Hit me with your best aviation joke

Chrisgoesflying

Chrisgoesflying

Cleared for Takeoff
PoA Supporter
Joined
Dec 7, 2018
Messages
1,343
Location
The Lone Star State
Display Name
Display name:
Chrisgoesflying
I'm a not very funny person for the most part but love a good laugh. Tell (well, write) me your best aviation jokes.

Full disclosure: I will steal your jokes and tell them in the local hanger... Maybe I'll share credit with you... Maybe not... We'll see.
 
It was reported that a small two seater airplane crashed in a cemetery near the Texas A&M campus located in College Station, Texas, early this morning. So far, the Aggie fire department has recovered 300 bodies and they’re still digging. Further developments will be posted.
 
Short ones
What makes an airplane fly? Money
What happens if your engine quits? You land.

Long one (can make it about a different School, Sports fans, etc)
Two Gastonians were on a commercial flight to Hawaii. About an hour into it the captain came on and said "we've lost our #4 engine. We still have 3 fine engines but this will add 1 hour to our flight." Everybody groaned a bit, but what can be done?

Then about and hour off the west coast the pilot came on again, "Well folks, we just lost #1 engine. We still have 2 fine engines, but we'll reach Hawaii 3 hours later than expected." More groans.

Passing Midway Island they hear, "Well folks, we just lost the #2 engine. We'll still make it with 1 engine, but it will be 6 hours more than expected"

The one Gastonian looks to his friend. "If that last engine quits we will be up here all night!"
 
5a9c5e44487ff919008b4888-750-375.jpg
 
According to the FAA, where do all PA28s go shortly after departing the airport?





The scene of the accident.
 
Two Ohio State fans were flying into an airport. Pilot looks out and says, “looks like we’ve got a pretty short runway here. Give me 1/4 flaps. Copilot drops in 1/4 flaps. Closer in, pilot says, “that runway is a short one. Give me half flaps”. Copilot notches in 1/2 flaps. Just about at threshold, pilot exclaims, “man. This is a really short runway. Gimme 3/4 flaps.” Copilot dials it in. Right over threshold the pilot yells out, I need full flaps, NOW!!!” Copilot quickly dumps in all the flaps, airplane shudders and pancakes onto the runway.

As the dust is settling and the two pilots are getting their wits back together, the pilot says, “Man! That has got to be the shortest runway I’ve ever landed on!”

Copilot says, “Yeah, but look how wide it is!”

Rimshot.
 
The original "As The Propeller Turns" episodes
@SixPapaCharlie ... your videos are good. But the original written material was genius and a chance to include the various personalities that make up PoA... Can we see a revival of ATPT? Please????
 
Last edited:
An oldie:

Mother & daughter are on a plane. Daughter asks mother, "Mommy, if big dogs have baby dogs & big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother stumbled and didn't have an answer for that one so she desperately looks around and replies, "I don't know sweetie, why don't you go ask that nice flight attendant, I'm sure she'll have an answer."

So the little girl goes up the the flight attendant and asks, "If big dogs have baby dogs & big cats have baby cats, then why don't big planes have baby planes?"

Immediately the flight attendant is suspicious, "Did your mother tell you to come over here and ask me that?"... "Yep", answers the little girl.

So the flight attendant thinks on it for a few seconds then kneels down to the daughters level.

"You go over there and you tell your mother it's because Southwest always pulls out on time."
 
Last edited:
Three young co-pilots are in the bar one evening when an old grizzled captain walks in. They start kidding the man about his age.

"Hey, Captain...when was the last time you made love?"

The captain squints his eyes, looks up for a moment, and says, "1957."

The youngsters start laughing. "Geeze, Captain, that's a long time!"

The captain looks confused for a moment, then glances at his watch. "Well, it's only 2215 now...."

Ron Wanttaja
 
Sam and Edna go to the state fair. There is a guy selling rides in a helicopter for $50 per person. Sam turns to Edna and says, "I've always wanted a helicopter ride!" Edna's response, "Sam, we can't afford it. We are not rich people. Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

They come back the following year. The pilot and his helicopter is there again. Sam again tells Edna he wants to take a ride. Edna's answer is the same. "No, Sam. Fifty bucks is fifty bucks."

Ten years go by. Same fair. Same pilot with his helicopter. Same conversation every year. "Fifty bucks is fifty bucks." But this time Sam won't be dissuaded. "Edna," he says, I'm 80 years old. I don't know how much time I have left. If I don't take that ride now, I might never be able to." The pilot, overhearing them, says, "I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up. If you are quiet the entire ride, it will be free. But if either of you calls out, I'll charge you." Finally, Edna agrees, and up they go.

The pilot decides to give them a heck of a ride. Steep turns, turns, climbs and descents on the edge or aerobatics. Nothing. Not a peep out of either Sam or Edna. Complete silence. Landing, he says, "I'm really impressed. I tried everything. though for sure you'd start yelling."

Sam replies, "Well, I almost said something when Edna fell out, but, you know. Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"
 
What's the difference between a pilot and god?

God knows he's not a pilot. Ha

You can replace "pilot" with "POA member"
 
@AggieMike88, @SixPapaCharlie, and @SCCutler were walking to Spike's hangar on a blustery day to go get some BBQ at Hard 8 in Stephenville.

Bryan looks over at Spikrpe and comments, "Windy, ain't it?"

Spike replies, "No, it's Thursday."
 
Pierre and Boudreaux was flying Cajun Airlines to da Mardi Gras. Boudreaux was flying da plane, and Pierre was in da back foolin wit da cargo equipment an stuff. Da plane hit some turbulence an started bouncin' around an Boudreaux, he got knock unconscious. Den da plane start driftin'. Pierre come run up to da front an Boudreaux was sprawl out all over da steerin' wheel.

Well, Pierre don't know nuttin' bout flying an he start to get panicky. He grab da microphone and holla, "May Day! May Day! Dis is Cajun Air Line 70210. Boudreaux, him knock unconscious an I don't know nuttin' about flying dis plane!"

"Dis is da control tower," someone answer. "Don you worry about nuttin'. We gonna splain how you land dis plane, step by step, ah gar-own-tee! Jus leave anything to us. Fus, how high you are, an whas you position?"

Pierre thought a minute, den say, “I'm five foot ten an'm all da way to da front of da plane"

"No! No!" answer da tower, "What you altitude an where you located?"

Pierre say, "Man, rat now ah got a po attitude, an ah'm from Thibodeaux, Laweezeeanna."

"No! No! No!" came an exasperated voice, "Ah needs to know how many feet you got off da groun an how you plane in relation to da airport"

Pierre, he start to panic by dis time. He say, "Countin Boudreaux's feets an mine together, we got fo feet off da groun an I don believe dis plane related to you airport"

A long pause ------ de silence was deafanin. "We needs to know who you next of kin"---
 
To borrow some context...

Pierre and Boudreaux were getting ready to depart in Cajun Airlines float plane. The electric self-commencer (aka starter) didn't work and so Boudreaux proceeded to hand prop the plane. The engine caught first flip, hooked Boudreaux's suspenders and whipped him off the ground, around and around for about six passes, then flipped him onto the dock in a heap. Pierre ran up and said "Spoke to me! Spoke to me!" to which Boudreaux replied "I done passed you six times and you ain't spoke to me yet!"
 
Scott Kirby, president of United Airlines.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top