Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

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Farmer sold his horse and instructed the new owner ..... this animal is religious and does not obey ordinary horse words like "giddy up" or "Woah"

To get him to run you must say .... "Praise the Lord" .... and to get him to stop you have to say ... "Amen"

The new owner said ... I am not religious , but he looks like a good horse and I will take him.

Pointed the horse toward the mountain road and said "praise the Lord" and away they went at a full gallop.

Coming up to a cliff at the end of the road he forgot the command to stop until the very last moment he said "amen" and the horse stopped two feet from the edge.

He said ... "whew" , that was close .... "praise the lord"
 
Lady calls the cops. Says some dude is stalking her. Cop asks," is he pursuing you." She say "yeah, and he's perusing me to."
 
I send this to my mom. She replies the sign says to go into the bushes and poop.

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This explains a lot about me and how I ended up this way. Wife says, at least you come about it honestly! LOL.
 
luvflyin said:
Gates open. Was that photo found on a phone dropped at the scene, or recovered from the lions stomach
Click to expand...
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Some city folks were going hiking in the mountains and were warned about bear encounters .... they were told to watch for bear scat on the trails ... easy to identify because it contained berry pits .... they were also told to make noise as they went along so as not to surprise any bears.

One of the group came up with the idea of tying tiny little bells to their shoes ... that way the bears would hear them coming and move off the trail.

Several days passed and the hikers did not return so a search party was organized.

No sign of the hikers .... all they found was lots of bear scat full of tiny little bells .

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A Martin said:
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Some city folks were going hiking in the mountains and were warned about bear encounters .... they were told to watch for bear scat on the trails ... easy to identify because it contained berry pits .... they were also told to make noise as they went along so as not to surprise any bears.

One of the group came up with the idea of tying tiny little bells to their shoes ... that way the bears would hear them coming and move off the trail.

Several days passed and the hikers did not return so a search party was organized.

No sign of the hikers .... all they found was lots of bear scat full of tiny little bells .

.
Click to expand...

Good one. The variation I heard was phrased as a FAQ for Bear Country.

Q: How do you tell the difference between black bear scat and grizzly scat?
A: Grizzly scat contains bells and smells like pepper (spray).
 
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