Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

denverpilot said:
Haven’t had that one but there’s definitely some really good (I hate to use the term but...) “craft” bologna out there made with good ingredients. Stuff ain’t cheap.

We had some recently that had heavy garlic added as their differentiator from the rest — was delicious. Hard to get anywhere other than the specialty meat market but it popped up in stock at the regular supermarket which surprised us.
Click to expand...


Agreed. I also really like a good mortadella.
 
fe99edf2d7e22e8737c344b992a55308.jpg
 
Probably old... But cute....

'Twas the flight before Christmas, and out on the ramp,
Not an airplane was stirring, not even a Champ.
The aircraft were fastened to tiedowns with care,
In hopes that come morning, they all would be there.

The fuel trucks were nestled, all snug in their spots,
With gusts from two-twenty at 39 knots.
I cruised along in my Bonanza, as you know I'm a nut,
And relaxed in my seat comfortably resting my butt.

When the radio lit up with noise and with chatter,
I turned up the volume to see what was the matter.
A voice clearly heard over static and snow,
Called for clearance to land at Islip below.

He barked his transmission so lively and quick,
I'd have sworn that the call sign he used was "St. Nick"
I stared out the window while they turned up the light,
They wanted to welcome this magical flight.

He called his position, no room for denial,
"St. Nicholas One, turnin' left onto final."
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Rutan-built sleigh, with eight Rotax Reindeer!

With vectors to final, down the glideslope he came,
As he passed all fixes, he called them by name:
"Now Hampton, Now Calverton, Now Coram Now Rizer!
On Comet! On Cupid! He could not be wiser.

While Wayne in the tower was scratchin' his head,
He spoke clearly on the radio, and I heard it with dread,
The message he transmitted was both urgent and dour:
"When Santa pulls in, have him please call the tower."

He landed like silk, with the sled runners sparking,
Then I heard "Left at Charlie," and "Taxi to parking."
He slowed to a taxi, turned off on one-oh
And stopped on the ramp with a "Ho, ho-ho-ho..."

He stepped out of the sleigh, but before settling in his socks,
They ran out to meet him with their best set of chocks.
His red helmet and goggles were covered with frost
And his beard was all blackened from Reindeer exhaust.

His breath smelled like peppermint, gone slightly stale,
And he puffed on a pipe, but he didn't inhale.
His cheeks were all rosy and jiggled like jelly,
His boots were as black as a cropduster's belly.

He was chubby and plump, in his suit of bright red,
And he asked them to "fill it, with hundred low-lead."
He came dashing in from the snow-covered pump,
Obviously was anxious for drainin' the sump.

They spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,
And they filled up the sleigh, for too long he would not lurk.
He came out of the restroom, and sighed in relief,
Then he picked up a phone for a Flight Service brief.

And he slowly & silently scribed in his log,
These reindeer could land in an eighth-mile fog.
He completed his pre-flight, from the front to the rear,
Then he put on his headset, and I heard him yell, "Clear!"

And laying a finger on his push-to-talk,
He called up the tower for clearance and squawk.
"Cleared for take-off 24, maintain runway direction,
Turn right three-two-zero at pilot's discretion"

He sped down the runway, the best of the best,
"Your traffic's a Seneca, inbound from the west."
Then I heard him proclaim, as he climbed thru the night,

"Merry Christmas to all!

I have traffic in sight."

Best wishes to all for a great holiday!
 
CharlieD3 said:
As he passed all fixes, he called them by name:
"Now Hampton, Now Calverton, Now Coram Now Rizer!
Click to expand...
Was the original written by someone on Longuyland, New York? The highlighted words are all place names on Long Island ordered from east to west.
 
Cap'n Jack said:
Was the original written by someone on Longuyland, New York? The highlighted words are all place names on Long Island ordered from east to west.
Click to expand...
Probably, based on: "A voice clearly heard over static and snow,
Called for clearance to land at Islip below."
 
After a terrible cruise shipwreck, famous beauty and actress Scarlett Johansson finds herself alone on a deserted island. Hours pass, and only one other man

makes it to the island with her. They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was, of course.


At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed this guy learned how to provide food and shelter,

and started taking care of her, and she took care of him in return. Eventually she started really caring

about him. After all, there wasn't anyone else on the island. He eventually built a cabin, had a

functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to

make life easier. One night she threw herself at him and they made love. After that, they were for all

intents and purposes a couple, with an above average sex life. But for some reason he started

drifting away, something was bothering him, and she noticed. "What's wrong?" Scarlett asked.

"Nothing..." the guy would say.

She pestered him for a while, eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him,

and even if he wasn't asking, she felt it was the least she owed him to try. "Really... you'll do anything I'd like?" "Sure," she said--"anything!" "Ok! First, I want you

to take off your toga and get into this pair of work jeans that had washed on the shore." "Ok..." "Now, put this shirt on please, but first, tape your boobs so that

they're flat." "What... ok, I'd say I'd do anything," she said lovingly. "Now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it." She was kind of confused, but non

the less she wanted to make him happy, so she tucked her hair under the hat. "Now I'd like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a

mustache." "Ok... if this is what you want..." she muttered. "Now, please put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach, I'll catch up to you in a bit,"

he said a bit excited... she started walking, wondering and doubting herself. She was confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn't her, maybe it was

him? Suddenly, the guy grabs her by her shoulder, turns her around, and says:



"Man! You won't believe WHO I've been sleeping with for the past 6 months!"
 
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