Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Michael Cutler said:
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Having lived in the south and now in Pennsylvania, I can't STAND youns/yins/younst. I try not to be a crazy person about most stuff, but that is a HUGE pet peeve.
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Youins (which I misspelled earlier, due to being "yet another") seems to be in common usage here in the East Tennessee hills.

Now, I may be misunderstanding what the natives are actually saying because they no longer have the courtesy of removing the marbles and inserting their teeth before speaking to us damnedyankees.
 
bflynn said:
Obviously, "all y'all" is the bigger group that y'all are a part of. It's situational.

If I see my son + a couple of his friends, I might say "why don't y'all come down to the house this evening and we'll have barbecue". My son replies "Dad, we're going out with the Tucker triplets tonight". I'd say "Ok, well why don't all y'all come down and eat before you go out? And let Mrs Tucker know she's invited too."
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Correct. “All y’all” refers to two or more subset “y’all”s.
 
Michael Cutler said:
You're gonna tell me you've never said, "Y'all gotta come see this!" when there was only one person there?
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Grammatically, not incorrect. The invitation could be directed toward one person and anyone else that is with them. Southern hospitality and all...
 
I thought ya’ll was an aviation term…a contraction for “yaw and roll” whether coordinated or slip/skid.
 
Michael Cutler said:
Having lived in the south and now in Pennsylvania, I can't STAND youns/yins/younst. I try not to be a crazy person about most stuff, but that is a HUGE pet peeve.
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I'm pretty sure the first time I ever heard "yuns" was from people from Pittsburgh. And I grew up in the south of PA, too.
 
Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine. He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal in minute detail while the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine.
One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do you think about the situation in the stock market?"
The man answered arrogantly, "Why would you be so interested in that topic?"
The shoe guy replies, "I have millions in your bank," he says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."
"What's your name? " asked the executive.
John H. Smith was the reply.
The CEO arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Service Department; "Do we have a client named John H. Smith?
"Certainly, answers the Customer Service Manager, " he is a high-net-worth customer with 12.6 million dollars in his account."
The executive comes out, approaches the shoe shiner, and says, "Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you next Monday to be the guest of honour at our board meeting to tell us the story of your life. I am sure we could all learn something from your life's experience."
At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members. "We all know Mr. Smith, from the corner shoeshine stand, but Mr. Smith is also an esteemed customer. I invited him here to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him.
Mr. Smith began his story. "I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail.
Fortunately, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options, eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for 25 cents and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating a few dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so my clients could sit comfortably while I shined their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every cent.
A few years ago, when the very up-market shoe shiner on the main corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great superior location, which I promptly did.
And then, finally, 6 months ago, my sister, who was a prostitute in Chicago, passed away and left me 12.6 million dollars."
 
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Hawker800 said:
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Ain't that the truth.

Me: "I need eight Autolite 25 spark plugs."
Parts guy: "Sure, what the year and model?"
Me: "It's a boat that won't be in your system"
Parts guy: "Well what year is it"
Me:
Parts Guy:
Me: "Look up a mid-70's Ford F-series with a 351w, then go walk to the back and look at your Autolite spark plugs for the number "25" like I asked for"
 
True story ... many moons ago I sold auto parts. One particular year of Oldsmobile had a different top radiator hose depending on whether the engine had a five or seven blade fan. Got a lotta interesting looks and comments from customers when asking them that question ...
 
Auto parts stores aren't like they used to be.
In the old days I could walk in with a piece of hose or a failed part, like a water pump. The counter guy could look at it and tell me the make and model the item came from. They almost always got it right. And if they weren't sure, they could figure it out with a question or two.
 
Daleandee said:
True story ... many moons ago I sold auto parts. One particular year of Oldsmobile had a different top radiator hose depending on whether the engine had a five or seven blade fan. Got a lotta interesting looks and comments from customers when asking them that question ...
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I like some of the rural auto parts locations when they have parts guys that deal with farmers/construction/etc. and can think on their feet. Being able to find a solution for odd hydraulic fittings, old trucks, or farm equipment from the 50's is pretty helpful. The knowledge usually isn't as prevalent in the urban locations with 17-year olds talking about drifting in their Honda.
 
JOhnH said:
Auto parts stores aren't like they used to be.
In the old days I could walk in with a piece of hose or a failed part, like a water pump. The counter guy could look at it and tell me the make and model the item came from. They almost always got it right. And if they weren't sure, they could figure it out with a question or two.
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I was very impressed awhile back when a counter guy (older) was able to pull an old loose leaf notebook from the back and look up what points would fit my 1959 Allis Chalmers tractor. Not the norm any more.
 
Hawker800 said:
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I had a 1984 Honda Civic wagon. I called up an auto parts store to get front wheel bearings (if I remember correctly).

Me: "I've got a 1984 Honda Civic wagon. I need wheel bearings."
Counter guy: "Which transmission?"
Me: "5 speed."
Counter Guy "Air conditioned?"
Me:"Yes."
Me: (after about 5 seconds of silence) "It's blue."
Counter guy laughing for a good 20-30 seconds...
 
What sport starts with a t. Is four letters and known worldwide.
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Golf. You start on a tee
 
Why couldn't the alcoholic become an attorney?

He couldn't pass the bar!
 
jsstevens said:
I had a 1984 Honda Civic wagon. I called up an auto parts store to get front wheel bearings (if I remember correctly).

Me: "I've got a 1984 Honda Civic wagon. I need wheel bearings."
Counter guy: "Which transmission?"
Me: "5 speed."
Counter Guy "Air conditioned?"
Me:"Yes."
Me: (after about 5 seconds of silence) "It's blue."
Counter guy laughing for a good 20-30 seconds...
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Several times in my auto salvage career I got calls for drivetrain parts or starter/alternatorfor a blue (insert make/model) car.

My smart assery kicks in and responds, “Oh I am so sorry, I am sold out of that part for blue cars, but I have one off of a red ((or silver or gold..))”

“Oh. Well I needed one for a blue car so I know it fits. Thanks for checking” ~~click~~

In the final years… the body shops AND the insurance companies began insisting on the actual color of the car they were repairing. So if I had a white fender and bumper for their red car, no sale.
 
Daleandee said:
True story ... many moons ago I sold auto parts. One particular year of Oldsmobile had a different top radiator hose depending on whether the engine had a five or seven blade fan. Got a lotta interesting looks and comments from customers when asking them that question ...
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You would had loads of fun working with me at the auto salvage yard….

Wasn’t just the GM’s that had strange questions like that.
 
AggieMike88 said:
You would had loads of fun working with me at the auto salvage yard….

Wasn’t just the GM’s that had strange questions like that.
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I used to like to call competitors and see if they had a vacuum modulator for a Torqueflite 727 transmission in a Dodge Van ...
 
SoonerAviator said:
I like some of the rural auto parts locations when they have parts guys that deal with farmers/construction/etc. and can think on their feet.
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Longer ago than I care to recall I sold parts in a farming town in Kentucky for a CarQuest Auto Parts store. We had some of the strangest parts and request for parts. It taught me a great deal and made me learn at an early age that when a customer comes in the door looking for a difficult to find part he don't want to hear. "We ain't got that" but rather, "I'll find it for you ASAP!"

I was in an O'Reilly Auto parts just the other day with a friend looking for wheel bearings and even though we had the numbers and dimensions the "manager" spent a great deal of time looking and came up with nothing. My friend went home and ordered them online and had them the next day. They are a quite common ...
 
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I was rather amazed a couple of years ago when the local Toyota dealership had the original-equipment battery in stock for my 1985 pickup. The auto parts stores I tried didn't have anything that would fit.
 
My dad once had a phone call for the thing in the car that went round and round.

"Yup! We have one!"

"How much?"

"$29.00" (mind you, this was back in mid 90's)

"Great! I'll be right there!"

Once customer arrived, it was a pulley that he needed. And Dad usually sold them for less than $10.00.
 
AggieMike88 said:
Used to love harassing those guys for 710 caps, 28 oz water pumps, and what’s the best brand of radiator fluid for my Corvair.
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Radiator fluid? I reckon the joke was on you Mr. Smartypants. ;)

Never heard that term before, coolant or anti-freeze but never "radiator fluid."

And yes I know the Corvair had an air cooled engine.
 
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