Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Aye halve a spelling chequer,
It came with my Pea Sea.
Now aye halve no more errors,
It spells everything four mi.
 
It's its misuse of the apostrophe that gets me almost as much as somebody speaking of "an" historic event... or might have incorrectly said "might of"...
 
English in the Future

Directors at Daimler Benz and Chrysler have announced an agreement to adopt English as the preferred language for communications, rather than German, which was another possibility.

As part of the negotiations, directors at Chrysler conceded that English spelling has some room for improvement and have accepted a five-year phase-in plan. In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but komputers have one less letter.

There will be growing kompany enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, DaimlerKhrysler akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.

DaimlerKhrysler will enkourage the removal of double letters, whish have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"'s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps sush as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" by "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be droped from vords kontaining "o", and similar shanges vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis, and employes vil find it ezi to kommunikat viz eash ozer.

Ov kors al supliers vil be expekted to us zis for all busines komunikation via DaimlerKhrysler.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
 
Any time I think of apostrophes, I remember a comedian I saw a long time ago. He was talking about a (hypothetical) young lady who was struggling with some sort of disability. Someone said, “She doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘can’t’!”

He said,”Awww, she doesn’t know how contractions work! That’s where you put two words together, take out a couple letters, add a comma, and then slide it up to the top.”
 
Matthew said:
Any time I think of apostrophes, I remember a comedian I saw a long time ago. He was talking about a (hypothetical) young lady who was struggling with some sort of disability. Someone said, “She doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘can’t’!”

He said,”Awww, she doesn’t know how contractions work! That’s where you put two words together, take out a couple letters, add a comma, and then slide it up to the top.”
Click to expand...
Thank you, I am a big proponent of the Oxford Comma.
 
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