normalization of relations does occur. Our squadron has the mission of providing honor flights to repatriated Vietnam POWs. We sent an envoy earlier in the year to Vietnam and were met by members of the North Vietnamese Air Force and Army. It was sobering and informative to hear their stories from the enemy's perspective. As actors in war, we all understand the opportunity cost. As to personal reach outs to specific family members of a killed combatant, I personally have not heard of it being pursued very much at all, nor do I see it being specifically productive. I would say where I find that kind of personal outreach more reasonable would be in instances of fratricide, but to each their own.
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If you go to the Cu Chi tunnels today, you will find that they are a tourist exhibit. The docents are former Viet Cong members. After the war, the North Vietnamese government recognized the Viet Cong as an official branch of the NVA and gave them unit status. And uniforms.
 
Matthew said:
Why make it personal?
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Sounds like it already is personal. He knew the person.

Unit74 said:
Have him go to the VFW or similar and DRINK with his comrades.
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FTFY.

Sac, if he is determined, would recommend a letter. Let someone else read it. Rewrite. Repeat. I have no idea what to say, but it must honor the deceased.

Maybe just writing will be enough. If he sends it, use a P.O. Box or other anonymous address. Be safe.
 
bflynn said:
Sounds like it already is personal. He knew the person.



FTFY.

Sac, if he is determined, would recommend a letter. Let someone else read it. Rewrite. Repeat. I have no idea what to say, but it must honor the deceased.

Maybe just writing will be enough. If he sends it, use a P.O. Box or other anonymous address. Be safe.
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Oh I don't think he's by any means bound and determined to make any type of contact with the family. Logistically, tracking them down in Cuba isn't happening as a practical matter anyway. I pretty much talked him out of it.
 
bflynn said:
Sounds like it already is personal. He knew the person.
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Maybe, I’m not sure of the context. Maybe all he has is a name on a dog tag.

Either way, what happened was a choice made by governments, not soldiers. It shouldn’t be his burden, but I can imagine how he could feel it is personal by knowing the other guy is more than an anonymous enemy.
 
Matthew said:
Maybe, I’m not sure of the context. Maybe all he has is a name on a dog tag.

Either way, what happened was a choice made by governments, not soldiers. It shouldn’t be his burden, but I can imagine how he could feel it is personal by knowing the other guy is more than an anonymous enemy.
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As I understand, they hit a camp and after it was secured, he gathered the personal effects of his two confirms, including their ID's and he remembered the name of one of them and noted that he had photos of his family in the wallet. He said it make him feel a little bit weird but he wasn't broken up over the whole thing either.
 
Sac Arrow said:
As I understand, they hit a camp and after it was secured, he gathered the personal effects of his two confirms, including their ID's and he remembered the name of one of them and noted that he had photos of his family in the wallet. He said it make him feel a little bit weird but he wasn't broken up over the whole thing either.
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I'm never going to know how that would feel. If it's still on his mind after 35 years he's probably overdue to find some way to let it go. If he still has those effects, he could send them to an embassy - no explanation necessary. If it's just the memories, maybe a tip of a drink and a "farewell" to the other guy.
 
An Army school buddy was in Grenada and one of the few purple hearts that came out of the operation getting zippered in the ankle...we talked about it once...all I can say the advice in this thread is probably right on target.
 
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