Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

I am so resisting the urge to post a certain recent meemy type, somewhat modified cover of this song.

 
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Michael Jr. was telling the story of explaining to an audience how people love their pets but their pets don't really love them. He said after the show that a lady stood in the autograph line for 45 minutes to show him a story from a paper that she kept in her purse. The article told how that her dog had stood by her bed and barked continually to warn her that the house was on fire. She said, "I know my dog loves me as he stayed there to wake me and saved my life!"

Michael said he listened to her story and then looked at her and asked, "do you have a doggie door?" :rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Senor, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Senor . He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"You Thoroughbred stallion, Senor Rod."

"My prize Thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?!"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Senor Rod."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor Rod."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Senor Rod. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your guitar."

SILENCE...

LONG SILENCE...

VERY LOOOONG SILENCE..........

"Ernesto, if you've broken my '59 Les Paul, you're a dead man."
 
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Perfectly placed Icehole on that cat.

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If you are ever confronted by a bitchee lady when she is having a bad day .... gently and politely hold up your hand and say .... "can I ask you a question ? ........... Wait until the whole room goes silent and then ask her .......



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.... "Wasn't I married to you a long time ago " ??

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Does drinking beer make breasts bigger ?

Yes !!!

And 6 beers can make ugly women look pretty

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